Why oh why do I sabotage myself?
Tashlovesfood
Posts: 51 Member
I have periods of time when I am so focused and manage really well. But once I fall off the wagon that's it! It's so hard to get back on! Every day I tell myself today is the day and I start off with the best intentions only to ruin it by the end of the day. Why can't I stop myself from reaching for the crisps/chocolate/ice cream? I know I would never stop having them completely and I like to have a little of what I fancy every day but I can't stop at a little bit lately 
why??? I'm getting married next September and have around 80 pounds to lose. It's not going to happen at this rate
why??? I'm getting married next September and have around 80 pounds to lose. It's not going to happen at this rate 2
Replies
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Ok so you have a year to get to the figure you would like , that probably seems like really far away and a lot to lose.
First thing I would do is break your weight loss down to smaller more attainable mini goals which will work towards your ultimate goal.
I know the pain of wanting to eat ALL the the chocolate, but sometimes you just have to stop yourself and focus on what you want to achieve.
I still don't 'ban' the sweets I just save them and most importantly pre log them in my diary for later in the evening when I really want them. That way if I get to the evening and I don't really fancy it ( never happens lol), I don't have it.
Don't be too strict on yourself , make small changes and add to them.
Also make sure you have enough protein and fats in your diet. I find if I have a carb heavier day I reach for more sweet things.
Good luck and remember take one day at a time x10 -
I'm exactly the same as you and know how you feel. It's a horrible feeling! I know that I can eat anything I like as long as in within my calorie goal, but it just doesn't work for me. I've tried this and I can't seem to stop myself and convince myself 'just one more' but it never is just one more and I end up inhaling the whole packet of whatever it is. It isn't healthy for me to keep this up, and like you I have very good spells and then not so good spells.
I have now decided that I will not eat anything that I know I will want more and more of, ie; biscuits, chips, potatoes etc. It's a constant downward spiral that I'm sick of now and need to take control of! It's the only way it will work for me!
Good luck with it, I'm going to follow this post to see if there are any tips I can get!
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The thing is I know if I completely give up on them I will end up having a massive binge 3-4 weeks later. Whereas when I am being "good" I can be in control of how much I have. The problem is when I have a break- went on holiday 3 weeks ago which is when we got engaged. Since coming back I've just not been able to pull it back and I think I feel so bad about my weight gain (5 pounds) that it's making me sabbotage myself. I just need to get a grip and stop messing around otherwise I will be a fat bride
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Its the all or nothing mentality about weight loss that is really crippling you. Its as if you tell yourself that if you arent being "good" than by golly you are going to be "bad". Thats really an unhealthy mindset and wont move you toward your goal of losing weight. Who is in control here - you or food? it seems really strange doesnt it that you will allow an inanimate object like a cookie or a bowl of ice cream to dictate your life? It would be better for you to take back that control and make something in your life more important than the cookies or the chips or the ice cream. Dont be cruel to yourself - recognize where your weakness is and find a strategy to get around it. maybe it is eliminate the tempting stuff from the house for a month, and see where it gets you. maybe then you will realize it no longer had a hold on you, and you can ease some back into your life in small doses. Maybe you cant. But if you worry about being a fat bride, you have to get a grip on the negative self talk, and replace it with encouraging, supportive dialogue.
Take it one day at a time. Each successful day will bring you more motivation to continue. I know, because I have walked in those shoes myself. With MFP and working the scale and the diary and the calorie counting, I have been very successful. No one did it for me, I did it for myself. And you can too. Good luck!14 -
I'm always a little skeptical about the claim that most people *can* "have just a little bit" and be able to sustain this behavior regularly, long term. I observe it to be more sabotaging for most people. So based on the issue you've described, my advice is this: Do not buy those items any more. Throw away what you have left. There are plenty of flavorful healthy options out there that will allow you to have more than just a tiny torture taste (for example: cantaloupe, strawberries) If it's more important to get fit and lose the weight than to eat those particular foods, you know what you gotta do.11
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if you dont buy it, you cant eat it.
if i find myself craving something (*ahem* peanut butter cups).... i have to get dressed, go to the store, and purposely buy it. 99% of the time, the thought of doing that is enough to keep me from actually going out and buying it.
ive lost 80 some pounds eating what i want (including take out and peanut butter cups LOL), but a large part of that is learning when i truly want something and am not just eating it because its there and im bored. Hence ... why I don't buy crap I'd likely gobble up ' just because its there'.
my ex bought me a huge bag of mini pb cups for xmas. I took a handful. and threw away the rest. if i had kept them, id have eaten them all.......
