Husband dislikes my new muscles

IndigoVA
IndigoVA Posts: 164 Member
edited September 29 in Motivation and Support
My husband and I have been together for 11 years. I was thin (size 6/8) when we met, but after having my 2 kids went up to an 18. I started losing weight about a year ago and am now in a size 12. Although I still have about 20 lbs. to go, I've been feeling pretty good about myself for working so hard to get back into shape. I'm currently doing P90X, which has been great.

So yesterday I was sitting with my husband on the deck (wearing a tank top), and I lifted my arms over my head to stretch. He looked at me and said "Oh God, look at you muscles. Eww!" and made a disgusted face. Now I do tend to put on a little more muscle than most women I know, but I'm by no means looking like a female bodybuilder or anything. I was completely shocked. My response was "well I like my arms this way," but geez, if he thinks they're gross now, what's he going to think when I do lose 20 more lbs. and the muscle is even more obvious?

Has anyone else had a reaction like this from a spouse?
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Replies

  • LessMe2B
    LessMe2B Posts: 316
    He's prob jealous :mad: :laugh:
  • kanonxbou47
    kanonxbou47 Posts: 265 Member
    If my boyfriend said something like that, I'd probably cuss him out. That's not an okay thing to say.
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
    I haven't gotten face yet, but my fiance tells me that he doesn't want me to get too skinny all the time. Like when I tell him my goal weight is 132lb, but damn I am only 5'4. I told him I will stop when I feel I look good......and thats just what I'll do haha
  • edorice
    edorice Posts: 4,519 Member
    Um, yeah. Had that reaction from my ex husband years ago. My pec muscles were more defined. Like I said, ex-husband. Today, he has a huge gut and still smokes. To each his own. :ohwell:
  • EuroDriver
    EuroDriver Posts: 254
    how much muscle does he have?
  • Kelly_Wilson1990
    Kelly_Wilson1990 Posts: 3,245 Member
    Maybe he is afraid you will leave him. You are looking so good. My hubby decided to join me on my weight loss journey because he was feel that way. I just reassured him and now we are doing it together.
  • nonameclementine
    nonameclementine Posts: 3
    That's a really hurtful thing to say to someone who has worked really hard and feels positive about the changes they're making. Could he be feeling intimidated by the new and improved you? Don't let his criticism deter you!
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
    Say it back to him at the next opportune moment! :bigsmile: Marriage is for better or worse...even if you're looking better and he's looking worse.:tongue:
  • SWEET31
    SWEET31 Posts: 40
    that is not nice ,maybe he feels inferior because he doesnt have muscle lol , that is his problem lol :)
  • cjasins
    cjasins Posts: 93
    I think you should just tell him sorry but I am loving my muscles and my healthier body :happy: Keep up the good work!
  • DonnaLFitz
    DonnaLFitz Posts: 270 Member
    (You neglected to tell us HIS body structure... Is he overweight, too?)
    Some spouses feel threatened by the other half's improvements.
  • cjasins
    cjasins Posts: 93
    I think you should just tell him sorry but I am loving my muscles and my healthier body :happy: Keep up the good work!
  • lbetancourt
    lbetancourt Posts: 522 Member
    "well I like my arms this way,"

    enough said..
  • babydull
    babydull Posts: 727 Member
    If my boyfriend said something like that, I'd probably cuss him out. That's not an okay thing to say.
    Agreed. My partner's supportive to me whatever size I am, because he understands my body is my business and if I'm happy, he's happy.
  • rubyrenga
    rubyrenga Posts: 402 Member
    I agree with those who said he feels intimidated/jealous. Next time you are having a nice moment together, I would explain to him how hurtful that was, and see how he responds. Maybe he will open up about feeling threatened. Either way, try not to let it get you down. Muscles are hot on women and men!:love:
  • IndigoVA
    IndigoVA Posts: 164 Member
    Yeah, I do think there's some jealousy going on with him. He has gained a lot of weight over the years also, and he isn't doing anything to get in better shape. But he's a man, and he's fairly tall, so I don't think the weight is as obvious on him as it was on me (at 5'3).
  • aippolito1
    aippolito1 Posts: 4,894 Member
    I'm afraid of the same thing. :sad: My boyfriend thinks Jessica Biel has a boyish body and doesn't like her tone even though I'd LOVE to look like her. He thinks Jillian Michaels is scary and way too built. He always tells me certain women who are celebs or in great shape are too manly and I don't want to be super built but I'd LOVE to have Jill's arms!
  • IMYarnCraz33
    IMYarnCraz33 Posts: 1,016 Member
    You could always look him straight in the eye, and using
    your best russian accent, tell him, "I'll break you"

