Is my gf too underweight?
Replies
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darrensurrey wrote: »darrensurrey wrote: »darrensurrey wrote: »What do I think? Be honest with her even if the subject is her weight. It's the only way to have a healthy relationship. Also, while she's on the thinner side of healthy she's not unhealthy based on those stats. How old is she? I know I personally didn't fill out more until I was in my mid 20s.
In her 40s.
you're kidding right?
she's 40 years old- she doesn't need her boyfriend telling her what to do or what to look like unless she's got a serious eating problem- and you already mentioned she eats and does yoga so she spends some attention on the things that matter- so I'd say this falls squarely into "not your problem".
As I say, she mentioned it to me today. I'm just putting together ideas. And if it's her "problem", then it's my problem.
"Acknowledging" that she needs to gain weight and "knowing" that she needs to eat more doesn't sound to me like she mentioned it to you today. Especially since in the back of your mind you think she looks a little unhealthy. If you told her she looks unhealthy then I can see her saying that she knows she needs to gain weight. I just know from living with someone who actually needs to gain weight that it is just as hard, sometimes harder than losing weight and she doesn't need you telling her how unhealthy she looks. She is thin, but not at all underweight and she is an adult. You might think that she would look better with a little more padding, but it's not your call. Leave her alone.
Well, she did say it to me. This morning.
I believe she said that to you. I am just skeptical about whether she mentioned it to you, or you told her she looked unhealthy and then she admitted that she needs to eat more in response to your complaints about her weight. I could be wrong. I hope I am wrong. I just know that my daughter has dealt with a lot of people making ugly comments to her about her weight and it isn't any easier to have someone telling you that you are too thin than it is for them to say you are too fat. But for some reason people seem to think that it is ok to tell someone they need to gain weight. Your girlfriend is not underweight at all. But your post asks us if we think based on her stats that she is too underweight. That tells me that you do think she is underweight. And that makes me think that you have a problem with her weight, not her. She is a healthy weight. Whether you find her physically appealing or not is a different question.0 -
darrensurrey wrote: »darrensurrey wrote: »darrensurrey wrote: »What do I think? Be honest with her even if the subject is her weight. It's the only way to have a healthy relationship. Also, while she's on the thinner side of healthy she's not unhealthy based on those stats. How old is she? I know I personally didn't fill out more until I was in my mid 20s.
In her 40s.
you're kidding right?
she's 40 years old- she doesn't need her boyfriend telling her what to do or what to look like unless she's got a serious eating problem- and you already mentioned she eats and does yoga so she spends some attention on the things that matter- so I'd say this falls squarely into "not your problem".
As I say, she mentioned it to me today. I'm just putting together ideas. And if it's her "problem", then it's my problem.
"Acknowledging" that she needs to gain weight and "knowing" that she needs to eat more doesn't sound to me like she mentioned it to you today. Especially since in the back of your mind you think she looks a little unhealthy. If you told her she looks unhealthy then I can see her saying that she knows she needs to gain weight. I just know from living with someone who actually needs to gain weight that it is just as hard, sometimes harder than losing weight and she doesn't need you telling her how unhealthy she looks. She is thin, but not at all underweight and she is an adult. You might think that she would look better with a little more padding, but it's not your call. Leave her alone.
Well, she did say it to me. This morning.
I believe she said that to you. I am just skeptical about whether she mentioned it to you, or you told her she looked unhealthy and then she admitted that she needs to eat more in response to your complaints about her weight. I could be wrong. I hope I am wrong. I just know that my daughter has dealt with a lot of people making ugly comments to her about her weight and it isn't any easier to have someone telling you that you are too thin than it is for them to say you are too fat. But for some reason people seem to think that it is ok to tell someone they need to gain weight. Your girlfriend is not underweight at all. But your post asks us if we think based on her stats that she is too underweight. That tells me that you do think she is underweight. And that makes me think that you have a problem with her weight, not her. She is a healthy weight. Whether you find her physically appealing or not is a different question.
Crikey.
She told me she thought she needed to put on weight when looking at her ribs in the mirror.
