Controversial topic...just looking for open minded peeps...

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rubenesquegoddess
rubenesquegoddess Posts: 9
in Motivation and Support
Hey...I am Calliope...and (gulp) I am a somewhat happily married bisexual woman. Married to a man that I met and fell in love with in college. I am looking for others in my situations. I am having a crisis and need any support I can get (not not mention weight loss support-I am an emotional eater an am having a hell of time right now :sad: ). I am scared of all of the emotions going on in my head and heart right now. Please be gentle, I am not looking for a debate. I was born this way, and have known it since I was a kid. I am wanting to not be with the person I am with now, I feel like I am missing out on something, that I am never have the chance to find again. Yet, he is my soul mate and I love him. How do I come to turns with doing the right thing and not being happy or hurting the one I love, but yet following my true nature (I am more gay than bi). Any help would be appreciated...no religious debates please, I deal with that internally everyday! :flowerforyou:
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Replies

  • TinaS88
    TinaS88 Posts: 817 Member
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    Hun, I understand you are going through a lot, but I don't think this is the appropriate place to discuss such a thing...
  • MrsH06
    MrsH06 Posts: 159
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    First, you need to tell your husband how you are feeling. Second, maybe look into couples therapy. Someone is going to get hurt. Feel free to add me. I don't judge :)
  • melizerd
    melizerd Posts: 870 Member
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  • DanaKinzer
    DanaKinzer Posts: 72
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    Well, men and women of all sexual orientations have been through this. They love their spouse, but feel like they're missing out on something. It's the "grass is always greener" syndrome. Sometimes we think it's our spouse, and it turns out, we're really just bored with ourselves. Yes, I went there!

    You love your husband, and I presume that he also loves you. Love implies a certain amount of trust and being able to talk to each other honestly. Have you spoken with him about your feelings? Sometimes, jus talking it out with your spouse can lead you in the correct path.
  • jalara
    jalara Posts: 2,622 Member
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    I have to agree with Tina that this is not the appropriate place to discuss this. There are excellent forums on the net that may have people who are in a similar situation who could offer a good perspective.

    But honestly....talk to your partner. That's where you'll find out what options actually are.
  • capal2
    capal2 Posts: 7
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    If you truly think he is your soul mate, I would suggest being very careful about throwing that away. Many of my friends have fallen into the same trap, broken up with their partner, onlt to find that there isn't really anything 'out there' that they're missing out on. As someone who is pretty much always single, I have never found the love and acceptance you have, and it's all I want. In my (and my friends') experience, the thing that you think you're missing out on is usually just people who are searching for what you already have.
  • rubenesquegoddess
    rubenesquegoddess Posts: 9
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    You're married, that means monogamy and so being straight or bisexual doesn't matter. I'm married to a man but I'm not straight I'm bi too. I made a commitment to my husband and that's the end of it for any other people.

    I agree whole heartedl!! I committed to him long time ago, and he knows about my struggles...they just get too much to bear sometimes. I think my stress eating comes from my internal struggles. I agree with others about counseling...if I could only get him to go, it would make life so much less stressful. Work in progress. I do talk to him all the time. I thought this was a support forum, but not sure if it is the type of support that it is meant for. It directly ties into my unhealthy eating and lack of exercise because of the depression and stress. I do appreciate all of the comments...I don't expect to anyone to sugar coat anything, in fact I feel like the honest truth is the best way to go, no matter if it stings....:heart:
  • aa1440
    aa1440 Posts: 956 Member
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    You need to be honest with him. You can't decide for him. He needs to make his own decision. There is nothing wrong with being gay or bisexual. It is wrong to mislead someone that you say you care for.

    And look at the bright side. He may be cool with the whole concept of sharing you with another woman.
  • melizerd
    melizerd Posts: 870 Member
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    Go to counseling alone, marriage counseling can be done with just you, and if he sees you going maybe he will join in.
  • rubenesquegoddess
    rubenesquegoddess Posts: 9
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    Oh, and my intentions are not to leave my husband...that is not what I got married for...I'm in it for the long run....for better and worse and everything...I just wonder if I chose the right path in the first place.
  • rubenesquegoddess
    rubenesquegoddess Posts: 9
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    You need to be honest with him. You can't decide for him. He needs to make his own decision. There is nothing wrong with being gay or bisexual. It is wrong to mislead someone that you say you care for.

    And look at the bright side. He may be cool with the whole concept of sharing you with another woman.

