How to stay on track when your SO doesn't want to eat like you.
Replies
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You'll find most heterosexual couples have some issue like this, as women are just smaller and need fewer calories, so you are far from alone!
I habitually eat from a side plate and work on the basis that my portion should be about half what Mr. Garage is eating (he is much taller than me and naturally active). I also might take a bit less of the carbs and fixings like cheese and proportionately more veg. Sometimes I have dessert, sometimes not. That works with nearly all home cooked meals. Fast food and restaurants are harder - but it's not an issue because it's just too expensive to have that regularly, it's an occasional treat.
You'll figure it out, it's just one of the adaptations you make when living with someone, working out how everyone can get what they want. At this stage we both know each other's likes and dislikes so well that cooking something the other will like and that meets both our needs is second nature. It just takes communication and practice.3 -
i have 3 ways i do things.
1) i cook the food i have in mind. if he wants to eat it fine, if not he can eat sandwitches or order in a pizza or fries and a burger.i eat the leftovers the next day.
2)i have small individual cooking pans. i make the same food for the both of us, only in his i use more oil, more potatoes ,less veggies, and in mine i do a lot of veggies ,few or no potatoes .i eat one piece of fish/meat, he gets 2.
3) i cook something entirely for him.eg. baked potatoes. i eat something else.
Yesterday i made him cupcakes. he can have them all, i didn't even get tempted to eat any after calculating the calories. i found a recipe on the internet for chocolate ganache without heavy cream and made that to smear on the cupcakes. It was yummy and i had some as a spread on two slices of bread. it was yummy.
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It is time for you to decide how you want to be treated in a relationship. Make your healthy food and make enough to share. If he wishes to have something different, I'm sure you wouldn't keep him from making it for himself.
I find it sexist for anyone to suggest that you should prepare and then eat a half cup portion of something he'd want and lots of vegetables..but doesn't sustain your health plan. This is 2016 right?6 -
My husband has always been really supportive, but has grown up eating typical NW England diet...lots of fries (chips), sausage, fried stuff, peas. I grew up eating healthy Midwestern US, baked spuds, lean meats lots salad & veg. I gained weight when we got married & I ate like him! So I started cooking & making food like salad, lean meats etc, but he wasn't interested. So I would make a meat...like pork chops, but trim fat off mine, then some roast veg & salad for me, & he would make his French fries. He has finally, after many years, said to me, "the way you eat is really good"! He has realised white bread & fries with every meal were bloating him, he was putting weight on, had acid reflux...now he eats similar to me, lost some weight, not bloated, cholesterol lower, no heartburn. But he had to decide that on his own. You can only deal with your own food...if your partner wants to eat different, either they make it themselves, or cook it for them but don't rub it in. That will just create resistance.3
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Pizza - one slice for you with a side salad.
Burgers - yes. You may skip the mayonnaise and the bacon, and ask for extra veggies. He gets the fries.
Chinese - you get the WarWonTon.
Taco Bell - you got me stumped there. Do they have "salads"? Get the dressings on the side so you can control the amount.
Chicken - peel off the delicious coating. Eat with a side salad.
Subway - skip the sauces, be generous with the veggies.
a regular Taco Bell taco is like, 170 calories. Hardly a sabotage there, unless you eat the entire multipack.2 -
Sir eats what I cook. He eats MORE of it than I do (he needs to gain weight whereas I am losing), but we eat the same meal. His has more butter, or sauces, or the higher calorie add ons. On the rare nights where I make something he truly doesn't like (ie: seafood), he cooks his own dinner (usually grilled chicken or burger or something).
You can still eat out and lose - just plan around that meal, and make smarter choices if its a regular occurrence.2 -
If we have burgers I make sure they fit into my calorie allowance. Mind you, dinner usually is my biggest meal of the day at around 600-700kcal. We chose a bun we both like and make the burgers ourselves. It's really easy. if you think the average burger size is too big for you then make it smaller. Only use small amounts of condiments (I usually have a bit of tomato ketchup on one side, mayo on the other). Pickled veg and fresh onions (I don't like leafy salad or tomatoes on burger) and I'm good to go. I usually eat 1.5 of those burgers and don't go over my allowance. If you boyfriend wants fries on the side, cheese or anything else on his burger then he can make his own.0
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My husband eats whatever I make. My dinners are, if I do say so myself, pretty awesome, LCHF recipes, and he's liked everything I've put in front of him including cauliflower mashed potatoes. When we get his mom's homemade meat sauce/gravy, I make him pasta, and I eat it with ricotta cheese. If he asked me for rice, I would make it for him, but he doesn't want it. His other meals involve carbs, but we don't eat them together. We don't eat fast food, and I can find a steak or chicken almost anywhere we go.
The funny thing is that I learned to cook when we met and I wasn't on a diet. So he's always eaten everything I made, and has just rolled with the changes in my recipes.