I can see now why my post bothers you, though, so thanks for clarifying.
FWIW
1) If she stayed the same weight/size/fat levels, I'd think she's amazing.
2) If she put on a stone of fat, I'd think she's amazing.
3) If she put on a stone of muscle, I'd think she's amazing.
Does this help?3 -
darrensurrey wrote: »darrensurrey wrote: »darrensurrey wrote: »darrensurrey wrote: »What do I think? Be honest with her even if the subject is her weight. It's the only way to have a healthy relationship. Also, while she's on the thinner side of healthy she's not unhealthy based on those stats. How old is she? I know I personally didn't fill out more until I was in my mid 20s.
In her 40s.
you're kidding right?
she's 40 years old- she doesn't need her boyfriend telling her what to do or what to look like unless she's got a serious eating problem- and you already mentioned she eats and does yoga so she spends some attention on the things that matter- so I'd say this falls squarely into "not your problem".
As I say, she mentioned it to me today. I'm just putting together ideas. And if it's her "problem", then it's my problem.
"Acknowledging" that she needs to gain weight and "knowing" that she needs to eat more doesn't sound to me like she mentioned it to you today. Especially since in the back of your mind you think she looks a little unhealthy. If you told her she looks unhealthy then I can see her saying that she knows she needs to gain weight. I just know from living with someone who actually needs to gain weight that it is just as hard, sometimes harder than losing weight and she doesn't need you telling her how unhealthy she looks. She is thin, but not at all underweight and she is an adult. You might think that she would look better with a little more padding, but it's not your call. Leave her alone.
Well, she did say it to me. This morning.
I believe she said that to you. I am just skeptical about whether she mentioned it to you, or you told her she looked unhealthy and then she admitted that she needs to eat more in response to your complaints about her weight. I could be wrong. I hope I am wrong. I just know that my daughter has dealt with a lot of people making ugly comments to her about her weight and it isn't any easier to have someone telling you that you are too thin than it is for them to say you are too fat. But for some reason people seem to think that it is ok to tell someone they need to gain weight. Your girlfriend is not underweight at all. But your post asks us if we think based on her stats that she is too underweight. That tells me that you do think she is underweight. And that makes me think that you have a problem with her weight, not her. She is a healthy weight. Whether you find her physically appealing or not is a different question.
Crikey.
She told me she thought she needed to put on weight when looking at her ribs in the mirror.
I can see now why my post bothers you, though, so thanks for clarifying.
FWIW
1) If she stayed the same weight/size/fat levels, I'd think she's amazing.
2) If she put on a stone of fat, I'd think she's amazing.
3) If she put on a stone of muscle, I'd think she's amazing.
Does this help?
That actually does help. I did admit that I could be wrong. And I am sensitive about it because I know that it can be just as hurtful when people make comments about your weight if you are underweight as it is if you are overweight. If she thinks she needs to gain weight she certainly has room to gain, but she is not technically underweight.1 -
I don't think you are trying to change her OP, I think you are a caring boyfriend. I got down to 64kgs over a year ago, and my husband stiiiiill brings it up. He literally made me promise never,ever to get down to that weight again.
I also have a very embarrassing admission to make... Years ago a doctor measured my height and I was told I was 5"8. Well had another general checkup yesterday and got measured again, and i'm 172cm which equals 5"6. Either the first doctor was wrong, or I've shrunk!
SO your gf and I are the same height. To put it into perspective, back in the late 90's I led a very unhealthy lifestyle and was pretty sick, I got down to 58kgs and my family was ready to ship me off to the anorexia clinic.1 -
@christine_72. How long ago were you told you were 5'8"? You could have shrunk some, but 2 inches is a lot. Have you had your bone density checked?0
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@christine_72. How long ago were you told you were 5'8"? You could have shrunk some, but 2 inches is a lot. Have you had your bone density checked?
It was years and years ago @kgirlhart . I'm thinking the doctor had his conversions wrong, and I never had cause to check it.
