feeling guilty about working out because i have small children
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I waited till my youngest was 10 to get healthy, slim and fit
Those early years I did not give them my best, I gave them my time (was a stay at home parent for 7 years) but didn't give them my energy, health or get up and go
I now work full time, have an increasingly complex career, am much much fitter and a better, less anxious, healthier and more fun parent with far more physical drive and ability ...I feel I'm a better role model than I was
But every year I've done my best in my perception at the time, it's only retrospect that makes me realise I could have been better if I'd spent a little more time on me (than on them)
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All these judgmental people talking about being good examples ... I get it but I get the OP's view. We only have so many hours in our day. Each hour with our kids, especially with work and school, is a priority. Eventually we run out of time. Do we short change them or exercise?? And before anyone starts in on "get up early", forget it! I don't know about anyone else but I'm tired after working all day and doing all my other "jobs". I don't need one hour less sleep to add to my fatigue.1
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All these judgmental people talking about being good examples ... I get it but I get the OP's view. We only have so many hours in our day. Each hour with our kids, especially with work and school, is a priority. Eventually we run out of time. Do we short change them or exercise?? And before anyone starts in on "get up early", forget it! I don't know about anyone else but I'm tired after working all day and doing all my other "jobs". I don't need one hour less sleep to add to my fatigue.
Am I reading the same thread or are you just projecting? No one in this thread has been judgmental to the OP. If you don't want to work out, then don't.2 -
Go early before they wake up or late after bed. I have 4 kids...8,7,5 and 2. I either go early (home at 630) or after bedtime (830), if i feel like I need to spend more time with them.0
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I have 4 kids, now 22, 19, 16, & 10. They have all been in daycare/preschool because I work outside the home and they have all done their share of time in child care at the gym. Because I want them to enjoy it, I've always chosen a gym with kids activities. They learned to play basketball and socialize and I got some time to destress so that I didn't take my job out on them. The big kids have turned out fine. The ten year old is able to leave me and go camp because he knows he can make it without me. They learned to make some decisions on their own and I got to work out and stay sane.
Bottom line: Do what you can live with, but never feel guilty about taking care of yourself.0 -
Hiya, I understand how you feel & I struggle with it too. I haven't mastered consistent workouts, but I have encorporated the kids, 2 & 5 in low Cardio by walking with them or even dancing around the living room. I also use the on-site childcare for a class or hour workout session probably once a week. They like it & ask to go to the gym, which in turn motivates me. Do I feel bad that they just spent the day in school? Yes, bc I'm not with them, but it helps that they enjoy it & feel involved in what I'm doing & have free license to be active in play with new people, just like me @ the gym. Sorry so long, but I've been thinking about this & I'm glad you brought this topic to the table!
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Ok I totally can relate and my kids are now 16 and 18. My kids recently told me however that they have fun memories of me running on the treadmill or working out to Denise Austin or Leslie Sansone videos when they were just small tots! I'm so glad they have these fun memories and now are healthy themselves and wanting to work out --sometimes while I am here in our basement. You don't need to join a gym (unless you want to) but I have always preferred just working out at home-less expensive and I don't need to leave my family either when I'm already away from them while at work. As others have said, we as moms are better wives and moms when we take care of ourselves too. Just pop in a video and allow your kids to play with their toys or join you. I also know however that for myself, when my heart rate was up, I could easily get agitated and could sometimes lose it when my kiddos would be fussy or demanding...so that can be an issue. Just don't feel guilty. Guilt is from the devil. God made us to be healthy and strong. Read about the Proverbs 31 woman! She makes her arms strong for the tasks that she's set out to do! So God wants us to be healthy..all in moderation and not extreme though as it can get tempting to do sometimes. I am guilty of this...sometimes going way over my hour of exercise for me time. Nothing wrong with this but it does need to be balanced so our families also aren't getting jipped from time spent with us. As our kids get older, they won't be here as much. Life does go so fast and we want every moment to count before our kids leave us. At least I do. I know how fast it goes as my kids are getting older. I fight the guilt even at their ages now lol! I could be making better more interesting meals, doing more...but this time is important for us as moms too. Don't feel guilty but try to spend time with those littles because they will grow up before your eyes. Maybe go out and run pushing them in their stroller or walk. I did that a LOT as well as took them for bike rides. My kids thankfully have turned out really well and feel lots of love even when I've spent time working out. Yours will too...just give them lots of snuggles and love and most of all show them who Jesus is. That's the best any of us can do for our kids. Promise.0
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I feel no guilt. I have a 3 year old and a 5 year old and my 3rd is due the very beginning of January. It is good for them to see that Mommy makes time to take care of herself. I do try to go to they gym around their bed time (8pm). This does 2 things.
