Where did it go? How do I rebuild confidence?
m0nsterdad
Posts: 37 Member
I broke the 100lb mark in weight loss a few months back. Unfortunately a nasty divorce and my kids moving to a different state has caused me to backslide and gain 30lbs back. I've gotten back on the wagon and have lost a few of what I gained back but it's been tough. I have a hard time being in the gym lately because all I think about is how I used to look and that I'm not even close now and I'm getting older. My confidence is also shot because I'm not able to match the weight I was able to put up or the intensity. I know I'm asking for too much too soon, but how do I get my confidence back to stay on my journey? How do I rebuild my confidence along with my body?
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Replies
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Try and start all over again as the old saying is fall 7 times, get up 8! You can do it, set yourself a goal and start going to the gym and do what you can. It wont happen overnight but you will lose weight. Believe in your abilities that you can do it.4
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Just get back in the saddle my friend, you know you can do it and you want it badly, so go after it. Just keep working towards your goals, expect bad days as well as good but keep putting in the effort, note everything you put in your mouth and keep that calorie deficit. If you don't already have a Fitbit, maybe think about getting one, I find it helps keep me accountable and it's made all the difference.
You can do it!4 -
I know how you feel I have been on the weight loss wagon on and off since high school. I lost then gained but now I'm serious and I log in everyday and exercise everyday. You can do it we all have bad days but all that matters is to keep going no matter how long it takes1
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It almost is harder to restart after a set back, be it emotional or physical... It's frustrating but do not compare yourself to others or even your past self, you have had a hell of a time of it but if you keep pushing through you will get stronger and get back to where you once were.
Set goals from where you are now and focus on them not on looking back .
You can do this
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Thank you all for the kick in pants, I needed it!
It wasn't easy the first time, I don't know why I thought it would be this time with having to start all over again, if anything I should have known it would be much more of a challenge this time with me being a former athlete and trainer. My children moving so far away (10hrs) has just been so devastating and traumatic for me that I lost myself. For 16 yrs I've been a husband and father, I love being a dad so much! Being a dad has been my only identity for so long, I guess I sort of forgot what I needed. So much I have to almost relearn about myself, it's very intimidating.
One thing I got from the responses was basically to stop looking back and stop competing with the ghost of my former self and figure out how to improve me now going forward. I guess that's where I get stuck, figuring it out going forward....it's scary as hell!7 -
You definitely can't compare yourself now to the you of the past. Best thing to do is wipe the slate clean, forgive yourself for any backsliding, and move forward as a wiser man. It sounds like you've been through the wringer a bit and I'm sorry to see that. Best of luck to you.2
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I'm sorry to hear must be so hard
for me setting goals help you could always try it too it's such a good feeling to reach your goals that high you get is so unreal that keeps me going . I'm up there in age and someone told me I'm not 20 anymore for the stuff I do at the gym I just laughed and told him I'm doing stuff now that I could never do when I was 20 . Lol well my point is it's not to late to get in great shape again . You can do it !! 2 -
You sound like an amazing dad, be kind to yourself, give yourself time and whatever else you need to heal, you can do it, but maybe how you get there will be different this time5
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Today is a new day and every day we are a new us! Sucks to have gone through a divorce and everything that drags between it, but you're back! You're realizing sooner than later, you cannot hold last year's you up to the same challenged, not just because you've gotta retrain your body, but also your brain... You're probably emotionally burnt out, so it's gonna be tougher some days, but you've done it before, so you know the strength and will power still belongs to you, it's still in there! So, start fresh, don't compare yourself to others (including your other self), just start fresh!!!2
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Thank you all so much for the great advise and support! I made it to the gym this morning, I even walked there! I took a deep breath, opened the door and walked in. It felt like everyone was staring at me, but I didn't care if they were. I didn't care that I was lifting a fraction of what I used to, I didn't care if I caught a not so flattering glimpse of myself in ALL of those dreaded mirrors, I didn't care if I'm not able to run on a treadmill at this point, I just cared that I was there and I am proud of myself for that and I know my children would be too! Will everyday be like this, most likely not, but I'm proud of myself today and I guess that's what matters. Is my confidence there yet? Hell no, I wasn't confident the entire time I was at the gym, I know it will take time, but I stuck it out from the beginning to the end of that workout, and I'll be damned if I didn't walk home a little taller.....today!13
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One day at a time and keep breathing xx love yourself everthing else will fall into place xx2
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That's great !! Just keep going ! I have been going to the gym for 3 years now and I still don't like looking in the mirror but I still go and give it my all and I always leave feeling like I'm on top of the world1
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Maybe you could get a personal trainer for a few sessions? That may help you focus in the gym and give you some direction - you'll also be less likely to skip out on the gym as you will have paid for it and made a commitment0
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A good looking guy like you should have plenty of confidence xx keep the gym up and you will soon feel better, good luck xx1
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"Cold turkey" always works best for me.
