Divorced Hangout

I was married at 20 yrs old and it lasted 10 years before I was traded in for a newer model...it didn't seem so at the time, but now I see it was the nicest thing he ever did for me:)

J_Surita3 wrote: »

maeld51 wrote: »

@J_Surita3
We married at 19, I'm 55.

I got married young as well. I was barely 21. Would have celebrated 27 years next month, but I'm getting divorced so I'll celebrate that instead.

We signed our divorce papers (1) day before our 35th anniversary,
he needed one last jab. Ugh!

First one was 10 years, this one we have been separated 3 weeks, after 6 years together... It sucks, it hurts, the kids are confused, Im trying to cope, I know I should just finish it and end it, but its hard to just let go. I have a big heart, and cant stand to see her upset, but we are just not compatible. We have tried for 6 years to make it work, we just cant. I have no friends, all my family live in another state. Its just me and the kids from the first wife.

amcalmond768 wrote: »

PowerMan40 wrote: »

First one was 10 years, this one we have been separated 3 weeks, after 6 years together... It sucks, it hurts, the kids are confused, Im trying to cope, I know I should just finish it and end it, but its hard to just let go. I have a big heart, and cant stand to see her upset, but we are just not compatible. We have tried for 6 years to make it work, we just cant. I have no friends, all my family live in another state. Its just me and the kids from the first wife.

I feel your pain.. We have been separate almost a month! It's hard to let go .. Even when it's the right thing to do!

Yea but how do you know its the right thing to do... I guess when you cant stand to be in the same room together, its done. Then there are times its nice and we get a long, but the times we do get a long are like 10% of the time and the times we dont are 90% of the time.

PowerMan40 wrote: »

amcalmond768 wrote: »

PowerMan40 wrote: »

First one was 10 years, this one we have been separated 3 weeks, after 6 years together... It sucks, it hurts, the kids are confused, Im trying to cope, I know I should just finish it and end it, but its hard to just let go. I have a big heart, and cant stand to see her upset, but we are just not compatible. We have tried for 6 years to make it work, we just cant. I have no friends, all my family live in another state. Its just me and the kids from the first wife.

I feel your pain.. We have been separate almost a month! It's hard to let go .. Even when it's the right thing to do!

Yea but how do you know its the right thing to do... I guess when you cant stand to be in the same room together, its done. Then there are times its nice and we get a long, but the times we do get a long are like 10% of the time and the times we dont are 90% of the time.

I think you just really have to trust yourself .. You can't sacrifice yourself and your life for 10%.. But I am struggling with the same things

This content has been removed.

littlemissbgiff wrote: »

Was married for 14 years, together for 18. He was an alcoholic for about 12 of those years. I stayed because we had 3 kids, I had no work skills, I thought this was my lot in life. At year 10 I gave him an ultimatum. Alcohol or your family. He chose his family much to my pleasure. But only to find that I hated him sober and he hated me for forcing sobriety on him. He was clean for about 3 months. At 10 years I knew it was over. But stuck it out "for the kids". We separated, we got back together, we moved in an attempt for a fresh start. Didn't work. We divorced at 14 years. It was very difficult on all of us. 5 years later even my kids tell me they are glad we divorced. They see him about once a month as he moved out of state and they are old enough now to take him for what he is, a drunk. I never realized how strong I was until the divorce. I never knew that I was capable of so much. We are happy now. We are actually thriving. It DOES get better. Promise!

I guess I saved myself from this. This would probably be my life if my ex BF and I stayed together. He drinks too much. He drinks Less than he used to but still too much. I'm sure it will get worse over time. I keep telling myself that when I miss him.

tanyabrillhart9 wrote: »

Geeky_and_Cheeky wrote: »

Name 1 thing that's better now that you're divorced?

Well, he is a pathological liar, so I don't have to deal with that. He embezzled $19,000 from his mother, so I don't have to deal with the law suit from his family or the lawyer bills...so that's nice.

I miss intimacy...not just the physical, but emotional...le sigh...

I am going through this with my husband.. He is a habitual liar. He will never change and can't own up to what he has down wrong!

This content has been removed.

I don't have a thing that's better yet as it's been less than two weeks and so far everything hurts but I'm encouraged that there may be some positives in the future.

This content has been removed.

littlemissbgiff wrote: »

Muppyooh wrote: »

littlemissbgiff wrote: »

Was married for 14 years, together for 18. He was an alcoholic for about 12 of those years. I stayed because we had 3 kids, I had no work skills, I thought this was my lot in life. At year 10 I gave him an ultimatum. Alcohol or your family. He chose his family much to my pleasure. But only to find that I hated him sober and he hated me for forcing sobriety on him. He was clean for about 3 months. At 10 years I knew it was over. But stuck it out "for the kids". We separated, we got back together, we moved in an attempt for a fresh start. Didn't work. We divorced at 14 years. It was very difficult on all of us. 5 years later even my kids tell me they are glad we divorced. They see him about once a month as he moved out of state and they are old enough now to take him for what he is, a drunk. I never realized how strong I was until the divorce. I never knew that I was capable of so much. We are happy now. We are actually thriving. It DOES get better. Promise!

I guess I saved myself from this. This would probably be my life if my ex BF and I stayed together. He drinks too much. He drinks Less than he used to but still too much. I'm sure it will get worse over time. I keep telling myself that when I miss him.

You have saved yourself a lot of grief honey. It's such a selfish disease and i never realized how it made the whole house sick until we got out of it. At the time of divorce when we separated finances, our monthly alcohol budget was $700! I worry now for my children because it's in their blood. My oldest is almost 17 and starting to go to parties and it scares me to death. You made the right decision.

Thanks. It's still so hard. There were many reasons that we broke up. Alcohol was the biggest problem for me. I tried to convince myself it wasn't that big of a deal, but it was. It's only been about a month and it's still really hurts.
I understand you're worried about your kids. I worried about that also if I did stay with him and we got married and had kids one day. I would say keep the lines of communication open. Be very open with the kids about the potential risks and problems and be open to talking about whatever it is they want to talk about so they will always come to you to talk about things.

Marriage is a freaking piece of paper. Whenever you find the love of your life make a move. Don't settle.. people settle.. might as well stay single and ready to mingle

Getting a divorce after 17 years together (13 married). We have a 10 year old daughter. My ex has been nasty & vindictive through the whole thing to the point where a permanent restraining order was put in place. He cheated over & over. Paid other women's bills & gave them money I found out. Basically lived a double life. Then had the audacity to be angry at me for ending things. He told me they would show me what a cold cruel world this is when I'm on my own. He stole all my valuables computer, iPad, jewelry etc. cleaned out the bank account & turned off the power at the house I live in with our daughter after I was granted exclusive use of the marital property until the divorce is settled. There are so many more things that have been done. But any advice on getting through this would be appreciated. I just want to move on with my life. What hurts the most is that they don't realize while they are trying to "teach me a lesson" all these things effect our child. But I guess revenge is more important.