Body image and intimacy
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stmokomoko wrote: »Yep.
Flirting and dates are okay, but when it's nearing time to seal the deal? PANIC MODE! ABORT! ABORT! I can never trust anyone when they say "I don't care what you look like", years of comparing myself against widely accepted standards of attractiveness has taken its toll.
They're liars. They care...-3 -
Beautiful_Warrior94 wrote: »
Proverbs 23:7 For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he:
You need intense psychotherapy! You need to learn to love You. Good luck-3 -
Beautiful_Warrior94 wrote: »I use to feel this way.
But am starting to drip from that. Sure I do want to get my body healthier and I'm at a good weight and have a fiancé who loves me no matter what. I could be overweight and he would love me the same. You just have to find someone who loves you no matter what size you are. Find someone who doesn't focus on your body but how you are inside, because that is what matters.
Your fiancé will be miserable post marriage b/c you don't love you. You can't give away what you don't have darlin! He will be so frustrated, his skull will cave in from all the drama!-2 -
Yes. Mine isn't necessarily associated with weight (I am low normal) though I have significant body dysmorphia. Mine has more to do with my disease (I have Crohn's). I am scared of a man seeing that.0
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Sorry Jeff, but, there isn't nearly as much pressure on men to look a certain way, as there is on women. Heck, as men get older they look "distinguished", as women age they look "haggard". There is a huge double standard in our society about body image. The fact of the matter is that you CAN love yourself AND1
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SHALLON1979 wrote: »Sorry Jeff, but, there isn't nearly as much pressure on men to look a certain way, as there is on women. Heck, as men get older they look "distinguished", as women age they look "haggard". There is a huge double standard in our society about body image. The fact of the matter is that you CAN love yourself AND
Yes true but just as women have the Barbie, thin, slender= good influences men have the GI Joe, hulk, muscle, body builder, strong= good.0 -
be uncomfortable with your naked self. I love who I am as a wife, mother, all round human being, and love what my body has allowed me to do over the years. Now that I am getting older and life has really taken a toll on my body, I am not as comfortable in my own skin as I was in my twenties. And that is ok. I accept the fact that I am not perfect nor will ever be societies idea of perfect, but that isn't going to stop me from trying to be the best version of me that I can. So, I am losing weight, working out, getting healthier and those things are life style changes, not an end point of a journey.
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I feel this way sometimes. I am shy of being overweight. Need to find a way of feeling better. ...losing weight, being active, eat well...0
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singingflutelady wrote: »SHALLON1979 wrote: »Sorry Jeff, but, there isn't nearly as much pressure on men to look a certain way, as there is on women. Heck, as men get older they look "distinguished", as women age they look "haggard". There is a huge double standard in our society about body image. The fact of the matter is that you CAN love yourself AND
Yes true but just as women have the Barbie, thin, slender= good influences men have the GI Joe, hulk, muscle, body builder, strong= good.
Do many hetero women think the Hulk, He-Man, or modern bodybuilders are that attractive? I always thought massively muscled was a male power fantasy, about being strong, more than it was about what pleased women.0 -
singingflutelady wrote: »SHALLON1979 wrote: »Sorry Jeff, but, there isn't nearly as much pressure on men to look a certain way, as there is on women. Heck, as men get older they look "distinguished", as women age they look "haggard". There is a huge double standard in our society about body image. The fact of the matter is that you CAN love yourself AND
Yes true but just as women have the Barbie, thin, slender= good influences men have the GI Joe, hulk, muscle, body builder, strong= good.
True, but there isn't nearly as much stigma involved if a man doesn't conform to this standard. So, you go to the beach with a bunch of people. A couple blankets over there is a guy with a huge beer belly shirtless sunbathing and a woman with a huge belly in a bikini sunbathing. Who do you think this group of people are going to make remarks about. Just saying....0 -
singingflutelady wrote: »SHALLON1979 wrote: »Sorry Jeff, but, there isn't nearly as much pressure on men to look a certain way, as there is on women. Heck, as men get older they look "distinguished", as women age they look "haggard". There is a huge double standard in our society about body image. The fact of the matter is that you CAN love yourself AND
Yes true but just as women have the Barbie, thin, slender= good influences men have the GI Joe, hulk, muscle, body builder, strong= good.
Do many hetero women think the Hulk, He-Man, or modern bodybuilders are that attractive? I always thought massively muscled was a male power fantasy, about being strong, more than it was about what pleased women.
I tend to agree...
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singingflutelady wrote: »SHALLON1979 wrote: »Sorry Jeff, but, there isn't nearly as much pressure on men to look a certain way, as there is on women. Heck, as men get older they look "distinguished", as women age they look "haggard". There is a huge double standard in our society about body image. The fact of the matter is that you CAN love yourself AND
Yes true but just as women have the Barbie, thin, slender= good influences men have the GI Joe, hulk, muscle, body builder, strong= good.
