Help! How to deal with people trying to sabotage your weightloss journey
beccapineapple8756
Posts: 56 Member
I don't know how to deal with this. Anyone have ideas on how to cope or if it's happens to you what worked?
Feeling a bit lost
Feeling a bit lost
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Replies
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How specifically are they trying to sabotage?2
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You have to learn to tell people no.
"No thanks." (keep saying it until they get the message) The less explaining you do, the more effective it will be.
My doctor told me I have some medical problems from being overweight and out of shape, so when people push food on me or when I am pressured at a restaurant, I just say that I have a medical problem -- that works like magic.4 -
IGNORE THEM!1
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No one tried to sabotage my weight loss.
Sure, people offered me food ... but I just looked at it like this ...
I am intolerant to peanuts and some dairy products. If I were to eat a dish loaded with peanuts or something with a lot of fresh cream, the results would be painful and, well, explosive. So if someone were to offer me a scone laden with cream or a party mix made mostly of peanuts, simply, "No thank you."
I just applied the same technique to being offered something I could eat but which didn't happen to fit into my calories for the day.1 -
It's my house mate. We have a set budget for food for the week. We use to take turns shopping but latley if he shops he will only get chips chocolate frozen pizzas fried chicken sodas all that kind of stuff. I have tried to talk to him about it but he refuses to listen. He is thin and thinks that food dosnt really matter as long as it fills you up. I keep offering to do the shopping every week but he refused an said that what I am doing is stupid that if I was that worried about my weight I shouldn't have let it get this bad ☹️0
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Unfortunately it's a housemate - it's not realistic to expect someone who you're not in a relationship with to alter their eating habits. He is being more of a jerk than he has to, but you can lose weight eating any kind of food, just less of it.5
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Then you'll have to buy your own food. I have a housemate too and I just buy the stuff I need. He can get his own stuff.14
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You may have to do your own shopping. Your house mate is not responsible for your nutrition. Just let him know that you are not going to eat what he buys, so he should only shop for himself. If it's a matter of money, go talk to the manager at your local grocery store and find out when meat is marked down and what happens to damaged produce. I buy my meat at less than half price that way, and get my veggies very cheaply. Just remember that YOU are responsible for what you eat, not anyone else.7
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I AGGRE WITH emdeesea!!!0
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Can't you just let him know that you're trying to make some lifestyle changes? Let him know that you think it's best that you go ahead and buy your own groceries. Set aside individual spaces in the kitchen for the both of you and/or label your groceries as well. Is this something you can do?2
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Screw him. Each of you buy your own food. I had a variety of housemates off and on for about twenty years. We never split food, and each had our own space in the cupboards.2
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At first I tried to argue and justify my plan. There were a few who constantly tried to sabotage my journey, including family and friends. I even had a very best friend secretly call my husband and tell him I had an eating disorder! It caused all kinds of worry. After a while I realized that it's about me and not them and most of the time people are just afraid of what they don't understand or jealous of what they aren't able to do. I stopped trying to justify my actions and ignored the haters. Just learned to focus on myself and my own journey. Little by little I eliminated the toxic people from my life... wasn't an easy task because some of them were loved ones and even family. But I did it, and then I re-build my circle... and surrounded myself with those who were on the same journey as me. Mostly gym-buddies. I actively sought out people who were working hard to change their lives for the better thought nutrition and fitness, and I stuck with them for motivation, encouragement, support and new friendships. Once I hit my goal I was able to look back and be proud of the struggle. Those who were against me, who didn't trust in my process were finally able to see my achievement. I sat back quietly and let them stew in their own past misconceptions, words and mistakes. I am still moving forward... always happy but never satisfied and by now the sabotage efforts are long in the past. You'll get past it too, just learn to be strong, be confident in your actions and decisions and ignore the haters. Since this is your housemate and I assume you're splitting the cost of everything, just simply tell him to shop for himself from now on, and you can shop for yourself. As you get more and more fit and healthy with more energy and a more positive and healthy outlook on life he can be consuming the same garbage and stuck in his own head wondering what the hell is going on LOL! Sooner or later he'll come around to your way of thinking and if he doesn't, it's his problem not yours.
