I think I can - I think I can

I carry 100 extra pounds with me everywhere I go, it’s like I carry a 10 or 12- year old on my back at all times. I am only 52 years old, but I walk like an old woman.

The extra weight is weighing me down. I can feel it in my bones, my knees hurt and my ankles are swollen. I am so quickly out of breath and I have to take breaks, even when I just walk upstairs.
I hate that more than anything; I don’t want to be that woman. I haven’t been out on a long walk in years; I am afraid I won’t make it. I need to get my stamina up and my energy, it’s not going to be an easy task.

“Buy you a Fitbit,” that’s what many here recommended and they meant well. I wish I could, but money is tight right now and will be for a few more months. I wish for an elliptic rider or a treadmill and I will find one sooner or later, but that too is an extra expense and it’s just not in the cards right now.

I decided not to save money on food. Healthier food is more expensive, fresh fruits and fresh vegetables are better for me – for us. Our health is worth it.

Yesterday, I thought about a workout routine that I could afford and most importantly an exercise routine, that I can do.

I looked at our stairway, looked at the 12 steps that I hate. They are steep and I avoid going up and down too often. Just the bedrooms are upstairs, the rest of our life happens downstairs.
If I go up and down 10 times a day, that would be 120 steps up to an imaginary 10th floor and 120 steps down.

I didn't think about it long. I started walking up the stairs, held on to the railing. I did it 3 times without a break; I started huffing and puffing like a steam locomotive.
I walked up 2 more times; it was halftime, “only” 60 more to go. I started sweating and felt really warm. I took a short break to catch my breath and then I walked up and down 2 more times.
My knees were shaking and I felt like fainting, I had to sit down. I went into the living room and plopped into my chair.

I didn’t reach my goal, I couldn’t do it10 times, I only reached the imaginary 7th floor.
But to be honest, that is much more than I thought I could do. I was still breathing hard and the story about the engine that tried to go uphill came to my mind.

“I think I can – I think I can.”

It's a start, ultimately walking outside is my goal. I wrote this yesterday on my blog, but thought I share it here in case others have the same problem.