Can't stop, won't stop eating :(
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I've decided to post my story today for a few reasons. Firstly, I'm hoping it will help with accountability and secondly, I need help.
I lost 22kgs from about September 2014 to March 2015. I then went into maintenance and was doing absolutely fine up until mid-Feb this year. I upped my calories from around 1200 to 1540 and was able to fit in "cheat" meals once or twice a week without repercussions. For the first time in my life I was exercising regularly, and actually had control over my eating.
Then something changed. I've started binging more and more, letting cheat meals turn into cheat days and cheat days turn into cheat weeks. I eat until I feel physically ill. I stopped exercising regularly. I've gained about 3 kilos. Though my BMI is still only 19, I know it could easily escalate into me gaining all the weight back.
There are a few factors that I think are contributing to my loss of self control, some of them I have answers for and others I don't.
1. Work-related stress. The last few months have been very stressful for me at work. We've been under-staffed and over-worked, and that basically lead to the entire team imploding and breaking down a few weeks ago. We've finally started to address the concerns so I think things are going to start to get easier from here on out.
2. In mid-Feb I was prescribed an anti-depressant which has weight gain as a known side effect. I thought I'd be fine, that all the reports I'd read online were of people not using MFP so I had an advantage. I've never thought mid-binge "oh it's just the meds making me eat this" and I don't want to use it as an excuse but I've decided to stop taking it for now to see if that helps at all.
3. Even after losing all that weight, I wasn't happy with my body. I'm skinny fat. I unfortunately carry weight on my stomach, and even at my lowest weight it was still very flabby. I've definitely had moments where I thought "well since I'm not happy even at this weight, what's the point? Why not just eat whatever I want if that makes me happy?". I can't afford to join a gym and we're heading into winter where I live which limits my exercise routine (over summer I would be able to go for an hour-long jog after work, now it's practically dark when I get home and I don't feel safe going out alone). I have an elliptical but for some reason I can't spend more than 20 minutes on it without feeling like I'm dying, even when I was at my fittest. I downloaded a bunch of fitness videos from YouTube and thought about buying a FitnessBlender plan but in order to work out at home, I have to move my heavy couch to make space and it got to a point where I just didn't feel like doing that anymore. I know that the solution to this problem is a recomp, but I'm not really sure how to go about it.
4. I'm not just unhappy with my body, I'm unhappy with my life (hence the anti-depressants). I was also referred to a psychologist but I couldn't make the appointment due to work commitments and the receptionist wasn't helpful with finding another time for me. Every day is the same for me. I come home, eat dinner, try to pass the time until about 8:30 when I then sit on the couch watching tv until it's time for bed. My eating is generally fine until I sit down on that couch. Suddenly I want to eat everything in the house. If I watch say three episodes of a show in one night, I'll get up and make myself something to eat before starting each show. I eat until I feel completely full, sick and ashamed.
In terms of the binging, my plan is to set an alarm on my phone for 9pm every night. At that time I will get up, brush my teeth and wash all my dishes before sitting back down and hopefully not eat anything else that night. I'm also going to stop buying the things I've been binging on. I ate a 2L tub of ice cream in less than 48 hours. No more ice cream for me, at least until I get this under control. Thankfully I'm at the point now where I'm almost out of treat foods (mostly because I've eaten them all, though I did throw some things out earlier this week). I've always meal prepped and planned as part of my weight loss/maintenance so I'm just going to stick to my shopping list and only buy the fruit/veg/dairy/staples that I actually need (I'm vegetarian so no meat). I'm also going to go back to weighing and logging everything I eat, and start weighing myself weekly again.
In terms of the general unhappiness with my life/depression, I'm not really sure what to do. This is not a new problem, I've suffered for over ten years now and have only tried to get help once before this year. I definitely need to go back to my doctor, find a new psychologist that will work into my schedule and I think find some sort of activity I can do to keep me entertained after work. Any suggestions? I generally don't eat when I'm sitting at my computer but after spending all day at work on one, I would prefer to take a break from it. I'm thinking I need to find something I can do with my hands while watching tv, like a craft or something.
Thank you to anyone who has read this very long post, and to anyone who can offer help or advice.I've decided to post my story today for a few reasons. Firstly, I'm hoping it will help with accountability and secondly, I need help.
I lost 22kgs from about September 2014 to March 2015. I then went into maintenance and was doing absolutely fine up until mid-Feb this year. I upped my calories from around 1200 to 1540 and was able to fit in "cheat" meals once or twice a week without repercussions. For the first time in my life I was exercising regularly, and actually had control over my eating.
Then something changed. I've started binging more and more, letting cheat meals turn into cheat days and cheat days turn into cheat weeks. I eat until I feel physically ill. I stopped exercising regularly. I've gained about 3 kilos. Though my BMI is still only 19, I know it could easily escalate into me gaining all the weight back.
There are a few factors that I think are contributing to my loss of self control, some of them I have answers for and others I don't.
