I'm so horribly upset right now!

Options
MyLadybug2012
MyLadybug2012 Posts: 6 Member
in Chit-Chat
Today is my 29th birthday and for once it was going really good. Only plans I have going is catching up on some video games, seeing a friend and going out to eat with my husband. Diet wise I have not been doing good but have been walking every night for the past few weeks so at least I'm working out.

I was all excited for my guy friend of 14 years to come over and introduce me to his girlfriend. I was wearing leggings (which I thought flattered me) and a normal shirt. He walks in and 30 seconds later says "I know it is your birthday but I have to say" I thought he was going to make fun of something I was doing or something he saw in my house "You've gotten really fat" I almost burst into tears. His girlfriend was like omg that is so mean and the whole thing got awkward. Now, not being mean at all because I thought she looked great, she is 20-30lbs heavier than me. How did that comment make her feel? Like when people are 100lbs and call themselves disgusting or fat and you're like omg I just want to get down to 130lbs.

I was like we need to change the subject and he tries to back track saying "I'm just saying you haven't been this big.... I mean this size.... in a long time" He saw me a few months ago and I was 5lbs lighter. Why didn't he make that comment then.

Since we have known each other for so long he knows I have body dysmorphic disorder, depression, anxiety and ocd (which is associated to my binge eating). Why the hell would he say these things. His *kitten* isn't built like Batman or anything special. It's not like I'm happy with my size and I plan to stay this size then I would have snapped back with "I love how I look, you can suck it" but I want to lose weight and I've been having such a hard time so it just threw me to rock bottom.

I will have some words for him once I get my thoughts in order and not become so upset but that hurt me so much. I've had strangers call me fat, say I got bigger, or ask if I'm pregnant but hearing it from someone I love really hurt me.

My husband wants to take me out to eat tonight and I don't even want to go I feel like total *kitten*....

I don't like to vent like this on sites but I had to get the rage out.....

Has this happened to you and what have you said?
«13

Replies

  • salembambi
    salembambi Posts: 5,585 Member
    Options
    what a barf bag of a friend

    go out and have a great dinner with your husband enjoy yourself and eat all the cake you want do your best to not let that crap ruin your day

    seriously what a shiit friend he is
  • MyLadybug2012
    MyLadybug2012 Posts: 6 Member
    Options
    I appreciate that! A lot I started crying again but not in a bad way lol..... I'm guessing it was because his girlfriend was there but if she is a good person she will be like WTF to him (and she was really nice) I've been there for him every step of the way and always had a shoulder for him to cry on and listen to his drama. Literally felt like a bullet to my heart.... I need to just take this rage and work on myself

  • nukephysics
    nukephysics Posts: 406 Member
    Options
    I hope he rots in it with a Brokeback
  • salembambi
    salembambi Posts: 5,585 Member
    Options
    MyLadybug2012 wrote: »
    I appreciate that! A lot I started crying again but not in a bad way lol..... I'm guessing it was because his girlfriend was there but if she is a good person she will be like WTF to him (and she was really nice) I've been there for him every step of the way and always had a shoulder for him to cry on and listen to his drama. Literally felt like a bullet to my heart.... I need to just take this rage and work on myself

    also get a new friend
  • kevinf2380
    kevinf2380 Posts: 256 Member
    edited July 2016
    Options
    That is a ahole thing to say.

    Are you guys the type of friends that have discussed personal things before?

    I have some friends that are tough love kind of people. They don't say it to be jerks, they say things because no one else has the courage to tell me. Or people think it's too inappropriate to bring up. There are times I need someone to tell me like it is. I'm not saying this was your situation and if the person said it the way you described they could have used more tact.
  • dbhDeb
    dbhDeb Posts: 200 Member
    Options
    NOT a friend I would keep in my circle MyLadybug. that is just cruel for anyone to do.
  • dbhDeb
    dbhDeb Posts: 200 Member
    Options
    AND go have that dinner -- you are a beautiful girl!!! 29 is a wonderful age to celebrate!!!!
  • CincyNeid
    CincyNeid Posts: 1,249 Member
    Options
    Dude....... :'( I feel for you.

