I'm so horribly upset right now!

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Replies

  • DeficitDuchess
    DeficitDuchess Posts: 3,099 Member
    Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
    FridayApril01st2016 wrote: »
    Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
    FridayApril01st2016 wrote: »
    Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
    Wait, are you making this up to generate sympathy?? Or are you jealous his girlfriend is prettier but heavier?? Or do you just want a round of happy birthday greetings?!

    If the other girl is heavier, why would he say this stuff and also why would he risk your husband kicking his *kitten*??

    @rainbowbow
    Your cross-sectional analytical skills are needed please. Asap.

    < Note to self: Never ever vent here because it's suspicious!
    You really think you can go to a house and call the host fat? If the OP and Co were Chinese or Indian, I will believe for it is cultural. The story script is not very coherent. It's like John Wayne playing Ghenghis Khan or Tom Cruise playing a Samurai and both movies were box office hits.

    If I had the money, I'll cast Leslie Chow from the hangover (what's his name?!) as Abraham Lincoln. I'll make him the best beard. Because I will definitely have some form of audience. This thread is encouraging.

    Lies derive from truth! Ed Gein: Fact (truth). Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Fictional (lie) based upon his truth. Sometimes you can't make stuff "entirely" up!
    I am sure some of this is truth. It's woven well. But not quite.

    Friend visited. Girlfriend probably looked better or thinner or bigger and better. OP jealous. All of this happening on a birthday. So spin a story around it. Or maybe I'm a cynic.

    No guy in his right mind will say this in the presence of 2 women, given that both are overweight. Too risky. Or he is a grade A urban villain and the two women are kinder than deer.

    Fair enough!
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  • Savyna
    Savyna Posts: 789 Member
    I'd tell him how what he said really hurt you and that you didn't think it was necessary for him to bring it up, especially in that way and if he's gonna act like that because he has a girlfriend, I think it would be time to reconsider this friendship. (I felt so bad for you reading that...that really sucks).

    I hope you had a great birthday though regardless of that hiccup.
  • thatdesertgirl777
    thatdesertgirl777 Posts: 269 Member
    I'da throat punched him.

    But please go enjoy your birthday with your husband. Life is too short for that crap!!! BE HAPPY
  • mockchoc
    mockchoc Posts: 6,573 Member
    You are gorgeous, fact. Forget it all and happy birthday to you! Do not think about what you are eating just enjoy your special day. You can work out and count calories tomorrow.
  • Wolfena
    Wolfena Posts: 1,570 Member
    MyLadybug2012 wrote: »
    Today is my 29th birthday and for once it was going really good. Only plans I have going is catching up on some video games, seeing a friend and going out to eat with my husband. Diet wise I have not been doing good but have been walking every night for the past few weeks so at least I'm working out.

    I was all excited for my guy friend of 14 years to come over and introduce me to his girlfriend. I was wearing leggings (which I thought flattered me) and a normal shirt. He walks in and 30 seconds later says "I know it is your birthday but I have to say" I thought he was going to make fun of something I was doing or something he saw in my house "You've gotten really fat" I almost burst into tears. His girlfriend was like omg that is so mean and the whole thing got awkward. Now, not being mean at all because I thought she looked great, she is 20-30lbs heavier than me. How did that comment make her feel? Like when people are 100lbs and call themselves disgusting or fat and you're like omg I just want to get down to 130lbs.

    I was like we need to change the subject and he tries to back track saying "I'm just saying you haven't been this big.... I mean this size.... in a long time" He saw me a few months ago and I was 5lbs lighter. Why didn't he make that comment then.

    Since we have known each other for so long he knows I have body dysmorphic disorder, depression, anxiety and ocd (which is associated to my binge eating). Why the hell would he say these things. His *kitten* isn't built like Batman or anything special. It's not like I'm happy with my size and I plan to stay this size then I would have snapped back with "I love how I look, you can suck it" but I want to lose weight and I've been having such a hard time so it just threw me to rock bottom.

    I will have some words for him once I get my thoughts in order and not become so upset but that hurt me so much. I've had strangers call me fat, say I got bigger, or ask if I'm pregnant but hearing it from someone I love really hurt me.

    My husband wants to take me out to eat tonight and I don't even want to go I feel like total *kitten*....

    I don't like to vent like this on sites but I had to get the rage out.....

    Has this happened to you and what have you said?

    The only thing I can possibly think of is that he wanted to be sure his girlfriend was not jealous of you so he had to make a statement like that in front of her so she would not think he thought you were attractive....

    He sounds like he was being a total jerk and not a good friend of 14 years
  • MsBuzzkillington
    MsBuzzkillington Posts: 171 Member
    Villae81 wrote: »
    He's keeping it real with you. He isn't sugarcoating shiit. I'll translate what he meant "i never seen you this way before you're slacking pick it up girlfriend" you guys can put me on blast but I'm with dude.

