worst gym dude of all time?
Replies
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jofjltncb6 wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »sparklybelle wrote: »Today at the gym:
There's one squat rack. I wait 15 minutes to use it while someone is finishing up. No problem, I fit in some other work. When he's done, I wait a minute, nobody sets up, and so I rack up my warm-up weights for squatting. As I'm starting, a guy shows up and says he was going to use this next but he "had to wee-wee." I say I'll keep it short today and just do a few sets. He says he wants to work in instead. I say OK. I start my first set. WHILE I'M SQUATTING, he throws two 2.5# weights between my legs and they land in front of my feet. He says he needs them for his set. I try to stay calm. During my second set, HE STANDS IN THE SQUAT RACK WITH ME. (btw, I'm female.) He does a set. For my third set I go to change to a higher weight. He gets irritated and sweeps all the weight off one side of the barbell so that it crashes 5 feet to the floor and tells me I shouldn't have changed the weight. I walk away and say it's all his.
I've only been lifting weights for nine months, and every other lifter I've met is kind and lovely. But this guy was truly the worst.
Venting over.
This kind of stuff is especially pathetic because there aren't as many women lifting (at least in most gym environments I have been in). It is nice to see women venture over and get into lifting, and it sad that they have to endure some bonehead hassling them with some childish bullsh*t, which is the adult equivalent of a frustrated little boy pulling the little girl's hair because he lacks the emotional intelligence to maturely handle those naughty and confusing feelings he is experiencing.
To be fair, these same asshats are also usually asshats to other men in the gym (and everywhere else) too...
...you're just not as likely to read a forum post about those encounters.
It is a totally different dynamic. I don't have other dudes crowding me, touching me to correct my form, complimenting me on my gym attire, leering at me at an angle through the mirror, asking for / giving me his phone #, etc., but I have seen all of those things happen to women. Men are rude to each other in more alpha-like, less creepy ways.4 -
You know, it's probably never too late to report an incident like this. Call them now, or send an email at least.
Props for staying calm but the next person he irritates might not be able to and it could get REAL ugly.
I think with incidents such as these it's important to think of other gym members as well as management who I'm sure pride themselves on running a smooth operation. You could do a lot of good reporting it. DON'T wait for something else to happen... yikes lol.
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rainbowbow wrote: »jofjltncb6 wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »I kind of feel like you're at fault for not being enough of a *kitten*.
I don't know about you, but unless i have my *kitten* face on and stand my ground men do this stuff to me all the time. By being a real rude *kitten* i've pretty much solved that problem.
"Can i work in?" "No. You can wait."
Even if you said yes when he threw a weight next to your feet for "his set"..
*Sets weight up and whips head furiously*
"No. Go. Get the *kitten* out of here. Now."
Aint no body got time to deal with this *kitten*. No.
P.S. There was a bench one time i was waiting for for over 20 minutes, i watch the guy who was using it walk away, he says "all yours". I walk up to it and set my bag there. Random foreign guy comes up to me and says "Oh, i'm using this bench". I said "ahuh." he goes "Yeah i'm us-" "Oh you are? Where were you?". He was shocked i even challenged him. Then i told him "yeah, well i'm using it now. so you can wait."
Zero effs given about hurt fee fees.
So do people really not let people work in with them? Seems hypocritically to expect common decency but not give it to others.
That depends. If i'd waited for 15 minutes for a peice of equipment, then i probably wont. I'll probably ask them to wait. Especially since it takes longer for us to switch weights back and forth than just letting me finish what i need to do. If it's a machine, yeah okay, no worries. But in the squat rack? No.
Again, i said "even if you said yes" the moment he started his attitude and shittiness i would have told him to *kitten* off.
there's a difference between "common decency" and letting yourself get walked all over.
I definitely agree there. If he was literally impeeding her space while she was active in a set and throwing weights on the ground thats pretty f'd up gym behavior.
But on the squat rack thing. You don't know how long everyone else was waiting. Personally when somebody is using something I go walk on the treadmill so the person active in their set doesn't feel like I'm stalking them. IDK maybe no right answer but seems strange.
Stranger still this whole thread just made me aware that women are just walking around wondering if I'm about to physically assault them.
ehhh... If you put them in an uncomfortable position (like over-agressive flirting which happens often even in public places), start acting entitled (won't take no for an answer), or like an *kitten* (start crossing her boundaries), yeah, maybe.
There's something called disparity of force. Regardless of whether or not you're an aggressive dude, men are taller, stronger, and can physically do more damage to a woman than vice versa. In general of course , there are exceptions. But imagine, you're being approached/hassled by someone who is on average 50lbs heavier and half a foot taller than you. It's a completely normal response to feel uncomfortable or find it hard to stick up for yourself.
