Do you get told you don't need to lose weight?
Replies
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When people's mouth is saying "You don't need to", their mind is thinking "I don't want to."11
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JeromeBarry1 wrote: »When people's mouth is saying "You don't need to", their mind is thinking "I don't want to."
OMG...I've never heard it said that way. I do believe you are right!!
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I hear it a lot. Of course I am in recovery for an eating disorder so I take it as the people I care about not wanting to see me go down that path again.0
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I have family members who don't want me to lose weight. So I tell them my body is changing because of exercise. They accept that and stop moaning most of the time. None the wiser.
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I have a big problems with this my mum in fact is so against me losing weight that she sabotages me and buys me junk food on purpose when she knows im dieting. Im overweight occarding to my bmi but my mum is scared ill get an eating disorder. I get it but my weight slowely rising and i need to do something about it.0
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At grandma's birthday, my mother in law asked me if I've lost some weight, I actually got nervous. I was also fasting at that time, so I responded with: "Yes, I have. Not because of the fasting, but because I've worked on it longer."
Oh boy.
Ooooh, she noticed earlier but didn't dare to ask me, because she doesn't see me that often. But my face got slimmer and my arms are o so tiny. Well, good job. Buy don't lose any more weight!
And jep, auntie agreed. Don't lose anymore! And grandma agreed too... The males didn't dare to say something about it.
I'm still going to cut, until I'm 115 lbs. Then I'm going to decide if I want to cut more, or recomp, bulk, etc.3 -
I think friends say it because it's just a nice thing to say. You know, like when someone says they're on a diet so you're like "oh you don't need to diet". I know I say that sometimes because otherwise I feel like I'm agreeing to calling them fat lol I definitely don't do it to not be supportive. But yeah, I've been told from the beginning from my grandma that I don't need to lose weight, but she watches too much TV and her main concern is me getting an eating disorder. I just ignore her most of the time. That's the best thing to do. Tell the people who don't support you that you do have some extra pounds to lose and that you're doing it the healthy way. The only reason people should have a say in your weight loss is if they're worried about your health, which I understand, so if you tell them you're not starving yourself or anything than they shouldn't have anything to say beyond that. If they do, it's irrelevant. Like everyone else said, it's your body so how it looks is up to you!0
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I'd never tell someone I don't think they need to lose weight, unless I thought they were doing something dangerous... like if they were already really tiny and dieting to an unhealthy level, that would be different. But other than that, it's not for me to say what someone else does with their body! If they are uncomfortable with their body, and think they need to lose weight, then that's for them to decide!0
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I get dragged into food based conversations all of the time. I work in the paving industry, so I am surrounded by...excessively robust individuals on a daily basis. I used to be one myself. So of course, half ask me how I lost so much weight, am keeping it off, etc. Out of everyone that I have explained the simplicity to, only one could actually be *kitten* to follow CICO advice, and the weighing of food. Funny, he's the only one who's not still a landwhale.
The other half just insist upon telling me that I need to eat more. Distorted perception, is my best guess.4 -
Look, its considered hugely crass in this country to answer any comment about weight with "You're fat, lose more weight." I'm 46 years old and I work at a college and I listen to these conversations between young women ALL THE TIME, and they have not changed since I was in school.
The social script here is:
"OMG! I'm so fat! I have to lose, like, 20 pounds!"
"No, YOU'RE not fat! I"M so fat! You look great! I'm the one who needs to lose 20 pounds!"
"NO! YOU look great! But me, Iam SO FAT!"
Repeat ad infinitum.
None of those conversations reflect what people actually believe. They are a script we all learned in middle school. They're not "ignorant of BMI" or "refusing to accept they're the ones that need to lose." They don't actually mean that they think you don't have more to lose. They're just following the script.9 -
Yep... but the bottom line is... you do this for you. I just answer with "well this is something I need to do for myself for my self esteem... for my fitness level.. etc" I'm a runner... so of course, as I lose weight, my running performance will increase. Unless you're dealing with an eating disorder, whether or not you lose weight is all you, baby.4
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Look, its considered hugely crass in this country to answer any comment about weight with "You're fat, lose more weight." I'm 46 years old and I work at a college and I listen to these conversations between young women ALL THE TIME, and they have not changed since I was in school.
The social script here is:
"OMG! I'm so fat! I have to lose, like, 20 pounds!"
