My husband is always angry at me

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Replies

  • nats2508
    nats2508 Posts: 45 Member
    Just read the update, that's great! I think he can now see how much this means to you xx
  • lexylondon
    lexylondon Posts: 89 Member
    Let the housework go a bit, or let him blooming well do some. I go to the gym an hour a day whilst my partner looks after the kids. He plays sport twice a week. The house could be cleaner, but if I didn't have my time for me at the gym I would be unhappy and an unhappy house is worse than a slightly untidy one.
  • killdontmurder
    killdontmurder Posts: 142 Member
    People before me got it right...you don't have to go to the gym. Being an ER nurse, taking care of kids and a house is a lot of work. While at work, most of us burn a lot of calories, but by eating poorly we throw all of that away. Just my two sense. It's going to get better, you made the right choice by coming here.
  • Derpy_Hooves
    Derpy_Hooves Posts: 234 Member
    edited June 2016
    d2othev wrote: »

    My husband will not help with the house work. The rare occasion that he has helped he was soo angry and made me feel so bad that it's just not worth the effort to ask anymore.

    I'm sorry but that's just ridiculous. What century is he from? This is 2016. You both work fulltime (and you work more than fulltime by the looks of it), so it's normal for both of you to look after the children and the housework.

    To be honest he doesn't sounds like a nice man at all, you have much more reason than he has to be angry. How dare he give out to you for not having a clean house. It's his bloody house too isn't it. It's no wonder you have no energy, with long shifts like that and no support whatsoever from him.

    Edit: only seeing your other post now. Well done lady and well done husband for finally getting your *kitten* in gear!
  • vczK2t
    vczK2t Posts: 309 Member
    edited June 2016
    ashliefisch wrote: »
    .....And f'real, there would be zero hanky panky if things were not changing.....

    Sit down with your husband, and tell him how it is. You're going to make time for yourself every day. Even if it's a walk for 30 minutes after he gets home, you're going to do it. He can step up and help, or the housework will suffer. It's up to him, you're totally fine with the house being a little lived in. That is what happens when you work and have kids after all.

    THEN, if he keeps being a child, consider that this may be emotional abuse and you need to get out. Coz any man who will be emotionally abusive to the mother of his children is NOT a good father. (This goes both ways)

  • AliceDark
    AliceDark Posts: 3,886 Member
    Good for you, OP, and GREAT JOB to your hubby!

    It's human nature to assume that our point-of-view is obvious and is clearly the right way to do things, but in reality relationships (both between couples and within families) rely on negotiations. Also, the way responsibilities are allocated changes over time. Since you're having the conversation between the two of you anyway, and since you have at least one teenager, maybe it's a good time to sit down as a family and talk about a better way to split up the day-to-day responsibilities so nobody feels unduly burdened? It could help your husband feel more receptive if the message he hears is "everyone is going to contribute" rather than "you need to do X, Y and Z." Plus, it'll certainly be good for your children to see that running a family unit means that everyone pitches in.
  • Colorscheme
    Colorscheme Posts: 1,179 Member
    edited June 2016
    If he's so mad, why doesn't he do any of that stuff? He needs to understand the gym is YOU time.

    Also, as someone who is chronically ill and has to go to the hospital once a year on average, thank you for all you do <3
  • sophomorelove
    sophomorelove Posts: 193 Member
    Housework should not be assumed a woman's responsibility by default, especially if both partners have jobs. I am sorry to hear you're dealing with this, but the fact is, he just doesn't get it, and there's not much you can do to change it. The only thing that opened my husband's eyes was when he had to stay home with our baby for a few months. I would come home from work and jokingly complain about dinner not being ready and laundry not being done. He really understood it then. He's a feminist now :)
  • JustMissTracy
    JustMissTracy Posts: 6,339 Member
    Another idea is to go on strike. I did this years ago, with my ex husband. He refused to get off his lazy keister to do ANYTHING. Two kids running around and a full time job, I was exhausted trying to burn that darned candle at both ends. I finally said SCREW it one day when my son was very sick with an ear infection, baby was crying, house was a shambles, and the ex was laying on the couch in his boxers, being his usual slob self. I went on strike that day. I didn't clean, do dishes, dust, sweep, cook for a whole week. By the end of the week, he was doing the dishes. Might work, might not, but it helped for me!
  • Christine_72
    Christine_72 Posts: 16,049 Member
    JustMissTracy wrote: »
    Another idea is to go on strike. I did this years ago, with my ex husband. He refused to get off his lazy keister to do ANYTHING. Two kids running around and a full time job, I was exhausted trying to burn that darned candle at both ends. I finally said SCREW it one day when my son was very sick with an ear infection, baby was crying, house was a shambles, and the ex was laying on the couch in his boxers, being his usual slob self. I went on strike that day. I didn't clean, do dishes, dust, sweep, cook for a whole week. By the end of the week, he was doing the dishes. Might work, might not, but it helped for me!