And in general (atleast from my training) women people should be aware of every person in their surroundings, relying on their intuition about people, and never being too trusting/a pushover, turning your back to people, etc. This is how you get yourself into these uncomfortable and potentially bad situations.
I was <140 pounds for the first decade or so of my adult life and around 125 when I was married. Does this count? (Or do the magical powers of my having a penis negate the disparity?
)
welp:
similar height
similar weight
similar strength
determines the appropriate use of force.
Like i said, there are exceptions. But on average, we know men are taller, heavier, and stronger.
it's cute how you assume men go thru life without feeling intimidation.4 -
EvgeniZyntx wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »I kind of feel like you're at fault for not being enough of a *kitten*.
I don't know about you, but unless i have my *kitten* face on and stand my ground men do this stuff to me all the time. By being a real rude *kitten* i've pretty much solved that problem.
"Can i work in?" "No. You can wait."
Even if you said yes when he threw a weight next to your feet for "his set"..
*Sets weight up and whips head furiously*
"No. Go. Get the *kitten* out of here. Now."
Aint no body got time to deal with this *kitten*. No.
P.S. There was a bench one time i was waiting for for over 20 minutes, i watch the guy who was using it walk away, he says "all yours". I walk up to it and set my bag there. Random foreign guy comes up to me and says "Oh, i'm using this bench". I said "ahuh." he goes "Yeah i'm us-" "Oh you are? Where were you?". He was shocked i even challenged him. Then i told him "yeah, well i'm using it now. so you can wait."
Zero effs given about hurt fee fees.
So do people really not let people work in with them? Seems hypocritically to expect common decency but not give it to others.
That depends. If i'd waited for 15 minutes for a peice of equipment, then i probably wont. I'll probably ask them to wait. Especially since it takes longer for us to switch weights back and forth than just letting me finish what i need to do. If it's a machine, yeah okay, no worries. But in the squat rack? No.
Again, i said "even if you said yes" the moment he started his attitude and shittiness i would have told him to *kitten* off.
there's a difference between "common decency" and letting yourself get walked all over.
I definitely agree there. If he was literally impeeding her space while she was active in a set and throwing weights on the ground thats pretty f'd up gym behavior.
But on the squat rack thing. You don't know how long everyone else was waiting. Personally when somebody is using something I go walk on the treadmill so the person active in their set doesn't feel like I'm stalking them. IDK maybe no right answer but seems strange.
Stranger still this whole thread just made me aware that women are just walking around wondering if I'm about to physically assault them.
ehhh... If you put them in an uncomfortable position (like over-agressive flirting which happens often even in public places), start acting entitled (won't take no for an answer), or like an *kitten* (start crossing her boundaries), yeah, maybe.
There's something called disparity of force. Regardless of whether or not you're an aggressive dude, men are taller, stronger, and can physically do more damage to a woman than vice versa. In general of course , there are exceptions. But imagine, you're being approached/hassled by someone who is on average 50lbs heavier and half a foot taller than you. It's a completely normal response to feel uncomfortable or find it hard to stick up for yourself.
And in general (atleast from my training) women people should be aware of every person in their surroundings, relying on their intuition about people, and never being too trusting/a pushover, turning your back to people, etc. This is how you get yourself into these uncomfortable and potentially bad situations.
I would like to believe that the generalities presented here do not handicap your life so much that you can't use an elevator (where one turns their back to people) or use a gym/theatre/shop (where you just can't be aware of everyone).
If the OP does not confront OR report this behaviour then how is this behaviour going to be curbed?
Read my previous posts for more information.
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rainbowbow wrote: »jofjltncb6 wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »I kind of feel like you're at fault for not being enough of a *kitten*.
I don't know about you, but unless i have my *kitten* face on and stand my ground men do this stuff to me all the time. By being a real rude *kitten* i've pretty much solved that problem.
"Can i work in?" "No. You can wait."
Even if you said yes when he threw a weight next to your feet for "his set"..
*Sets weight up and whips head furiously*
"No. Go. Get the *kitten* out of here. Now."
Aint no body got time to deal with this *kitten*. No.
P.S. There was a bench one time i was waiting for for over 20 minutes, i watch the guy who was using it walk away, he says "all yours". I walk up to it and set my bag there. Random foreign guy comes up to me and says "Oh, i'm using this bench". I said "ahuh." he goes "Yeah i'm us-" "Oh you are? Where were you?". He was shocked i even challenged him. Then i told him "yeah, well i'm using it now. so you can wait."
Zero effs given about hurt fee fees.
So do people really not let people work in with them? Seems hypocritically to expect common decency but not give it to others.
That depends. If i'd waited for 15 minutes for a peice of equipment, then i probably wont. I'll probably ask them to wait. Especially since it takes longer for us to switch weights back and forth than just letting me finish what i need to do. If it's a machine, yeah okay, no worries. But in the squat rack? No.