I decided to cut out all junk and go low carb /keto and restrict my calories to about 1200.
Strict guidelines help me most.
I don't allow myself any cheats until I meet a high goal. Like I want to lose another 20 pounds by July then I can have a cheat on my daughters bday1 -
I'm doing cold turkey now while I eat bacon jerky lol2
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So sorry to hear about the divorce and your kids moving away. I can't imagine how hard that is. However, just like everything else, time heals and things get better. Slowly, but surely you'll adjust to your new normal. This is a huge life changing event so give yourself some time and don't be so hard on yourself.
Being a dedicated dad is commendable, so good for you! But the same thing applies here that I mention occasionally on these boards: losing yourself and identifying as a dad ONLY isn't healthy, just as it isn't good for moms to only be "moms". We are capable of many roles and you have to take care of yourself first in order to care for others.
From your last post it sounds like you are getting back on track. Keep it up!4 -
So sorry to hear about the divorce and your kids moving away. I can't imagine how hard that is. However, just like everything else, time heals and things get better. Slowly, but surely you'll adjust to your new normal. This is a huge life changing event so give yourself some time and don't be so hard on yourself.
Being a dedicated dad is commendable, so good for you! But the same thing applies here that I mention occasionally on these boards: losing yourself and identifying as a dad ONLY isn't healthy, just as it isn't good for moms to only be "moms". We are capable of many roles and you have to take care of yourself first in order to care for others.
From your last post it sounds like you are getting back on track. Keep it up!
Thank you for this, you're right, I need to find my own identity so I can continue being my children's dad, especially from so far away. Who knows, maybe it'll make me an even better dad if they can see that I love myself again...as well as them. I can kind of look at it as being a better version of what I was...like dad 2.0.
I am finding consistency a challenge, and I know to get that I'm gonna have to get rid of my pride, that's what keeps me from walking through those doors....I've done an ok job keeping my pride in check, but some days it does win.6 -
Wow, I'm so sorry about what you've gone through the recently. My advice is to not give up because if you tell yourself now that you're far from your goal and not real confident in your ability to reach your goal, then you are more likely to give up. Don't let giving up be an option. If you want to make a change in your lifestyle, put in the work and make it happen. You can do it!2
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StephanieJane2 wrote: »A good looking guy like you should have plenty of confidence xx keep the gym up and you will soon feel better, good luck xx
Thank you so much for this comment!
It's been a kind time since I felt that way about myself...thank you again!
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I'm just about to separate from my husband I have tough times ahead too but I need to get my weight under control so things don't spiral out of control even more ...eeeks0
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My ex husband used to beat me black and blue for being fat !!! I finally grew a pair and kicked him out and decided at that moment to live, laugh and love. I try and dance every day and usually achieve this - it is hard being a single mum with three kids but I am truly happy - I choose to smile every day xxxxx4
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clairelouisekaa wrote: »My ex husband used to beat me black and blue for being fat !!! I finally grew a pair and kicked him out and decided at that moment to live, laugh and love. I try and dance every day and usually achieve this - it is hard being a single mum with three kids but I am truly happy - I choose to smile every day xxxxx
Oh boy, that is so horrible. I'm so sorry you went through that. Good for you for standing up for yourself and rising above! Truly the BEST thing you could do for both yourself and your children.2 -
clairelouisekaa wrote: »My ex husband used to beat me black and blue for being fat !!! I finally grew a pair and kicked him out and decided at that moment to live, laugh and love. I try and dance every day and usually achieve this - it is hard being a single mum with three kids but I am truly happy - I choose to smile every day xxxxx
Oh boy, that is so horrible. I'm so sorry you went through that. Good for you for standing up for yourself and rising above! Truly the BEST thing you could do for both yourself and your children.
It was horrible - but I chose to give myself and my kids a better life. Now every day I choose to dance, laugh and smile. What I am trying to say is it's all about choices xx choose to be amazing xx6 -
clairelouisekaa wrote: »It was horrible - but I chose to give myself and my kids a better life. Now every day I choose to dance, laugh and smile. What I am trying to say is it's all about choices xx choose to be amazing xx
You are such a positive person, but you are right, it all boils down to choices...simple but powerful!
Right now I'm just choosing to "be", I figure that'll be a good starting point...