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Thanks for the help everyone. I just spoke to him and he isn't very happy about it. I said that being this big isn't good for me and I need to look after myself. Doctor said that I need to loose more weight. He kinda just blew up than stormed out the door. I'm a bit confused to his reaction. But now I know I'll be able to get the food I need. And thanks for that suggestion I'll go see the grocery store manager in the morning3
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I'm not completely understanding. Do you and your housemate commingle your finances? Why not just each get your own groceries? I never shared grocery budgets with roommates.4
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Another thought after reading your reply...
How long have the two of you known each other? Been friends before becoming roomies? Are you in a relationship aside from just being house mates? The reason I ask is because my husband had a very hard time dealing with the person I was becoming. The thinner, healthier and stronger I got, the more he worried that I was completely changing the person who he had known for such a long time. It was a struggle. He never got angry with me and always supported what I wanted to do, but he was sort of sad and maybe a little lost. He felt as if he was losing me. Not losing me physically or mentally, but losing the "old" me in terms of my character. The truth is that part of what made me "me", when we met did disappear, but the healthier and more positive, motivated and stronger version of myself shone through. He loved that version of "me" as well once he got to know her I guess my point is that people are sometimes afraid of change. 4 -
Yup, buy your own food.
I assume that you're contributing financially to the groceries he buys? Then you have a complete right to have a say in what *your* money is spent on. Since he's obviously not going to come on board and respect your wishes, why are you allowing him to use your money to only buy the stuff he wants?
Perhaps set up a small fund where you both contribute $ to purchase the things you guys *both* need. You know, milk, bread, sugar, toilet paper, etc. - the basics. Anything beyond that? You both are on your own. Shopping for it, paying for it *and* eating it.
Edited to add:
The bonus of doing it this way will be if he buys crap with his money, it will be easier for you to resist eating it for two reasons:
1) You will have alternatives on hand for you to eat, and
2) The junk isn't yours to eat half of.
Make sure that you include some treats for yourself, though, when you go shopping. There's nothing that'll erode your resolve faster than seeing him scarf down a pizza while you're munching on celery sticks. 8 -
No relationship but have known each other for about 5 years now and that whole time I have been bigger. He has always known be to the the big shy girl. And that has slowly been changing. I didn't think that it would affect him.
And I like the idea of the household fund thanks.0 -
On an aside note... this is why I don't let my husband do the grocery shopping LOL! He comes home with meat and sweets, and maybe some chips. Although he does buy a lot of fruit, I am not a fruit person! Nope... I make the list, I do the shopping, I do the prep. I do buy some of the stuff he likes as well but he pretty much eats what I cook him! 1
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My husband and I go shopping together each week. We each buy the things we like and a few common things.
For example, my husband likes oatmeal for breakfast ... so he buys oatmeal and milk.
I like a certain type of yogurt, so I buy that.
We both buy bananas, but he puts his into one bag because he likes his a bit riper than I do, and I put my almost-green bananas into a separate bag.
He buys a block of cheese ... I buy 2 or 3 containers of low fat cottage cheese.
He buys cans of tuna (and I might have one once in a while) ... I buy cans of chicken (and he might have one once in a while).
Bread and margarine are common.
We've been married for 8 years now, and we've found that this just works best for us. I wouldn't be keen on him telling me I needed to eat as much oatmeal and tuna as he does ... and he probably wouldn't be keen on me telling him he had to eat cottage cheese every day. Just because we're married doesn't mean we need to eat the same things.3 -
beccapineapple8756 wrote: »No relationship but have known each other for about 5 years now and that whole time I have been bigger. He has always known be to the the big shy girl. And that has slowly been changing. I didn't think that it would affect him.
It could be that he's annoyed because he thinks this is just a 'phase' you're going through. He probably thinks it's temporary - like 2-3 months, and he's annoyed he has to change his habits because of this 'stupid thing' you're going through. Which is going to fail anyways, because you've always been so big, you can't change it. Nobody can. It's just the way people are. Some are thin, some are big. Why get me involved in this 'pipe dream' of yours? Geeez. (I'm guessing about his thoughts because I've known situations like this before)
You need to prove him wrong by actually making this a lifestyle change and not going back to your old habits in a few months.
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beccapineapple8756 wrote: »No relationship but have known each other for about 5 years now and that whole time I have been bigger. He has always known be to the the big shy girl. And that has slowly been changing. I didn't think that it would affect him.