Again, i said "even if you said yes" the moment he started his attitude and shittiness i would have told him to *kitten* off.
there's a difference between "common decency" and letting yourself get walked all over.
I definitely agree there. If he was literally impeeding her space while she was active in a set and throwing weights on the ground thats pretty f'd up gym behavior.
But on the squat rack thing. You don't know how long everyone else was waiting. Personally when somebody is using something I go walk on the treadmill so the person active in their set doesn't feel like I'm stalking them. IDK maybe no right answer but seems strange.
Stranger still this whole thread just made me aware that women are just walking around wondering if I'm about to physically assault them.
ehhh... If you put them in an uncomfortable position (like over-agressive flirting which happens often even in public places), start acting entitled (won't take no for an answer), or like an *kitten* (start crossing her boundaries), yeah, maybe.
There's something called disparity of force. Regardless of whether or not you're an aggressive dude, men are taller, stronger, and can physically do more damage to a woman than vice versa. In general of course , there are exceptions. But imagine, you're being approached/hassled by someone who is on average 50lbs heavier and half a foot taller than you. It's a completely normal response to feel uncomfortable or find it hard to stick up for yourself.
And in general (atleast from my training) women people should be aware of every person in their surroundings, relying on their intuition about people, and never being too trusting/a pushover, turning your back to people, etc. This is how you get yourself into these uncomfortable and potentially bad situations.
I was <140 pounds for the first decade or so of my adult life and around 125 when I was married. Does this count? (Or do the magical powers of my having a penis negate the disparity?)
welp:
similar height
similar weight
similar strength
determines the appropriate use of force.
Like i said, there are exceptions. But on average, we know men are taller, heavier, and stronger.
it's cute how you assume men go thru life without feeling intimidation.
did i say that? where?3 -
rainbowbow wrote: »jofjltncb6 wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »I kind of feel like you're at fault for not being enough of a *kitten*.
I don't know about you, but unless i have my *kitten* face on and stand my ground men do this stuff to me all the time. By being a real rude *kitten* i've pretty much solved that problem.
"Can i work in?" "No. You can wait."
Even if you said yes when he threw a weight next to your feet for "his set"..
*Sets weight up and whips head furiously*
"No. Go. Get the *kitten* out of here. Now."
Aint no body got time to deal with this *kitten*. No.
P.S. There was a bench one time i was waiting for for over 20 minutes, i watch the guy who was using it walk away, he says "all yours". I walk up to it and set my bag there. Random foreign guy comes up to me and says "Oh, i'm using this bench". I said "ahuh." he goes "Yeah i'm us-" "Oh you are? Where were you?". He was shocked i even challenged him. Then i told him "yeah, well i'm using it now. so you can wait."
Zero effs given about hurt fee fees.
So do people really not let people work in with them? Seems hypocritically to expect common decency but not give it to others.
That depends. If i'd waited for 15 minutes for a peice of equipment, then i probably wont. I'll probably ask them to wait. Especially since it takes longer for us to switch weights back and forth than just letting me finish what i need to do. If it's a machine, yeah okay, no worries. But in the squat rack? No.
Again, i said "even if you said yes" the moment he started his attitude and shittiness i would have told him to *kitten* off.
there's a difference between "common decency" and letting yourself get walked all over.
I definitely agree there. If he was literally impeeding her space while she was active in a set and throwing weights on the ground thats pretty f'd up gym behavior.
But on the squat rack thing. You don't know how long everyone else was waiting. Personally when somebody is using something I go walk on the treadmill so the person active in their set doesn't feel like I'm stalking them. IDK maybe no right answer but seems strange.
Stranger still this whole thread just made me aware that women are just walking around wondering if I'm about to physically assault them.
ehhh... If you put them in an uncomfortable position (like over-agressive flirting which happens often even in public places), start acting entitled (won't take no for an answer), or like an *kitten* (start crossing her boundaries), yeah, maybe.
There's something called disparity of force. Regardless of whether or not you're an aggressive dude, men are taller, stronger, and can physically do more damage to a woman than vice versa. In general of course , there are exceptions. But imagine, you're being approached/hassled by someone who is on average 50lbs heavier and half a foot taller than you. It's a completely normal response to feel uncomfortable or find it hard to stick up for yourself.
And in general (atleast from my training) women people should be aware of every person in their surroundings, relying on their intuition about people, and never being too trusting/a pushover, turning your back to people, etc. This is how you get yourself into these uncomfortable and potentially bad situations.
I was <140 pounds for the first decade or so of my adult life and around 125 when I was married. Does this count? (Or do the magical powers of my having a penis negate the disparity?)
welp:
similar height
similar weight
similar strength
determines the appropriate use of force.
Like i said, there are exceptions. But on average, we know men are taller, heavier, and stronger.
it's cute how you assume men go thru life without feeling intimidation.