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Measure small triumphs. Eating one balanced low calorie meal, one exercise accomplished, meal planning for the day or week, a day of positive speak, inches lost (because you'll usually see that before you see the scale move), small goals! Feel free to add. Good luck on your journey!1
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m0nsterdad wrote: »I broke the 100lb mark in weight loss a few months back. Unfortunately a nasty divorce and my kids moving to a different state has caused me to backslide and gain 30lbs back. I've gotten back on the wagon and have lost a few of what I gained back but it's been tough. I have a hard time being in the gym lately because all I think about is how I used to look and that I'm not even close now and I'm getting older. My confidence is also shot because I'm not able to match the weight I was able to put up or the intensity. I know I'm asking for too much too soon, but how do I get my confidence back to stay on my journey? How do I rebuild my confidence along with my body?
I just asked my friends on mfp that just now because i'm going through that same thing. lost 95 but gained 35. it's depressing because i normally don't lose weight and was so happy i lost that weight. i still have a long way to go but i am at the point now where i just say eff it because i'll never lose the weight and keep it off. my doctor's not too happy about it but i'm just not motivated anymore.0 -
m0nsterdad wrote: »So sorry to hear about the divorce and your kids moving away. I can't imagine how hard that is. However, just like everything else, time heals and things get better. Slowly, but surely you'll adjust to your new normal. This is a huge life changing event so give yourself some time and don't be so hard on yourself.
Being a dedicated dad is commendable, so good for you! But the same thing applies here that I mention occasionally on these boards: losing yourself and identifying as a dad ONLY isn't healthy, just as it isn't good for moms to only be "moms". We are capable of many roles and you have to take care of yourself first in order to care for others.
From your last post it sounds like you are getting back on track. Keep it up!
Thank you for this, you're right, I need to find my own identity so I can continue being my children's dad, especially from so far away. Who knows, maybe it'll make me an even better dad if they can see that I love myself again...as well as them. I can kind of look at it as being a better version of what I was...like dad 2.0.
I am finding consistency a challenge, and I know to get that I'm gonna have to get rid of my pride, that's what keeps me from walking through those doors....I've done an ok job keeping my pride in check, but some days it does win.
So sorry to hear what you are going through. But I'm also proud of your one-day-at-a-time attitude and your determination to find yourself, and be the best you that you can be . . . Dad 2.0 -- LOVE IT! You can do this!!1 -
PrincessK90210 wrote: »m0nsterdad wrote: »I broke the 100lb mark in weight loss a few months back. Unfortunately a nasty divorce and my kids moving to a different state has caused me to backslide and gain 30lbs back. I've gotten back on the wagon and have lost a few of what I gained back but it's been tough. I have a hard time being in the gym lately because all I think about is how I used to look and that I'm not even close now and I'm getting older. My confidence is also shot because I'm not able to match the weight I was able to put up or the intensity. I know I'm asking for too much too soon, but how do I get my confidence back to stay on my journey? How do I rebuild my confidence along with my body?
I just asked my friends on mfp that just now because i'm going through that same thing. lost 95 but gained 35. it's depressing because i normally don't lose weight and was so happy i lost that weight. i still have a long way to go but i am at the point now where i just say eff it because i'll never lose the weight and keep it off. my doctor's not too happy about it but i'm just not motivated anymore.
But you DID lose 95pounds!
You did and you got off track for a little bit, so what?!
You lost 95!!! That's amazing! That's hard work and dedication. You can definitely get that 35 back off!
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m0nsterdad wrote: »So sorry to hear about the divorce and your kids moving away. I can't imagine how hard that is. However, just like everything else, time heals and things get better. Slowly, but surely you'll adjust to your new normal. This is a huge life changing event so give yourself some time and don't be so hard on yourself.
Being a dedicated dad is commendable, so good for you! But the same thing applies here that I mention occasionally on these boards: losing yourself and identifying as a dad ONLY isn't healthy, just as it isn't good for moms to only be "moms". We are capable of many roles and you have to take care of yourself first in order to care for others.
From your last post it sounds like you are getting back on track. Keep it up!
Thank you for this, you're right, I need to find my own identity so I can continue being my children's dad, especially from so far away. Who knows, maybe it'll make me an even better dad if they can see that I love myself again...as well as them. I can kind of look at it as being a better version of what I was...like dad 2.0.
I am finding consistency a challenge, and I know to get that I'm gonna have to get rid of my pride, that's what keeps me from walking through those doors....I've done an ok job keeping my pride in check, but some days it does win.
You got this!
I'm choosing to put my health first (after my family) in order to love myself and regain my confidence. It DOES benefit your children when you love yourself! And you can teach them to be confident and love their own bodies and how to take care of them!
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