Do you get told you don't need to lose weight?

nikolausi88 wrote: »

So, I have been in similar situations where I was the considerably heavier person and the slightly overweight person talked about weight loss.
I have always given similar responses and told them they are fine at their current weight.... But really what else am I supposed to say? "Yes, you are a little overweight" seems rude, especially since I am clearly way worse at managing my own weight.

And a lot of times it comes with a lot of hidden emotional meaning when women call themselves overweight, so the response could just mean that she doesn't think you're ugly/ undisciplined/ have less worth than a slim person.

I'm not sure how detailed the response was, but if it's just a quick sentence after your comment, I wouldn't put too much stock into it.

Just wanted to add another angel. Why not just engage in a conversation about it if she brought it up? Like, oh you're trying to lose weight? What are your goals? Cool, you'll definitely get there!

Because it's about her/him, not about you (not saying that's what you're doing).

I used to say this exact thing to people a lot because I didn't want to be rude and agree that they needed to lose weight and I wanted them to know that I loved them no matter what. I stopped when I realized how irritating (and sometimes demoralizing) it was for people to say it to me. Now I say what I actually mean, which is, "I think you're lovely just as you are, but I am totally behind you if that's what you want to do!" That's what I'd like people to say to me.

I don't like to talk about weight loss, but I do like to talk about nutrition and fitness a fair bit, because they are a current fascination (wonder why, LOL).

My family, is a whole other ball of wax, LOL. I'd love to know how to say "We put the fun in dysfunctional" in Latin because it's our unofficial family motto. I just accept that my siblings going to say things like, "You're gonna blow away with the next breeze," or bring up some loony article full of bad information that they read on IHaveNeverHeardOfSnopes.com or something weird thing Oprah said (my sisters and Oprah, blah), and that they're going to tease me mercilessly about any details I might share, because we're like that. The last conversation included questions like, "So, you're a health nut now?" and "So, tell me why carbs are evil," and "Does this mean you can't eat anything good?" and "Just make sure you don't get anorexic," the last said while I was gobbling up my eighth slice of brisket. I respond with snark (like telling them I'm going to join a cannibal commune) and usually we all get a good laugh. But that's ONLY my siblings, because reasons. My dad always just tells me I look great, and my son and I don't tease each other about weight, because reasons.

leslienicole318 wrote: »

I started at 151 and am now 141.6. When I tell my aunt (my diet buddy) and my mawmaw and other various close relatives I want to weigh 115 they tell me no way and I'll look disgusting and I don't even need to lose any weight at all. I think I'm gonna look great at 115 (I'm 5'5" and its a health BMI) so when family tells me I'm fine how I am, it's a little disheartening but I know what's best for me

Wait, you tell alllll those people your goal weight, knowing they're going to call you disgusting at that weight? Is this self sabotage? In all seriousness... Just why?

Thank her for the compliment and say "If it was merely cosmetic, I'd say the same thing. But my doctor and I agree that being leaner could help my heart.

Best advice ever: assume the best about people's intentions.

Colorscheme wrote: »

fitgirldc wrote: »

Colorscheme wrote: »

Yes, Anorexia is a mental disease that manifests in physical ways. A person with anorexia isn't going to lose a few pounds and then stop. They'll keep losing weight to the point where they are completely emaciated.

Exactly! I get bulk of comments from BW I have been introduced to in social settings or coworkers (not friends). Here in the south, BW call themselves "thick" when in actuality they are overweight. So of course I look skinny to them because of their perception of what is "normal". I'm 45 and 3 kids later managed to keep a healthy BMI all these years. The nerve of people!

That's like my sister. her and my parents are obese, she thinks I'm super skinny. I'm not. My fat hides in my boobs and upper thighs, so I look slimmer than I really am.

You take care of your health. Other posters have given some good suggestions on how to respond. I hope it helps. BTW, Thank goodness for the boob camouflage huh?

I've heard it more times than I can count.
But for the record, it's usually from other woman.
I don't know why, but it is. Maybe because a man usually won't talk to a woman about her weight??

And as far as bringing up weight loss to other people, I don't, but they seem to "notice?" That I pass on dessert in a restaurant. Or that I order the steamed broccoli instead of the loaded baked potato. Then it turns into "what, YOU'RE not on a diet are you? With a wide eyed look.

I do like myself on the lean side. Plus at 5" 9" I have a small frame, skinny wrists and ankles. And any extra padding goes to my gut. So the only way I have a flat stomach with no muffin top is to be at the low end of the weight charts.

Personally, when people say I don't need to lose weight, I just say thank you, and change the subject.

And when my weight is where I like it, 10 lbs less than where it is now, I feel younger( I'm 55) , more energetic, and just better in my own skin.
And THAT is what really matters.

Mentali wrote: »

msalicia116 wrote: »

@Colorscheme Just out of curiosity, but why didn't you just tell her according to your bmi, you're over weight and want to be healthy? The reason I ask is because you said she is obese, and maybe she doesn't understand bmi and how it can and does affect health, which applies to everyone. Now that's body positive. However, your condition doesn't, so the idea will be discarded. Just a thought that occurred to me for some reason.

I just wanted to add my voice to this - I've dealt with this before and have gone this route. It makes me feel worse about myself. It makes me feel like they're trying to say something nice and I'm being argumentative, and it makes me feel like they put me in a position where I have to call myself fat which, even if it's true, doesn't feel good to think and certainly not to say out loud (to people of varying closeness to you).

So I stopped saying that when people said it to me because it ended up making me feel worse, not better, and I would rather feel better than talk about how I'm actually fat on the off chance that I'm going to suddenly turn on the lightbulb in someone's head that makes them think "hey...I'M fat, who knew?" (they all know)

I actually understand completely where you're coming from. I would feel exactly the same way, which is why I personally do not talk about my diet or body with anyone (outside of here).

I only asked her that because she did bring up wanting to lose weight to her friend. She said, "I told one of my friends I wanted to lose weight because at my last cardio appt a week ago, my weight was 164 lbs which is a couple of pounds overweight according to bmi." From here the focus was how losing weight would probably improve her heart issues. She mentioned her friend is obese, so the thought just crept up in my mind, since they were already having a discussion about it.

But yes, everything you said, I completely agree with. On another note, you shouldn't even be put in that position in the first place. It's just a far too personal and sensitive subject.