BRB
Making forum post about how your profile pic is intimidating.1 -
EvgeniZyntx wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »I kind of feel like you're at fault for not being enough of a *kitten*.
I don't know about you, but unless i have my *kitten* face on and stand my ground men do this stuff to me all the time. By being a real rude *kitten* i've pretty much solved that problem.
"Can i work in?" "No. You can wait."
Even if you said yes when he threw a weight next to your feet for "his set"..
*Sets weight up and whips head furiously*
"No. Go. Get the *kitten* out of here. Now."
Aint no body got time to deal with this *kitten*. No.
P.S. There was a bench one time i was waiting for for over 20 minutes, i watch the guy who was using it walk away, he says "all yours". I walk up to it and set my bag there. Random foreign guy comes up to me and says "Oh, i'm using this bench". I said "ahuh." he goes "Yeah i'm us-" "Oh you are? Where were you?". He was shocked i even challenged him. Then i told him "yeah, well i'm using it now. so you can wait."
Zero effs given about hurt fee fees.
So do people really not let people work in with them? Seems hypocritically to expect common decency but not give it to others.
That depends. If i'd waited for 15 minutes for a peice of equipment, then i probably wont. I'll probably ask them to wait. Especially since it takes longer for us to switch weights back and forth than just letting me finish what i need to do. If it's a machine, yeah okay, no worries. But in the squat rack? No.
Again, i said "even if you said yes" the moment he started his attitude and shittiness i would have told him to *kitten* off.
there's a difference between "common decency" and letting yourself get walked all over.
I definitely agree there. If he was literally impeeding her space while she was active in a set and throwing weights on the ground thats pretty f'd up gym behavior.
But on the squat rack thing. You don't know how long everyone else was waiting. Personally when somebody is using something I go walk on the treadmill so the person active in their set doesn't feel like I'm stalking them. IDK maybe no right answer but seems strange.
Stranger still this whole thread just made me aware that women are just walking around wondering if I'm about to physically assault them.
ehhh... If you put them in an uncomfortable position (like over-agressive flirting which happens often even in public places), start acting entitled (won't take no for an answer), or like an *kitten* (start crossing her boundaries), yeah, maybe.
There's something called disparity of force. Regardless of whether or not you're an aggressive dude, men are taller, stronger, and can physically do more damage to a woman than vice versa. In general of course , there are exceptions. But imagine, you're being approached/hassled by someone who is on average 50lbs heavier and half a foot taller than you. It's a completely normal response to feel uncomfortable or find it hard to stick up for yourself.
And in general (atleast from my training) women people should be aware of every person in their surroundings, relying on their intuition about people, and never being too trusting/a pushover, turning your back to people, etc. This is how you get yourself into these uncomfortable and potentially bad situations.
I would like to believe that the generalities presented here do not handicap your life so much that you can't use an elevator (where one turns their back to people) or use a gym/theatre/shop (where you just can't be aware of everyone).
If the OP does not confront OR report this behaviour then how is this behaviour going to be curbed?
actually, i'll just quote myself for you.
Here's the post where i told OP to stand up for herself. Put her "game" face on, fake it til you make it, challenge him, etc."I kind of feel like you're at fault for not being enough of a *kitten*.
I don't know about you, but unless i have my *kitten* face on and stand my ground men do this stuff to me all the time. By being a real rude *kitten* i've pretty much solved that problem.
"Can i work in?" "No. You can wait."
Even if you said yes when he threw a weight next to your feet for "his set"..
*Sets weight up and whips head furiously*
"No. Go. Get the *kitten* out of here. Now."
There was a discussion about women being killed for telling men "no". Where i said that being mindful of your situation is important for everyone, and that we can't let people walk all over us."ehh, luckily i feel overconfident i think because of years of krav maga and self defense but i think it's pretty easy for women to feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed when there's such a huge disparity of force. I know it's the reason i started krav to begin with (was robbed by big scary dude, have almost been sexually assaulted by a man at a bar, had a guy follow me home in his car, etc.)
.....
I just don't think it means we should be pushovers or let people walk over us because of our fears. Not all men are monsters and the ones that are *kitten* are almost never challenged. Sometimes just by challenging someone it throws them off."
Someone said i was "rude" and couldn't show "common decency" by letting him work in."That depends. If i'd waited for 15 minutes for a peice of equipment, then i probably wont. I'll probably ask them to wait. Especially since it takes longer for us to switch weights back and forth than just letting me finish what i need to do. If it's a machine, yeah okay, no worries. But in the squat rack? No.
Again, i said "even if you said yes" the moment he started his attitude and shittiness i would have told him to *kitten* off.
there's a difference between "common decency" and letting yourself get walked all over."
Then i get quoted about poor men, they can feel intimidated too. Does the fact i have a d!cK automatically make me stronger than a woman? Blah blah blah.