talk about will power
LOLLOLOL
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Don't bring the trigger foods in the house. When you get the cravings, feel them, don't panic or reach for food, and ride them out. The carb cravings will pass. I usually test to see if it is true hunger by asking myself if I would eat some salad or veggies. IF it is true hunger then I eat something on plan within my calorie daily total goal.4
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Thank you everyone! I've got through one "good" day and after that I normally feel much better. I've written down all my mini goals so hopefully they will help me! Thanks for all the advice!6
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How do I "follow" this thread? I am also one of those people that cannot eat whatever I want, staying in my calorie count. Fat=fat, sugar=sugar to my body, doesn't matter where it comes from. I tried clean eating for almost a year, and gained 20 lbs. I am definately a sugar addict too. Self sabotage hits like "well, it's 9am and I already screwed up, so might as well continue to eat bad for the rest of the day and start tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow...l". Lol1
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How largo of a deficit do you give yourself? For me, if I have too large of a deficit, I end up in a binge and just maintain. I lose weight slower with a small deficit but I feel more satisfied and I don't end up in a binge.1
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Don't bring the trigger foods in the house. When you get the cravings, feel them, don't panic or reach for food, and ride them out. The carb cravings will pass. I usually test to see if it is true hunger by asking myself if I would eat some salad or veggies. IF it is true hunger then I eat something on plan within my calorie daily total goal.
I like this idea and the approach is great, definitely think this will help me!
I'm going to start testing now and riding it out instead of giving in so easily.
I'll eat those chips or crisps because I can, not because I'm hungry and I need to train myself that it isn't okay. My body doesn't need it, it is satisfied already - it's just my eyes that seem to want everything!1 -
RCStrangeacres wrote: »How do I "follow" this thread? I am also one of those people that cannot eat whatever I want, staying in my calorie count. Fat=fat, sugar=sugar to my body, doesn't matter where it comes from. I tried clean eating for almost a year, and gained 20 lbs. I am definately a sugar addict too. Self sabotage hits like "well, it's 9am and I already screwed up, so might as well continue to eat bad for the rest of the day and start tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow...l". Lol
I could have written this because I was the same when it came to sugar cravings!
I hardly ever get them now as I cut sugary treats out completely because I can't seem to grasp the "in moderation" thing. I just can't do it.
It took a long long time though, and of course I'm not advising to cut them out completely. I have just found what worked for me, and now I get the sugar cravings few and far between. If I do, I will have half a glass of Coke Zero, that usually curbs the sweet tooth!
It's the potatoes/chips/crisps that I'm working on to cut down a lot more. Some great advice here about riding the carb cravings out, rather than giving in. I'd reach for a second bag of chips without a second thought, even if it is within the calorie goal. If I wouldn't eat a carrot, but would eat a bag of chips instead - my answer is there in black and white!3 -
I totally agree with Debsozo about the "trigger" foods. If you don't control all the food that comes in the house, you can still do it. I eat things that satisfy me within my calorie deficit and macros, and keep my eye on the ball in regard to my goals. Sometimes I miss Hostess Cupcakes, but I allow myself to have that thought and then move on. Maybe, someday, I'll eat them again, but not now, because I have goals that are more important. Also, a little cocoa powder and cashew milk in my coffee is muy delicioso.0
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Don't bring the trigger foods in the house. When you get the cravings, feel them, don't panic or reach for food, and ride them out. The carb cravings will pass. I usually test to see if it is true hunger by asking myself if I would eat some salad or veggies. IF it is true hunger then I eat something on plan within my calorie daily total goal.
I like this idea and the approach is great, definitely think this will help me!
I'm going to start testing now and riding it out instead of giving in so easily.
I'll eat those chips or crisps because I can, not because I'm hungry and I need to train myself that it isn't okay. My body doesn't need it, it is satisfied already - it's just my eyes that seem to want everything!
I find if I give in to the Craving then I almost always regret it. Sometimes when I'm trying to ride out Craving I will have a glass of water. If it's still there after a while I will have some veggies.
At other times, when appropriate between long meal stretches, I will roll up a piece or two of dark leafy lettuce with a slice of lean meat or cheese as a snack. That will often switch away the taste for sugar, plus the protein is slow to digest so I have a lower calorie solution that stops the craving.
Other times I'll eat something strong and slightly bitter, sour, or tangy to break the craving cycle like a bite of purple turnip, a radish, or a dill pickle. These seem to "jolt" me out of a sugar craving. If I'm craving salty I might have some vegetable soup. If these things don't work I'll tell myself that the next meal is in xyz minutes, and I won't die between meals. Then I'll go far away from the kitchen to divert myself.