Give it some time OP, find some things to make that will taste good and fit into your calories, and will attract his taste buds. Once someone starts eating home cooked meals, they tend to move away from the fast food.0 -
First I think that you need to have a good chat with him. Tell him that it's important for you. Then look up recipes that he would like on skinnytaste etc. I can't even touch taco bell anymore after learning to make my own tacos, for example... Or just skip the potatoes/pasta if they don't fit in your calories... you can still make some for him. Get him to help you plan the meals around what he wants to eat, then find lower calorie recipes for it. Heck it's how I plan my meals - I just think of what I'd order if I went to the restaurant right now, and figure out a way to make a version of it that fits my calories. Unless it's desserts, it usually works.
Also make sure to mention everything you can do with the money you're saving from eating out all the time too (I know that, for me, it's much harder to stick to my calories when we eat out)... The bottom line is that, at some point, he's going to have to get on board. But you're also going to have to decide what's really important for you, because it's not your place to tell him what he can and cannot eat... so you'll have to learn to ignore the junk in the house. You'll both have to make some compromise.0 -
elisa123gal wrote: »It is time for you to decide how you want to be treated in a relationship. Make your healthy food and make enough to share. If he wishes to have something different, I'm sure you wouldn't keep him from making it for himself.
I find it sexist for anyone to suggest that you should prepare and then eat a half cup portion of something he'd want and lots of vegetables..but doesn't sustain your health plan. This is 2016 right?
That's pretty silly. Relationships are about compromise and you don't always get what you want all the time; it's completely reasonable to suggest that route. Especially considering many, many people on these boards would rather have a smaller portion of something calorie-dense in their meals because they like it - but suggesting it is sexist?
Really it depends on what stage of a relationship they're on. A guy you met 3 months ago that just happens to be around at dinnertime? Make whatever you want, he can figure it out. A guy with whom you have a long-standing eating plan and spend every dinner together? Maybe you should compromise a little bit, even if giving up a single thing you might want in a dinner is somehow sexist?3 -
My OH cooks more than I do, just practically he gets in before I do. When I decided that this time I was going to get a handle on my weight. I just asked him to make a note/keep packaging, then I tracked. Ate whatever he cooked and left more leftovers.
After a few weeks, he got an account so he would track and I'd just copy entries. What we eat hasn't fundamentally changed, just instead of pasta with sauce, I'd have sauce and microwave myself some frozen spinach.
When we have take away I order without the bun or cheese. Ultimately I got fat by eating double portions of good 'healthy' food. Just by following what I've done he's lost 29lb almost by accident. I didn't make him make any changes he didn't want to.
Ultimately we had a conversation about what was important, and a shared meal time was top of the list. The only thing I asked him to stop doing was bringing me 'treats' when he went shopping.
OP I can only imagine this is harder for you as the first few months is all about finding ways to live with each other0 -
elisa123gal wrote: »It is time for you to decide how you want to be treated in a relationship. Make your healthy food and make enough to share. If he wishes to have something different, I'm sure you wouldn't keep him from making it for himself.
I find it sexist for anyone to suggest that you should prepare and then eat a half cup portion of something he'd want and lots of vegetables..but doesn't sustain your health plan. This is 2016 right?
That's pretty silly. Relationships are about compromise and you don't always get what you want all the time; it's completely reasonable to suggest that route. Especially considering many, many people on these boards would rather have a smaller portion of something calorie-dense in their meals because they like it - but suggesting it is sexist?
Really it depends on what stage of a relationship they're on. A guy you met 3 months ago that just happens to be around at dinnertime? Make whatever you want, he can figure it out. A guy with whom you have a long-standing eating plan and spend every dinner together? Maybe you should compromise a little bit, even if giving up a single thing you might want in a dinner is somehow sexist?
This. Doing things for your partner isn't sexist, it's an important part of an adult relationship. I make him food that I may not like, just because I like HIM and want to do nice things for him. He does the same for me.
Plus, you know, basic biology. My BF outweighs me by 40-50 pounds, so except on those rare occasions when he's trying to lose and I'm trying to gain, he can always eat more than I can. Even if we're eating the exact same things, he can/should have bigger portions. Me only taking a half cup of something while he gets a cup is just math.3 -
I actually have the exact opposite scenario. My wife (who wants to lose weight) DOES eat like me.. the problem is that I'm 6ft6 and around 200 pounds, and she's using my 1500 cal per day limit as her own, then can't figure out why she's not losing weight. She refuses to use the app though. I guess the moral of the story is, you can't control anything that other ppl do. I just stick to my logging and exercise and let her do her own thing.1
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elisa123gal wrote: »It is time for you to decide how you want to be treated in a relationship. Make your healthy food and make enough to share. If he wishes to have something different, I'm sure you wouldn't keep him from making it for himself.
I find it sexist for anyone to suggest that you should prepare and then eat a half cup portion of something he'd want and lots of vegetables..but doesn't sustain your health plan. This is 2016 right?
