Boyfriend wants to gain weight while I want to lose it...suggestions?

My apologies if this topic has already been discussed to death, but I could use some advice. My boyfriend's dietary needs are polar opposite of mine, and it has made it nearly impossible for me to stay on track. I have around 40lbs to lose (the same 40 I gained after moving in with him last year). He, on the other hand, is 5'10" and around 130lbs. He needs to consume as many calories as he can, while I need to make cutbacks. We both work, I go to college part time, excuses excuses etc. Does anyone have any suggestions for recipes we can make that will help both of us? I hate to cook, so that's a task which has (unfairly) fallen on him. We eat out at least 5 nights a week, and this is definitely a habit we need to break.

Suggestions?
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Replies

  • brigg9
    brigg9 Posts: 104 Member
    My first thought - meal prep. Meal prep for each of you, that way there's no confusion over what, when, or how much each of you eat. Meals are already portioned out and ready to go!
  • NorthCascades
    NorthCascades Posts: 10,882 Member
    I'm not in the same boat, but a similar one. I'm pretty close to my goal weight and I've decided to go into maintenance for the summer for a better chance to meet some athletic goals and to build muscle; my girlfriend is still trying to lose some stubborn weight.

    We mostly eat low calorie stuff for our meals together. And then I snack (healthily). I make smoothies with raspberries, protein powder, milk or half and half, and peanut butter, which are calorie bombs. I feel more satisfied with one after a light dinner, and they don't affect Beth. So far it's been working pretty well for us.
  • rybo
    rybo Posts: 5,430 Member
    Is this a real question?
    Eat less than you do currently. Make better decisions when you go out. Try learning to cook new things, it's not rocket science
  • MamaFunky
    MamaFunky Posts: 735 Member
    edited June 2016
    My husband and I have been together 20+ years. We eat the same thing, he just has bigger portion sizes. Unless its Mexican food, then its game on for me. :wink: But seriously, there is no food you need to eliminate or not eat, just eat within your calorie goal and he eats within his.

    ETA: When we were younger and in college I bought a bunch of cookbooks (before the Internet :smile: ). I learned to cook and so glad I did. Now I love to cook. We eat 95% of our meals at home, so going out to eat is truly a treat. Maybe you could try cooking at home more. My favorite recipe websites now are Allrecipes.com and food.com. HTH!
  • mnbell2013
    mnbell2013 Posts: 45 Member
    rybo wrote: »
    Is this a real question?
    Eat less than you do currently. Make better decisions when you go out. Try learning to cook new things, it's not rocket science

    Seriously?
    Of course it's a real question. Obviously you haven't been there. Be nice or get the hell out.
  • caammph
    caammph Posts: 105 Member
    Same here OP. I do the majority of the cooking. I make healthy meals and he eats more. He also has a cupboard full of calorically dense snacks. His intake is +/- 4000 calories a day and mine hovers around 1600.
  • TR0berts
    TR0berts Posts: 7,739 Member
    Put more on his plate than you do on yours.
  • mnbell2013
    mnbell2013 Posts: 45 Member
    edited June 2016
    Thank you to everyone who actually contributed to this conversation. For everyone else, do you gain something by hiding behind a computer screen typing nasty comments? I thought this was about building each other up, not doing the opposite by asking if this is a "real" question. The world already has enough A-holes without you contributing to the problem.
  • Asher_Ethan
    Asher_Ethan Posts: 2,430 Member
    My 8-year-old is considered under weight for his height (He weighS what an 8-year-old should weigh but he's tall AF) When cooking dinner i cook myself some meat and a side vegetable. He gets the same meat and side vegetable, but then he also gets rice, bread, or noodles to go with it.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,014 Member
    mnbell2013 wrote: »
    Thank you to everyone who actually contributed to this conversation. For everyone else, do you gain something by hiding behind a computer screen typing nasty comments? I thought this was about building each other up, not doing the opposite by asking if this is a "real" question. The world already has enough A-holes without you contributing to the problem.

