My husband is always angry at me



  • misskarne
    misskarne Posts: 1,767 Member
    Um, the guy is an absolute *kitten* by the sounds of things. You need to deal with that first.
  • Wickedfaery73
    Wickedfaery73 Posts: 184 Member
    edited June 2016
    d2othev wrote: »
    I appreciate the responses. I have limited time to socialize, so unless I'm at work, I really have no one to talk to about these feelings. We have talked about these issues before, but it just turns into him being angry at me. Our sex life is good, thankfully lol. I will look into getting a part time housekeeper. That seems to be something that I could do that I had not thought of before this post! And a few people mentioned a food scale. I have never used one, but I will go out and get one of those too.

    My husband will not help with the house work. The rare occasion that he has helped he was soo angry and made me feel so bad that it's just not worth the effort to ask anymore. He would also never agree to counseling. Maybe when I lose this weight I will have tons of energy and none of this will be an issue. God I can't wait for that day to come!

    Your husband sounds exactly like my husband. When it comes to housework and taking care of the kids he refused and acted like a 2 yr old having tantrum if you managed to get him to do anything. I will tell you as someone at farther end of this *kitten*. After 24 yrs I love my husband, but I really hate and resent him too for making me do everything all the time for all these years. I tried for a long time to keep up everything. One day I ran off the road because I fell asleep because I was exhausted. I wasn't hurt, but it woke me up to a degree. I decided that if everything was up to me then I was going to do what I could and the rest be damned. I didn't have the option of a housekeeper so some housework went undone or I made changes to minimize it. I decided the house didnt need to be perfect all the time. If he didn't like it I would tell him I was too tired and that he could help too. He never did. He still doesn't. BTW your kids could possibly grow to resent it too, I know mine did.
  • RoxieDawn
    RoxieDawn Posts: 15,488 Member
    I did not read all the posts.. But my husband works 8 - 5 and if the house work is not done, well we both know that it will still be there tomorrow! As long as the food is prepared, family has clean clothes, kids do their homework, the the vacuuming, moping, cleaning toilets etc.. can wait another day perhaps on a real cleaning "day"..

    If I ask, he will even help me.

    One hour at the gym (perhaps it will take 2 1/2 hours to get ready, drive there exercise and drive back), but in some regards, you should be able to find exercise that invigorates you instead of draining you.

    Perhaps, sitting down to talk about it first with him and tell him your goals. If he knows that losing this weight is important to you, then certainly you two can work 2 to 2 1/2 hours several days a week for you to exercise.

    And, moreover, you do not have to exercise to loose one pound. So you could just work with the MFP deficit and loose with no exercise, or you could squeeze in 10 - 15 or 30 minutes in between your wifely and mother duties..
  • williammuney
    williammuney Posts: 2,895 Member
    If any non angry people would like to talk to another non angry person message me
  • veganbaum
    veganbaum Posts: 1,865 Member
    edited June 2016
    Everyone has pretty much said what I would say.

    I'd also like to ask - what do the children do? Do they have chores? I agree with the person who stated the 16 year old should be doing their own laundry. They should also be responsible for making at least one dinner a week. How do children learn? By watching and doing. I see a lot, I stress - a lot - of older children/young adults who do not have basic life skills because their parents did everything for them. I think it's actually doing a disservice to not help children learn basic life skills that will help them transition into adulthood. If you are not already, you should designate chores to each child, in relation to their age. They can at least clean up toys, make their beds (to the best of their ability), help set the table, put dishes away, do basic things to help with dinner prep, vacuum the living room once a week - things like that. If they don't pick up their toys, put them in a trash bag and hide them until they earn them back. If you are doing these things, then obviously disregard this. If you aren't, your children may grow up to be like your husband - expecting someone else to do everything for them.

    I'd also suggest leaving the cleaning for a few days while you go to the gym. (No, you don't need exercise to lose weight, but if you want to try group classes, you should be able to.) When your husband complains, tell him you are working on being healthier and sometimes that means you have to place time for yourself and your health above some housecleaning duties.

    Maybe you should keep a journal for a couple weeks and write down how you spend your time, then show it to your husband. I don't know if that would be helpful, but if you could actually show him in black and white how you spend the hours of the day, maybe that would help?

    Being a nurse can be difficult - mentally, physically, emotionally. There are several nurses in my family and I've seen it. Losing weight will probably help with your energy, but it's not a fix-all. You have a difficult job and it sounds like a difficult home life. You really need to actively find a way to make it better with division of labor, not a way to try to handle it all by yourself. Good luck.
  • LivingtheLeanDream
    LivingtheLeanDream Posts: 13,345 Member
    Tell your man to lighten up and get off your case! He can do him you do you.

    You should lose weight for YOU, noone else.
  • williammuney
    williammuney Posts: 2,895 Member
    If any non angry people would like to talk to another non angry person message me
    Wow, just.... wow! Not got any advice for the OP? Nope?! But thanks for stopping by this thread and clearly demonstrating your complete lack of comprehension about this situation.

    Go right a ten paragraph response that nobody will read
  • catsdogsh
    catsdogsh Posts: 130 Member
    I'm so sorry that you have to go through that. But you need to tell him the house and kids are as much his responsibility as yours. So he can either switch off with you or both pay for someone helping around the house. That's that, do not settle for less then you deserve because he's selfish. He's not being a good guy by trampling on you.