Another technique is to tell myself that I don't want the bloat for 3 days and a splurge won't be worth it. If I can get some reasoning into my brain then I can talk myself out of eating a trigger food. It is best if I don't start and (for me) choose to avoid the bad consequences rather than to tell myself, "I'll only eat just a taste." NOT! (Everyone is different. This is how I navigate around a craving.)3 -
I can't have that in the house. Esp crisps. I now make my own popcorn 3 cups is like 100 cals! I'm now at a point I can control so I can have say Cadbury favourites in fridge, knowing how many calories in each I say I put 2 choc in my count for the next day. But that's because I can stop at 2. If u can't don't have them in house or go buy one individual one if craving. Can't have crisps though! When I did want them I bough an individual bag, tracked it n fit it in my count.no guilt! Life's to short to eat salad and chicken breast every day!1
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Popcorn with salt solves a lot of my cravings. I have some good popped popcorn and himalayan pink sea salt. I put a lot of salt on it and can eat a bowl for very few calories. I simply cannot buy food that I will binge on (candy, crisps, chocolate, ice cream) because I will eat it all.1
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I keep nothing in the house that is bad. Also, I keep nothing in the house that allows me to over-indulge and go over the correct portion. My sugar cravings were horrendous at first but now my body is accustomed to not having it and so I no longer crave chocolate. I keep watermelon cut up for a sweet snack.1
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Agree with getting the stuff out of the house. Another trick, when you are craving something, stop & drink a glass of water. See if you still want it after the water. Also try taping pictures of your dream dress various places to motivate you.
However with bridal sizing & the costs be careful. While I commend you for wanting to change, bridal sizing runs small. It's rather disheartening. Plus the dresses are sooooo expensive & they take time to order. You don't want to buy a dress expecting to lose weight & then have it not fit. As upsetting as this may be, buy your dress at the size you are now but with the advice of a good seamstress about what style can be drastically taken in when you reach your goal. Better that way then a dress you can't let out.1 -
Firstly, there is nothing wrong with being a fat bride (ah! It cut the rest of my post off!!!)
I was a fat bride and being thinner wouldn't have made the day I married my best friend any happier. It was about us committing to each other forever, not how many inches on my waist.
Secondly, you gotta view your food as fuel. Filling up with sweet things and such does nothing for you. Just hurts you in the long run.
I was diagnosed with Type -2 diabetes recently, I was advised to monitor my carb intake and watch my portion sizes. I have noticed that since I did that my cravings for sweets and other salty/sugary snacks has almost disappeared. The first week was tough but since then it's been plain sailing. Maybe give that a go?
Congratulations on your engagement by the way4 -
I also don't bring trigger foods in the house. But I do plan an endulgent treat daily. I make a mug cake or plan chocolate or ice cream into my calories. If I feel like I'm depriving myself I have cycles of binging on treats. And sometimes I don't need the treat. Since I know it's available daily I have an easier time saying no.1
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displaced1 wrote: »I also don't bring trigger foods in the house. But I do plan an endulgent treat daily. I make a mug cake or plan chocolate or ice cream into my calories. If I feel like I'm depriving myself I have cycles of binging on treats. And sometimes I don't need the treat. Since I know it's available daily I have an easier time saying no.
I did that also for a while. I made sure that I had a low glycemic snack every day and planned it in. Now I hardly want or miss it. I guess our tastes can change over time. Sweet things make me not feel well when I eat them. It is great for a few minutes, but then I feel yucky. So thankfully I do have a negative deterrent on my side.0 -
Tashlovesfood wrote: »I have periods of time when I am so focused and manage really well. But once I fall off the wagon that's it! It's so hard to get back on! Every day I tell myself today is the day and I start off with the best intentions only to ruin it by the end of the day. Why can't I stop myself from reaching for the crisps/chocolate/ice cream? I know I would never stop having them completely and I like to have a little of what I fancy every day but I can't stop at a little bit lately why??? I'm getting married next September and have around 80 pounds to lose. It's not going to happen at this rate
I see most missed this part of the post...
OP I have chips and chocolate too every night.
I portion it out and leave it at that.
How do I do it? I just do...if it's just lately look inward and see why...perhaps it's TOM? are you stressed over something else?
Maybe if you allow for it in your day you might find it easier to stick to it that way.
