Boyfriend wants to gain weight while I want to lose it...suggestions?
mnbell2013
Posts: 45 Member
My apologies if this topic has already been discussed to death, but I could use some advice. My boyfriend's dietary needs are polar opposite of mine, and it has made it nearly impossible for me to stay on track. I have around 40lbs to lose (the same 40 I gained after moving in with him last year). He, on the other hand, is 5'10" and around 130lbs. He needs to consume as many calories as he can, while I need to make cutbacks. We both work, I go to college part time, excuses excuses etc. Does anyone have any suggestions for recipes we can make that will help both of us? I hate to cook, so that's a task which has (unfairly) fallen on him. We eat out at least 5 nights a week, and this is definitely a habit we need to break.
Suggestions?
Suggestions?
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Replies
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We eat the same things except he eats more. *shrug*9
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My first thought - meal prep. Meal prep for each of you, that way there's no confusion over what, when, or how much each of you eat. Meals are already portioned out and ready to go!2
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I'm not in the same boat, but a similar one. I'm pretty close to my goal weight and I've decided to go into maintenance for the summer for a better chance to meet some athletic goals and to build muscle; my girlfriend is still trying to lose some stubborn weight.
We mostly eat low calorie stuff for our meals together. And then I snack (healthily). I make smoothies with raspberries, protein powder, milk or half and half, and peanut butter, which are calorie bombs. I feel more satisfied with one after a light dinner, and they don't affect Beth. So far it's been working pretty well for us.3 -
Is this a real question?
Eat less than you do currently. Make better decisions when you go out. Try learning to cook new things, it's not rocket science4 -
My husband and I have been together 20+ years. We eat the same thing, he just has bigger portion sizes. Unless its Mexican food, then its game on for me.
But seriously, there is no food you need to eliminate or not eat, just eat within your calorie goal and he eats within his.
ETA: When we were younger and in college I bought a bunch of cookbooks (before the Internet
). I learned to cook and so glad I did. Now I love to cook. We eat 95% of our meals at home, so going out to eat is truly a treat. Maybe you could try cooking at home more. My favorite recipe websites now are Allrecipes.com and food.com. HTH! 1 -
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Same here OP. I do the majority of the cooking. I make healthy meals and he eats more. He also has a cupboard full of calorically dense snacks. His intake is +/- 4000 calories a day and mine hovers around 1600.1
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Put more on his plate than you do on yours.4
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Thank you to everyone who actually contributed to this conversation. For everyone else, do you gain something by hiding behind a computer screen typing nasty comments? I thought this was about building each other up, not doing the opposite by asking if this is a "real" question. The world already has enough A-holes without you contributing to the problem.-3
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My 8-year-old is considered under weight for his height (He weighS what an 8-year-old should weigh but he's tall AF) When cooking dinner i cook myself some meat and a side vegetable. He gets the same meat and side vegetable, but then he also gets rice, bread, or noodles to go with it.0
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mnbell2013 wrote: »Thank you to everyone who actually contributed to this conversation. For everyone else, do you gain something by hiding behind a computer screen typing nasty comments? I thought this was about building each other up, not doing the opposite by asking if this is a "real" question. The world already has enough A-holes without you contributing to the problem.
This is the internet where you get all types of opinions. Google questions if you don't want that type of feedback.4 -
mnbell2013 wrote: »Thank you to everyone who actually contributed to this conversation. For everyone else, do you gain something by hiding behind a computer screen typing nasty comments? I thought this was about building each other up, not doing the opposite by asking if this is a "real" question. The world already has enough A-holes without you contributing to the problem.
I don't think anyone is trying to be rude. You acknowledge in your original post that this question has probably been beat to death. Did you browse the forums or do a search for similar topics? If you have any knowledge of CICO, which you would gain from reading this site, then the answer would seem obvious, you eat less, he eats more and adds high-calorie sauces & dips. If he continues to do all the cooking and you eat out a lot, portion control is your solution.1 -
mnbell2013 wrote: »
Not trying to be rude about it but it seems like a simple answer. Even if you do eat the same things every day, his portions should be bigger than yours if you're trying to lose and he's trying to gain. The recipes themselves don't really matter, it's just about how many calories each of you are consuming.2 -
mnbell2013 wrote: »Thank you to everyone who actually contributed to this conversation. For everyone else, do you gain something by hiding behind a computer screen typing nasty comments? I thought this was about building each other up, not doing the opposite by asking if this is a "real" question. The world already has enough A-holes without you contributing to the problem.
You actually got three very good suggestions in the comment from the person who asked whether it was a real question. Maybe if you didn't get so defensive when people are trying to help you, you might find a solution.
It doesn't sound like you're interested in doing any cooking, and it doesn't seem fair to ask your boyfriend to cook a totally different meal for you because you can't/won't cook for yourself (of course, that's up to him--maybe he enjoys cooking and doesn't mind), so the best solution would seem to be eating less of whatever he eats when you eat at home, and making better choices when you eat at restaurants.
Look up menus and nutrition, if available on online for the restaurants, before you go. Also, you can always ask for a to-go box and pack half of your meal to eat for lunch the next day.