    This is the internet where you get all types of opinions. Google questions if you don't want that type of feedback.
  • lorrpb
    lorrpb Posts: 11,465 Member
    mnbell2013 wrote: »
    Thank you to everyone who actually contributed to this conversation. For everyone else, do you gain something by hiding behind a computer screen typing nasty comments? I thought this was about building each other up, not doing the opposite by asking if this is a "real" question. The world already has enough A-holes without you contributing to the problem.

    I don't think anyone is trying to be rude. You acknowledge in your original post that this question has probably been beat to death. Did you browse the forums or do a search for similar topics? If you have any knowledge of CICO, which you would gain from reading this site, then the answer would seem obvious, you eat less, he eats more and adds high-calorie sauces & dips. If he continues to do all the cooking and you eat out a lot, portion control is your solution.
  • extra_medium
    extra_medium Posts: 1,525 Member
    mnbell2013 wrote: »
    rybo wrote: »
    Is this a real question?
    Eat less than you do currently. Make better decisions when you go out. Try learning to cook new things, it's not rocket science

    Seriously?
    Of course it's a real question. Obviously you haven't been there. Be nice or get the hell out.

    Not trying to be rude about it but it seems like a simple answer. Even if you do eat the same things every day, his portions should be bigger than yours if you're trying to lose and he's trying to gain. The recipes themselves don't really matter, it's just about how many calories each of you are consuming.
  • lynn_glenmont
    lynn_glenmont Posts: 9,407 Member
    mnbell2013 wrote: »
    Thank you to everyone who actually contributed to this conversation. For everyone else, do you gain something by hiding behind a computer screen typing nasty comments? I thought this was about building each other up, not doing the opposite by asking if this is a "real" question. The world already has enough A-holes without you contributing to the problem.

    You actually got three very good suggestions in the comment from the person who asked whether it was a real question. Maybe if you didn't get so defensive when people are trying to help you, you might find a solution.

    It doesn't sound like you're interested in doing any cooking, and it doesn't seem fair to ask your boyfriend to cook a totally different meal for you because you can't/won't cook for yourself (of course, that's up to him--maybe he enjoys cooking and doesn't mind), so the best solution would seem to be eating less of whatever he eats when you eat at home, and making better choices when you eat at restaurants.

    Look up menus and nutrition, if available on online for the restaurants, before you go. Also, you can always ask for a to-go box and pack half of your meal to eat for lunch the next day.

    At home, you can also have different proportions of the various dishes (more veggies and lean protein, and only a small amount of any high-calorie side, while the high-calorie side takes up a much larger part of his plate. And he can bulk up his calories with snacks and desserts, which you don't have to join him in.
  • skinnyforhi
    skinnyforhi Posts: 340 Member
    edited June 2016
    mnbell2013 wrote: »
    My apologies if this topic has already been discussed to death, but I could use some advice. My boyfriend's dietary needs are polar opposite of mine, and it has made it nearly impossible for me to stay on track. I have around 40lbs to lose (the same 40 I gained after moving in with him last year). He, on the other hand, is 5'10" and around 130lbs. He needs to consume as many calories as he can, while I need to make cutbacks. We both work, I go to college part time, excuses excuses etc. Does anyone have any suggestions for recipes we can make that will help both of us? I hate to cook, so that's a task which has (unfairly) fallen on him. We eat out at least 5 nights a week, and this is definitely a habit we need to break.

    Suggestions?

    You say you hate to cook. What did you eat before you moved in together? 40 sounds like a lot to gain in one year if you're only change was moving in with somebody. Were you at all underweight to begin with? Or are there any of your old habits that you can revert to in order to start chipping away at this 40 pounds?

