Support from partner

hmclaughlan84
hmclaughlan84 Posts: 22 Member
edited December 2 in Fitness and Exercise
Hey guys I'm just wondering if anyone else struggles with support from there partner
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Replies

  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,644 Member
    What kind of support?
  • anb__
    anb__ Posts: 4 Member
    I think when one person is ready to change and the other isn't and the changes become apparent, it can become a struggle. I see it with women mostly, husbands get insecure and aren't supportive, *kitten* and complain about working out or certain foods. I don't think there is anything you can do, but just keep working on yourself. I think that this community is great for support as well, especially if you aren't getting it at home.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    Vague OP is vague
  • dana_sando
    dana_sando Posts: 3 Member
    Yes. My husband comes from a family who snacks on junk constantly, so despite knowing that I'm doing what I can to eat better and stay below my daily calorie limit, he still comes home with bags of licorice or bite-sized chocolate and offers it to me. I'm super happy that I've had the strength to deny these things, but the temptation is there. I feel like it's his way of saying, "I don't think you need to lose weight", but it can feel a bit insulting. Like, guy. I have a goal. Support me in it. You know?
  • oluseyiola
    oluseyiola Posts: 14 Member
    So true. I started my WLJ because of a really low blow comment made by my SO during an argument (he said, among other things, that he found sex with me repulsive because I was fat.) It'll stay with me forever, honestly. Now I've lost about 50 lbs. He didn't notice till I was 40 down and now complains that I'm too skinny and sends me pictures of myself from a year ago, saying he "likes this better actually." You can't win.
  • KristenG80
    KristenG80 Posts: 19 Member
    My first thought was "I sincerely hope not! A "partner" by definition should BE your biggest support, of anyone"

    Sadly, though, I realize this is sometimes not the case. My ex-husband sabotaged me, ridiculed me, minimized successes, etc. It's just like ashley1683 said, if one partner isn't ready to change or has insecurities - it can happen.

    My current partner is already Military, and has his own weight struggles sometimes, so is the loudest support for me losing weight to enlist. He understands what I'm trying to do, he understands my habits and he never ever has an unsupportive word to say. I am lucky, I totally realize.

    OP, do you ask because you have a partner who is unsupportive? I really hope not. But if so, at the very least, you have us! :)
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,744 Member
    oluseyiola wrote: »
    So true. I started my WLJ because of a really low blow comment made by my SO during an argument (he said, among other things, that he found sex with me repulsive because I was fat.) It'll stay with me forever, honestly. Now I've lost about 50 lbs. He didn't notice till I was 40 down and now complains that I'm too skinny and sends me pictures of myself from a year ago, saying he "likes this better actually." You can't win.


    Um, yes you can and you DID! Congrats on the weight loss. From what you posted I have nothing good to say about your SO, so I won't say anything at all other than I wish you the best and keep putting yourself first.
  • socalrunner59
    socalrunner59 Posts: 149 Member
    My ex was passive/aggressive in the beginning, then outright rejected me when I lost 70 + pounds.
    Things came to a head when we were at a college bowl game and the man sitting behind me made a lot of comments about my body. My husband almost lost it when the guy pulled out a video camera and asked if he could get shots of me (I put my jacket on and said no). I wasn't flaunting anything; I was dressed in jeans and a turtleneck, but my arms were so defined you could see the outlines under my sweater.

    After that my husband made snide comments about me being body obsessed. Then he started to refuse to eat dinner with me because he didn't want to eat the healthy meal. When I tried serving his favorite dishes, he said I was trying to under-mind his health. When I asked what he'd like to eat, he said nothing.