"No, YOU'RE not fat! I"M so fat! You look great! I'm the one who needs to lose 20 pounds!"
"NO! YOU look great! But me, Iam SO FAT!"
Repeat ad infinitum.
None of those conversations reflect what people actually believe. They are a script we all learned in middle school. They're not "ignorant of BMI" or "refusing to accept they're the ones that need to lose." They don't actually mean that they think you don't have more to lose. They're just following the script.
I think this is a little different to what the OP is saying. This script is a typical teenage girl rooting for compliments. Obviously her friends are saying exactly what she wants to hear. I think that the OP is frustrated because she is actually trying to lose weight for health reasons but because she probably looks fairly slim at her weight, she is told by others that she doesn't need to.
Personally I think that is almost as rude as telling someone that you think they do need to lose weight. It's disrespectful because she is an adult who has made a decision about her body. Why would anyone think it's ok to tell someone what you think they should do with their body unless you were concerned for their safety? It's just unnecessary so I sympathise with the OP.
(Even though I most definitely AM overweight and have never been told I don't need to lose weight Heehee.) 1 -
"Do you get told you don't need to lose weight?"
Nope. My decision, my action, my results.2 -
Look, its considered hugely crass in this country to answer any comment about weight with "You're fat, lose more weight." I'm 46 years old and I work at a college and I listen to these conversations between young women ALL THE TIME, and they have not changed since I was in school.
The social script here is:
"OMG! I'm so fat! I have to lose, like, 20 pounds!"
"No, YOU'RE not fat! I"M so fat! You look great! I'm the one who needs to lose 20 pounds!"
"NO! YOU look great! But me, Iam SO FAT!"
Repeat ad infinitum.
None of those conversations reflect what people actually believe. They are a script we all learned in middle school. They're not "ignorant of BMI" or "refusing to accept they're the ones that need to lose." They don't actually mean that they think you don't have more to lose. They're just following the script.
I think this is a little different to what the OP is saying. This script is a typical teenage girl rooting for compliments. Obviously her friends are saying exactly what she wants to hear. I think that the OP is frustrated because she is actually trying to lose weight for health reasons but because she probably looks fairly slim at her weight, she is told by others that she doesn't need to.
Personally I think that is almost as rude as telling someone that you think they do need to lose weight. It's disrespectful because she is an adult who has made a decision about her body. Why would anyone think it's ok to tell someone what you think they should do with their body unless you were concerned for their safety? It's just unnecessary so I sympathise with the OP.
(Even though I most definitely AM overweight and have never been told I don't need to lose weight Heehee.)
How is telling someone they're too skinny and going to be anorexic if they don't stop a part of the script?0 -
I get it all the time and I'm 100lbs overweight. Usually in response to me not eating a whole pie or going to the gym. Like *kitten* right off.
ETA: I had a friend over at my apartment one night. In my apartment, I have a white board where I keep track of measurements and goals. While I was in the bathroom, she decided to erase the whole thing and write "perfect" all over it. She couldn't understand why I was mad.2 -
Look, its considered hugely crass in this country to answer any comment about weight with "You're fat, lose more weight." I'm 46 years old and I work at a college and I listen to these conversations between young women ALL THE TIME, and they have not changed since I was in school.
The social script here is:
"OMG! I'm so fat! I have to lose, like, 20 pounds!"
"No, YOU'RE not fat! I"M so fat! You look great! I'm the one who needs to lose 20 pounds!"
"NO! YOU look great! But me, Iam SO FAT!"
Repeat ad infinitum.
None of those conversations reflect what people actually believe. They are a script we all learned in middle school. They're not "ignorant of BMI" or "refusing to accept they're the ones that need to lose." They don't actually mean that they think you don't have more to lose. They're just following the script.
I think this is a little different to what the OP is saying. This script is a typical teenage girl rooting for compliments. Obviously her friends are saying exactly what she wants to hear. I think that the OP is frustrated because she is actually trying to lose weight for health reasons but because she probably looks fairly slim at her weight, she is told by others that she doesn't need to.
Personally I think that is almost as rude as telling someone that you think they do need to lose weight. It's disrespectful because she is an adult who has made a decision about her body. Why would anyone think it's ok to tell someone what you think they should do with their body unless you were concerned for their safety? It's just unnecessary so I sympathise with the OP.
(Even though I most definitely AM overweight and have never been told I don't need to lose weight Heehee.)