1. Work-related stress. The last few months have been very stressful for me at work. We've been under-staffed and over-worked, and that basically lead to the entire team imploding and breaking down a few weeks ago. We've finally started to address the concerns so I think things are going to start to get easier from here on out.
2. In mid-Feb I was prescribed an anti-depressant which has weight gain as a known side effect. I thought I'd be fine, that all the reports I'd read online were of people not using MFP so I had an advantage. I've never thought mid-binge "oh it's just the meds making me eat this" and I don't want to use it as an excuse but I've decided to stop taking it for now to see if that helps at all.
3. Even after losing all that weight, I wasn't happy with my body. I'm skinny fat. I unfortunately carry weight on my stomach, and even at my lowest weight it was still very flabby. I've definitely had moments where I thought "well since I'm not happy even at this weight, what's the point? Why not just eat whatever I want if that makes me happy?". I can't afford to join a gym and we're heading into winter where I live which limits my exercise routine (over summer I would be able to go for an hour-long jog after work, now it's practically dark when I get home and I don't feel safe going out alone). I have an elliptical but for some reason I can't spend more than 20 minutes on it without feeling like I'm dying, even when I was at my fittest. I downloaded a bunch of fitness videos from YouTube and thought about buying a FitnessBlender plan but in order to work out at home, I have to move my heavy couch to make space and it got to a point where I just didn't feel like doing that anymore. I know that the solution to this problem is a recomp, but I'm not really sure how to go about it.
4. I'm not just unhappy with my body, I'm unhappy with my life (hence the anti-depressants). I was also referred to a psychologist but I couldn't make the appointment due to work commitments and the receptionist wasn't helpful with finding another time for me. Every day is the same for me. I come home, eat dinner, try to pass the time until about 8:30 when I then sit on the couch watching tv until it's time for bed. My eating is generally fine until I sit down on that couch. Suddenly I want to eat everything in the house. If I watch say three episodes of a show in one night, I'll get up and make myself something to eat before starting each show. I eat until I feel completely full, sick and ashamed.
In terms of the binging, my plan is to set an alarm on my phone for 9pm every night. At that time I will get up, brush my teeth and wash all my dishes before sitting back down and hopefully not eat anything else that night. I'm also going to stop buying the things I've been binging on. I ate a 2L tub of ice cream in less than 48 hours. No more ice cream for me, at least until I get this under control. Thankfully I'm at the point now where I'm almost out of treat foods (mostly because I've eaten them all, though I did throw some things out earlier this week). I've always meal prepped and planned as part of my weight loss/maintenance so I'm just going to stick to my shopping list and only buy the fruit/veg/dairy/staples that I actually need (I'm vegetarian so no meat). I'm also going to go back to weighing and logging everything I eat, and start weighing myself weekly again.
In terms of the general unhappiness with my life/depression, I'm not really sure what to do. This is not a new problem, I've suffered for over ten years now and have only tried to get help once before this year. I definitely need to go back to my doctor, find a new psychologist that will work into my schedule and I think find some sort of activity I can do to keep me entertained after work. Any suggestions? I generally don't eat when I'm sitting at my computer but after spending all day at work on one, I would prefer to take a break from it. I'm thinking I need to find something I can do with my hands while watching tv, like a craft or something.
Thank you to anyone who has read this very long post, and to anyone who can offer help or advice.I've decided to post my story today for a few reasons. Firstly, I'm hoping it will help with accountability and secondly, I need help.
I lost 22kgs from about September 2014 to March 2015. I then went into maintenance and was doing absolutely fine up until mid-Feb this year. I upped my calories from around 1200 to 1540 and was able to fit in "cheat" meals once or twice a week without repercussions. For the first time in my life I was exercising regularly, and actually had control over my eating.
Then something changed. I've started binging more and more, letting cheat meals turn into cheat days and cheat days turn into cheat weeks. I eat until I feel physically ill. I stopped exercising regularly. I've gained about 3 kilos. Though my BMI is still only 19, I know it could easily escalate into me gaining all the weight back.
There are a few factors that I think are contributing to my loss of self control, some of them I have answers for and others I don't.
1. Work-related stress. The last few months have been very stressful for me at work. We've been under-staffed and over-worked, and that basically lead to the entire team imploding and breaking down a few weeks ago. We've finally started to address the concerns so I think things are going to start to get easier from here on out.
2. In mid-Feb I was prescribed an anti-depressant which has weight gain as a known side effect. I thought I'd be fine, that all the reports I'd read online were of people not using MFP so I had an advantage. I've never thought mid-binge "oh it's just the meds making me eat this" and I don't want to use it as an excuse but I've decided to stop taking it for now to see if that helps at all.