    We're going through a divorce now. A few months ago he said the reason our marriage failed was because we was convinced I remade my body so I could find a new man.
  • BillMcKay1
    BillMcKay1 Posts: 315 Member
    I guess I'm pretty damn lucky. My wife and I started this journey together and she has been a trooper. Lifting heavy with me, getting up at 5:30 every morning for our walk. We eat a little different as she likes LCHF and I prefer including carbs, but other than that it's been amazing.
  • MyFreakingNameIsScott
    MyFreakingNameIsScott Posts: 199 Member
    I don't get a lot of support but I don't get blow back either. Usually just eye rolls in the beginning. Never once a word about how I look but frankly, I don't care. I'm not losing it for her in the first place.
  • afatpersonwholikesfood
    afatpersonwholikesfood Posts: 577 Member
    oluseyiola wrote: »
    So true. I started my WLJ because of a really low blow comment made by my SO during an argument (he said, among other things, that he found sex with me repulsive because I was fat.) It'll stay with me forever, honestly. Now I've lost about 50 lbs. He didn't notice till I was 40 down and now complains that I'm too skinny and sends me pictures of myself from a year ago, saying he "likes this better actually." You can't win.

    Why in the hell haven't you dumped this guy yet? Seriously. Just do yourself a favor.That's a sinking ship right there.
  • Erik8484
    Erik8484 Posts: 458 Member
    oluseyiola wrote: »
    So true. I started my WLJ because of a really low blow comment made by my SO during an argument (he said, among other things, that he found sex with me repulsive because I was fat.) It'll stay with me forever, honestly. Now I've lost about 50 lbs. He didn't notice till I was 40 down and now complains that I'm too skinny and sends me pictures of myself from a year ago, saying he "likes this better actually." You can't win.

    Your partner is a disgusting human being FYI
  • hmclaughlan84
    hmclaughlan84 Posts: 22 Member
    I find it a struggle to eat healthy working out isn't a problem as I just go to the gym but when it comes to eating I'm at a loosing battle with having to deal with the food she buys and cooks and find myself not wanting to eat some nights
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,682 Member
    hmclaughlan84 wrote: »
    I find it a struggle to eat healthy working out isn't a problem as I just go to the gym but when it comes to eating I'm at a loosing battle with having to deal with the food she buys and cooks and find myself not wanting to eat some nights

    Buy your own food and cook your own meals. :)
  • hmclaughlan84
    hmclaughlan84 Posts: 22 Member
    I have started that it's just difficult as that then starts arguments on expenses and things
  • MeganMcK11
    MeganMcK11 Posts: 117 Member
    hmclaughlan84 wrote: »
    I have started that it's just difficult as that then starts arguments on expenses and things
    To avoid arguments why not buy the food and cook dinner for both of you?
  • KDar1988
    KDar1988 Posts: 648 Member
    Not much from mine. I would love for him to go to the gym with me but he won't. I've lost 111lbs and I don't get much in the way of compliments from him and he picks on me a lot because I do exercise and lift weights. If I tell him I'm going to the gym at 9 at night because I'm bored he always has a sarcastic comment to make. I've gotten numb to it and will do what I need to do for me. That's all that matters.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,453 Member
    edited July 2016
    Yeah, you're going to have to either make your own food or figure out a way to eat less of what she's cooking. He who shops and cooks is in charge.

    Just stop at the farmer's market and pick up some vegetables for yourself. Takes 10 minutes to steam them. Eat fewer pieces of pizza and a huge salad or pile of steamed vegetables. Have a baked potato instead of french fries. Stop putting butter on things - she can surely cook with less butter, that just takes a little imagination.

    As far as cost - - I eat on less than $5 a day most days/1400-1600 calories. I don't buy prepared meals or packaged meals like pizza or frozen meals, everything is made from scratch except pasta sauce, pasta, some Kashi cereal, and bread. It is not more expensive to eat well. I'd say it's cheaper - and less doctor bills.

  • honorthecolors
    honorthecolors Posts: 33 Member
    oluseyiola wrote: »
    So true. I started my WLJ because of a really low blow comment made by my SO during an argument (he said, among other things, that he found sex with me repulsive because I was fat.) It'll stay with me forever, honestly. Now I've lost about 50 lbs. He didn't notice till I was 40 down and now complains that I'm too skinny and sends me pictures of myself from a year ago, saying he "likes this better actually." You can't win.

    My wife says I'm too skinny since I've lost over 40lbs but gained so much muscle. Your not alone in this. Spouses I'm sure are happy with our health choices but perhaps they are insencure as well.
  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
    Nope. We work out together, I cook for us, and he loved me at my fattest.
  • hmclaughlan84
    hmclaughlan84 Posts: 22 Member
    MeganMcK11 wrote: »
    hmclaughlan84 wrote: »
    I have started that it's just difficult as that then starts arguments on expenses and things
    To avoid arguments why not buy the food and cook dinner for both of you?