1. I get out of having to put them to bed which I seriously hate...they have so many excuses why they can't go to sleep.
2. I don't lose any valuable time to spend with them while awake. I work full-time and I've got limited time with them each day. I want to make it count.1 -
I used to, especially when they were little and even a little bit now (almost16, 12, & 9). We moved out of state last year and had to give up our home gym; I hated being away at work all day just to leave again to go to the gym. But that only lasted a year. We moved back home and I brought the gym back to my garage. Now I miss nothing. They even come in there to hang out/re-rack weights with me.0
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All these judgmental people talking about being good examples ... I get it but I get the OP's view. We only have so many hours in our day. Each hour with our kids, especially with work and school, is a priority. Eventually we run out of time. Do we short change them or exercise?? And before anyone starts in on "get up early", forget it! I don't know about anyone else but I'm tired after working all day and doing all my other "jobs". I don't need one hour less sleep to add to my fatigue.
Who is judging? Most of what I see is empathy for a tough situation that many of us have experienced first hand, but have managed to work exercise in as a priority. Seems like you are projecting your own feelings onto others in this thread.
You are right everyone has the same amount of time in our busy days. No one wants to short change their children, or themselves. But finding ways to fit exercise in, whether by getting up earlier (sounds like you aren't interested in that, fine) or rearranging other priorities is possible, and what people here are saying is that the impact on children for fitting in 30-60 minutes of exercise, is not negatively impacting them.2 -
I am a SAHM and have a 1 year old and 2 year old. I take them daily to the YMCA daycare so I can get my exercise fix. I actually feel better taking them there compared to staying at home with me, they are learning to socialize with others and it gets us out of the house. It makes for one LONG morning if we don't go. We have such a routine of going, my 2 year old will cry if we don't go.0
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No reason to feel guilty..ur setting an example for your kids. When my daughter was 1 and my son 4 they would copy me...Now my daughter is 3 and she still copies my moves..the easy one and my son who is 6 has ShaunT workout for kids and he love it. The point is you want to be healthy for yourself and your kids and they will grow up wanted to be healthy and workout also.0
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Thank you for being open about this. Girllll, me too and I love working out! I have a one year old and I know I have to do it for myself and my sanity but I do feel bad sometimes. Like this weekend I want to do a cardio class but I have another obligation that day for about 6 hours and I will barely see her awake that day. I just take it day by day. My husband always reassures me and I know she's just fine but STILL. Can't help feeling sad/self-absorbed sometimes.0
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thanks for the input everyone, i have been doing really well with my working out and managing time with the family and work. im starting to not feel as guilty especially now that i have lost 10 pounds and actually have more energy to play with my kiddos when i get home! really is a life changer.2
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Everyone, including parents with younger children need and deserve a little time for themselves. Your workouts make you healthier and presumably happier which probably also makes you a better parent.
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jenlyons21 wrote: »Hello! I was just wondering if anyone else feels the guilt of working out while they are married with small children? I am married and have a 1 year old and a 4 year old and I also work a full time job, so when i go to work out I feel so much guilt, it sometimes will stop me from going to the gym or for a run because I feel like I should be at home with my family.
I can understand where you're coming from, I've got a 2 year old and autistic 6 year old and if I let myself I could feel guilty about the time I spend at the gym. Only that is my time for letting off steam, so I can better deal with them and both boys have noticed that Mummy now has more energy to play and do the fun stuff with them.2 -
I've got two daughters, work full-time, and am married to a husband who works full-time. I work out 6 days a week and don't feel guilty about it one bit. It's self-care and is every bit as important as family time. You're a great example to your children - keep going!0
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Judgemental? There are 24 hours in a day. 16 if you get 8 hours of sleep. 6 hours left if you have a 10 hour work day including commute. If you're saying in 6 hours even 30 minutes is TOO MUCH to "sacrifice" for yourself, then it sounds like it's more an issue of organizing time and not being that concerned about your own health and well being. How can one be a great parent and teach someone to take care of themselves FIRST, if they aren't willing to do it for themselves? Do you wonder why the last couple of decades that childhood obesity has risen significantly?All these judgmental people talking about being good examples ... I get it but I get the OP's view. We only have so many hours in our day. Each hour with our kids, especially with work and school, is a priority. Eventually we run out of time. Do we short change them or exercise?? And before anyone starts in on "get up early", forget it! I don't know about anyone else but I'm tired after working all day and doing all my other "jobs". I don't need one hour less sleep to add to my fatigue.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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Judgemental? There are 24 hours in a day. 16 if you get 8 hours of sleep. 6 hours left if you have a 10 hour work day including commute. If you're saying in 6 hours even 30 minutes is TOO MUCH to "sacrifice" for yourself, then it sounds like it's more an issue of organizing time and not being that concerned about your own health and well being. How can one be a great parent and teach someone to take care of themselves FIRST, if they aren't willing to do it for themselves? Do you wonder why the last couple of decades that childhood obesity has risen significantly?All these judgmental people talking about being good examples ... I get it but I get the OP's view. We only have so many hours in our day. Each hour with our kids, especially with work and school, is a priority. Eventually we run out of time. Do we short change them or exercise?? And before anyone starts in on "get up early", forget it! I don't know about anyone else but I'm tired after working all day and doing all my other "jobs". I don't need one hour less sleep to add to my fatigue.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Thank you - well said.0 -
Be active with your children, take them to the park and play with them... that's exercise for you too. Run and play tag in the yard, bike ride, swim, running with them in a stroller etc. Use your kids as your weights to do body weight exercises - holding them while you do squats, pushing them up in the air over your head etc. All these things are fun interactions with your children and exercise for you. Much better than just being home on the couch watching TV etc with them.1
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Here's some facts: Parents who have an active lifestyle have a higher incidence of their children being more physically active and lower obesity risk.
