A Fat, Ugly Bride-to-be

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  • KristaPerseveres
    KristaPerseveres Posts: 87 Member
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    Girl, you are gorgeous. Just remember what you tell yourself, your conscious and subconcious ultimately believes. Stop the negative self-talk, you are awesome, you are beautiful, you are amazing!! Your fiancee chose you out of all the girls in the world. He sees your beauty inside and out. The above posters are correct, start working on loving yourself, and accepting yourself as you are. Your body is a pretty amazing thing, it's time to love it, nourish it, and accept it. No one is perfect, not even the models you see in magazines. You are gorgeous, and it's time you start telling yourself that every flipping single day!! Congratulations!!!!!!!
  • cherrypeach1
    cherrypeach1 Posts: 30 Member
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    aylajane wrote: »
    I used to really berate myself like that... But think about it slightly different... How do you feel about your fiance? Is he ugly? fat? old? If one of your friends talked about him like that or called him stupid or an idiot, would you not "correct" her immediately - or would she still be your friend at all? So.... given that it is doubtful you would stand for someone to talk badly about someone you love, would you put up with it if it were your fiance talking about himself that way? If he constantly talked about how fat, ugly, stupid, old he was? How would you feel knowing that you were with someone fat/old/ugly/stupid? What if he asked you all the time "how can you be with someone so fat/old/ugly/stupid? you could do better. why are you settling for me?!" If you wouldnt let someone else talk that way about him - someone you love, why would you put up with it just because it was him saying it?

    So... everytime you call yourself names like that, and talk bad about yourself, you are insulting a person your fiance loves - why should he put up with that from you? I bet he wouldnt if any of his friends said those things about you. Why would you constantly shove in his face that he could do better than you?

    Its hard to turn off those thoughts about yourself, but for heavens sake dont say them out load while you are working on getting control of them. You are inviting issues that dont exist for him, and for yourself. Talk about yourself the way you would talk about your best friend - be honest, but KIND especially when giving criticism. And remember, you are talking about someone that other people love - they shouldnt have to hear that.

    All of this is just AWESOME...and helps me look at things from a whole different perspective. Thank you for this post. :smile:
  • tryett
    tryett Posts: 530 Member
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    When are you getting married? When are you planning on buying the dress and having it fitted?
  • cherrypeach1
    cherrypeach1 Posts: 30 Member
    edited June 2016
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    tryett wrote: »
    When are you getting married? When are you planning on buying the dress and having it fitted?

    We just got engaged last week. No date has been set...but we're thinking March or April of 2017. Not sure where the dress buying/fitting will fall on the timeline.
  • nancybuss
    nancybuss Posts: 1,461 Member
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    CONGRATULATIONS on your Engagement!
    You are Beautiful! Add some personal development to your list because girl, the negative hurts. you're Beautiful, you're as young as you will ever be, you're at a great point in your life. ENJOY! Don't look back and hate where you are!

    you have great goals and that is AWESOME. Also LIVE TODAY! You're a brand new Bride to Be! Embrace the LOVE! Obviously your fiance loves you for who you are.

    Congrats!! :)
  • OfficiallySexyVal
    OfficiallySexyVal Posts: 492 Member
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    All I can say is that when I got married last year I was 5 months pregnant and a size 22 I am 6'0 tall and my gown looked amazing on me! I didn't look like I was pregnant or fat at all. There is a perfect wedding dress for everyone, there are different cuts and designs that can flatter any body type you just have to find it. As far as feeling ugly, I can't help you with the way you feel about your appearance but I will say finding the right makeup artist for your wedding can also help in making you feel beautiful as well. Good luck with everything.
  • StacyChrz
    StacyChrz Posts: 865 Member
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    Congratulations on your engagement! I got married last year at 39 years old in a size 18 wedding dress. I look at the pictures now and yes, there are a few physical 'flaws' that I see in myself, but I focus on how happy we were on that day. And how happy we are every day since. You have a wonderful man who loves you just the way you are. Talk to him about how you're feeling, it might be helpful to see yourself from his perspective. Clearly he thinks you're beautiful and desirable and worthwhile. I know that it helps me to have my husband tell me how much he loves me and has loved me at every weight.
  • canadianvampyregurl
    canadianvampyregurl Posts: 231 Member
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    emdeesea wrote: »
    I don't mean this to sound the way it's going to come out and I absolutely applaud your goals, however... getting married is supposed to be about celebrating the beginning of your life with the person you love, and you're worried about looking fat in a dress.

    Okay... so put off the wedding for a year or so and work on losing weight and getting fit so you'll look hot in the photos.

    I'm sorry, I just don't really get the fervor that some people put into the wedding. It's only one day. This is the rest of your life with that special person you love.

    So yeah.. now everyone can flame me lol! :) Just my humble opinion.

    ^^^What she said !!!

    I got married last year to the absolute love of my life !!! I was a curvier bride...had a custom made strapless dress in black & purple and I have never felt more sexy than I did on my wedding day.

    emdeesea - you are SO right !!!! The wedding is about your life with the one you love. I don't get spending thousands of dollars on food, open bar etc etc. To me, that is just about impressing other people. How about impressing yourself? That should count for something. You are right again in saying it's only 1 day. You do all this planning and spend absurd amounts of money for a day that passes by in the blink of an eye.

