poor body image (jealous over smaller/petite/more delicate women), hard to keep motivated

PrincessTinyheart · June 2016

I'm 44 and feel like a huge moose. I'm 5‘11", reasonably fit/curvy ( i'm working on losing weight - I exercise fairly regularly and try to eat well). The problem is I'm one of those "big" girls who will always be big - broad shoulders, wide hips, big chest, just overall gargantuan in general. I look like an lumbering, awkward Amazon compared to other women, especially in my belly dance class. You would think that I would have learned to deal with it by now since I have had this build all my life, even when I was at my thinnest. I wish I could be satisfied with this aspect of my life and move on, but I still find myself wishing I were one of those feminine delicate ladies and that I was never meant to look like this.

(I could go on and on about the negative crap disguised as "realistic helpful advice" from my family, but I won't... it's mostly just hearing things like "little petite girls will always have the advantage so just learn to accept it"... yeah, mental poison to be sure, but it sticks with you)

All that to say, at times I find myself looking at myself and thinking "is losing weight really going to be worth it, if I still have these body image issues?". Has anyone else ever dealt with this? It makes it hard to stick to your weight loss efforts when you know that even when you are at your thinnest you're still not going to be happy with the cards you have been dealt.

suzyjane1972 · June 2016

I would honestly look into therapy....its not conducive to live your life sad.

WBB55 · June 2016

I'm really glad I got involved with roller derby. All kinds of sizes and body types of women there, and they're all beautiful and fit and essential to the team's success. I never appreciated my body until I saw it do things I never thought it could and/or things "thin" women couldn't do, for the most part.

Embrace your own unique body's advantages. No one thinks you look like an awkward Amazon, and if they do, they're horrible people and you should ignore their opinion.

jgnatca · June 2016

My granddaughter is the same body type as you. I want her to feel beautiful and graceful for all her long life, and brilliant besides. Could you be a model for her how big, beautiful women can accomplish much in this world? I want to believe it. I want her to believe it.

This is just a little video clip of her, in the foreground, red mask.

kristen6350 · June 2016

I'm 5'11 myself and at my top weight I felt the same why you did. Now that I've lost 40lbs (193-153) I don't feel that way any more. At almost 200lbs I felt huge, that I stood out in a negative way and found out of place. Now that I've lost the weight, I feel I have the advantage. I feel clothes look better on taller people.

I think if you really put the work in and get to where you like yourself, you'll feel different.

mommazach · June 2016

My darling daughter is 6ft 1in. She's in the best shape of her life, after being over 80lbs overweight 2 years ago. Her little sister is 5ft 1/2in and these two are polar opposites. My amazon loves being tall. She mocks me all the time when I have to ask her to get something off of the top shelf. (I'm 5'3") My Tiny one hates being little. She's my little spitfire and resents being the smallest one in our family so in turn she crawls all over the counter tops instead of asking for help. I think Body image is an issue that everyone has to deal with during their lives, and it doesn't discriminate. One of the hardest things to watch is my oldest girl finding guys tall enough to date. She really wants a man taller than herself. She's not in a hurry, but is not attracted to shorter men. Where I am going with all of this is that each of us has that battle. Regardless of your height. Find things that you can see how beautiful you are in. Then wear it every other day. Don't give in to your defeatist mentality on this one. One of the most beautiful women I know is 6ft. She's stunning and I love that she is so confident in who she is!

Best of luck to you lady. You're journey is your own, but It's always a battle within our own minds first.

mathiseasy · June 2016

First of all, *kitten* your family's "advice" right in the ear. If that's you in your pic, you're gorgeous.
I would also find someone to talk to professionally, they have a really great way of helping you see outside of your own point of view.
I'm also never going to be a petite woman, I'm not as tall as you but I am built sturdily, big hips, wider shoulders, thunder thighs, junk in my trunk. I shifted my thought process from losing weight to look good to losing weight to be healthy. I've also discovered that there are so many different ways to be beautiful and attractive, not just to other people but to myself. That has become my motivation but trust me it was a tough realization to come to as I found myself at my highest weight ever postpartum.
Best wishes and all the hugs.

fitdaisygrrl · June 2016

I think body image for every woman is an issue. My sister in law is quite tall and I know she struggle with this too. And she's 6'2! She's shared her insecurities with me but also laughs about them- just as I laugh about being short.

I have my own issues- I'm 5'5" but am curvy and feel like a giant sometimes next to tiny petite delicate ladies. Or worse, I feel like a rolly-polly hobbit next to tall women. So be rest assured that many others have moments of insecurities based on their height and body structure. Try to keep focused on your weight loss goals and things you can control, and try to embrace that you are an Amazon woman- you can reach things in high cupboards, you have a strength and presence about you and you are beautiful just the way you are!