    Just remember if you're feeling down, we're here to feel you up.....


    .... wait that didn't come out right....

    We're here for you. But if I were in your shoes I would cool down over the next day or so and confront him on it and ask why he said that and let him know you're hurting. He cannot fix what he doesn't know is broken. If you've been friends for that long don't risk the friendship. But don't go silent either.

    We're here for you.
  • TestNamePleaseIgnore
    TestNamePleaseIgnore Posts: 295 Member
    edited July 2016
    Options
    hm
  • MyLadybug2012
    MyLadybug2012 Posts: 6 Member
    Options
    I understand what you are saying and ya we talk about deep stuff but he always knows if I said "hey am I getting fat?" He would tell me the truth but I didn't ask for it and he knows I'm so damn sensitive. I was 200lbs once (I'm 160 now) and he NEVER once said anything.... trying to impress his girlfriend in a stupid way
    kevinf2380 wrote: »
    That is a ahole thing to say.

    Are you guys the type of friends that have discussed personal things before?

    I have some friends that are tough love kind of people. They don't say it to be jerks, they say things because no one else has the courage to tell me. Or people think it's too inappropriate to bring up. There are times I need someone to tell me like it is. I'm not saying this was your situation and if the person said it the way you described they could have used more tact.

  • MyLadybug2012
    MyLadybug2012 Posts: 6 Member
    Options
    After I wrote this and I thought of that. She was not impressed and was uncomfortable for a little bit after the comment. But ya he was being a total jerk and he has never talked to me in such a way EVER in our friendship If I asked his opinion then that is my fault lol but he knows better and he screwed up
    Sugar_Pill wrote: »
    Do you think that maybe his gf was nervous about meeting you? Maybe insecure that he has a friend of the female variety he's been so close to for so long- and he is ignorant enough that he thought insulting you would appease her?

    As dumb as it sounds- you have to think like a dude.

  • MyLadybug2012
    MyLadybug2012 Posts: 6 Member
    Options
    oh lord you're funny! but ya I appreciate the kind words and that's why I love this site because you guys understand
    CincyNeid wrote: »
    Dude....... :'( I feel for you.

    Just remember if you're feeling down, we're here to feel you up.....


    .... wait that didn't come out right....

    We're here for you. But if I were in your shoes I would cool down over the next day or so and confront him on it and ask why he said that and let him know you're hurting. He cannot fix what he doesn't know is broken. If you've been friends for that long don't risk the friendship. But don't go silent either.

    We're here for you.

  • Lynzdee18
    Lynzdee18 Posts: 500 Member
    Options
    I'm speechless. Well almost.

    I've got old friends. (Yup. I'm old.). But we never EVER comment on each others' size. None of us are perfect. That's a subject best left unsaid. There are SO many reasons for a person to be larger and NONE of them are our business unless we are a medical professional who is in charge of someone's health!

    I'm sure his girlfriend's eyes were opened by that display of rudeness.
  • shor0814
    shor0814 Posts: 559 Member
    Options
    Maybe he just *kitten* up and acted like an *kitten*. If you otherwise value his friendship you might want to talk to him and see what he says, maybe he will admit it and apologize and try to be a better supporting friend. Totally up to you but sometimes we all screw up and you have to decide if it is worth giving him a chance. You might be in his shoes one day.
  • upoffthemat
    upoffthemat Posts: 679 Member
    Options
    I would have invited any "friend" saying that to me to exit the building immediately.

    Probably why I don't have a lot of friends, but I really don't have time for people like that in my life.
  • Shana67
    Shana67 Posts: 680 Member
    Options
    What I always tell my kids - Your friends should make you feel good about yourself. If they don't, it's time to make new friends. This person is not your friend. Please don't waste your time and emotional energy on him!
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,508 Member
    Options
    Your friend needs a swift kick to his ovaries.

Categories