I never said men can't feel intimidated or that they always have the advantage in a hypothetical fight. I said that the OP needs to stand up for herself and should she need it, be mindful and follow her intuition about when it is worth saying something and when it is not.5 -
I wish I was a bear.0
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jofjltncb6 wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »jofjltncb6 wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »I kind of feel like you're at fault for not being enough of a *kitten*.
I don't know about you, but unless i have my *kitten* face on and stand my ground men do this stuff to me all the time. By being a real rude *kitten* i've pretty much solved that problem.
"Can i work in?" "No. You can wait."
Even if you said yes when he threw a weight next to your feet for "his set"..
*Sets weight up and whips head furiously*
"No. Go. Get the *kitten* out of here. Now."
Aint no body got time to deal with this *kitten*. No.
P.S. There was a bench one time i was waiting for for over 20 minutes, i watch the guy who was using it walk away, he says "all yours". I walk up to it and set my bag there. Random foreign guy comes up to me and says "Oh, i'm using this bench". I said "ahuh." he goes "Yeah i'm us-" "Oh you are? Where were you?". He was shocked i even challenged him. Then i told him "yeah, well i'm using it now. so you can wait."
Zero effs given about hurt fee fees.
So do people really not let people work in with them? Seems hypocritically to expect common decency but not give it to others.
That depends. If i'd waited for 15 minutes for a peice of equipment, then i probably wont. I'll probably ask them to wait. Especially since it takes longer for us to switch weights back and forth than just letting me finish what i need to do. If it's a machine, yeah okay, no worries. But in the squat rack? No.
Again, i said "even if you said yes" the moment he started his attitude and shittiness i would have told him to *kitten* off.
there's a difference between "common decency" and letting yourself get walked all over.
I definitely agree there. If he was literally impeeding her space while she was active in a set and throwing weights on the ground thats pretty f'd up gym behavior.
But on the squat rack thing. You don't know how long everyone else was waiting. Personally when somebody is using something I go walk on the treadmill so the person active in their set doesn't feel like I'm stalking them. IDK maybe no right answer but seems strange.
Stranger still this whole thread just made me aware that women are just walking around wondering if I'm about to physically assault them.
ehhh... If you put them in an uncomfortable position (like over-agressive flirting which happens often even in public places), start acting entitled (won't take no for an answer), or like an *kitten* (start crossing her boundaries), yeah, maybe.
There's something called disparity of force. Regardless of whether or not you're an aggressive dude, men are taller, stronger, and can physically do more damage to a woman than vice versa. In general of course , there are exceptions. But imagine, you're being approached/hassled by someone who is on average 50lbs heavier and half a foot taller than you. It's a completely normal response to feel uncomfortable or find it hard to stick up for yourself.
And in general (atleast from my training) women people should be aware of every person in their surroundings, relying on their intuition about people, and never being too trusting/a pushover, turning your back to people, etc. This is how you get yourself into these uncomfortable and potentially bad situations.
I was <140 pounds for the first decade or so of my adult life and around 125 when I was married. Does this count? (Or do the magical powers of my having a penis negate the disparity?)
welp:
similar height
similar weight
similar strength
determines the appropriate use of force.
Like i said, there are exceptions. But on average, we know men are taller, heavier, and stronger.
it's cute how you assume men go thru life without feeling intimidation.
BRB
Making forum post about how your profile pic is intimidating.
I'm going to make one about rainbowbow. She's talking about "use of force" in a thread about sharing gym equipment. And I guess saying it's okay because I'm bigger than her?2 -
jofjltncb6 wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »jofjltncb6 wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »I kind of feel like you're at fault for not being enough of a *kitten*.
I don't know about you, but unless i have my *kitten* face on and stand my ground men do this stuff to me all the time. By being a real rude *kitten* i've pretty much solved that problem.
"Can i work in?" "No. You can wait."
Even if you said yes when he threw a weight next to your feet for "his set"..
*Sets weight up and whips head furiously*
"No. Go. Get the *kitten* out of here. Now."
Aint no body got time to deal with this *kitten*. No.
P.S. There was a bench one time i was waiting for for over 20 minutes, i watch the guy who was using it walk away, he says "all yours". I walk up to it and set my bag there. Random foreign guy comes up to me and says "Oh, i'm using this bench". I said "ahuh." he goes "Yeah i'm us-" "Oh you are? Where were you?". He was shocked i even challenged him. Then i told him "yeah, well i'm using it now. so you can wait."
Zero effs given about hurt fee fees.
So do people really not let people work in with them? Seems hypocritically to expect common decency but not give it to others.
That depends. If i'd waited for 15 minutes for a peice of equipment, then i probably wont. I'll probably ask them to wait. Especially since it takes longer for us to switch weights back and forth than just letting me finish what i need to do. If it's a machine, yeah okay, no worries. But in the squat rack? No.