Do many hetero women think the Hulk, He-Man, or modern bodybuilders are that attractive? I always thought massively muscled was a male power fantasy, about being strong, more than it was about what pleased women.
True I agree about that but I do see men who feel pressured to look a certain way. It is probably the strong mentally and physically thing idea more than muscles. There are a lot of men who are afraid of looking weak and vulnerable especially regarding emotions and mental health that they will ignore and hide symptoms for as long as possible but that's another issue and off topic.
@senecarr how many hetero men are attracted to underweight, stick thin women?0 -
@SHALLON1979 I agree that it isn't nearly as bad but it does exist. I see it more towards the skinny guys rather than the overweight guys though.0
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singingflutelady wrote: »singingflutelady wrote: »SHALLON1979 wrote: »Sorry Jeff, but, there isn't nearly as much pressure on men to look a certain way, as there is on women. Heck, as men get older they look "distinguished", as women age they look "haggard". There is a huge double standard in our society about body image. The fact of the matter is that you CAN love yourself AND
Yes true but just as women have the Barbie, thin, slender= good influences men have the GI Joe, hulk, muscle, body builder, strong= good.
Do many hetero women think the Hulk, He-Man, or modern bodybuilders are that attractive? I always thought massively muscled was a male power fantasy, about being strong, more than it was about what pleased women.
True I agree about that but I do see men who feel pressured to look a certain way. It is probably the strong mentally and physically thing idea more than muscles. There are a lot of men who are afraid of looking weak and vulnerable especially regarding emotions and mental health that they will ignore and hide symptoms for as long as possible but that's another issue and off topic.
@senecarr how many hetero men are attracted to underweight, stick thin women?
While still having large hips and bust like Barbie? I think at least one or two. Even with my preferences having moved towards the athletic as I've lifted, I couldn't deny I have some subconscious attraction to vulnerability that I wish I didn't have.
I'm not saying there aren't men pressured to look a certain way, or that male body dysmorphia, including muscle dysmorphia doesn't exist - heck, I had a high school psychology teacher ask me if I had it because I could identify a brand of protein powder. I just think it isn't driven by what most women actually find attractive.0 -
I agree it is totally separate from what women find attractive. My body dysmorphia/ body image issues have way more to do with how I feel about myself than what I think men are attracted to but I'm a recovered anorexic ( no I wasn't influenced by underweight models or the media either) so my view is disordered compared to the majority of women.0
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singingflutelady wrote: »SHALLON1979 wrote: »Sorry Jeff, but, there isn't nearly as much pressure on men to look a certain way, as there is on women. Heck, as men get older they look "distinguished", as women age they look "haggard". There is a huge double standard in our society about body image. The fact of the matter is that you CAN love yourself AND
Yes true but just as women have the Barbie, thin, slender= good influences men have the GI Joe, hulk, muscle, body builder, strong= good.
Do many hetero women think the Hulk, He-Man, or modern bodybuilders are that attractive? I always thought massively muscled was a male power fantasy, about being strong, more than it was about what pleased women.
It is visually but not actually. I have noticed a lot of women go for nowadays, what other masculine men label as "Fruit Loops". My guess is that many women fear the strong man being her predator, instead of her protector & thus're most comfortable, if she believes that she can easily defend herself against him; if necessary. I don't have a preference, either because of fear or attractiveness.0 -
TuesdayMarch01st2016 wrote: »singingflutelady wrote: »SHALLON1979 wrote: »Sorry Jeff, but, there isn't nearly as much pressure on men to look a certain way, as there is on women. Heck, as men get older they look "distinguished", as women age they look "haggard". There is a huge double standard in our society about body image. The fact of the matter is that you CAN love yourself AND
Yes true but just as women have the Barbie, thin, slender= good influences men have the GI Joe, hulk, muscle, body builder, strong= good.
Do many hetero women think the Hulk, He-Man, or modern bodybuilders are that attractive? I always thought massively muscled was a male power fantasy, about being strong, more than it was about what pleased women.
It is visually but not actually. I have noticed a lot of women go for nowadays, what other masculine men label as "Fruit Loops". My guess is that many women fear the strong man being her predator, instead of her protector & thus're most comfortable, if she believes that she can easily defend herself against him; if necessary. I don't have a preference, either because of fear or attractiveness.
