My husband is always angry at me

I haven't read the responses, but this is my limited understanding of it. Your husband is doing a good job of meeting his needs as far as his health is concerned. Nothing wrong with that. However, you're not meeting your needs. Your health comes first. You can't function well in any other facet if you don't make you a priority. That is no ones responsibility but your own.

You're going to have to find a way to make the changes happen. You said you do everything. It's time things are deligated so you can meet your health needs.

First off, the good news is that weight loss doesn't require exercise, so even if nothing changes and you can't get to the gym, you can still lose weight. Enter your stats in MFP, at your weight you could probably start with 2 lbs per week loss, but 1.5 lbs per week might be easier to sustain. Making small, incremental changes will make a big difference over time. And the nice thing is that as you drop some of the excess weight you will find you have more energy!

Talk to your husband. Regardless of anything else, the division of labor in your house, as you've described it, is way out of balance and could lead to serious resentment (sounds in some ways like it already has). If you want time for yourself (be that going to the gym, going out with friends, or just popping out for a cup of coffee and some peace and quiet) you deserve that! Marriage is not 50/50 (divorce is 50/50), marriage is 100/100. He should be willing to help out to give you time for what you need. If he's not willing, then you have bigger problems than missing out on Zumba class!

Usually nurses work twelve hour shifts, but only 3-4 days a week. What's your childcare situation like? On your days off, can you find time for the gym? You may only get there a few days a week, but anything is better than nothing. On the days you can't make the gym, can you take walks with your kids? Dance with them? Do a workout video after they've gone to bed?

As bad as things seem from what you wrote, the fact is, you wouldn't have any more time (or help with the housework and kids) as a single parent. Start by focusing on the calories in side of the equation. Then work on your relationship and carve out time for yourself to deal with calories out.

Carlos_421 wrote: »

First question: does he know you feel this way? Or does he just know that you you're always tired but want to lose weight? He may feel as defeated as you do right now (after all, he probably wants you to succeed and be happy as much as you want it yourself) and a calm conversation about it may go a long way to help things.
Second question: does he know how much it would mean to you if he helped around the house?
Third question (TMI ALERT): has the state of defeat and exhaustion taken a toll on your private love life?
Fourth question: have you considered leveraging the subject of the third question to help deliver the proposal of the second question as a means of reaching progress on the dilemma of the first question?

I like this idea!

When I was in a similar situation, my husband really didn't know that I expected xyz from him. Because i wasn't clear about my feelings, he had no idea what was really going on. He just knew I was tired, angry, over whelmed, upset, depressed and didn't know my exact reasons why. He got angry, depressed and frustrated. It helped a lot to sit down and have a talk about what was expected of each other and why. ( This didn't happen with one talk. It took a while)

Op- your situation could be very different then mine though but it still can't hurt to try to talk to him about this. Even if you write a list of your feelings and try to explain each thing on the list( sometimes it's hard to get everything out in the open at once so a list can be helpful)

I am in a similar situation to you. I work full time and have 3 kids. My husband also work full time. I tend to do all the kid stuff. homework, running around, drs . A few years ago I did the lot. Slowly we have progressed to my husband doing some more stuff. It wasnt necessarily a pleasant experience transitioning. He now makes their lunches and takes them to school. But I still get them up, dressed, find the multitude of things they need.

This is partly why my fitness/diet goes in fits and spurts. My husband doesnt consider it a priority so often comes home late when I've planned to squeeze in a run between pick ups but need him home to watch younger kids. I find that I am kinda all or nothing, I need to do it consistently to keep it up missing a workout easily derails the whole thing quickly. But I enjoy the actual exercise so do eventually get back into it.

Last year I took over cooking for 3 months and did the whole food prep thing. But honestly after 3 months of doing the whole lot I was exhausted and a bit resentful of my husbands laziness.

We've talked about the burden of I feel in everyday chores always being left up to me to do. I would much prefer to mow the lawn once a fortnight than wash dishes everynight. But essentially its a issue that isnt likely to resolve as he is rather stuck in his ways. I know what he will clean/help with so I try to do the stuff I know he wont do and leave stuff he will eventually do. I resent that he comes home and chooses to cook or clean only if his in the mood.

We did do the cleaner thing for a bit, it was nice to come home to a clean house though as the floors etc are something my husband would usually do once a fortnight it really releived him of 'his' chores and again he didnt make up the difference in other chores. I found that I was running around in a mad rush picking up toys etc in prep for the cleaner to come so actually added to my stress a bit (we then had issues with the actual cleaner who wouldnt always turn up on designated day etc so some mornings I would have run around picking up to get home to the house in the same state) . It did mean that the house was clean on a regular basis which in turn did help to keep other things running a bit smoother. So if you can afford it I would encourage it as it would impact directly on your workload.

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