Again, i said "even if you said yes" the moment he started his attitude and shittiness i would have told him to *kitten* off.
there's a difference between "common decency" and letting yourself get walked all over.
I definitely agree there. If he was literally impeeding her space while she was active in a set and throwing weights on the ground thats pretty f'd up gym behavior.
But on the squat rack thing. You don't know how long everyone else was waiting. Personally when somebody is using something I go walk on the treadmill so the person active in their set doesn't feel like I'm stalking them. IDK maybe no right answer but seems strange.
Stranger still this whole thread just made me aware that women are just walking around wondering if I'm about to physically assault them.
ehhh... If you put them in an uncomfortable position (like over-agressive flirting which happens often even in public places), start acting entitled (won't take no for an answer), or like an *kitten* (start crossing her boundaries), yeah, maybe.
There's something called disparity of force. Regardless of whether or not you're an aggressive dude, men are taller, stronger, and can physically do more damage to a woman than vice versa. In general of course , there are exceptions. But imagine, you're being approached/hassled by someone who is on average 50lbs heavier and half a foot taller than you. It's a completely normal response to feel uncomfortable or find it hard to stick up for yourself.
And in general (atleast from my training) women people should be aware of every person in their surroundings, relying on their intuition about people, and never being too trusting/a pushover, turning your back to people, etc. This is how you get yourself into these uncomfortable and potentially bad situations.
I was <140 pounds for the first decade or so of my adult life and around 125 when I was married. Does this count? (Or do the magical powers of my having a penis negate the disparity?)
welp:
similar height
similar weight
similar strength
determines the appropriate use of force.
Like i said, there are exceptions. But on average, we know men are taller, heavier, and stronger.
it's cute how you assume men go thru life without feeling intimidation.
BRB
Making forum post about how your profile pic is intimidating.
I'm going to make one about rainbowbow. She's talking about "use of force" in a thread about sharing gym equipment. And I guess saying it's okay because I'm bigger than her?
what? I was talking about use of force when necessary to save your life. There was a whole conversation about women feeling intimidated of being murdered by men. Literally murdered.
But okay...
p.s. what "use of force" is being used by OP for setting boundaries for herself by saying "no" to someone. Or telling them to F off after they've thrown weights at her while she's lifting heavy weights?
TFW you're literally grasping at anything possible to argue.
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You all are ruining a perfectly good thread.4
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Bry_Lander wrote: »jofjltncb6 wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »sparklybelle wrote: »Today at the gym:
There's one squat rack. I wait 15 minutes to use it while someone is finishing up. No problem, I fit in some other work. When he's done, I wait a minute, nobody sets up, and so I rack up my warm-up weights for squatting. As I'm starting, a guy shows up and says he was going to use this next but he "had to wee-wee." I say I'll keep it short today and just do a few sets. He says he wants to work in instead. I say OK. I start my first set. WHILE I'M SQUATTING, he throws two 2.5# weights between my legs and they land in front of my feet. He says he needs them for his set. I try to stay calm. During my second set, HE STANDS IN THE SQUAT RACK WITH ME. (btw, I'm female.) He does a set. For my third set I go to change to a higher weight. He gets irritated and sweeps all the weight off one side of the barbell so that it crashes 5 feet to the floor and tells me I shouldn't have changed the weight. I walk away and say it's all his.
I've only been lifting weights for nine months, and every other lifter I've met is kind and lovely. But this guy was truly the worst.
Venting over.
This kind of stuff is especially pathetic because there aren't as many women lifting (at least in most gym environments I have been in). It is nice to see women venture over and get into lifting, and it sad that they have to endure some bonehead hassling them with some childish bullsh*t, which is the adult equivalent of a frustrated little boy pulling the little girl's hair because he lacks the emotional intelligence to maturely handle those naughty and confusing feelings he is experiencing.
To be fair, these same asshats are also usually asshats to other men in the gym (and everywhere else) too...
...you're just not as likely to read a forum post about those encounters.
It is a totally different dynamic. I don't have other dudes crowding me, touching me to correct my form, complimenting me on my gym attire, leering at me at an angle through the mirror, asking for / giving me his phone #, etc., but I have seen all of those things happen to women. Men are rude to each other in more alpha-like, less creepy ways.
Well, I've been hit on by a guy at my gym.1 -
Bry_Lander wrote: »jofjltncb6 wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »sparklybelle wrote: »Today at the gym:
There's one squat rack. I wait 15 minutes to use it while someone is finishing up. No problem, I fit in some other work. When he's done, I wait a minute, nobody sets up, and so I rack up my warm-up weights for squatting. As I'm starting, a guy shows up and says he was going to use this next but he "had to wee-wee." I say I'll keep it short today and just do a few sets. He says he wants to work in instead. I say OK. I start my first set. WHILE I'M SQUATTING, he throws two 2.5# weights between my legs and they land in front of my feet. He says he needs them for his set. I try to stay calm. During my second set, HE STANDS IN THE SQUAT RACK WITH ME. (btw, I'm female.) He does a set. For my third set I go to change to a higher weight. He gets irritated and sweeps all the weight off one side of the barbell so that it crashes 5 feet to the floor and tells me I shouldn't have changed the weight. I walk away and say it's all his.