Give me an example of this "Fruit Loop" body type. It sounds delicious.0 -
DearestWinter wrote: »TuesdayMarch01st2016 wrote: »singingflutelady wrote: »SHALLON1979 wrote: »Sorry Jeff, but, there isn't nearly as much pressure on men to look a certain way, as there is on women. Heck, as men get older they look "distinguished", as women age they look "haggard". There is a huge double standard in our society about body image. The fact of the matter is that you CAN love yourself AND
Yes true but just as women have the Barbie, thin, slender= good influences men have the GI Joe, hulk, muscle, body builder, strong= good.
Do many hetero women think the Hulk, He-Man, or modern bodybuilders are that attractive? I always thought massively muscled was a male power fantasy, about being strong, more than it was about what pleased women.
It is visually but not actually. I have noticed a lot of women go for nowadays, what other masculine men label as "Fruit Loops". My guess is that many women fear the strong man being her predator, instead of her protector & thus're most comfortable, if she believes that she can easily defend herself against him; if necessary. I don't have a preference, either because of fear or attractiveness.
Give me an example of this "Fruit Loop" body type. It sounds delicious.
Here I was working on becoming Tony The Tiger, thinking that was what women thought was greeeeaaaaaat.0 -
DearestWinter wrote: »TuesdayMarch01st2016 wrote: »singingflutelady wrote: »SHALLON1979 wrote: »Sorry Jeff, but, there isn't nearly as much pressure on men to look a certain way, as there is on women. Heck, as men get older they look "distinguished", as women age they look "haggard". There is a huge double standard in our society about body image. The fact of the matter is that you CAN love yourself AND
Yes true but just as women have the Barbie, thin, slender= good influences men have the GI Joe, hulk, muscle, body builder, strong= good.
Do many hetero women think the Hulk, He-Man, or modern bodybuilders are that attractive? I always thought massively muscled was a male power fantasy, about being strong, more than it was about what pleased women.
It is visually but not actually. I have noticed a lot of women go for nowadays, what other masculine men label as "Fruit Loops". My guess is that many women fear the strong man being her predator, instead of her protector & thus're most comfortable, if she believes that she can easily defend herself against him; if necessary. I don't have a preference, either because of fear or attractiveness.
Give me an example of this "Fruit Loop" body type. It sounds delicious.
I was on the bus when a guy scoffed about a women being with a guy that was about her height & weight plus clean cut like a metro-sexual. He referred to the guy, as a Fruit Loop.0 -
DearestWinter wrote: »TuesdayMarch01st2016 wrote: »singingflutelady wrote: »SHALLON1979 wrote: »Sorry Jeff, but, there isn't nearly as much pressure on men to look a certain way, as there is on women. Heck, as men get older they look "distinguished", as women age they look "haggard". There is a huge double standard in our society about body image. The fact of the matter is that you CAN love yourself AND
Yes true but just as women have the Barbie, thin, slender= good influences men have the GI Joe, hulk, muscle, body builder, strong= good.
Do many hetero women think the Hulk, He-Man, or modern bodybuilders are that attractive? I always thought massively muscled was a male power fantasy, about being strong, more than it was about what pleased women.
It is visually but not actually. I have noticed a lot of women go for nowadays, what other masculine men label as "Fruit Loops". My guess is that many women fear the strong man being her predator, instead of her protector & thus're most comfortable, if she believes that she can easily defend herself against him; if necessary. I don't have a preference, either because of fear or attractiveness.
Give me an example of this "Fruit Loop" body type. It sounds delicious.
Here I was working on becoming Tony The Tiger, thinking that was what women thought was greeeeaaaaaat.
Comedic is definitely better!0 -
TuesdayMarch01st2016 wrote: »DearestWinter wrote: »TuesdayMarch01st2016 wrote: »singingflutelady wrote: »SHALLON1979 wrote: »Sorry Jeff, but, there isn't nearly as much pressure on men to look a certain way, as there is on women. Heck, as men get older they look "distinguished", as women age they look "haggard". There is a huge double standard in our society about body image. The fact of the matter is that you CAN love yourself AND
Yes true but just as women have the Barbie, thin, slender= good influences men have the GI Joe, hulk, muscle, body builder, strong= good.
Do many hetero women think the Hulk, He-Man, or modern bodybuilders are that attractive? I always thought massively muscled was a male power fantasy, about being strong, more than it was about what pleased women.
It is visually but not actually. I have noticed a lot of women go for nowadays, what other masculine men label as "Fruit Loops". My guess is that many women fear the strong man being her predator, instead of her protector & thus're most comfortable, if she believes that she can easily defend herself against him; if necessary. I don't have a preference, either because of fear or attractiveness.
Give me an example of this "Fruit Loop" body type. It sounds delicious.
I was on the bus when a guy scoffed about a women being with a guy that was about her height & weight plus clean cut like a metro-sexual. He referred to the guy, as a Fruit Loop.