LuckyNumbers · June 2016

Ah, we all want what we can't have. I always wanted to be tall - I am 4'11". Believe me, us short/petite/delicate girls do not have any special advantage over you tall girls. Frankly, I think the majority of women face the same struggles and we just don't know it.

I went on a girls' trip recently, and my friend who has thick, gorgeous, curly hair was griping about what a mess it was, and all I could do was envy it (straight hair here, of course - beyond any curling iron's help)! You're supermodel height! Own it! Embrace it! Wear high heels! And check out the gorgeous, wonderful Gwendoline Christie: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gwendoline_Christie .

robininfl · June 2016

My best and most favorite belly dance teacher was about 5'10" tall and big curvy, smallish waist proportionally but really big boobs, hips, legs, big hair too.

You would not believe the love she got dancing in the middle east and north africa. She made enough $ dancing to cover all her travel and vacations, it was a legit second job. They loved loved loved her body type, it's the most traditional beautiful body for belly dancing. She was an amazing dancer but would not have gotten as much work had she been skinny or small. Of all the insecurities you might have, being a tall and curvy belly dancer should not be among them.

I grew up as a tall skinny gawky gangly big footed girl among petite delicate ladies who were considered beautiful, my body type was not considered beautiful or sexy, so I do get where you are coming from. I am still built the same, but now models are tall and skinny so there is some cultural backing for this build being sexy, whatever. It helped me but most of the change has to come from within. Your body is yours, it's a good body, it works.

2011rocket3touring · June 2016

suzyjane1972 wrote: »

I would honestly look into therapy....its not conducive to live your life sad.

I second this. When I read "...broad shoulders, wide hips, big chest,...Amazon" my first thought was "Hellllooooo Nurse!" (animaniacs reference)

davidsop · June 2016

I'm so glad I'm not alone I spend every single day of my life thinking worrying about my weight and how I look. I change my hair almost weekly and I compare my size to everyone around me. everyday I spend all day hinking about the next way to get fit lose weight it's been going on for 15 years and it's a miserable way to live

ElizabethOakes2 · June 2016

Little petite girls... always have the advantage? Until it comes to... Reaching stuff on the top shelf of the grocery store *Excuse me, ma'am, I don't know you but can you hand me that peanut butter*, changing our own tires (I bet you've never once had to stand on the lug wrench handle and jump up and down to get the lug nuts loose.), chopping firewood (*Put your muscles behind it, girl!* 'I did...', rearranging the living room, (I need a furniture dolly just to move stuff to vacuum.)
Sure, we might have the 'little petite advantage' of being seen as desirable to others, but when it comes to the real stuff, the important stuff, the stuff that REALLY matters in life? Believe me, you big strong girls will survive the zombie apocalypse, and we'll just be corpses at the door.

Ninkyou · June 2016

I'm on the other end of the spectrum. I'm short (aka petite). I'm 5'2. Now that I've lost 80 lbs and am in the healthy range, I finally see myself (on some days) as one of those petite people you speak of. Other days though I still see myself as the obese blob I remember seeing in the mirror. As a short person, I envy taller women. I'm really annoyed by kitchen cabinets easily. Either I have to take the extra time to pull out a step ladder or I have to call over my husband to get some for me. At the grocery store I have to constantly ask taller shoppers or employees to reach the top shelved items for me. I can't even change light bulbs easily. I hate it. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, but everyday I am perpetually annoyed by these everyday things. The only thing I can do I just accept it and live with it. But take it from one of these supposed petite women, it's really not all that cracked up as you seem to think it is. I do enjoy being thinner (now that I've lost), but I don't think I'll ever enjoy being short. And even petite people aren't all lithe and graceful. My running stride is short, I can't keep up with my husband if we're walking together and I strip alot trying. Definitely not the picture of graceful.

All in all, it's all perspective.

MissDeeDee78 · June 2016

Gurrrrl! You are gorgeous! Try being 5 feet tall with broad hips and shoulders, while your sister is the same height and 1/2 the size. I'm a stacked teapot. lol I bet you have legs to kill for! I want to belly dance, just haven't found the courage to do so but I will. Why bother fitting into the cookie cutter? Be unique, be different, be exotic, be you!

Wicked_Seraph · June 2016

PrincessTinyheart wrote: »

I'm 44 and feel like a huge moose. I'm 5‘11", reasonably fit/curvy ( i'm working on losing weight - I exercise fairly regularly and try to eat well). The problem is I'm one of those "big" girls who will always be big - broad shoulders, wide hips, big chest, just overall gargantuan in general. I look like an lumbering, awkward Amazon compared to other women, especially in my belly dance class. You would think that I would have learned to deal with it by now since I have had this build all my life, even when I was at my thinnest. I wish I could be satisfied with this aspect of my life and move on, but I still find myself wishing I were one of those feminine delicate ladies and that I was never meant to look like this.

