Help! How to deal with people trying to sabotage your weightloss journey

All,

Please remember if you have a concern that a comment is in violation to just report it to the mod team. There's no need to derail a discussion by commenting back and forth about it, and discussing those concerns on the forums is a violation of guideline 11b.

Thanks,

kgeyser

ItsyBitsy246 wrote: »

Screw him. Each of you buy your own food. I had a variety of housemates off and on for about twenty years. We never split food, and each had our own space in the cupboards.

Ya, I never split food expenses with housemates either.

When I lived with roommates in college, we all bought our own food but would share the costs of communal goods like flour, baking soda, milk (if we all drank the same kind - rarely happened), and that sort of thing. Everyone's food preferences are just way too different, in my opinion, to successfully do what you were doing in the past; I've only ever had it work with my fiance because we actually share a household.

It sounds like he might feel that you're trying to tell him what to do with "his" money since shopping is done with both his and your money; it's an understandable frustration but not so understandable that him blowing up at you isn't weird. So take his money out of the equation and do the food shopping separately. I'd also sit down and talk to him when you're both away from the issue (like not right after food shopping but maybe when you're both just relaxing after work) and tell him how you've been feeling, without placing blame on him: "I feel upset when you tell me that 'I shouldn't have let my weight get this bad' and then get angry when I'm trying to change my diet. I value our friendship too much to let the arguments over food shopping ruin it, so I am going to start doing my own food shopping."

beccapineapple8756 wrote: »

Thanks for the help everyone. I'm not usually one to put my foot down and argue with someone. But I do really want this change I guess I need to learn to stand up for myself and look after myself. I need to say goodbye to the shy chick I've been and become more confident.

This is the attitude you need to hold fast to! It is beautiful. Your friend will understand eventually. He may be upset over something else, or just doesn't like the change in food arrangements. If he is really your friend he will get over it and you guys will move past it. Any relationship has bumps like this. But what you need to do is look after yourself first. Make healthy changes that need to be made...not all of them will be easy. For instance, I had to cut a lot of people out of my life because all they did was go out and drink and party - which were not good for me nutritionally or emotionally. It was hard at first, but I am better off now. No judgement to those who do that - it just isn't right for the lifestyle I choose to live now.

Best of luck girl!

If you're an adult, shop for your own food. You shouldn't be tied to what someone else thinks you should eat.

That said: it doesn't sound like "sabotage" (which is typically ON PURPOSE) just self-centeredness.

He's been happy with the way things were and he doesn't like change. Lots of people don't like change, but in your case, it's necessary. He doesn't have to change his diet. Everyone who has said you shop for your own food is right. You can budget for dish detergent and toilet paper, and do that together, but otherwise you do your own thing. Tell him like this, "I have to make these changes, but I would never want to try to force you to do what I want, so in the future we are going to need to shop separately. This is nothing against our friendship and nothing against you. It's simple logistics."

He doesn't sound like a very good friend, I must say. In this case you've really got to "do you" as they say. Buy your own food and take care of yourself as *you* said. I personally would also consider stepping back from a friendship with this person, because for some reason he's very invested in you staying the same - but you don't have an obligation to do this in any way, I don't just mean eating or weight or exercise. Perhaps secretly he would like to make some changes and hasn't been and is angry because you are. Or maybe he sees these changes in you as a rejection of your life and therefore him? Anyway, this is about you and your health. Good luck and forge ahead.