My husband is always angry at me

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Replies

  • JustMissTracy
    JustMissTracy Posts: 6,338 Member
    Another idea is to go on strike. I did this years ago, with my ex husband. He refused to get off his lazy keister to do ANYTHING. Two kids running around and a full time job, I was exhausted trying to burn that darned candle at both ends. I finally said SCREW it one day when my son was very sick with an ear infection, baby was crying, house was a shambles, and the ex was laying on the couch in his boxers, being his usual slob self. I went on strike that day. I didn't clean, do dishes, dust, sweep, cook for a whole week. By the end of the week, he was doing the dishes. Might work, might not, but it helped for me!
  • Christine_72
    Christine_72 Posts: 16,049 Member
    JustMissTracy wrote: »
    Another idea is to go on strike. I did this years ago, with my ex husband. He refused to get off his lazy keister to do ANYTHING. Two kids running around and a full time job, I was exhausted trying to burn that darned candle at both ends. I finally said SCREW it one day when my son was very sick with an ear infection, baby was crying, house was a shambles, and the ex was laying on the couch in his boxers, being his usual slob self. I went on strike that day. I didn't clean, do dishes, dust, sweep, cook for a whole week. By the end of the week, he was doing the dishes. Might work, might not, but it helped for me!

    Some men need to be treated like children :( I admit, their thought process and why they do the things they do sometimes really gives me brain strain!
  • angerelle
    angerelle Posts: 175 Member
    I just wanted to say *it is not your job to keep the house clean*, he would not be "helping" you, it is as much his responsibility. Do the bits you care about, clear up after yourself, do your own laundry, leave the rest. If he gets angry, that's his business, just say you're sorry he feels that way, but that as far as you are concerned you have done your bit and walk away. You are not responsible for his feelings either!
  • endlessfall16
    endlessfall16 Posts: 932 Member
    Ladies,

    Just hire a housekeeper and pay them with the husbands money. Such a small issue! :)
  • Christine_72
    Christine_72 Posts: 16,049 Member
    endlessfall16 wrote: »
    Ladies,

    Just hire a housekeeper and pay them with the husbands money. Such a small issue! :)

    Haha Awesome!
  • JustMissTracy
    JustMissTracy Posts: 6,338 Member
    Christine_72 wrote: »
    JustMissTracy wrote: »
    Another idea is to go on strike. I did this years ago, with my ex husband. He refused to get off his lazy keister to do ANYTHING. Two kids running around and a full time job, I was exhausted trying to burn that darned candle at both ends. I finally said SCREW it one day when my son was very sick with an ear infection, baby was crying, house was a shambles, and the ex was laying on the couch in his boxers, being his usual slob self. I went on strike that day. I didn't clean, do dishes, dust, sweep, cook for a whole week. By the end of the week, he was doing the dishes. Might work, might not, but it helped for me!

    Some men need to be treated like children :( I admit, their thought process and why they do the things they do sometimes really gives me brain strain!

    Agreed, 100%...I think sometimes there IS no actual thought process happening? (Just kidding guys, don't pile on!!)
  • JustMissTracy
    JustMissTracy Posts: 6,338 Member
    KetoneKaren wrote: »
    JustMissTracy wrote: »
    Another idea is to go on strike. I did this years ago, with my ex husband. He refused to get off his lazy keister to do ANYTHING. Two kids running around and a full time job, I was exhausted trying to burn that darned candle at both ends. I finally said SCREW it one day when my son was very sick with an ear infection, baby was crying, house was a shambles, and the ex was laying on the couch in his boxers, being his usual slob self. I went on strike that day. I didn't clean, do dishes, dust, sweep, cook for a whole week. By the end of the week, he was doing the dishes. Might work, might not, but it helped for me!

    This post reminded me of a neighbor from 30 years ago who was married to a nice but macho man. They had 3 adolescent boys between the ages of 11 and 16. She would get fed up and run away from home 3 or 4 times a year. She would go to the beach where her sister lived. She would just leave without a note or anything - but they always figured it out when supper time came & went and there was no Mom. She would stay 2 or 3 days, and when she came home the house was clean, the laundry done, the homework done...she was my hero...

    She's now my hero too!!! I WISH I had had the balls to do that years ago!!
  • Summerberry1012
    Summerberry1012 Posts: 109 Member
    I can't offer much on the relationship side... But as for the weight loss, maybe try just focusing on your food for now, eventually you'll start to feel better after 'detoxing' so to speak, and you'll regain some energy to pull a long day with workouts. Im sure you move a lot all ready doing 13 hour shifts. For me anyways, weight loss has been 90% food (quality & quantity). Might help get you going until you can figure out how to incorporate exercise into your routine. Good luck! You got this!
  • diannajeanmacleod
    diannajeanmacleod Posts: 1 Member
    You have my sympathy! When is the last time YOU went to the Dr. to talk about these things? Is it possible you have low iron? I did after my last two babies and it makes me soooo tired, like walking through water all day. Is it possible you are mildly depressed? That is another energy sucker. For me with marriage issues I go to a counsellor alone and it really helps a lot. You must walk over 10 000 steps a day with your job so if you can just keep calorie counting the weight will come off. Thank you for nursing I couldn't do it. Is there any way you can keep looking for another job with better hours? When I had a lot of kids at home I hired someone to come 2x a month to do bathrooms and floors, it was $40. The in between weeks the kids and I did it. Hope everything works out for you soon! I am sure it will :-) you are a great person just keep telling yourself that. PS maybe hubby could use a check up too I know men in middle age whose hormones changed so fast they got cranky.
  • Christine_72
    Christine_72 Posts: 16,049 Member
    JustMissTracy wrote: »
    Christine_72 wrote: »
    JustMissTracy wrote: »
    Another idea is to go on strike. I did this years ago, with my ex husband. He refused to get off his lazy keister to do ANYTHING. Two kids running around and a full time job, I was exhausted trying to burn that darned candle at both ends. I finally said SCREW it one day when my son was very sick with an ear infection, baby was crying, house was a shambles, and the ex was laying on the couch in his boxers, being his usual slob self. I went on strike that day. I didn't clean, do dishes, dust, sweep, cook for a whole week. By the end of the week, he was doing the dishes. Might work, might not, but it helped for me!