What is your deficit at this time? Might be too large?1 -
Tashlovesfood wrote: »I have periods of time when I am so focused and manage really well. But once I fall off the wagon that's it! It's so hard to get back on! Every day I tell myself today is the day and I start off with the best intentions only to ruin it by the end of the day. Why can't I stop myself from reaching for the crisps/chocolate/ice cream? I know I would never stop having them completely and I like to have a little of what I fancy every day but I can't stop at a little bit lately why??? I'm getting married next September and have around 80 pounds to lose. It's not going to happen at this rate
the key to my success is to eliminate any "trigger" foods in my home. Therefore, you will not find cookies, candy, chips, etc....I do keep frozen yogurt, but when I have it I do weigh it out on the scale first. If it's not in the house, you can't eat it....
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displaced1 wrote: »I also don't bring trigger foods in the house. But I do plan an endulgent treat daily. I make a mug cake or plan chocolate or ice cream into my calories. If I feel like I'm depriving myself I have cycles of binging on treats. And sometimes I don't need the treat. Since I know it's available daily I have an easier time saying no.
I did that also for a while. I made sure that I had a low glycemic snack every day and planned it in. Now I hardly want or miss it. I guess our tastes can change over time. Sweet things make me not feel well when I eat them. It is great for a few minutes, but then I feel yucky. So thankfully I do have a negative deterrent on my side.
The same for me, too. I feel sick after eating chocolate now and I don't crave it at all. I've had a jar of Nutella in the kitchen for about a month and I haven't once touched it... If that was me 6 months ago, I'd have demolished the jar within a few days.0 -
displaced1 wrote: »I also don't bring trigger foods in the house. But I do plan an endulgent treat daily. I make a mug cake or plan chocolate or ice cream into my calories. If I feel like I'm depriving myself I have cycles of binging on treats. And sometimes I don't need the treat. Since I know it's available daily I have an easier time saying no.
I did that also for a while. I made sure that I had a low glycemic snack every day and planned it in. Now I hardly want or miss it. I guess our tastes can change over time. Sweet things make me not feel well when I eat them. It is great for a few minutes, but then I feel yucky. So thankfully I do have a negative deterrent on my side.
The same for me, too. I feel sick after eating chocolate now and I don't crave it at all. I've had a jar of Nutella in the kitchen for about a month and I haven't once touched it... If that was me 6 months ago, I'd have demolished the jar within a few days.
That is so funny.
I have 1/2 jar of Nutella in the fridge for the same reason. I ate too much and felt blechy and haven't touched it since. I should just toss it. 0 -
Newbie troubles. Such great advice and comments to my post, but now, how do I reply directly to the thread?0
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This is not unlike setting a thermostat. Once comfortable at a certain temperature, we're reluctant to change the thermostat. Losing weight, however, is at least as much about changing lifestyles (thermostats) as anything else. It's natural (and frustrating) when the self-sabotage sets in. HOWEVER, the trick is to get back on the horse once you've been thrown.0
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RCStrangeacres wrote: »Newbie troubles. Such great advice and comments to my post, but now, how do I reply directly to the thread?
Just push the quote button on the bottom left of the person's post.0 -
First off...congratulations on getting married...so exciting! We have all been in the same place as you which is why we are all together here. I am a Monday dieter and seem to give up mid week for years! A few over weight people I know got strokes recently and I also saw some pics of me which turned my head around. My daughter is getting married next year and I want to look good in her pics. So this is my first time on MFP . I find if I log on every day and read all my food labels and up my water intake, I am being successful this time round. I do indulge in a few treats and YES it is hard to just stop at a few. I have been here 5 weeks now and yesterday was probably one of the first days I felt full and wasnt hungry. So it took my stomach that long to finally start shrinking. All the best with your weight loss. You will get there! smile:0
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I'm exactly the same as you and know how you feel. It's a horrible feeling! I know that I can eat anything I like as long as in within my calorie goal, but it just doesn't work for me. I've tried this and I can't seem to stop myself and convince myself 'just one more' but it never is just one more and I end up inhaling the whole packet of whatever it is. It isn't healthy for me to keep this up, and like you I have very good spells and then not so good spells.
I have now decided that I will not eat anything that I know I will want more and more of, ie; biscuits, chips, potatoes etc. It's a constant downward spiral that I'm sick of now and need to take control of! It's the only way it will work for me!
Good luck with it, I'm going to follow this post to see if there are any tips I can get!
This is more common than you think. The good news is that after a very short time these things become less appealing. Some people even stop liking them all together...for instance tea with sugar tastes gross to me now even though I used to drink it all day long every day.0
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