He sounds like an immature selfish dick and a control freak. Sorry. And the reason he blew up is he obviously prefers you being the shy girl because that lets him do what *he* wants, but the bonus for him is that you're paying for half of it. So looking at it from his viewpoint, he got a pretty darned good deal going on right now.
So the fund for the basics and then each of you doing your own grocery shopping is most likely not going to be something he'll be reasonable about, because then he's not getting you to contribute to what he wants to eat. Expect resistance. Lots of it. But stick to your guns because what you are proposing is entirely reasonable and equitable.
If he doesn't like it, perhaps it's time to find a different roommate.
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JenniferNoll wrote: »You may have to do your own shopping. Your house mate is not responsible for your nutrition. Just let him know that you are not going to eat what he buys, so he should only shop for himself. If it's a matter of money, go talk to the manager at your local grocery store and find out when meat is marked down and what happens to damaged produce. I buy my meat at less than half price that way, and get my veggies very cheaply. Just remember that YOU are responsible for what you eat, not anyone else.
This right here ^^
Your roommate isn't sabotaging you, he simply isn't on the same page food-wise as you. It sounds like you need to stop sharing food.2 -
beccapineapple8756 wrote: »No relationship but have known each other for about 5 years now and that whole time I have been bigger. He has always known be to the the big shy girl. And that has slowly been changing. I didn't think that it would affect him.
And I like the idea of the household fund thanks.
Wishing you the best of luck. Having had so many housemates over the years, I think I've seen it all (I mean really, who doesn't buy toilet paper when it's their turn and tell you to just use the Times?). Anyway, if you end up not coming together on common food things, you can always just use the fund for dish soap and stuff like... toilet paper. 2 -
Honestly you don't owe him any explanations, just do your own shopping, and take whatever money you have out of this joint finance deal. Is he somehow pocketing some money when he goes shopping? Like does he buy cheap food, tell you it's more and keep the rest?1
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Just had another thought:
Why don't you guys go and do the grocery shopping together?
That way, you can chose the things that you'll share the cost of, (and ring that up separately and split the bill right at the checkout) and then you both can get whatever else you want that you'll each pay for separately.
He has no right to dictate what food is available for you eat, especially since you're paying for half of it. You're not a child and he's not your father. 1 -
Honestly you don't owe him any explanations, just do your own shopping, and take whatever money you have out of this joint finance deal. Is he somehow pocketing some money when he goes shopping? Like does he buy cheap food, tell you it's more and keep the rest?
I'm not sure I hope not. I keep all my dockets I don't think he dose havnt seen him bring one home. Suppose that's kinda my fault for not checking.0 -
Just let him buy all his own food and you buy yours.2
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beccapineapple8756 wrote: »It's my house mate. We have a set budget for food for the week. We use to take turns shopping but latley if he shops he will only get chips chocolate frozen pizzas fried chicken sodas all that kind of stuff. I have tried to talk to him about it but he refuses to listen. He is thin and thinks that food dosnt really matter as long as it fills you up. I keep offering to do the shopping every week but he refused an said that what I am doing is stupid that if I was that worried about my weight I shouldn't have let it get this bad ☹️
Are you contributing an equal amount of money toward food?
Do you make a meal plan and grocery list?
If your budget is limited meal planning and a grocery list are very helpful for making the most of your money. Buying low nutrition pre-made foods is not very budget friendly.
If you are contributing money for food then you have a say in what is bought with your money- doesn't matter if what you want is stupid or gross to him. If you aren't contributing money then you do not have a say unfortunately.
I would have a conversation focused on equality, compromise, friendship, the budget, his (freakish) control over the shopping and both getting what you want out of your living situation. You don't have to live together if he can't treat you as an equal with respect.
If he flately refuses to buy any food you want then stop pooling your money. Each shop for and prepare your own food.
It may be time to find a new housemate.
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Yeah, def each person should do their own shopping. If need be you can each have your own cupboard so you won't be tempted to look at and desire the foods he buys.2
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I agree that you don't owe him any explanations and that he is probably not very happy with this new determination of yours.
As others have suggested, the best solution seems to be to each do your own shopping for all your food and only share expenses for things like toilet paper, cleaning products etc.
Also, I agree with snickerscharlie, you need to stick to your guns on this one. You need to do it for yourself.
Good luck!2
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