    My husband and I had 13 people at our wedding and that's including ourselves. We got married amongst the mountains and had a beautiful day. We went to a lovely restaurant, had a great supper then headed back to the hotel room where we shared champagne with everyone and had some laughs and made some memories.

    cherrypeach1 - your post really concerns me. You have some great goals but to call yourself a cow wrapped up in lace is appalling to me. You are better than that. How do you think your fiancé feels when you talk about yourself that way? Perhaps set a wedding date for just over a year, work on your goals, maybe talk to a professional about how you feel and more importantly WHY you feel this way about yourself.

    I wish you all the very best with your wedding plans, your future with the man who loves you and overall, I wish you the best with you
  • cherrypeach1
    cherrypeach1 Posts: 30 Member
    edited June 2016
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    BeYouTiful94 wrote: »
    Well, first, congrats on your engagement!!

    Second, you've set out some great goals!

    Third, it all comes from within, and right now, your within is holding you back. We could all tell you that you are NOT old, you are NOT fat, and you ARE beautiful. However, you wouldn't believe it because you've set it in your mind that you are the opposite. My best suggestion here is to buy a journal, and every day write something positive about yourself and your day. And everyday, stand and look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are beautiful. You might start off just begrudgingly thinking it. Then you'll happily think it. Then you'll say it aloud but feel awkward. Then you'll say it aloud and smile. Then you'll actually believe it and scream it in the mirror, make a song of it, dance a little. I used to feel badly about myself, and those were my mother's suggestion to me. I found them immensely helpful

    This is good stuff...I'll definitely give it a try. Thank you! :smile:
  • tryett
    tryett Posts: 530 Member
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    cherrypeach1 wrote: »
    tryett wrote: »
    When are you getting married? When are you planning on buying the dress and having it fitted?

    We just got engaged last week. No date has been set...but we're thinking March or April of 2017. Not sure where the dress buying/fitting will fall on the timeline.

    Just making sure your timeline is realistic with your weight loss goals. Oh and congratulations. I do agree with other posters that your views are somewhat distorted. You should try to see yourself the way your fiancé sees you.
  • tlflag1620
    tlflag1620 Posts: 1,358 Member
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    First - would you ever talk about one of your friends the way you are talking about yourself here? I doubt it! You are not "old" (35 isn't old, I know, I am 35, lol). You aren't ugly (your profile pic is proof enough of that!). And while you may not be happy with your size, I wouldn't even count 5'10" and a size 14 as particularly "fat" (I'm 5'7" and was a 14/16 for a long time - what I wouldn't have given for those three extra inches!). I got married at 25 and was heavier than I am now!

    I think your goals are sound. The title of your post made me sad - you are getting ready to start a new and exciting chapter of your life. You are in love! Allow yourself to be happy! Nothing wrong with trying to get healthier, but I'll tell you from experience - I don't "feel" any different at a size 6/8 than I did when I was bigger. Losing weight won't fix self esteem issues. Focus on your first two goals primarily. Even "old, fat, and ugly" people are deserving of respect, kindness, and compassion. Whether you meet your goals in time for your wedding or not, you need to start treating yourself at least as well as you'd treat anyone else!
  • kwitherspoon19
    kwitherspoon19 Posts: 68 Member
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    cherrypeach1 wrote: »
    tryett wrote: »
    When are you getting married? When are you planning on buying the dress and having it fitted?

    We just got engaged last week. No date has been set...but we're thinking March or April of 2017. Not sure where the dress buying/fitting will fall on the timeline.

    You have plenty of time to comfortably shed the 30 lbs. If you would like a friend or accountability buddy along the way you are welcome to add me! :)
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,134 Member
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    cherrypeach1 wrote: »
    tryett wrote: »
    When are you getting married? When are you planning on buying the dress and having it fitted?

    We just got engaged last week. No date has been set...but we're thinking March or April of 2017. Not sure where the dress buying/fitting will fall on the timeline.

    Stay with your goals now and order a a gown that fits you now (it can be taken in much, much easier than let out). Don't be like other brides-to-be, posting about how to lose 2 dress sizes in a month because they ordered a gown too small.

    I don't think you wanting to look thinner/prettier for your wedding is bad. Remember to be patient with your weight loss and stick with the program(s).
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  • dimple_gal
    dimple_gal Posts: 138 Member
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    Congratulations on the engagement! Can I recommend adding to your list?

    Get/stay healthy for a long and happy life with your husband!

    If you focus more on the health aspects of working out, eating better, making LIFELONG changes, etc. several things happen. You will feel better about yourself and more importantly, you will be less likely to give it up once you reach your goal (weight, wedding date, size, etc.). I wish I had started working out and eating better when I was 35, but I am so glad I am taking care of myself now. When you are 70 and can dance circles around those so-called friends, you will look back and realize those feelings of inadequacy were wrong, but at least they propelled you to get healthy!

    You are awesome! You got this!

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