I HATE victims

half the time i feel i'm hopping along behind the wagon, one foot on, one foot off lol. i wouldn't feel offended if you kicked me in the... i'm scottish, we're thick skinned haha.

Lol hey I enjoy your honesty. I'm semi-mean to my bf when I need to be. Give him a kick in the butt. Well I think it's honesty. He thinks I'm mean. But he loves me for not beating around the bush. And generally I'm nice to make up for it.

As far as the victim mindset well that's something one must see and get over if they're going to change themselves. Drug addicts, food addicts. Alcoholics. I've known "victims" and usually that doesn't change. But I'm cynical lol. And don't quite get it Bc I've got a guilt complex. Somehow it's my fault Donald trump is running for president, etc. watched one too many apprentices Bc Gary busey was in it. Gave him good ratings so he figured he could lead America. This is all my fault

No one wants to be accountable for their own actions anymore

I, too, cannot stand the victim card so many people pull now a days. As an instructor, my students are constantly making excuses for things that happen. Some are legit, but most are just whiny excuses. My favorite students are my veterans....they own up to mistakes and work that may not get turned in. Where I advise you to be careful is calling people victims in the "motivational" section of MFP. I do not have Instagram, Facebook, Twitter or any other social media. I don't like the "talk about me" society we have become. About two weeks ago, I had a break down in my head with finally needing to admit that I have a major sugar problem. For the first time in my life, I reached out to social media looking for some kind of support. I take care of my family, home, work 50+ hours a week, so this was a big deal for me to ask for help. The first post I receive back is from Neanbean13 calling me a victim. I almost deleted my MFP account out of pure anger and wishing I never reached out for support from others. Luckily, others reached out, and I have a few MFP friends that have provided some kind of encouragement. I do appreciate honesty and being forward, but sometimes......how it's done and to whom it is done to may not be the best moment in that person's life at that particular time.

Now - my head is in a better place and my reality of wanting hard feedback and criticism of choices I make can handle Neanbean13's honesty. If interested, I'd like to be MFP friends. I could use an up front, forward and honest person in my group. I don't make the best food choices, but they are better than 2 weeks ago, and I am down 5 lbs.

You got this, you can do this

Hey TechOutside. Just being honest. You don't have to like it. But I think it's arrogant to assume everyone feels the same way you do. Not saying everyone has to agree w me either, just don't censor me. It's a basic human right to speak one's mind. I don't mind if your opinion differs, that's on you. You do you. Sorry not sorry i guess. Hope it gets better for you.

I'm of two minds about this. Where I get conflicted is that I have never been one to seek support and I'm actually uncomfortable with it and very rarely share my feelings in an emotional way, so some posts make me roll my eyes. I'm more likely to state my feelings as facts and parts of a puzzle I'm trying to solve than something I'm wallowing in. I've actually avoided support groups like the plague in times when many would need one because they do nothing for me and in fear of bursting in laughter in the most inappropriate times. If I can reply to a post with tips and tricks or some useful info I do, but if the tone of the thread gets too touchy feely and it starts sounding more and more like a whine I withdraw. I'm not patient enough to deal with emotional vampirism, and I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing.

Overplayed outrage over the simplest things, over analyzing words, drama, overly emotional use of words, exaggerated public display of feelings, high horses, overinflated self righteousness...etc are things that make my eyes glaze over in apathy, so I just avoid these conversations. Again, not sure if that's a good thing. There is a fine line between being my laid back thick skinned solution oriented self and being plain rude. There needs to be at least some level of empathy and kindness. I don't want to be rigid because different people respond to different approaches and I'm no better than anyone else just because I'm wired differently. I guess both me and the people who like victimizing themselves have things to work on.

I have known a number of women (it seems much less common in men) who actually seem to want to be victims. They often search for a medical diagnosis to explain their aches and pains, obesity, headaches, fatigue, etc. and sit passively and helplessly at home, "unable" to do anything about their problems. Often they are reluctant to understand the connection between their psyche and their physical symptoms. I have no doubt that these women feel a great deal of stress, anxiety, and fear, feel overwhelmed, and perhaps have no models in their lives of active, empowered women who felt enabled to tackle their problems. Or they are terrified at failing at something, or letting people down, while being ill would be an acceptable way to back out of an intimidating situation (I'm thinking of the woman who left her family to go to college and developed "chronic fatigue;" or the woman whose husband dies or leaves and she develops "fibromyalgia.") I feel sorry for these women, yet am frustrated at the same time, as there are very clear treatments for their problems which this kind of victim typically refuses. They will not exercise ("It hurts too much") or change their stressful jobs, or commit to therapy. I suppose the responsibility involved with being healthy feels more overwhelming than being a victim does. Kicking their butts doesn't tend to work. Usually they will shop to find someone to reinforce their victimhood rather than stick with someone who's recommendations could make a difference. Sometimes I meet someone who is so tired of feeling ill that they get mad enough to do something about it; one lady was so mad at me for prescribing exercise, she followed my recommendations just to prove me wrong. After a month of exercising, and a lot of initial pain, her fibromyalgia was completely gone. She hated exercising so much that ultimately she was willing to put up with some pain so she didn't have to exercise as much. But in the end, she was the one in control of her life and her choices; she stopped being a victim.

The ONLY freedom we truly have is how we respond to any given scenario. No doubt bad things happen to good people, but in that moment when something happens, ONLY can decide how to react and what do to next.

I gained way too much weight going through my divorce, I blame no one except me. I expect I will only loose weight when I re-learn how to count calories, eat healthy, engage in aerobic activity and incorporate weight training back into my daily/weekly routine.

I am only a victim if I want to be.

My first "real" talk with clients (usually after a couple of sessions and we get to know each other) is when I usually tell them, "You are where you are now because the lifestyle you lead brought you there. Now we just gotta figure out for you, how to get you to where you really want to be. It ain't gonna be easy and you'll run into deterrences once in awhile, but if we are consistent with your plan, you'll achieve your goal. So ready to suck it up?"

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

LazSommer wrote: »

Hatred burns more calories.

Bwahaha!