    She wouldn't eat the food I eat I'm a trained chef but not a fan of my cooking
  • mustb60
    mustb60 Posts: 1,090 Member
    Have a calm discussion with your partner about your weight loss goal and the support you need, and why you are doing this. You being healthier is good for your family also. Don't ask her to join you on this journey if she needs this but is not ready. Emphasise on health benefits nonetheless.

    My partner was not very supportive initially even though he would say I needed to lose. But when I started changing my eating habits and stopped eating with him on the weekdays, he was alarmed. Actually he felt pressured as he is also overweight. So he would comment if I snacked on some biscuits or cheese, not knowing it was within my mfp calorie goals. I used to explain CICO to him everytime he made a snide remark patiently and tell him the recent health research facts and such.

    Gradually he is converted. Now he is also on this journey, tracking his food and working out regularly. But competition has also arisen albeit friendly mostly while working out. :D So be patient and they will see your point of view.
  • Shells918
    Shells918 Posts: 1,070 Member
    My husband is supportive of my goals, eats whatever I cook, but isn't too interested in doing any diet/ exercise. He has the classic "don't have time to exercise" mentality, and told me that Dad bods are in. I don't mind how he looks, his weight hasn't changed since we met. I'm the one who gained 50 lbs and he still thinks I'm beautiful.
    I don't push him but he's starting to realize with 50 coming around the corner that some exercise might be good for him.
  • oluseyiola
    oluseyiola Posts: 14 Member
    Insecurity is the name of the game and a big part of it, I think. Weight loss is a huge change-- and it implies independence, a desire for change, and putting yourself first-- partners or spouses can find that threatening, especially those who have deep rooted insecurities themselves. In some cases, it can result incredibly passive-aggressive, douchey behavior. Key is to remember who you're doing it for-- YOU! No one should be able to dictate to you what looks good or not, as long as you are healthy and happy, and if that partner doesn't want to come around, then that's their loss not yours :smile: .
  • AigreDoux
    AigreDoux Posts: 594 Member
    My husband doesn't fuss one way or another about how I look, but supports all efforts to become healthier via healthy eating and exercise. He thinks it's a good example for our kids too :)
  • MeganMcK11
    MeganMcK11 Posts: 117 Member
    edited July 2016

    @hmcglaughlan84 Well, sounds like her loss then. I'd eat pretty much anything a trained chef puts in front of me lol
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,682 Member
    hmclaughlan84 wrote: »
    MeganMcK11 wrote: »
    hmclaughlan84 wrote: »
    I have started that it's just difficult as that then starts arguments on expenses and things
    To avoid arguments why not buy the food and cook dinner for both of you?

    She wouldn't eat the food I eat I'm a trained chef but not a fan of my cooking

    My husband and I don't eat the same things.

    We each make our own food with the exception of dinner time. I don't make his lunch, he doesn't make mine. He eats breakfast, I don't. Snacks are our own choices.

    The only thing that is made "together" is dinner. Some days my husband makes something that we both like and both eat ... that happened yesterday. But on a day like today, we both had veggies, but the other part of the meal was different. It doesn't cost any more for him to eat his stuff and me to eat my stuff than it would be for both of us to eat the same thing.

    It took a few weeks to sort things out, but now it's just normal.

    Oh, and ... I don't cook. I've never learned. But I read so much about slow cookers here, that I suggested we get a slow cooker. He agreed (and probably wondered how much dust it would collect) ... but I've put together several slow cooker meals that mainly consist of chicken and veggies and spices, and they've turned out surprisingly well. So as a part of this whole process, I've actually learned something and can contribute to meals now and then too. :)

  • robininfl
    robininfl Posts: 1,137 Member
    socalrunner59 wrote: »

    We're going through a divorce now. A few months ago he said the reason our marriage failed was because we was convinced I remade my body so I could find a new man.

    Self fulfilling prophecy, huh. Like he has to make it true even if it isn't.
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