Yeah, I have a lot of body fat but it hides in my boobs and upper thighs, with a narrow waist and very thin legs in comparison. So I can totally see how I look like I'm a at a normal weight from an outsider's perspective. But I gotta say, Im looking forward to hopefully losing my boobs. I'm a D and on my small frame, it causes back pain.1 -
When I'm at a "normal" BMI, its all in my legs and butt. I have the arms and neck of an underweight person and the butt and thighs of a normal-to-overweight person, so I also see how someone could look at my collarbone and wrists/hands and think "Um, no."0
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PaulaWallaDingDong wrote: »Look, its considered hugely crass in this country to answer any comment about weight with "You're fat, lose more weight." I'm 46 years old and I work at a college and I listen to these conversations between young women ALL THE TIME, and they have not changed since I was in school.
The social script here is:
"OMG! I'm so fat! I have to lose, like, 20 pounds!"
"No, YOU'RE not fat! I"M so fat! You look great! I'm the one who needs to lose 20 pounds!"
"NO! YOU look great! But me, Iam SO FAT!"
Repeat ad infinitum.
None of those conversations reflect what people actually believe. They are a script we all learned in middle school. They're not "ignorant of BMI" or "refusing to accept they're the ones that need to lose." They don't actually mean that they think you don't have more to lose. They're just following the script.
I think this is a little different to what the OP is saying. This script is a typical teenage girl rooting for compliments. Obviously her friends are saying exactly what she wants to hear. I think that the OP is frustrated because she is actually trying to lose weight for health reasons but because she probably looks fairly slim at her weight, she is told by others that she doesn't need to.
Personally I think that is almost as rude as telling someone that you think they do need to lose weight. It's disrespectful because she is an adult who has made a decision about her body. Why would anyone think it's ok to tell someone what you think they should do with their body unless you were concerned for their safety? It's just unnecessary so I sympathise with the OP.
(Even though I most definitely AM overweight and have never been told I don't need to lose weight Heehee.)
How is telling someone they're too skinny and going to be anorexic if they don't stop a part of the script?
Anorexia is a mental disorder that is not that common. Because obesity is such a epidemic our perception of what a healthy weight actually looks like is greatly skewed. Striving to be at the lower end of the BMI scale is not anorexia.1 -
@Colorscheme I get you girl! I was a size 32GG when I began my cut in May. I am going to get resized and get a new bra and swimming suit next month and I am praying that I have shrank down to a size that is actually carried in regular stores.0
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@Colorscheme I get you girl! I was a size 32GG when I began my cut in May. I am going to get resized and get a new bra and swimming suit next month and I am prying that I have shank down to a size that is actually carried in regular stores.
Wowwwwww! does your back kill you? mine does and I'm not nearly as big busted as you are. But I guess because my boobs are huge in comparison to my ribcage and torso, it still affects my back.0 -
@Colorscheme I have to be mindful of my posture while sitting otherwise my lower back hurts. Strength training and core work has help a lot with it. Trying to find swimsuit tops that cover them is the hardest part.0
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msalicia116 wrote: »leslienicole318 wrote: »I started at 151 and am now 141.6. When I tell my aunt (my diet buddy) and my mawmaw and other various close relatives I want to weigh 115 they tell me no way and I'll look disgusting and I don't even need to lose any weight at all. I think I'm gonna look great at 115 (I'm 5'5" and its a health BMI) so when family tells me I'm fine how I am, it's a little disheartening but I know what's best for me
Wait, you tell alllll those people your goal weight, knowing they're going to call you disgusting at that weight? Is this self sabotage? In all seriousness... Just why?