At home, you can also have different proportions of the various dishes (more veggies and lean protein, and only a small amount of any high-calorie side, while the high-calorie side takes up a much larger part of his plate. And he can bulk up his calories with snacks and desserts, which you don't have to join him in.2 -
mnbell2013 wrote: »My apologies if this topic has already been discussed to death, but I could use some advice. My boyfriend's dietary needs are polar opposite of mine, and it has made it nearly impossible for me to stay on track. I have around 40lbs to lose (the same 40 I gained after moving in with him last year). He, on the other hand, is 5'10" and around 130lbs. He needs to consume as many calories as he can, while I need to make cutbacks. We both work, I go to college part time, excuses excuses etc. Does anyone have any suggestions for recipes we can make that will help both of us? I hate to cook, so that's a task which has (unfairly) fallen on him. We eat out at least 5 nights a week, and this is definitely a habit we need to break.
Suggestions?
You say you hate to cook. What did you eat before you moved in together? 40 sounds like a lot to gain in one year if you're only change was moving in with somebody. Were you at all underweight to begin with? Or are there any of your old habits that you can revert to in order to start chipping away at this 40 pounds?
Ok I'm back, I just read your profile. It sounds like you completely changed your life to conform to him (unless I'm misreading something). So, I would still like to know- are your old habits an option (doing whatever you did in the past for breakfast and lunch and working out) and then coming to some type of compromise on dinner? From reading your profile, it looks like even taking control of breakfast and lunch and exercising portion control at any type of dinner that you eat together would move the needle in the right direction. For me personally, lots of times my husband and I eat exactly the same thing, but he gets 2-3 times as many carbs, 2 times as much protein, and 1/2 the vegetables/salad that I eat. That's how we work it out- best of luck! It looks like you've done this once, and you can do it again! You have less to lose this time.4 -
You have one serving, he goes back for seconds?1
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lynn_glenmont wrote: »mnbell2013 wrote: »Thank you to everyone who actually contributed to this conversation. For everyone else, do you gain something by hiding behind a computer screen typing nasty comments? I thought this was about building each other up, not doing the opposite by asking if this is a "real" question. The world already has enough A-holes without you contributing to the problem.
You actually got three very good suggestions in the comment from the person who asked whether it was a real question. Maybe if you didn't get so defensive when people are trying to help you, you might find a solution.
It doesn't sound like you're interested in doing any cooking, and it doesn't seem fair to ask your boyfriend to cook a totally different meal for you because you can't/won't cook for yourself (of course, that's up to him--maybe he enjoys cooking and doesn't mind), so the best solution would seem to be eating less of whatever he eats when you eat at home, and making better choices when you eat at restaurants.
Look up menus and nutrition, if available on online for the restaurants, before you go. Also, you can always ask for a to-go box and pack half of your meal to eat for lunch the next day.
At home, you can also have different proportions of the various dishes (more veggies and lean protein, and only a small amount of any high-calorie side, while the high-calorie side takes up a much larger part of his plate. And he can bulk up his calories with snacks and desserts, which you don't have to join him in.
I don't recall stating that I expect him to cook a different meal for me. And maybe I'm wrong, but asking whether my question was "real" hardly seems helpful. Call me defensive, but I could've done without that.1 -
I'm in the same boat. It's not as easy as many people on here act. I know your problem because he consumes an enormous amount of calories and junk food and he never gains weight! So all of these foods are in the house and I have to try to ignore them. It's really hard. Until I started this app I was consuming an immense amount of calories with him. Now that I'm aware it helps me. I do the majority of the grocery shopping and if I didn't come home with snacks he would hate it so I buy snacks that aren't tempting to me but that he likes. He also eats a lot late at night so I just give myself a cut off time and don't join him in the late night binges. At first it was hard but now I don't want to late at night because I have goals I want to achieve. Sometimes I'm envious that he can eat anything but I remind myself how good I will look if I don't. My father also has health issues and it is a good daily reminder for me to eat healthy and workout because life is short. Good luck with your journey. : )2
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ahley123456 wrote: »I'm in the same boat. It's not as easy as many people on here act. I know your problem because he consumes an enormous amount of calories and junk food and he never gains weight! So all of these foods are in the house and I have to try to ignore them. It's really hard. Until I started this app I was consuming an immense amount of calories with him. Now that I'm aware it helps me. I do the majority of the grocery shopping and if I didn't come home with snacks he would hate it so I buy snacks that aren't tempting to me but that he likes. He also eats a lot late at night so I just give myself a cut off time and don't join him in the late night binges. At first it was hard but now I don't want to late at night because I have goals I want to achieve. Sometimes I'm envious that he can eat anything but I remind myself how good I will look if I don't. My father also has health issues and it is a good daily reminder for me to eat healthy and workout because life is short. Good luck with your journey. : )
Meal timing is irrelevant. Why not save some calories so you can have a snack with your mate?0 -
Similar situation with me. I do most of the cooking so I usually just double up his portions and steam veggies or side salad for myself. Like tonight I made homemade beef noodle and fries. He had a double portion with fries. I had my portion plus a baby spinach salad.