    Ok I'm back, I just read your profile. It sounds like you completely changed your life to conform to him (unless I'm misreading something). So, I would still like to know- are your old habits an option (doing whatever you did in the past for breakfast and lunch and working out) and then coming to some type of compromise on dinner? From reading your profile, it looks like even taking control of breakfast and lunch and exercising portion control at any type of dinner that you eat together would move the needle in the right direction. For me personally, lots of times my husband and I eat exactly the same thing, but he gets 2-3 times as many carbs, 2 times as much protein, and 1/2 the vegetables/salad that I eat. That's how we work it out- best of luck! It looks like you've done this once, and you can do it again! You have less to lose this time.
  • pondee629
    pondee629 Posts: 2,487 Member
    You have one serving, he goes back for seconds?
  • mnbell2013
    mnbell2013 Posts: 45 Member
    mnbell2013 wrote: »
    Thank you to everyone who actually contributed to this conversation. For everyone else, do you gain something by hiding behind a computer screen typing nasty comments? I thought this was about building each other up, not doing the opposite by asking if this is a "real" question. The world already has enough A-holes without you contributing to the problem.

    You actually got three very good suggestions in the comment from the person who asked whether it was a real question. Maybe if you didn't get so defensive when people are trying to help you, you might find a solution.

    It doesn't sound like you're interested in doing any cooking, and it doesn't seem fair to ask your boyfriend to cook a totally different meal for you because you can't/won't cook for yourself (of course, that's up to him--maybe he enjoys cooking and doesn't mind), so the best solution would seem to be eating less of whatever he eats when you eat at home, and making better choices when you eat at restaurants.

    Look up menus and nutrition, if available on online for the restaurants, before you go. Also, you can always ask for a to-go box and pack half of your meal to eat for lunch the next day.

    At home, you can also have different proportions of the various dishes (more veggies and lean protein, and only a small amount of any high-calorie side, while the high-calorie side takes up a much larger part of his plate. And he can bulk up his calories with snacks and desserts, which you don't have to join him in.

    I don't recall stating that I expect him to cook a different meal for me. And maybe I'm wrong, but asking whether my question was "real" hardly seems helpful. Call me defensive, but I could've done without that.
  • ahley123456
    ahley123456 Posts: 3 Member
    I'm in the same boat. It's not as easy as many people on here act. I know your problem because he consumes an enormous amount of calories and junk food and he never gains weight! So all of these foods are in the house and I have to try to ignore them. It's really hard. Until I started this app I was consuming an immense amount of calories with him. Now that I'm aware it helps me. I do the majority of the grocery shopping and if I didn't come home with snacks he would hate it so I buy snacks that aren't tempting to me but that he likes. He also eats a lot late at night so I just give myself a cut off time and don't join him in the late night binges. At first it was hard but now I don't want to late at night because I have goals I want to achieve. Sometimes I'm envious that he can eat anything but I remind myself how good I will look if I don't. My father also has health issues and it is a good daily reminder for me to eat healthy and workout because life is short. Good luck with your journey. : )
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,014 Member
    I'm in the same boat. It's not as easy as many people on here act. I know your problem because he consumes an enormous amount of calories and junk food and he never gains weight! So all of these foods are in the house and I have to try to ignore them. It's really hard. Until I started this app I was consuming an immense amount of calories with him. Now that I'm aware it helps me. I do the majority of the grocery shopping and if I didn't come home with snacks he would hate it so I buy snacks that aren't tempting to me but that he likes. He also eats a lot late at night so I just give myself a cut off time and don't join him in the late night binges. At first it was hard but now I don't want to late at night because I have goals I want to achieve. Sometimes I'm envious that he can eat anything but I remind myself how good I will look if I don't. My father also has health issues and it is a good daily reminder for me to eat healthy and workout because life is short. Good luck with your journey. : )

    Meal timing is irrelevant. Why not save some calories so you can have a snack with your mate?
  • capaul42
    capaul42 Posts: 1,391 Member
    Similar situation with me. I do most of the cooking so I usually just double up his portions and steam veggies or side salad for myself. Like tonight I made homemade beef noodle and fries. He had a double portion with fries. I had my portion plus a baby spinach salad.

    Like one of the other posters, he also has a stash of snacks for in between meals, like donuts and cereal (he like dry cereals for snacks).