    source: Rocky IV when Rocky fights Cpt. Ivan Drago (Dolph Lundgren)

    all kidding aside, why can't he be happy you're doing something
    to be healthy/ier?
    I've read quite a few people say how their spouse or significant other react so badly
    to their healthy choices. Are people that miserable with themselves that they have
    to try and bring us down?
  • katschi
    katschi Posts: 689 Member
    Maybe he just doesn't like the new muscles.
  • mardavlais
    mardavlais Posts: 43 Member
    I've gotten that look - but it wasn't due to muscle. It was when I was too skinny, then years later when I was overweight. Shrug. You have to be happy with yourself. - When you are, I'm sure you're much more fun to be around... and you probably feel better about yourself. He should reap some benefits from that. :)
  • bzmom
    bzmom Posts: 1,332 Member
    I would have replied "Yeah Imma be able to kick your *kitten* pretty soon" LOL!! then again my husband would laugh at that he already has.... :grumble:
  • scarletleavy
    scarletleavy Posts: 841 Member
    I think a lot of men are intimidated by women with obvious muscle definition and strength, maybe some deep-seated worry about you being "stronger" or more "masculine" than him. I've had this debate with my boyfriend a lot recently. I've started doing a lot more strength training and am really starting to see some serious muscle definition and I know he's worried that I'm gonna be stronger than him. My best guess is that's where your husband is coming from. Probably best to have a discussion with him about it. If you're happy with your muscles, then he should accept it and be happy for you.
  • exercisesucks
    exercisesucks Posts: 102
    Wow. I love that my wife has muscles. I like hers so much I let her borrow one of mine every once in a while. :tongue:
  • rubyrenga
    rubyrenga Posts: 402 Member
    Wow. I love that my wife has muscles. I like hers so much I let her borrow one of mine every once in a while. :tongue:

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • BarnDogBob
    BarnDogBob Posts: 104 Member
    Right cross or uppercut would be an appropriate response. :laugh:
  • bzmom
    bzmom Posts: 1,332 Member
    bwahahahahaha good one!
    Wow. I love that my wife has muscles. I like hers so much I let her borrow one of mine every once in a while. :tongue:

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • SunnyDispo619
    SunnyDispo619 Posts: 154
    Wow. I love that my wife has muscles. I like hers so much I let her borrow one of mine every once in a while. :tongue:

    :drinker:
    Oh man, that made me laugh out loud!
  • spinurbuttoff
    spinurbuttoff Posts: 74
    He's an idiot! Good for you!!!
  • VickiMitkins
    VickiMitkins Posts: 249 Member
    Yeah, I do think there's some jealousy going on with him. He has gained a lot of weight over the years also, and he isn't doing anything to get in better shape. But he's a man, and he's fairly tall, so I don't think the weight is as obvious on him as it was on me (at 5'3).

    It does sound like he is insecure. Mine was happy, but skeptical, when I started and has not said anything about me getting too skinny or too many muscles (he better not either after b1?#ing about me losing weigt for 15 years). After I had lost about 20 lbs, he started looking at his pooch. Believe it or not, he cut back on the beer and eats a little better and has lost 12lbs as well. I guess what I'm getting at is, that if your husband loves you and wants you to be happy, he will start seeing those muscles as beautiful. It may take a little time, but he will get there and maybe even join you.
  • fridayjustleft04
    fridayjustleft04 Posts: 851 Member
    Just tell him that you having muscles means less work for him. No more having to open jars, or help you lift stuff. You can carry your own luggage now. He's got it made. Haha.
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