    He might be, but I am definitely not. I believe in straight up monogamy :drinker:
  • seasonalvoodoo
    seasonalvoodoo Posts: 380 Member
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    Go to counseling alone, marriage counseling can be done with just you, and if he sees you going maybe he will join in.

    I second this!! Great idea,

    And to those who say this is inappropriate...she clearly stated that this is contributing to emotional eating so it is on topic. Besides, have you seen some of the threads on these boards!? I don't see anything wrong with this thread since she is struggling in her life and needs support with her eating/life.
  • DanaKinzer
    DanaKinzer Posts: 72
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    Oh, and my intentions are not to leave my husband...that is not what I got married for...I'm in it for the long run....for better and worse and everything...I just wonder if I chose the right path in the first place.

    "What if" is a dangerous game to play. You never know the true outcome for any 'what if' situation. Did you make the right choice? Yes, you did. It's obviously the right choice because you're there now and you both love each other dearly. Stop playing 'what if.'

    The 'what if' game will destroy even the strongest of marriages.
  • kriswigg
    kriswigg Posts: 95
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    Whether it's another man or another woman you are possibly interested in, gotta let him know how you are feeling. Being able to communicate is one of the most important things in a relationship. I agree with what someone else said about monogamy, but that doesn't mean you both should be unhappy. Just work out the issues FIRST.
  • Samerah12
    Samerah12 Posts: 610 Member
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    You're married, that means monogamy and so being straight or bisexual doesn't matter. I'm married to a man but I'm not straight I'm bi too. I made a commitment to my husband and that's the end of it for any other people.

    ?? Since when does marriage mean monogamy? Not for everybody! Not by a long shot.
  • seasonalvoodoo
    seasonalvoodoo Posts: 380 Member
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    You're married, that means monogamy and so being straight or bisexual doesn't matter. I'm married to a man but I'm not straight I'm bi too. I made a commitment to my husband and that's the end of it for any other people.

    ?? Since when does marriage mean monogamy? Not for everybody! Not by a long shot.

    Very true! Some people aren't into that whole monogamy thing!
  • rubenesquegoddess
    rubenesquegoddess Posts: 9
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    Oh, and my intentions are not to leave my husband...that is not what I got married for...I'm in it for the long run....for better and worse and everything...I just wonder if I chose the right path in the first place.

    "What if" is a dangerous game to play. You never know the true outcome for any 'what if' situation. Did you make the right choice? Yes, you did. It's obviously the right choice because you're there now and you both love each other dearly. Stop playing 'what if.'

    The 'what if' game will destroy even the strongest of marriages.
    That I totally agree with!! And, thank you for your honestly. I like this board already, lots of differing opinions...which is better than any "cookie" cutter" place I've been on before!
  • NatalieWinning
    NatalieWinning Posts: 999 Member
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    You're married, that means monogamy and so being straight or bisexual doesn't matter. I'm married to a man but I'm not straight I'm bi too. I made a commitment to my husband and that's the end of it for any other people.

    ?? Since when does marriage mean monogamy? Not for everybody! Not by a long shot.

    Very true! Some people aren't into that whole monogamy thing!

    But she is
  • rubenesquegoddess
    rubenesquegoddess Posts: 9
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    You're married, that means monogamy and so being straight or bisexual doesn't matter. I'm married to a man but I'm not straight I'm bi too. I made a commitment to my husband and that's the end of it for any other people.

    ?? Since when does marriage mean monogamy? Not for everybody! Not by a long shot.

    Very true! Some people aren't into that whole monogamy thing!
    Lots of my friends share this exact sentiment...I don't, but to each his/her own. The animal kingdom, and there are exceptions, also behave in this manner, monogamy is for the most part a human trait. And if you look at the divorce rate in this country, it seems that a lot of people are not in it for the long haul like they used to be!!
  • Samerah12
    Samerah12 Posts: 610 Member
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    You're married, that means monogamy and so being straight or bisexual doesn't matter. I'm married to a man but I'm not straight I'm bi too. I made a commitment to my husband and that's the end of it for any other people.

    ?? Since when does marriage mean monogamy? Not for everybody! Not by a long shot.

    Very true! Some people aren't into that whole monogamy thing!
    Lots of my friends share this exact sentiment...I don't, but to each his/her own. The animal kingdom, and there are exceptions, also behave in this manner, monogamy is for the most part a human trait. And if you look at the divorce rate in this country, it seems that a lot of people are not in it for the long haul like they used to be!!

    Well options are certainly not as clearcut as monogamy V. divorce. There is a cultural change afoot, I swear it. You should read the NYT article about Dan Savage today.

    Anyway, I'm off topic, good luck!

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