Like one of the other posters, he also has a stash of snacks for in between meals, like donuts and cereal (he like dry cereals for snacks).0 -
People can be seriously rude on here... Ignore them...
Meal prepping is a good idea.
Can u make a menu for the week then shop for it every Sunday... ?
In this situation I think planning could be really helpful.
When you have time you could try to cook simple things you enjoy...
For example you could buy fat free stuff etc. and his could be full fat.
If he's cooking you could eat what he cooks and log it and pay attention to portion sizes.
Also, keep healthy snack on hand and available;
Fat free cottage cheese
Apple slices
String cheese
Boiled eggs
Baby carrots
Snap peas
Low fat popcorn
Etc.
So you're not starving.1 -
A lot of people live with others who are a different age, height, weight, gender and activity level. We need different amounts based on all of that and our goals. A bigger or more active person needs more calories. A child needs different calories than a 30 year old.
The best advice I have is you both take resposibility for yourselves because you are adults. Are you sharing every meal together? Probably not. This isn't that big of a deal to each make your own choices.
If you eat out look up nutritional info and make better choices.
Put more vegetables on your plate. Take smaller portions of higher calorie stuff. Log everything. Stick to your own calorie goal.
He should eat more calorie dense foods or take larger portions. Log everything. He should stick to his own calorie goal.
Here are some foods he can add to his day-> http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10142490/a-list-of-calorie-dense-foods/p1 You should limit or moderate your consumption of those foods.0 -
In addition to portion size, the same thing can be made low and high calorie with only small modifications. Popcorn: butter on his salt on yours
Mashed potatoes: extra gravy for him
Pizza: sprinkle less cheese on the portion you plan to eat and extra cheese on the rest
Fried chicken: he eats the skin and you peel it off or only eat some of it
Salad: hold the dressing, then each of you could add as much or as little dressing (or even a different dressing) to your portions and he sprinkles some nuts on his
Pancakes: butter for him berries for you
Grilled chicken: he gets the thigh you get the breast
Yogurt: you get reduced fat he gets full fat (or adds sour cream to his, trust me it tastes amazing)
Sandwich: yours is open face with mustard instead of mayo and his is not, with extra mayo and cheese
...etc.
Not saying you can't eat thighs, gravy or skin, it's just sometimes we make certain choices where the calories feel more valuable elsewhere, wherever you deem them valuable.
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You eat less than him. Period.
He gets rice with his stir fry, you get whatever amount fits in your calorie goal (even if it's none!)
He gets a footlong, you get a 6 inch. Etc etc etc.
Learn to cook basic things! Just think a protein, a vegetable side, and a starch. Not everything has to be a complicated recipe. Weekly I just throw some chicken thighs and asparagus on the grill. No mixing or measuring (besides the raw chicken weight of course ) 1 -
Eat the same foods. Eat as many calories to put you in a deficit. He eats as much to put him in a surplus.
Win/win
This works for at home and for eating out!0 -
My husband is 6' and maaaaybe 143, so I understand. I give him more food, bread/rice/pasta, and I eat more vegetables and skip/limit the high cal carbs bc they don't fill me up.
I also structure my eating to have more calories available for dinner, so that makes it easier. I keep yogurt (Noosa...yum!) for evening snacks while he eats cookies or ice cream.0 -
ahley123456 wrote: »I'm in the same boat. It's not as easy as many people on here act. I know your problem because he consumes an enormous amount of calories and junk food and he never gains weight! So all of these foods are in the house and I have to try to ignore them. It's really hard. Until I started this app I was consuming an immense amount of calories with him. Now that I'm aware it helps me. I do the majority of the grocery shopping and if I didn't come home with snacks he would hate it so I buy snacks that aren't tempting to me but that he likes. He also eats a lot late at night so I just give myself a cut off time and don't join him in the late night binges. At first it was hard but now I don't want to late at night because I have goals I want to achieve. Sometimes I'm envious that he can eat anything but I remind myself how good I will look if I don't. My father also has health issues and it is a good daily reminder for me to eat healthy and workout because life is short. Good luck with your journey. : )
The information IS simple, CI<CO. Eat less, move more. The mental part is hard. OP was asking what to eat, so that part is simple. If she were asking about the mental aspect, it would be a completely different discussion.
OP, please don't get hung up on a few comments. Ignore them and search for the gems. Unfortunately, that's one of the pitfalls of an open, public, discussion forum.3 -
as pretty much everyone else said just eat less. My husband is a pro athlete and good lord that guy can eat. (i could probbaly eat more then him but i clearly dont burn like he does) he wants chicken alfredo i weigh my stuff out and eat less... he wants pot roast and mashed potatoes i weight my portion out. its so simple.0
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Is your problem not getting satiated or not liking the same foods? Everyone who says "order something different when you go out" is pretty much on point as far as that goes, but for the at-home stuff, there's plenty of ways for him to dress up a meal to add calories, and for you to dress it down to reduce them. Prepare a base meal of protein and vegetables, for instance, and while he can afford to add a fatty sauce, you cannot. Or he can add a dessert or second (even third) helpings while you need to replace those with leafy greens or the like.0
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