My dads side of the family is obsessed with weight. Last summer, I weighed nearly 170 pounds. At a cousins birthday party, my grandad asked me if I was still growing and then put his hands outward to indicate I was fat in front of everybody. I lost nearly 20 pounds after that embarrassment. Now my aunt is my diet buddy as we're very close and she wants to lose 60 pounds. So we share goals and our meals and everything. I also sleepover nearly every night too so it's hard to not share things with her when we're so close. She only disagrees with my 115 pound goal, but says I'd be fine to lose 10 or 20 pounds. My Mawmaw is the real culprit in it. I'm currently dating a doctor which my Mawmaw is very proud of, but every time I would so much as put a crumb in my mouth she would remind me I'm dating a doctor and can't afford to be put any pounds on. When I started my diet, she asked me if my doctor boyfriend had asked me to (obviously he did not). Thinking it'd make her ease up on me, I began updating her on pounds lost and eventually on my goal. I've received remarks about my goal and she now tells me not to lose anymore weight. By word of mouth other family members have heard about my diet and asked me about it and my goals and have told me not to lose that much and that I'm already tiny. Basically I started telling so my weight obsessed family would stop remarks but its backfired. Its not self sabotage because no matter what they say, I'm still going to get to my goal. I just feel it'd be easier with someone who supported and encouraged my weight goal. Thankfully, I have a very supportive boyfriend and myself for encouragement!1 -
There's always plenty of overweight people who will preach that it's healthy or that being slim is bowing down to media pressure etc.
They hate it when smaller people say they need to lose weight.
For most it's just an act to hide the jealousy and unhappiness with what they've done to themselves and lack of drive to make a change. As long as you are losing healthily then go about it without this friend.2 -
I was somewhat overweight since my late teens (bmi around 26-27). When I would complain about being "fat" I got the typical "scripted" responses that @savithny was talking about. And whenever thin girls would talk about how "fat" they were (when they were clearly in a normal weight range for their height), I'd play along with the script too. As I got older I figured out that they were simply fishing for compliments, not genuinely concerned about their health, and I stopped playing along (nod, smile, change subject - sometimes you could visibly see their frustration at that). Now that I am one of the "thin girls" I make it a point not to gripe about my weight, especially around those who are heavier than I am. I don't need compliments, I'm happy with where I'm at, and any improvements I may choose to make are purely about vanity, not health. No one tells me I don't need to lose anymore weight, because I don't talk about my weight in the first place.
Now, this is a bit different than the scenario the OP mentioned. In that scenario (one person has a few lbs to lose, the other person clearly has a lot more to lose, and the topic comes up not in a griping way, just a matter of fact way), it strikes me that the very heavy person is either simply "playing along" with the script and trying to be polite (thinking, true or not, that the thinner person is fishing), OR they hear a (relatively) slim person say "I need to lose some weight" and interpret it as "I'm "fat", but clearly smaller than you, so you are a whale by comparison" and the heavy person decides to tell thinner person, "no, you don't need to lose" in order to make themselves feel better about being even heavier.
Weight is a touchy subject for most. It should probably be avoided in the same way most people avoid talking about money, religion, and politics, unless you are very close to the other person and know for absolute certain that what you say won't be misconstrued.
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tlflag1620 wrote: »I was somewhat overweight since my late teens (bmi around 26-27). When I would complain about being "fat" I got the typical "scripted" responses that @savithny was talking about. And whenever thin girls would talk about how "fat" they were (when they were clearly in a normal weight range for their height), I'd play along with the script too. As I got older I figured out that they were simply fishing for compliments, not genuinely concerned about their health, and I stopped playing along (nod, smile, change subject - sometimes you could visibly see their frustration at that). Now that I am one of the "thin girls" I make it a point not to gripe about my weight, especially around those who are heavier than I am. I don't need compliments, I'm happy with where I'm at, and any improvements I may choose to make are purely about vanity, not health. No one tells me I don't need to lose anymore weight, because I don't talk about my weight in the first place.
Now, this is a bit different than the scenario the OP mentioned. In that scenario (one person has a few lbs to lose, the other person clearly has a lot more to lose, and the topic comes up not in a griping way, just a matter of fact way), it strikes me that the very heavy person is either simply "playing along" with the script and trying to be polite (thinking, true or not, that the thinner person is fishing), OR they hear a (relatively) slim person say "I need to lose some weight" and interpret it as "I'm "fat", but clearly smaller than you, so you are a whale by comparison" and the heavy person decides to tell thinner person, "no, you don't need to lose" in order to make themselves feel better about being even heavier.
Weight is a touchy subject for most. It should probably be avoided in the same way most people avoid talking about money, religion, and politics, unless you are very close to the other person and know for absolute certain that what you say won't be misconstrued.