I've only been lifting weights for nine months, and every other lifter I've met is kind and lovely. But this guy was truly the worst.
Venting over.
This kind of stuff is especially pathetic because there aren't as many women lifting (at least in most gym environments I have been in). It is nice to see women venture over and get into lifting, and it sad that they have to endure some bonehead hassling them with some childish bullsh*t, which is the adult equivalent of a frustrated little boy pulling the little girl's hair because he lacks the emotional intelligence to maturely handle those naughty and confusing feelings he is experiencing.
To be fair, these same asshats are also usually asshats to other men in the gym (and everywhere else) too...
...you're just not as likely to read a forum post about those encounters.
It is a totally different dynamic. I don't have other dudes crowding me, touching me to correct my form, complimenting me on my gym attire, leering at me at an angle through the mirror, asking for / giving me his phone #, etc., but I have seen all of those things happen to women. Men are rude to each other in more alpha-like, less creepy ways.
Well, I've been hit on by a guy at my gym.
Bragger...1 -
Guys do get perved on as well, you don't know about purple aki in the uk
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3576790/Muscle-obsessed-pervert-dubbed-Purple-Aki-barred-ten-years-grabbing-men-s-biceps-ban-LIFTED-vowing-reinvent-himself.html0 -
Hey op how was your day at the gym today? Just wondering but your thread is still going strong
The last two days have been great, thanks for asking! I do worry that my post will scare off people who are already intimidated by gyms. 99% of the people I work out with are sweethearts or just doing their own thing. This really was a fluke.4 -
what an idiot!! should have dropped your weights near his feet0
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sparklybelle wrote: »Hey op how was your day at the gym today? Just wondering but your thread is still going strong
The last two days have been great, thanks for asking! I do worry that my post will scare off people who are already intimidated by gyms. 99% of the people I work out with are sweethearts or just doing their own thing. This really was a fluke.
Glad you had a good day! I'm very intimated by the weight room but little by little I'm working my way in there when it's busy. Have made a couple guy friends who seem super nice. 0 -
rainbowbow wrote: »EvgeniZyntx wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »I kind of feel like you're at fault for not being enough of a *kitten*.
I don't know about you, but unless i have my *kitten* face on and stand my ground men do this stuff to me all the time. By being a real rude *kitten* i've pretty much solved that problem.
"Can i work in?" "No. You can wait."
Even if you said yes when he threw a weight next to your feet for "his set"..
*Sets weight up and whips head furiously*
"No. Go. Get the *kitten* out of here. Now."
Aint no body got time to deal with this *kitten*. No.
P.S. There was a bench one time i was waiting for for over 20 minutes, i watch the guy who was using it walk away, he says "all yours". I walk up to it and set my bag there. Random foreign guy comes up to me and says "Oh, i'm using this bench". I said "ahuh." he goes "Yeah i'm us-" "Oh you are? Where were you?". He was shocked i even challenged him. Then i told him "yeah, well i'm using it now. so you can wait."
Zero effs given about hurt fee fees.
So do people really not let people work in with them? Seems hypocritically to expect common decency but not give it to others.
That depends. If i'd waited for 15 minutes for a peice of equipment, then i probably wont. I'll probably ask them to wait. Especially since it takes longer for us to switch weights back and forth than just letting me finish what i need to do. If it's a machine, yeah okay, no worries. But in the squat rack? No.
Again, i said "even if you said yes" the moment he started his attitude and shittiness i would have told him to *kitten* off.
there's a difference between "common decency" and letting yourself get walked all over.
I definitely agree there. If he was literally impeeding her space while she was active in a set and throwing weights on the ground thats pretty f'd up gym behavior.
But on the squat rack thing. You don't know how long everyone else was waiting. Personally when somebody is using something I go walk on the treadmill so the person active in their set doesn't feel like I'm stalking them. IDK maybe no right answer but seems strange.
Stranger still this whole thread just made me aware that women are just walking around wondering if I'm about to physically assault them.
ehhh... If you put them in an uncomfortable position (like over-agressive flirting which happens often even in public places), start acting entitled (won't take no for an answer), or like an *kitten* (start crossing her boundaries), yeah, maybe.
There's something called disparity of force. Regardless of whether or not you're an aggressive dude, men are taller, stronger, and can physically do more damage to a woman than vice versa. In general of course , there are exceptions. But imagine, you're being approached/hassled by someone who is on average 50lbs heavier and half a foot taller than you. It's a completely normal response to feel uncomfortable or find it hard to stick up for yourself.