Parents who have a non active lifestyle have a higher incidence of children with issues of being overweight and higher risk of obesity as an adult.
While yes it's a correlation, children learn from parental habits in most cases through life.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition 2 -
I haven't read all your responses, but you don't HAVE to work out 6 days a week. 2 or 3 times a week and a healthy diet is just fine.1
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Never once had guilt about working out. When my kids were small I just worked out at home while they played in the same area I was working out in. I had a pretty good home gym setup and there was room for them to play and / or pretend to workout with me.
Another thing you could do would be workout in the morning before work or before they get up. Which is basically what I do now. I go to the gym in the morning before work so I have more time to spend with the wife when I get home.0 -
All these judgmental people talking about being good examples ... I get it but I get the OP's view. We only have so many hours in our day. Each hour with our kids, especially with work and school, is a priority. Eventually we run out of time. Do we short change them or exercise?? And before anyone starts in on "get up early", forget it! I don't know about anyone else but I'm tired after working all day and doing all my other "jobs". I don't need one hour less sleep to add to my fatigue.
I haven't seen any judgements. I'm not sure what thread you're reading. And if you're worried about one less hour of sleep, you could always go to bed an hour early, which is what I've had to do. I also started going at 4:30am to avoid losing those precious few hours with my child during the work week. My husband and I work different shifts, so fitting it in at any other time is nearly impossible. I hate it. I really do. I will NEVER be a morning person. I work 60 hours a week, plus on call, and I have all those other "jobs" too...nobody is passing judgement. I haven't seen a single person doing so thus far.1 -
All these judgmental people talking about being good examples ... I get it but I get the OP's view. We only have so many hours in our day. Each hour with our kids, especially with work and school, is a priority. Eventually we run out of time. Do we short change them or exercise?? And before anyone starts in on "get up early", forget it! I don't know about anyone else but I'm tired after working all day and doing all my other "jobs". I don't need one hour less sleep to add to my fatigue.
I don't see anyone being judgmental...and yeah...kids tend to learn by example. My boys are really into their bikes primarily because I and my wife cycle...they watched me race last Sunday and basically spent the rest of the afternoon on their bikes rather than shoving their faces into some tablet screen...they were inspired...they thought it was cool to see daddy race...they wanted to race and pretended racing all afternoon.
Also, I think the idea that being healthy, fit, and active and taking care of yourself is somehow short changing the children to be ridiculous. First off, I want my kids to be healthy, fit, and active...the best way to promote that is by example. Secondly, fitness gives both my wife and I opportunities to one; have some time to ourselves, and two; It allows us to spend time with our kids one on one which provides for a different dynamic and bonding than when we're all together. So yeah..the idea that this is somehow short changing the kids is pretty small minded and short sited.
Fitness doesn't have to take a gazillion hours...a good workout can be had in 30 - 60 minutes...my boys aren't even going to notice if I'm gone 30 - 60 minutes. My kids and my family are my highest priority, but it doesn't mean I have to be with them every available moment...taking care of myself is important...having time to myself is important to my mental healthy...having time with them one on one is important and provides an awesome bonding experience.3 -
True. I usually do a serious workout 4 times a week maybe 5 at most and then some fun activities on top of that. But only really going hard 4 times usually.BusyRaeNOTBusty wrote: »I haven't read all your responses, but you don't HAVE to work out 6 days a week. 2 or 3 times a week and a healthy diet is just fine.
In fact you don't HAVE to workout at all. But whatever results you (we) get will be from the choices / lifestyle each of us choose. In a super-busy time it may be necessary to cut down to 2x per week for a short period of time. Not really a problem until it become the norm rather than the exception.
Also, for the new mom's / dads (or even the veterans) - you don't need to hover over your kids 24/7. They won't suddenly not love you if you leave them with your other spouse or someone else for an hour while you workout. Or if you simply go in the garage and workout while they take a nap / watch a movie, they're not going to melt.
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My tip: get a 2seat stroller. Get a Bluetooth box. Get a playlist your 4 year old likes. Give your 4year old the box (preferably with buttons to go forward backward) and go jogging with them. Maybe take a half way break at a playground.
My 4 1/2 year old asks atleast a 5k run every day by now0 -
I know the struggle. I have 4 kiddos. But its my only ME time and its a great example for my kiddos. Gotta take care of yourself.1
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