I've always been slightly taller than my sister, and that hasn't changed in all these years. No, I've never had my bone density checked.1 -
That's good @christine_72. He probably was wrong. I've shrunk 1/4" since my high school days but 2 inches would be a lot.0
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172 cm is 5'8 (5'7.7 exactly) NOT 5'6 0
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miskaflower wrote: »172 cm is 5'8 NOT 5'6
What the what what?? I just went on a conversion calculator, and it said 172cm is 5"6. Omg what is going on here lol
OP so sorry, don't want to derail your thread!0 -
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http://www.csgnetwork.com/csgcvtcmeters2ftincalc.html - conversion calculator0
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5.6 foot is different than 5'feet 6'' inches0
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miskaflower wrote: »http://www.csgnetwork.com/csgcvtcmeters2ftincalc.html - conversion calculator
Ok, I shall now go crawl under my rock :blushing: Carry on people 3 -
haha it is confusing I have to admit 1
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miskaflower wrote: »haha it is confusing I have to admit
That's the long and the short of it!1 -
darrensurrey wrote: »darrensurrey wrote: »darrensurrey wrote: »darrensurrey wrote: »What do I think? Be honest with her even if the subject is her weight. It's the only way to have a healthy relationship. Also, while she's on the thinner side of healthy she's not unhealthy based on those stats. How old is she? I know I personally didn't fill out more until I was in my mid 20s.
In her 40s.
you're kidding right?
she's 40 years old- she doesn't need her boyfriend telling her what to do or what to look like unless she's got a serious eating problem- and you already mentioned she eats and does yoga so she spends some attention on the things that matter- so I'd say this falls squarely into "not your problem".
As I say, she mentioned it to me today. I'm just putting together ideas. And if it's her "problem", then it's my problem.
"Acknowledging" that she needs to gain weight and "knowing" that she needs to eat more doesn't sound to me like she mentioned it to you today. Especially since in the back of your mind you think she looks a little unhealthy. If you told her she looks unhealthy then I can see her saying that she knows she needs to gain weight. I just know from living with someone who actually needs to gain weight that it is just as hard, sometimes harder than losing weight and she doesn't need you telling her how unhealthy she looks. She is thin, but not at all underweight and she is an adult. You might think that she would look better with a little more padding, but it's not your call. Leave her alone.
Well, she did say it to me. This morning.
I believe she said that to you. I am just skeptical about whether she mentioned it to you, or you told her she looked unhealthy and then she admitted that she needs to eat more in response to your complaints about her weight. I could be wrong. I hope I am wrong. I just know that my daughter has dealt with a lot of people making ugly comments to her about her weight and it isn't any easier to have someone telling you that you are too thin than it is for them to say you are too fat. But for some reason people seem to think that it is ok to tell someone they need to gain weight. Your girlfriend is not underweight at all. But your post asks us if we think based on her stats that she is too underweight. That tells me that you do think she is underweight. And that makes me think that you have a problem with her weight, not her. She is a healthy weight. Whether you find her physically appealing or not is a different question.
Crikey.
She told me she thought she needed to put on weight when looking at her ribs in the mirror.
I can see now why my post bothers you, though, so thanks for clarifying.
FWIW
1) If she stayed the same weight/size/fat levels, I'd think she's amazing.
2) If she put on a stone of fat, I'd think she's amazing.
3) If she put on a stone of muscle, I'd think she's amazing.
Does this help?
That actually does help. I did admit that I could be wrong. And I am sensitive about it because I know that it can be just as hurtful when people make comments about your weight if you are underweight as it is if you are overweight. If she thinks she needs to gain weight she certainly has room to gain, but she is not technically underweight.
I hear you - shaming someone at any weight is wrong. It does seem to be acceptable to shame someone who is underweight, sadly.1 -
darrensurrey wrote: »
Crikey.
She told me she thought she needed to put on weight when looking at her ribs in the mirror.
I can see now why my post bothers you, though, so thanks for clarifying.
FWIW
1) If she stayed the same weight/size/fat levels, I'd think she's amazing.
2) If she put on a stone of fat, I'd think she's amazing.
3) If she put on a stone of muscle, I'd think she's amazing.
Does this help?
yes, THANK YOU!
1
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