    Some men need to be treated like children :( I admit, their thought process and why they do the things they do sometimes really gives me brain strain!
  • angerelle
    angerelle Posts: 175 Member
    I just wanted to say *it is not your job to keep the house clean*, he would not be "helping" you, it is as much his responsibility. Do the bits you care about, clear up after yourself, do your own laundry, leave the rest. If he gets angry, that's his business, just say you're sorry he feels that way, but that as far as you are concerned you have done your bit and walk away. You are not responsible for his feelings either!
  • endlessfall16
    endlessfall16 Posts: 932 Member
    Ladies,

    Just hire a housekeeper and pay them with the husbands money. Such a small issue! :)
  • Christine_72
    Christine_72 Posts: 16,049 Member
    endlessfall16 wrote: »
    Ladies,

    Just hire a housekeeper and pay them with the husbands money. Such a small issue! :)

    Haha Awesome!
  • JustMissTracy
    JustMissTracy Posts: 6,339 Member
    Christine_72 wrote: »
    JustMissTracy wrote: »
    Another idea is to go on strike. I did this years ago, with my ex husband. He refused to get off his lazy keister to do ANYTHING. Two kids running around and a full time job, I was exhausted trying to burn that darned candle at both ends. I finally said SCREW it one day when my son was very sick with an ear infection, baby was crying, house was a shambles, and the ex was laying on the couch in his boxers, being his usual slob self. I went on strike that day. I didn't clean, do dishes, dust, sweep, cook for a whole week. By the end of the week, he was doing the dishes. Might work, might not, but it helped for me!

    Some men need to be treated like children :( I admit, their thought process and why they do the things they do sometimes really gives me brain strain!

    Agreed, 100%...I think sometimes there IS no actual thought process happening? (Just kidding guys, don't pile on!!)
  • JustMissTracy
    JustMissTracy Posts: 6,339 Member
    KetoneKaren wrote: »
    JustMissTracy wrote: »
    Another idea is to go on strike. I did this years ago, with my ex husband. He refused to get off his lazy keister to do ANYTHING. Two kids running around and a full time job, I was exhausted trying to burn that darned candle at both ends. I finally said SCREW it one day when my son was very sick with an ear infection, baby was crying, house was a shambles, and the ex was laying on the couch in his boxers, being his usual slob self. I went on strike that day. I didn't clean, do dishes, dust, sweep, cook for a whole week. By the end of the week, he was doing the dishes. Might work, might not, but it helped for me!

    This post reminded me of a neighbor from 30 years ago who was married to a nice but macho man. They had 3 adolescent boys between the ages of 11 and 16. She would get fed up and run away from home 3 or 4 times a year. She would go to the beach where her sister lived. She would just leave without a note or anything - but they always figured it out when supper time came & went and there was no Mom. She would stay 2 or 3 days, and when she came home the house was clean, the laundry done, the homework done...she was my hero...

    She's now my hero too!!! I WISH I had had the balls to do that years ago!!
  • Summerberry1012
    Summerberry1012 Posts: 109 Member
    I can't offer much on the relationship side... But as for the weight loss, maybe try just focusing on your food for now, eventually you'll start to feel better after 'detoxing' so to speak, and you'll regain some energy to pull a long day with workouts. Im sure you move a lot all ready doing 13 hour shifts. For me anyways, weight loss has been 90% food (quality & quantity). Might help get you going until you can figure out how to incorporate exercise into your routine. Good luck! You got this!

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