Well said. And for the record, I adore my friend. Her and I connect very well despite the age gap, I will never hold her weight against her, or throw it in her face.1 -
leslienicole318 wrote: »I started at 151 and am now 141.6. When I tell my aunt (my diet buddy) and my mawmaw and other various close relatives I want to weigh 115 they tell me no way and I'll look disgusting and I don't even need to lose any weight at all. I think I'm gonna look great at 115 (I'm 5'5" and its a health BMI) so when family tells me I'm fine how I am, it's a little disheartening but I know what's best for me
115 is at the low end of the Normal BMI range for your height. What's your frame size? http://www.myfooddiary.com/Resources/frame_size_calculator.asp0 -
I used to say this exact thing to people a lot because I didn't want to be rude and agree that they needed to lose weight and I wanted them to know that I loved them no matter what. I stopped when I realized how irritating (and sometimes demoralizing) it was for people to say it to me. Now I say what I actually mean, which is, "I think you're lovely just as you are, but I am totally behind you if that's what you want to do!" That's what I'd like people to say to me.
I don't like to talk about weight loss, but I do like to talk about nutrition and fitness a fair bit, because they are a current fascination (wonder why, LOL).
My family, is a whole other ball of wax, LOL. I'd love to know how to say "We put the fun in dysfunctional" in Latin because it's our unofficial family motto. I just accept that my siblings going to say things like, "You're gonna blow away with the next breeze," or bring up some loony article full of bad information that they read on IHaveNeverHeardOfSnopes.com or something weird thing Oprah said (my sisters and Oprah, blah), and that they're going to tease me mercilessly about any details I might share, because we're like that. The last conversation included questions like, "So, you're a health nut now?" and "So, tell me why carbs are evil," and "Does this mean you can't eat anything good?" and "Just make sure you don't get anorexic," the last said while I was gobbling up my eighth slice of brisket. I respond with snark (like telling them I'm going to join a cannibal commune) and usually we all get a good laugh. But that's ONLY my siblings, because reasons. My dad always just tells me I look great, and my son and I don't tease each other about weight, because reasons.
According to Google translate:
We put the fun in dysfunctional = Nos ad ludum in dysfunctional
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PaulaWallaDingDong wrote: »Look, its considered hugely crass in this country to answer any comment about weight with "You're fat, lose more weight." I'm 46 years old and I work at a college and I listen to these conversations between young women ALL THE TIME, and they have not changed since I was in school.
The social script here is:
"OMG! I'm so fat! I have to lose, like, 20 pounds!"
"No, YOU'RE not fat! I"M so fat! You look great! I'm the one who needs to lose 20 pounds!"
"NO! YOU look great! But me, Iam SO FAT!"
Repeat ad infinitum.
None of those conversations reflect what people actually believe. They are a script we all learned in middle school. They're not "ignorant of BMI" or "refusing to accept they're the ones that need to lose." They don't actually mean that they think you don't have more to lose. They're just following the script.
I think this is a little different to what the OP is saying. This script is a typical teenage girl rooting for compliments. Obviously her friends are saying exactly what she wants to hear. I think that the OP is frustrated because she is actually trying to lose weight for health reasons but because she probably looks fairly slim at her weight, she is told by others that she doesn't need to.
Personally I think that is almost as rude as telling someone that you think they do need to lose weight. It's disrespectful because she is an adult who has made a decision about her body. Why would anyone think it's ok to tell someone what you think they should do with their body unless you were concerned for their safety? It's just unnecessary so I sympathise with the OP.
(Even though I most definitely AM overweight and have never been told I don't need to lose weight Heehee.)
How is telling someone they're too skinny and going to be anorexic if they don't stop a part of the script?
That's not what happened with the OP. Anorexia came up later in the thread, in a tangent about HAES.0 -
punkrockgoth wrote: »I get it all the time and I'm 100lbs overweight. Usually in response to me not eating a whole pie or going to the gym. Like *kitten* right off.
ETA: I had a friend over at my apartment one night. In my apartment, I have a white board where I keep track of measurements and goals. While I was in the bathroom, she decided to erase the whole thing and write "perfect" all over it. She couldn't understand why I was mad.
I can't believe someone would do that. There would have been tears if someone tried that with me.
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punkrockgoth wrote: »I get it all the time and I'm 100lbs overweight. Usually in response to me not eating a whole pie or going to the gym. Like *kitten* right off.
ETA: I had a friend over at my apartment one night. In my apartment, I have a white board where I keep track of measurements and goals. While I was in the bathroom, she decided to erase the whole thing and write "perfect" all over it. She couldn't understand why I was mad.
How was the funeral?3
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