I understand now. It doesn't mean a body type. The guy on the bus was being an ***hole.0 -
I've been dating the same guy for nearly two years. In the early stages of our relationship, he once mentioned that he didn't think I had an attractive body. So boyfriend gets no action and side-guy (a 6'5" bodybuilder who adores every inch of me) gets the goods. I don't like to see myself naked but I'm not about to let that stop someone who really appreciates me!0
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I've been dating the same guy for nearly two years. In the early stages of our relationship, he once mentioned that he didn't think I had an attractive body. So boyfriend gets no action and side-guy (a 6'5" bodybuilder who adores every inch of me) gets the goods. I don't like to see myself naked but I'm not about to let that stop someone who really appreciates me!
Exactly!! Very well put!!0 -
arditarose wrote: »I never avoided it, but I used to be very uncomfortable being naked in front of someone with the lights on. Or I felt like I really couldn't let go when I wanted to be intimate. I know it's not the same...but I struggled with it and think it made my sex life not as good as it could have been.
Losing weight has definitely helped.
My wife acts similar, lights are an issue, she is not the she beast she once was, I believe it's due to both of use gaining, lights out because she doesnt want me to see her and she doesnt want to see me
So that why we are both dieting, me more than her but she is trying.
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TuesdayMarch01st2016 wrote: »singingflutelady wrote: »SHALLON1979 wrote: »Sorry Jeff, but, there isn't nearly as much pressure on men to look a certain way, as there is on women. Heck, as men get older they look "distinguished", as women age they look "haggard". There is a huge double standard in our society about body image. The fact of the matter is that you CAN love yourself AND
Yes true but just as women have the Barbie, thin, slender= good influences men have the GI Joe, hulk, muscle, body builder, strong= good.
Do many hetero women think the Hulk, He-Man, or modern bodybuilders are that attractive? I always thought massively muscled was a male power fantasy, about being strong, more than it was about what pleased women.
It is visually but not actually. I have noticed a lot of women go for nowadays, what other masculine men label as "Fruit Loops". My guess is that many women fear the strong man being her predator, instead of her protector & thus're most comfortable, if she believes that she can easily defend herself against him; if necessary. I don't have a preference, either because of fear or attractiveness.
My boyfriend has the build of a body builder, and he spends about 3 hours a day working out. He is huge, and it's muscle...yet he is just as self-conscious as me. I am so attracted to how big and strong he is though. I am "thick" and he makes me feel small lol...not to mention, I always feel safe with him. People always say they would never mess with him, but they don't know he is a gentle giant that couldnt harm a fly lol.
But really, when it comes to guys, I feel like women are more likely see pay attention to personality much sooner than men do. I think men are just more visual, and that can sometimes be seen as "unfair", when really I think it's just the difference in the two sexes. Saying that, I truly believe men face the same body image issues that women do.
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So, okay, maybe this thread is long dead but I guess I might feel a bit better just by writing it out.
I met this guy online (yeah, yeah, okay), but haven't yet met in RL because we live in different countries (I will be moving there for work anyway in a couple of months). And we have this 'thing' going on for the past 4-5 months where we talk every day, either on the phone or just text (there are all kinds of attractions going on ). And no, I never lied to him, never said I was skinny, we shared photos so we know how the other person looks. But here's the deal...for some reason, I don't think that any photos I've been taking recently are 'true' 
I have lost around 15 kgs (which is around 30 pounds), I'm lifting weights and haven't been this fit in *years*, I feel great and I actually like what I see in the mirror even though I have a long way to go (I'd say another 15 kgs, but no more than that).
The 'problem' is that we're going on a vacation in a couple of weeks, together, and while I am very excited I'm also concerned that maybe I really am way bigger than I think (tho, I had this problem for a long time at my HW when I always thought I'd knock down everything that was on a table in a cafe with my butt or that I'll get stuck in a passage way on a bus even though I was never really that big...I think?)
I feel like he might not like me because well the biggest problem I have is my goddamn stubborn stomach. And the fact that I am not a small girl...I am short (163 cm) but not small (78 kg).
Oh and the mirrors. And the pics. It feels like one of those things is lying to me because it doesn't make sense? o.O
I'm struggling while writing this because I don't want this to be like attention thing because it's not. I just feel okay enough with this community to be able to say something this intimate.
My question is...how do you deal with these mind tricks? Because I don't really want to get busy in the dark only, i want to be able to do it freely like I used to I assume that the majority of my problem is just my mind working against me. I know that I am not *that* big, and that he is a new person in my life so it's always difficult when you're about to 'do it' with someone new
I would really appreciate any advice on how to get some of that confidence, I had it before, I just don't know how to get it back at the moment
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I feel very uncomfortable during intimacy. I feel like he looks at all the flaws. I know he loves me just the way I am but it's still hard to see what he sees.0
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