And in general (atleast from my training) women people should be aware of every person in their surroundings, relying on their intuition about people, and never being too trusting/a pushover, turning your back to people, etc. This is how you get yourself into these uncomfortable and potentially bad situations.
I would like to believe that the generalities presented here do not handicap your life so much that you can't use an elevator (where one turns their back to people) or use a gym/theatre/shop (where you just can't be aware of everyone).
If the OP does not confront OR report this behaviour then how is this behaviour going to be curbed?
actually, i'll just quote myself for you.
Here's the post where i told OP to stand up for herself. Put her "game" face on, fake it til you make it, challenge him, etc."I kind of feel like you're at fault for not being enough of a *kitten*.
I don't know about you, but unless i have my *kitten* face on and stand my ground men do this stuff to me all the time. By being a real rude *kitten* i've pretty much solved that problem.
"Can i work in?" "No. You can wait."
Even if you said yes when he threw a weight next to your feet for "his set"..
*Sets weight up and whips head furiously*
"No. Go. Get the *kitten* out of here. Now."
There was a discussion about women being killed for telling men "no". Where i said that being mindful of your situation is important for everyone, and that we can't let people walk all over us."ehh, luckily i feel overconfident i think because of years of krav maga and self defense but i think it's pretty easy for women to feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed when there's such a huge disparity of force. I know it's the reason i started krav to begin with (was robbed by big scary dude, have almost been sexually assaulted by a man at a bar, had a guy follow me home in his car, etc.)
.....
I just don't think it means we should be pushovers or let people walk over us because of our fears. Not all men are monsters and the ones that are *kitten* are almost never challenged. Sometimes just by challenging someone it throws them off."
Someone said i was "rude" and couldn't show "common decency" by letting him work in."That depends. If i'd waited for 15 minutes for a peice of equipment, then i probably wont. I'll probably ask them to wait. Especially since it takes longer for us to switch weights back and forth than just letting me finish what i need to do. If it's a machine, yeah okay, no worries. But in the squat rack? No.
Again, i said "even if you said yes" the moment he started his attitude and shittiness i would have told him to *kitten* off.
there's a difference between "common decency" and letting yourself get walked all over."
Then i get quoted about poor men, they can feel intimidated too. Does the fact i have a d!cK automatically make me stronger than a woman? Blah blah blah.
I never said men can't feel intimidated or that they always have the advantage in a hypothetical fight. I said that the OP needs to stand up for herself and should she need it, be mindful and follow her intuition about when it is worth saying something and when it is not.
To be fair, you were the one who said you were purposefully rude to get what you wanted in the gym. I said no such thing.
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Guys are just people. Even gym guys. You are going to have some nice and some mean. They don't go to the gym and turn into mean jerks. If they were not in their gym clothes and in regular clothes on the street you probably wouldn't think twice. I've only met a few gym jerks. Most of them were in the ladies locker room fighting over who gets into the shower first. Most of the men there are just trying to hurry and get their workouts done and get home to their families and other responsibilities just like us females are. Don't let one jerk determine where and when you'll work out. Just don't put up with his crap and report him if he crosses a line.
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deluxmary2000 wrote: »Maybe because I go at 5:30 am when everyone is still a zombie??Bry_Lander wrote: »I can't recommend the early morning gym environment highly enough. I usually always work out at 5am, as there are far less assclowns who are willing to get up at ungodly hours to wake up. The number of people there doesn't really fluctuate with the New Year's resolution crowd, either.
I'm at the gym every weekday at 5 am, and I absolutely love it. Everyone's there to exercise, then go to work - no screwing around.
I went once late on a Saturday evening, and it was like stepping into another world. Never again!
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rakowskidp wrote: »deluxmary2000 wrote: »Maybe because I go at 5:30 am when everyone is still a zombie??Bry_Lander wrote: »I can't recommend the early morning gym environment highly enough. I usually always work out at 5am, as there are far less assclowns who are willing to get up at ungodly hours to wake up. The number of people there doesn't really fluctuate with the New Year's resolution crowd, either.
I'm at the gym every weekday at 5 am, and I absolutely love it. Everyone's there to exercise, then go to work - no screwing around.
I went once late on a Saturday evening, and it was like stepping into another world. Never again!
Same here, early mornings for me.
Made the mistake of going 7 in the evening once, the amount of people and the smell just made me turn back.3 -
At my gym, it was the young punks posing for girls and hogging all the equipment while chatting/texting on their phones. Nobody pulls that crap at 5 am!MalcolmX1983 wrote: »Same here, early mornings for me.
Made the mistake of going 7 in the evening once, the amount of people and the smell just made me turn back.
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Was it something like this:
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