poor body image (jealous over smaller/petite/more delicate women), hard to keep motivated

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  • yirara
    yirara Posts: 9,545 Member
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    To give you some perspective: I'm 5'65 and only weigh 125lbs after losing 40lbs. You'd think: hey, cool! I'll be able to wear everything now. Well, I can't as I have very wide shoulders and pelvis. My pelvis bone actually sticks out not only at the front/side, but also at the back! it always looks like I'm wearing some kind of steel underwear, and adding a belt makes things even more ridiculous. My pants size is Eur 40 - I guess that's a US10 simply because I don't get most trousers over my hips and because my legs are too shapely. I only went down one pant size. But you know what? It's something I cannot change, thus I have to live with it. Accept it. And focus more on things that are more important, like having fun in life, enjoying my weekends, having a loved one.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
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    Asher_Ethan wrote: »
    5'9" here and I have a huge bone structure. I was a dancer my whole life and was anyways told my bone structure didn't fit in with ballet. I always wished for a smaller bone structure when i was younger.
    Now that I'm older, I don't mind my freakish big bones. Finding a bra that fits sucks, but it's fun to see people's reactions when I tell them I wear size 11 in pants.

    Ok but looking at your picture I REALLY don't see a large bone structure.
  • LivingtheLeanDream
    LivingtheLeanDream Posts: 13,342 Member
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    We always want what we can't have, I'm only 5ft 2" and I'd love to be much taller, my sis is 5ft 9 and she looks fab. Be happy with what you've been given, be the best version of you that you can be and more than anything, stop looking at others and comparing yourself. Be happy.
  • Heartisalonelyhunter
    Heartisalonelyhunter Posts: 786 Member
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    There is a reason fashion models have to be taller than 5'9. Clothes just look better on tall women. I am 5'9 and often wear 4 inch heels because I would rather look down on people than look up at them!
    Embrace who you are and think of the benefits of being a tall girl. There are many. And think about the way you talk to yourself. If you had a tall friend with big boobs would you call her 'a moose'? No because it would be untrue and unkind. Extend that kindness to your own internal voice. That's the one that matters most.
  • tripple7
    tripple7 Posts: 22 Member
    edited June 2016
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    There's 1000s of people on MFP? All here to either lose/maintain/gain weight. To an extent i would say we are all not happy with our images otherwise we wouldn't be here. It's definitely a common thing & most people like to deny it. But first step to healing is "acceptance & acknowledging the problem" and you've just done that, so well done.
  • ejbronte
    ejbronte Posts: 867 Member
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    When I was growing up, one of the things I wanted to be was a stewardess (yes, this dates me!). I was told I would never be able to be stewardess because I wouldn't be tall enough (in those days, it was true). I couldn't aspire to be a model because of same. To this day, I do, indeed, have to ask people to help me get things: my partner's mail from the top drawer of the file cabinet. The paper clips and binder clips in the top row of the supply bins. And no one's ever in the supply room when I need these things. I say "grrrr" a lot during the day.

    Oh, I watch my co-admin assistant casually reach those heavenly spaces, barely lifting her arm from her nearly 6-feet of height, and sigh with envy. Look how she can rock those maxi-dresses, which are too long for me even in petite sizes! Look at the air of dignity and strength she projects just by standing up! Oh, wow, if only I ...

    Then she tells me how she wishes she could wear the small skirts which I can wear because on me they aren't so short. And she says she'll show me how to rock some high heels when I walk, because she wishes she could wear heels as high as I could. And run down the hall like I can without attracting so much attention.

    But we've both actually come around (at last) to being happy with ourselves the way we are. The imortant thing is that we're both nice people who can work together and enjoy it. The rest is gravy!

    Incidentally, Mary Queen of Scots was almost 6 feet tall - remarkable today, let alone in the sixteenth century! And she was proud of that fact, making the most of it in her dress and 'tude.
  • RandiNoelle
    RandiNoelle Posts: 374 Member
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    Comparing myself to others has always been my downfall. "I've never look like her, even if I lose all this weight, so why bother?" I had to change my entire perspective. I'm not longer trying to emulate someone else, but make strides to better myself day-by-day. I look at who I was at the beginning of the year vs now, it's a completely different person. For that, I'm proud! I can't change my body type but I can make the best of what I have.
  • Zella_11
    Zella_11 Posts: 161 Member
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    Learn to love who you are OP--you are so much more than a weight, height, or body type. <3 You are a unique, beautiful, capable human being on planet earth. You have so much to offer--learn to change your self-talk and mindset--stop wasting your precious time on earth worrying about bodies/body types. Took me awhile to learn how to love and accept myself for exactly who and what I am, but it has made all the difference in my life. Best wishes for health and positive self-image!
  • BreonnaQueen
    BreonnaQueen Posts: 58 Member
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    I'm 5'2 and some would consider me petite.... let me tell you there is nothing grand about being short with the exception of being able to hide in a small areas during hide and seek (and who really plays hide and seek as an adult anymore?!)

    My friend is 5'10. The first time I saw her (and even now), I thought "wow, she's so tall! Shes so Majestic..." Her legs are so long, shes tall and mystique... goddess like.