    Some men need to be treated like children :( I admit, their thought process and why they do the things they do sometimes really gives me brain strain!

    Agreed, 100%...I think sometimes there IS no actual thought process happening?(Just kidding guys, don't pile on!!)

    I'm surprised we haven't been pounced on by them yet... :tongue:

  • JustMissTracy
    JustMissTracy Posts: 6,338 Member
    edited June 2016
    Most of them prolly aren't even paying attention to this thread, for reasons we both probably already can guess! (I'm divorced, I believe you are too?...we 'know' things...lol) (Now that I've said that, I could have the wrong person, forgive me if I'm wrong, I prolly DONT know things..lol!)
  • Christine_72
    Christine_72 Posts: 16,049 Member
    JustMissTracy wrote: »
    Most of them prolly aren't even paying attention to this thread, for reasons we both probably already can guess! (I'm divorced, I believe you are too?...we 'know' things...lol) (Now that I've said that, I could have the wrong person, forgive me if I'm wrong, I prolly DONT know things..lol!)

    This is my second marriage. Yes, definitely agree with your first sentence :wink:
  • CLEatMoulton
    CLEatMoulton Posts: 36 Member
    Talk to him and I mean talk. Tell him fact one I cannot carry the whole load. I love you and I am burned out and I need help. I am tired all the time because I work all the time.Can we afford a house keeper? Could you or would you be willing to carry part of the load for a while. I want to loose weight. I want to look good and feel good.Men are not mind readers they deal in only facts.Hints will not work. I know he may get angry,however he may help if you spell it out in black and white. This is what I need. This is what I want. Sit down and take some thought as to what you want and expect him to do. When you know for sure what you want its easier to tell him.If I can help in any way,I would. For now I will sign off with a hug.
  • joeycarson72
    joeycarson72 Posts: 1 Member
    Thank you for reaching out to the group, that is not an easy thing to do and I applaud you for your honesty, transparency and courage. As a husband with a very beautiful wife who always struggles with her weight (I think she is beautiful the way she is) all I can tell you is that I try to be supportive and as encouraging as I can - that's all I can really do. It's her struggle and her issue, I just try to love her and reinforce the positive things she does. I also try to just be the example in my own life with my diet and exercise, which I struggle with as we all do. My best suggestion is to just "keep your side of the street clean". If you want to exercise, change, etc. then do it for yourself - not him. And, to do that, you need to just make it a lifestyle change, not some short term thing because that won't work, you have to change your whole attitude and way of living - it's a mindset. Don't worry about him - focus on yourself. And lean on your friends for support. Good luck
  • leahkathleen13
    leahkathleen13 Posts: 272 Member
    Sorry you are going through this! I am no good at relationship advice, but for the weight loss here is what works for my 12 hour shifts. Start with a protein rich breakfast with coffee before work. I pack two mini lunches. For example, Greek yogurt and fruit and a wrap sandwich with salad in it. I also use two snacks, one mid afternoon and one at 6 pm. For the ride home I have raw veggies and a huge ice water. At home waiting for me is a protein source and a ton of cut up veggies on a pie pan. I take a shower while it is roasting. I make three of these all at once and all the same. Easy prep and easy logging, not expensive at all! Just divvy up your calories in a way that satisfies you.

    And not to be diminished is the role of water in the workday. I refuse to go without two 5 minute breaks per shift. During that time I chug 800 ml and eat one of my meals. In this manner I can sit directly in front of a mountain of donuts, cakes, etc and eat my healthy food. Easy to resist if I have logged something delicious that I am looking forward to.

    I take a 5 min break every four hours without fail for eating, drinking and bathroom. Sad, but I bring foods that require little chew time such as yogurt and oatmeal. Ha!

    Nurses are so awesome of caring for everyone else. My wish is that your can direct that specialized talent toward your own self. You are so deserving of loving care too! I can't find a way to make mean people act nice all I know is that I care about you and I wish you happiness!

    It really is about building habits, trial and error, and most of all not stopping for obstacles and bad days. If you can nurse it up then logging will be a breeze to you. This is the only thing I've ever tried that has worked. Sorry I'm out of ideas about marriages.... Just good vibes headed your way.
  • sallynewberry
    sallynewberry Posts: 8 Member
    There are alternatives to going to a gym. I had great results just using my wii at home and using MFP to reduce calories. Also, you said you have children. Is it possible to take them on bike rides on your days off? That's something that will help you get more exercise but still have time with the kids, and will help to keep them active. Thank god my husband helps with everything around the house! I hope you find a solution that works for you. No offense but your husband sounds like a JERK!!! You are not a slave, you are a wife & mother and if he can't support you and HELP you with your weight loss effort, with the kids, with the house, etc then... well..he's just a jerk. I sincerely wish you luck.
  • ShadowCat14
    ShadowCat14 Posts: 9 Member
    This calorie counting is tough sometimes, I have peaks and valleys but am trying to do the best I can. I finally realized that if I want better health and to feel better about myself I had to get with the program and give it a go. I use a Fitbit which has helped a lot. Also, have you had your thyroid levels checked? That could be contributing to tiredness. Wishing you the best!
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