3. Even after losing all that weight, I wasn't happy with my body. I'm skinny fat. I unfortunately carry weight on my stomach, and even at my lowest weight it was still very flabby. I've definitely had moments where I thought "well since I'm not happy even at this weight, what's the point? Why not just eat whatever I want if that makes me happy?". I can't afford to join a gym and we're heading into winter where I live which limits my exercise routine (over summer I would be able to go for an hour-long jog after work, now it's practically dark when I get home and I don't feel safe going out alone). I have an elliptical but for some reason I can't spend more than 20 minutes on it without feeling like I'm dying, even when I was at my fittest. I downloaded a bunch of fitness videos from YouTube and thought about buying a FitnessBlender plan but in order to work out at home, I have to move my heavy couch to make space and it got to a point where I just didn't feel like doing that anymore. I know that the solution to this problem is a recomp, but I'm not really sure how to go about it.
4. I'm not just unhappy with my body, I'm unhappy with my life (hence the anti-depressants). I was also referred to a psychologist but I couldn't make the appointment due to work commitments and the receptionist wasn't helpful with finding another time for me. Every day is the same for me. I come home, eat dinner, try to pass the time until about 8:30 when I then sit on the couch watching tv until it's time for bed. My eating is generally fine until I sit down on that couch. Suddenly I want to eat everything in the house. If I watch say three episodes of a show in one night, I'll get up and make myself something to eat before starting each show. I eat until I feel completely full, sick and ashamed.
In terms of the binging, my plan is to set an alarm on my phone for 9pm every night. At that time I will get up, brush my teeth and wash all my dishes before sitting back down and hopefully not eat anything else that night. I'm also going to stop buying the things I've been binging on. I ate a 2L tub of ice cream in less than 48 hours. No more ice cream for me, at least until I get this under control. Thankfully I'm at the point now where I'm almost out of treat foods (mostly because I've eaten them all, though I did throw some things out earlier this week). I've always meal prepped and planned as part of my weight loss/maintenance so I'm just going to stick to my shopping list and only buy the fruit/veg/dairy/staples that I actually need (I'm vegetarian so no meat). I'm also going to go back to weighing and logging everything I eat, and start weighing myself weekly again.
In terms of the general unhappiness with my life/depression, I'm not really sure what to do. This is not a new problem, I've suffered for over ten years now and have only tried to get help once before this year. I definitely need to go back to my doctor, find a new psychologist that will work into my schedule and I think find some sort of activity I can do to keep me entertained after work. Any suggestions? I generally don't eat when I'm sitting at my computer but after spending all day at work on one, I would prefer to take a break from it. I'm thinking I need to find something I can do with my hands while watching tv, like a craft or something.
Thank you to anyone who has read this very long post, and to anyone who can offer help or advice.
If at a bmi of 19 you are having reoccurring binges, your body's set point may be higher than that naturally. Though it is possible to maintain this bmi, your body will fight to be at it's set point; hence the binges
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JeromeBarry1 wrote: »I suggest that you have developed an emotional trigger such that sitting to watch television cascades into binge eating. Try to find some other thing to do to avoid that trigger and observe that the binge doesn't even start.
Jerome reminded of me that years ago I stopped TV watching and lost 20 pounds with that one change alone.
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When your snack attack strikes get on your elliptical for 10 minutes, this will occupy your busy mind and help lift your mood knowing your working towards losing your recent weight gain. Only buy one snack food a week and start a walking group at work or walk alone on your lunch break if you can.
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lilgreenkitty wrote: »I think the first step is educating yourself on nutrition. Documentaries like Fed Up and Sugar Coated, research what's in dairy (casomorphin in that ice cream) and other animal products that make you crave them and want to binge. Address your addiction to these foods, eat a clean plant based diet and learn how to listen to your body. When you actually give your body the nutrition it needs you wont physically crave things and it'll be easier to address emotional reasons you may be over-eating.
P.s. if you have Netflix I recommend watching pretty much all of the health and food documentaries!
Those documentaries are the LAST thing anyone should be watching to educate themselves on nutrition. They are all full of false pseudo-science. No real science or nutrition at all - just attempts to push agendas and make money.
OP, I know how you feel. I've had some of the same problems with eating and binging 'just because'. For me it was to fill some sort of emotional void. I definitely agree with the posters that suggest occupying yourself with some new project. Exercise would be best but you can do anything - as long as you're not binging, it's a positive
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So much good advice and encouragement here
I just wanted to add... you said you couldn't afford to go to a gym and that your exercise options are limited...
I am in a wheelchair and can't even get into our local gym. My exercise options are also very limited. I get around this by doing weights at home to build strength and muscle. I also use a resistance band in the same way. (Neither of these options are expensive). I have to watch that I don't overuse my shoulders and elbows so the weights are not heavy, only 1-2 kg, but after only a few months I can see a difference I also find if I am feeling down a weight session with music really lifts my mood. When my mood is already good then dancing to upbeat music makes me feel even better and gets my heart pumping a little harder - double bonus
I am doomed to never have washboard abs, but situps morning and night in bed make the best of a bad belly haha. There is so much about my body I dislike but I ignore it as much as possible and focus on the parts I do like - and after losing 20kg there's more liked bits than there used to be.
I hope there is something you can use here, best of luck0
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