    I guarantee you that while you think you're some moose (which you are not!) there are people looking at you in awe wishing they had your legs, your arms, your presence and your ability to see over a counter. I hope you are able to see your beauty and not compare it to others... you're awesome as you already are.
  • MarziPanda95
    MarziPanda95 Posts: 1,326 Member
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    I used to feel the same way. I'm 5'7, and have always towered over my female friends as they're all below average height. There was a guy I liked at university, he's about 6'4. We became friends, but he very obviously fancied one of my best friends, who is about 5'2. He told me the type of girl he likes would have long hair (I have short hair because of a medical condition, my hair doesn't grow) be below average height with blue eyes and an average chest (I have brown eyes and large breasts). I felt jealous of my best friend every time he'd tell me his type, because she was it. She didn't like him like that, though. The more me and him hung out, the more we realised we have in common. Now he's my boyfriend and we've been together eight months. He tells me that whilst I'm not his 'ideal type' - it doesn't matter, because I'm me, and that's what he loves. I came to realise that whilst I may not totally like the way I look next to my friends... I like how I look in general, because I know I shouldn't compare myself to other women. I'm me. And that's great!
    For the record, said best friend talks a lot about how she wishes she were taller. I can guarantee there are a lot of women that look at you and feel the same way you do about smaller women. Don't compare yourself to others, just work on being the best version of you that you can be!
  • magicpickles
    magicpickles Posts: 286 Member
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    This post could have been written by me! I am 5'8 and have larger wrists, broad shoulders and no waist.
  • mccokat
    mccokat Posts: 130 Member
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    Hey girl.
    I'm in the exact situation as you, build wise, almost six feet, ridiculous boobs, tiny waist, huge hips and stupidly long legs. My brother called me a mammoth my entire childhood and now that I'm taller than he is he refuses to be in photos with me when I wear heels or if I'm sitting down.
    But for real, this is all your mentality. You can do all those things, maybe you won't be a flyer, but cheerleaders need bases too. I was a competitive diver for years and was as much or more graceful than the other girls. I did horseback riding, ballet, gymnastics, modelling, pageants, and line dancing before deciding school was more my thing. I did all of those traditional delicate pastimes that you covet, and I rocked at them.
    And I've broken toes by missing doorways, so I'm not some magical graceful girl.
    It also took me years to be alright with how I looked. My whole life up until recently, and I still feel as though I don't fit sometimes. But it's my mentality, not my body that's the problem. (Also getting clothes that actually fit helped too, now that I think about it)
    As for guys, the ones that are worth cuddling won't care if they come up to your shoulder. You can feel protected by a guy who's shorter than you if that's what you're into. Women aren't the "weaker sex" though, and you don't need to be protected to be cherished.
    Add me if you ever need a pep talk, because seriously, I love the way I'm built and wouldn't trade it.
  • xtina315
    xtina315 Posts: 218 Member
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    The moment you stop worrying about how everyone else looks, and the moment you accept yourself will be a great day for you
  • magicpickles
    magicpickles Posts: 286 Member
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    I've been watching Third Rock from the Sun, and asides from being hilarious and brilliant(!), it has a woman called Sally Solomon who is an alien (but in human form), who is large but gorgeous. And when I say large, I don't mean fat, but tall and bigger framed. She is 6foot in real life. She is portrayed as being this gorgeous, sex symbol in the show, because, well, she is. Except, she thinks shes hideous (in some of the episodes anyway).

    Everyone has their preferences, some people are probably envious of your height and frame, or think you are beautiful as you are. I feel less attractive because of my height and frame, but that doesn't mean others would change me, given the option.

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  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,867 Member
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    Ironically, the tiny little petite ones likely wish they were not so tiny...at least that is what I've observed in the ladies I know...if they're bigger (even if they're fit and athletic looking) they want to be tiny...the tiny skinny ones wish they looked bigger and more athletic...the ones with curly hair wish they had straight hair and the one's with straight hair are getting perms. It's just too bad that none of them really realize how beautiful they are in their own respective and unique ways.
  • frankiesgirlie
    frankiesgirlie Posts: 668 Member
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    kristen6350 wrote: »
    I'm 5'11 myself and at my top weight I felt the same why you did. Now that I've lost 40lbs (193-153) I don't feel that way any more. At almost 200lbs I felt huge, that I stood out in a negative way and found out of place. Now that I've lost the weight, I feel I have the advantage. I feel clothes look better on taller people.

    I think if you really put the work in and get to where you like yourself, you'll feel different.



    ^^^^^This^^^^

    I totally get what the OP is saying. I am 5' 9" and was 5' 10" when I was younger.
    I didn't like being tall as a child but when I hit high school my tall & thin look started getting me attention. Good attention, like you look like a model attention.
    But the few times my weight has creeped up, I felt "big" instead of tall. Tall is good. Big didn't feel good to me.
    Trust me when I tell you, forget about any crap your family may have mentally fed you growing up. When you lose weight and gain body confidence from exercise, you'll be so glad you are tall.
    Oh, and the big shoulder thing, I get. When I'm thin I like how my shoulders make my waist look tiny, when I'm not thin I feel like a line backer.
    Keep pushing yourself in a healthy way to lose weight and exercise. You'll get there.
  • frankiesgirlie
    frankiesgirlie Posts: 668 Member
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    Oh yeah. Xena. My husband thinks she's hot. Me too!
  • limitles
    limitles Posts: 39 Member
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    I'm 5'5 but I am the literal definition of a pear. I wear a size 2 shirt and a size 12 pants. I have a long torso and short legs. My one thigh is bigger than my waist. I have huge calves and also a very deep voice. I always thought when I got put together, they just used the leftover parts. I have always envied women that have long legs and without cellulite and broken veins. I haven't worn a dress in 10 years because I'm afraid for people to see my legs.

    I started lifting weights, which definitely has helped my body image, but ppl will never stop saying crazy things. I get told that I look like a man all the time because I carry more muscle than most women in my arms and back. I'm working on letting the crazy come from other people and not me. I'm learning to love the good and accept the bad. Everyone has stuff they don't like and I can guarantee that someone is looking at you wishing they had something that you have.

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