Did your change in lifestyle affect your personal relationships?

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  • bagge72
    bagge72 Posts: 1,377 Member
    Are you afraid to stick up for yourself? Is there a reason you think your opinion doesn't count? If you are going to eat out, or order in you don't have to have the appitizers, just let them sit there on the table, and he will eventually learn, and order something healthier, but you should really just eat what you want at home, and if can't deal with that, it isn't your problem, so keep making your sandwhiches, and for the love of god learn to cook, there are some many delicious things you could be making yourself!
  • sunnybeaches105
    sunnybeaches105 Posts: 2,831 Member
    Machka9 wrote: »
    EllieElla2015 wrote: »
    Ignore the fact that it's horribly expensive (average $80 per night on dinner alone)

    This would be the problem for me. I'd much rather save that money to travel. $80/night for 30 days is $2400 ... I could fly to Canada for that! 2 months and both my husband and I could fly to Canada. 3 months and we could fly to Canada and spend some time travelling around and visiting friends and family and places I'd like to see again.

    Eating out isn't a huge deal if you keep the number of calories you consume under the amount of calories you're burning, but maybe you'd have better luck talking to your boyfriend if you started adding up the cost and put it in terms of buying something.

    I saw this and failed to ask whether the OP's SO is a professional working many hours a week. It's perfectly normal to eat out nearly every night in some professions. It's easy to exercise regularly and cook meals together if you're only working 50 hours a week or so. It's much more difficult when you get into 70+ hour territory, but eating right and exercising also becomes more important as an aspect of stress management. It is possible to eat very healthily at restaurants but it takes paying attention and sometimes ordering off menu. Whether to eat out or eat at home can be a source of tension because if you love each other you'll want to spend time with each other, some find eating out a way to blow off stress, and others see it as a source of stress. This is one of several reasons why they really need to sit down and talk.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    For me the main issue is when it changes your lifestyle so much that you just don't like doing the same things anymore.

    My husband's still obese, I'm quite sure he's gained weight actually since I joined MFP. He'll still sleep in forever in the morning when I'm ready to get out of the door by 9am... and I have to wait for him to get up in the morning to go to the gym on week ends... so we basically don't see each other all morning. Our meals are never in sync either so that's a problem sometimes (he'll have breakfast at 10.30am, when I have mine at 8am tops, so he's not hungry for lunch when I'm starving, and lunch is my biggest meal of the day so we like going out to eat at lunch... which is often a problem). He still loads up on snacks when we watch TV in the evening... It doesn't stop me, but it makes it tough sometimes when you don't really approve his lifestyle.

    Thankfully we don't have many friends so it's not like we went out every Friday to have drinks either, and I'd rather exercise alone than with a partner anyway... so it's not a huge deal (plus we have kids so we haven't gone out in the evening in years anyway).
  • jdhcm2006
    jdhcm2006 Posts: 2,254 Member
    OP you can eat out while keeping in your calories. Whenever I go out to eat, I do not get an appetizer, I only drink water, and I only end up eating half of my plate and saving the rest for lunch the next day. So you can still go out to eat with him while staying within your calorie budget. A lot of restaurants will have the menu online, so you can look at it and make a decision about what would be the best calorie choice for your day early on and stick with it.

    Also, you can still eat food during the day, just choose lower calorie items. Keep it purely about the numbers, breakfast 200 calories max, lunch 300 calories max, snacks in between (if needed) each 75 calories max (total 150 max) and you've consumed 650 calories during the day. If you're allowed 1300 calories a day that leaves you with 650 calories for dinner.

    It's going to take work on your part, but you do need to talk to him and let him know where your head is at. Let him know that you guys can go out to eat, but you only want to eat an entree, not have a drink and share an appetizer. He's more than welcome to have whatever it is that makes him happy, but for your goals you have figured out that you can have x,y,z.

    A trick to use is to ask the waiter/waitress to bring you out a to-go box out with your entree, so you can pack up half of it to go right away. If your boyfriend asks why, just tell him you're saving the rest for lunch the next day. Or if you don't want to eat it b/c you know you're going to dinner the next night, give it to a coworker the next day. I feel like everyone has someone at the office who is always up for a free meal. Just tell them you didn't eat off of it at all, but you don't want it to go to waste.
  • mrs_sjlarsen
    mrs_sjlarsen Posts: 76 Member
    I think an honest conversation is in order. It can be hard to feel the pressures of who eats what. My SO has goals that are EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE of mine. He consistently works hard to gain weight, while I am trying to lose. Then we have 3 kids that need healthy meals. There are plenty of days that I eat something, he eats something else, and the kids have their own meal. And trust me it requires a lot of communication and support on who is cooking what, and who is eating what... to make sure everyone gets their dietary needs met.
  • mrs_sjlarsen
    mrs_sjlarsen Posts: 76 Member
    mrs_justice wrote: »
    I think an honest conversation is in order. It can be hard to feel the pressures of who eats what. My SO has goals that are EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE of mine. He consistently works hard to gain weight, while I am trying to lose. Then we have 3 kids that need healthy meals. There are plenty of days that I eat something, he eats something else, and the kids have their own meal. And trust me it requires a lot of communication and support on who is cooking what, and who is eating what... to make sure everyone gets their dietary needs met.

    And.... last but not least... making sure all those dishes are washed!!! :open_mouth:
  • Heartisalonelyhunter
    Heartisalonelyhunter Posts: 786 Member
    edited July 2016
    OP I do think you have to find a balance if your relationship is going to last. If you want to eat a sandwich that's fine but you need to explain to him that it's not his business. It seems he thinks of food as a bonding thing so you need to discuss this.
    I will say that I know a woman who married a much older, obese man when she was really obese too . Since she lost weight she has done nothing but complain about him being obese on FB and message boards , almost forgetting she was like that herself for years. I guess what I'm saying is that no relationship can last if you don't discuss your wants/needs and personally I think complaining on the internet about your spouse or SO is really uncool. Just talk about it.
  • Zipp237
    Zipp237 Posts: 255 Member
    It changed a couple. Encouragement comes from places I wouldn't have predicted as does discouragement. Out with the old, in with the new. That's life. The weight loss begat lifestyle changes and those moved some people into and some out of my life.

    My whole life changed. Everything. Even my new furniture is different because I don't need that giant couch to support me anymore. New friends, new foods, new books, new equipment stored in new places. It's not just the clothes that change. Not for me, anyway. I didn't know it was coming and didn't set out to change everything, but that's what happened.
  • hollygirl101
    hollygirl101 Posts: 93 Member
    $80 per night for dinner? What the hell is he ordering?

    I don't have a significant other but I have a very active social life. Sadly, losing weight means I can't go out as much as I use to. My friends miss me and will occasionally give me a little *kitten* about choosing the gym over the bar but overall have been pretty supportive.
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