I don't think anyone was suggesting this. For example, I said we have pizza rarely, he gets 5 pieces to my 3, and I have a large salad. But those three pieces equal 465 calories, hardly a "half cup" sized portion. I used to split the pizza with him, then thought, "Duh, he's a foot taller than me, he needs that extra piece and I do not."1 -
futureicon wrote: »I actually have the exact opposite scenario. My wife (who wants to lose weight) DOES eat like me.. the problem is that I'm 6ft6 and around 200 pounds, and she's using my 1500 cal per day limit as her own, then can't figure out why she's not losing weight. She refuses to use the app though. I guess the moral of the story is, you can't control anything that other ppl do. I just stick to my logging and exercise and let her do her own thing.
I'm a foot shorter than you and lose weight on 1500 cal per day.0 -
salads have come a long way.
when we go out to eat i just look up the place or food on my phone and get the calorie count.
(taco bell is super easy to be full and have low calories)
i cook and i got the runners world cookbook. he loves it. i cook out of it frequently and he gets bigger portions than me. but that way i'm getting good nutritious food and he gets good tasting food and big portions0 -
I will cook two separate meals if necessary. I'm that stubborn. Generally though I can get her to eat the same thing I do to some extent anyway. She doesn't mind turkey burgers if they are grilled, and she doesn't mind chicken most of the time. But when she gets bored of what I'm fixing I keep quick hamburger patties (lean ones anyway) frozen in the freezer or other options I can substitute for her. But she's also using MFP at the moment so doesn't really mind eating what I do for the most part. If there are leftovers because she had something different then I have an easy lunch to heat up for the next day.0
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I love cooking and cook most of the food eaten in my household, and still would most certainly not be thrilled with the hassle of cooking two completely separate meals. Also, if my husband was eating yummy food while I was stuck eating "diet" food, I would feel deprived and eventually cheat and give up on my "diet".
In my opinion, it's much easier to just eat smaller portions of the same food you've always eaten. Sure, sometimes hubs eats food that I can't justify the calories/ doesn't appeal to me, but you would have that even if you weren't watching calories. I just keep wraps and Greek yogurt around the house for times when I don't want to eat a big supper.
I've also had luck with eating lighter and preplanning my meals in advance earlier in the day so I can work in dinners out or hubs dinner cravings. There will always be other social situations involving food too, so it's just easier to learn portion control and how to work in normal foods (unless you have allergies etc, of course).
The time spent together in the evening is far more important than the actual food, anyway
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My fiance is also on a weight loss journey, but he doesn't eat the same things I eat at all; he likes his rice and red meat, while I am a veggie and chicken girl. I always just cook one portion of what I eat and one portion of what he eats. Takes a little more time, but it doesn't bother me at all. To be fair, I mostly eat salads and get a free meal at work when I work double shifts, so that probably helps. Look, there's always a solution. It will only sabotage you if you let it.1
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I cook fairly traditional meals - protein (beef, pork, turkey, fish, shellfish, dairy, vegetarian protein) + starch (potatoes, rice, pasta, bread, other grains) + veg. I eat as much as I have calories for, usually a single serving of the protein and starch and a double serving of the vegetable, dh gets a big portion with extra butter/cheese/oil, as he is underweight, and teen gets huge portions if he is hungry.0
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futureicon wrote: »I actually have the exact opposite scenario. My wife (who wants to lose weight) DOES eat like me.. the problem is that I'm 6ft6 and around 200 pounds, and she's using my 1500 cal per day limit as her own, then can't figure out why she's not losing weight. She refuses to use the app though. I guess the moral of the story is, you can't control anything that other ppl do. I just stick to my logging and exercise and let her do her own thing.
Not sure how tall your wife is, but I'm 5'3" and lose weight fine eating 1500. It's because she's not logging, as you say she refuses to use the app, not because of her eating 1500 calories.1 -
futureicon wrote: »I actually have the exact opposite scenario. My wife (who wants to lose weight) DOES eat like me.. the problem is that I'm 6ft6 and around 200 pounds, and she's using my 1500 cal per day limit as her own, then can't figure out why she's not losing weight. She refuses to use the app though. I guess the moral of the story is, you can't control anything that other ppl do. I just stick to my logging and exercise and let her do her own thing.
A male of your height and weight should be eating more than 1500. The minimum recommended for men on weight loss is 1800 I believe. I'm 5'7" and I've lost 147 lbs eating at 1700 for 2 years.0 -
I have this issue with breakfast.
I need more meat in the morning than he does. Carbs make me sluggish and hungry. He needs carbs and meat doesn't help him get up. He says he wants donuts and stuff, which I WILL NOT keep in the house on a regular basis.
So compromise. If he wants some of my eggs I get him some, but I put a bagel, croissant, or English muffin on his plate to get him his carbs.0
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