    This doesn't make any sense though. I mean, unless she asked for his opinion, he doesn't really need to give it. There's no reason to "keep it real" with someone who isn't asking. It really doesn't matter if the friend you haven't seen in awhile has gotten fat, or skinny, or lost all of their hair... you don't really need to say anything.
  • oocdc2
    oocdc2 Posts: 1,361 Member
    DTMFA
  • shijay
    shijay Posts: 23 Member
    Hope u go and enjoy dinner with hubby! Hopefully your friend, was not intentionally being a jerk! Talk to him later one on one about it
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,976 Member
    edited July 2016
    Just from my experience, dudes will call dudes fat, skinny, bald, etc. because they know even if it's true, it's in jest.
    But say that to a female, it's usually not going to end well. If this dude didn't know that, I don't think he's going to stay with his GF long IF that is the case.
    If we're all being open minded here, we've heard one side of the story. There's usually always 2 sides and somewhere in the middle is the truth.
    Not saying it didn't happen. Just saying I reserve judgement of anyone till I got their side.

    EDIT: I meant to say "he's NOT going to say with his GF long"

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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  • vikinglander
    vikinglander Posts: 1,547 Member
    Sugar_Pill wrote: »
    Do you think that maybe his gf was nervous about meeting you? Maybe insecure that he has a friend of the female variety he's been so close to for so long- and he is ignorant enough that he thought insulting you would appease her?

    As dumb as it sounds- you have to think like a dude.

    Speaking as a "dude", this makes the most sense, but his rationalization for saying such a thing is most likely deeply rooted in his sub-conscious mind. Sounds like he was trying to prove to the GF that he is not attracted to you, whether they had discussed it or not. Sadly, many guys don't get the chance to mature much past high school. It's taken me 58 years, and I still say stupid snit all the time, and I still have no idea what i want to be IF I grow up...
  • Raptor2763
    Raptor2763 Posts: 387 Member
    The only opinion that counts are yours and your husband's. The rest are excess
  • pearso21123
    pearso21123 Posts: 351 Member
    I feel for you. Years ago, a friend of my husband's came over. I'd only met him a few times before and this was the first time he'd visited our home. He walked in and said, "Dang, girl, you got FAT!" Granted, I had gotten fat (4 kids in 6 years and 50 pounds gained with each pregnancy). Still, I did not expect a guest to walk in and greet me in that manner. I responded by saying if my husband wanted me to quit gaining weight, he needed to quit getting me pregnant (that's probably the only time I've ever come up with a decent comeback that wasn't days too late). It really upset me and I let my husband know, later. That friend was never really welcomed back (at least not by me). My husband kind of excused it by saying his friend is an idiot who doesn't know how to act around people. Anyway, that was years ago, but when I read your post it came rushing back into my mind. I have no suggestions for you. Just wanted to let you know that I sympathize.

    P.S. His friend was going bald and half his teeth were rotted. Who was he to be judging me!? See, still upset... Those were my horribly mean, judgmental thoughts back then, in response to his comment. (I'm not normally a mean, judgmental person).
  • Imagine_if
    Imagine_if Posts: 54 Member
    Happy birthday and do NOT allow his comment anymore of your time and mental energy!!

    You're beautiful as a person and you're working on getting to the healthy body weight/size that you need and want.

    Your buddy's words are not who you are. I'm sorry for you that he wasn't able to be more supportive and friendly to you today.

    Enjoy your special dinner with your hubby tonight and tomorrow eat a healthy breakfast :)
  • Imagine_if
    Imagine_if Posts: 54 Member
    Oh, and yes... I just had a woman at a store ask when my 'next little one' was due. I am NOT pregnant. My fat hangs low, not protruding outwards and baby-bumpish. I felt flustered and anxious.

    I simply responded with 'no, not again... no more babies for me'. She stammered a bit and looked down sheepishly.

    Although I usually feel saddened by the comments, I have learned to be honest about things with folks when weight-related moments happen. I also realize that I am doing something about the weight problem now, so I am trying very hard to love myself in the process.

    I hope this helps you.
    Marie.
  • candledamachine
    candledamachine Posts: 2 Member
    I can completely understand the hurt you're feeling. I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm also sorry your friend is an insensitive buffoon. Once you get past the anger and the hurt, tell your friend that what he said was hurtful and completely inappropriate.

    It does sound like a (typical Neanderthal) guy thing to do when he's presenting his girlfriend to another woman with whom he is friends. Whether or not that is the actual case is immaterial to the mean-spirited comment. If you don't say anything to him, you are essentially giving him the license to do it again. If it were me, I'd nip that in the bud right away.

    In the meantime, go enjoy your birthday! You deserve it! This is your special day, don't let the poor decisions of one person tarnish the time you spend with your husband on your special day!

    Happy Birthday!

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