(I could go on and on about the negative crap disguised as "realistic helpful advice" from my family, but I won't... it's mostly just hearing things like "little petite girls will always have the advantage so just learn to accept it"... yeah, mental poison to be sure, but it sticks with you)

All that to say, at times I find myself looking at myself and thinking "is losing weight really going to be worth it, if I still have these body image issues?". Has anyone else ever dealt with this? It makes it hard to stick to your weight loss efforts when you know that even when you are at your thinnest you're still not going to be happy with the cards you have been dealt.

I think it's somewhat sad and ironic that we women are ALWAYS unhappy with how we look.

Curly-haired girls envy those with pin-straight locks; girls with straight hair get perms and rollers to try to emulate their curly-haired friends. Small, petite women envy their tall, buxom sisters; tall women with curves use "Amazon" as a pejorative towards themselves and wish they were smaller, thinner, taking up less space.

I've struggled with self-esteem my whole life - I think most of we women have. I grew up wayyyy taller than my peers until about 13/14 years old - then I just stopped growing at 5'4". I had the body of a woman while my peers were still growing into their heights. Then I just sorted ballooned in my early adulthood into something not quite unlike Violet from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

You'll drive yourself mad comparing yourself to others. You might find yourself unsightly and awkward and "undelicate" - I've felt the same way about myself my whole life, like a huge bull in a china shop of thin, graceful women. But I'm sure there are many others who wish they had your height, your curves - perhaps they might envy the "strength" of appearance you consider unfeminine. We're all women, and womanhood is more than "strength" or "fragility" or "delicateness".

_Waffle_ · June 2016

PrincessTinyheart wrote: »

I'm 44 and feel like a huge moose. I'm 5‘11", reasonably fit/curvy ......
[blah blah blah, something else]

sammyliftsandeats · June 2016

The grass is always greener on the other side - but yours can be green too if you water it properly.

Don't compare yourself to others - focus on your strengths.

I used to compare myself to others a lot, and get jealous that I wasn't the skinny minny typical Asian girl that was expected of my culture. But ever since I began to have more faith in myself and focused on my strengths, such as my thick thighs helping me squat and carrying me uphill, it made me realize that I don't want to be them. I want to be me. The best version of me I can be, so that is what I am working on.

Kanyon17 · June 2016

Hi! I totally agree with @WBB55. I'm 5'10 and built a little just like you. I started crossfit 3 years ago and my body image as since improve because I've been exposed to a different type of beauty. Every gym (and society in general but that's a different topic) tries to sell us only one type of body to work toward. In our case, this is impossible because of morphology. But it doesn't mean it's the only one that's beautiful. I now see, on a daily basis, women of all shapes and sizes accomplishing things and being rewarded for doing so. I do not want to skinnyshame anyone but it does feel good to deadlift more than 300lbs when the petite women can't go over 150lbs! But hey, when we get to the pull up bar they can fly on that thing! Back to the point, I do agree a therapy might be part of the answer. To me, crossfit was my first therapy. I'm seeing a real one now haha!

BinaryFu · June 2016

First off, I'm 6'2", 296lbs so understand that there are some people in this world who would still consider you short and petite. Second, there's absolutely nothing wrong with how you look.

I used to bemoan the fact that I was taller and bigger than most guys I knew. Trying to wash up in a sink? Yeah, great fun bending over to do so. Picking anything up from the ground? Sucks! Banging your head on stairway ceilings because they were made for "average" sized people. Not being able to blend into a crowd...

But a buddy of mine who's 5'6" would look at me and say, "Yeah, but you can reach the top shelves. I can't without a ladder. You can find someone else in a crowd...I can tell you who didn't shower today. You can hop a tall fence. If it's over four feet, might as well be a prison wall for me. You stick out and are noticed, me? I'm wallpaper."

And yes, he's a smart *kitten*, but he made a valid point - the perspective is always different on the other side. I'm sure there's tiny petite girls who would complain about how bad it sucks to not be you and how jealous of you they are.

Think about it...there's always a flip side.

tristen_leigh · June 2016

We will always want to look like something/someone else until we truly learn to love ourselves for who we are and what we were born to look like. Our society doesn't help either - telling us what the perfect body type is. There are no magic words anyone can give you to get passed this.

Therapy is a good option. You are you and no one else. Learning to embrace the things that bother you is the only way you will be happy with how you look. Self-love is invaluable. I hope you find that.

poor body image (jealous over smaller/petite/more delicate women), hard to keep motivated

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