Called fat at work
msfazer
Posts: 17 Member
Hi all i have been away from mfp for a very long time last time i was here i went from 16st to 9.5st and felt great (wish i still looked like my profile pic).
Since then i started working nights and its completely messed me up i only get about 4 hrs sleep between shifts due to having children to take and pick up from school. Im starving all the time through tiredness i think and im now up to 13st.
I know im overweight and ive started trying to lose it again anyway last night at work one of the men i work with says "i thought you go to the gym" to which i answered yes 2-3 times a week when im not working. He then replied "really? I dont mean to be rude but your still pretty fat arent you?" He then pointed out he was only saying it as a friend! Some friend ay so now im trying my best not to stuff my face with food like i always used to when i was upset
Since then i started working nights and its completely messed me up i only get about 4 hrs sleep between shifts due to having children to take and pick up from school. Im starving all the time through tiredness i think and im now up to 13st.
I know im overweight and ive started trying to lose it again anyway last night at work one of the men i work with says "i thought you go to the gym" to which i answered yes 2-3 times a week when im not working. He then replied "really? I dont mean to be rude but your still pretty fat arent you?" He then pointed out he was only saying it as a friend! Some friend ay so now im trying my best not to stuff my face with food like i always used to when i was upset
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Replies
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In the U.S. you could take that to HR and he would have some explaining to do.
Some people need to just be quiet.
With that said, I had someone call me a "Fat @ss" when I was. . . fat. It made me mad, but I have used that to fuel my desire to stay thin now. I mean, she was right. She was just talking off the top of her (not so nice) head, but it did make me take a look at myself. I was in total denial about how large I actually was. For some reason, buying size 16 skirts for work hadn't made an impression like that comment did.
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Welcome back!! Good job coming back, and good job still fitting in workouts that often!
Anyone who says something that mean in the name of friendship is not a friend at all. Ignore him, he has noooo idea what your life is with children and night work!
Don't be too hard on yourself- you clearly know how and what you need to do to stay fit, you just need the time and space to take care of yourself in the midst of everything else you're responsible for- and that's tough!
Good luck, and just keep taking care of yourself!13 -
Well, it was rude. He knew it was rude. He didn't say anything helpful. He didn't ask what your obstacles were or offer help. He just judged. That wasn't being a friend.
When I was sleep deprived I overate too to compensate. It was really hard to lose weight when I wasn't getting enough sleep. It was hard to do anything.
Are you a single parent? Do you have family or friends who could help you get your kids to and from school? Reach out for help.
Alternatively, is this the only job you can do? It sounds like the hours do not suit your lifestyle or health at all. It might be worth looking for a daytime only job.15 -
I am currently looking for a daytime job ive been doing this one for 2 years now and kind of got used to earning more due to the night premium so days is probably going to be a big cut. Its a very active job (warehouse) so im shattered by the time i get home after a 12 hour shift. My partner works days on paper it seemed like me doing nights and him days would work out great but it hasnt turned out that way. Im constantly snappy and ill so not good for anyone really.1
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Saying "I don't mean to be rude" is not an excuse to go ahead and be rude. I would tell him off. Your weight is none of his business unless YOU ask HIM for his opinion. If he says anything again I would report him to human resources.13
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In general, I will never understand why people are so nosy. I don't really understand why he would consider that comment appropriate, but perhaps he was making a VERY ham-handed attempt at expressing some type of concern? Really, the best thing you can do is try to understand and just let it go. If he continually makes comments like that, then tell him that what he's saying is inappropriate, and if he still doesn't quit, pay a visit to HR.0
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cmriverside wrote: »In the U.S. you could take that to HR and he would have some explaining to do.
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Not in most states. Being fat isn't a protected class. Thankfully.4 -
coreyreichle wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »In the U.S. you could take that to HR and he would have some explaining to do.
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Not in most states. Being fat isn't a protected class. Thankfully.
It doesn't have to be a protected class/discrimination situation to take it to HR. People still aren't supposed to behave like dbags in the work place.26 -
It sucks but you know when it is true. I think that is what makes it worse. My moment was when my son poked my large beer gut and asked "when is it due?" On a positive note it motivated me to come to MFP and lose it entirely, 53 pounds. And no, I don't thank him for it!6
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coreyreichle wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »In the U.S. you could take that to HR and he would have some explaining to do.
...
Not in most states. Being fat isn't a protected class. Thankfully.
You're right I get called skinny. And poked at for being smaller. I don't think hr would care. Even if my feelings are stepped on a bit.
And the original (OPs) comment, didn't seem to be meant in an offensive way. Ya, "you don't look like your getting much out of the gym". He was perplexed and just blurted out the inconsistency. No thought needed.
You say you are heavy? So, you aren't getting much out of your current regimen. I really think he just couldn't reconcile the action with the observations. Change it up, refocus. If your first thought is to binge eat, maybe some counseling or a support group would be helpful. Make a plan. See a nutritionist. Join the mfp running group
walkers and newbies welcome. 
shameless plug, but great folks.
Idk if your a praying person. But there's a line in a prayer that keeps me focused (most days), "lead us not in to temptation", anyhow find support, find your center.
Wishing you the best. The profile pic is a great re- goal. Love yourself.4 -
It sucks but you know when it is true. I think that is what makes it worse. My moment was when my son poked my large beer gut and asked "when is it due?" On a positive note it motivated me to come to MFP and lose it entirely, 53 pounds. And no, I don't thank him for it!
I love this, talk about funny. I would have asked him, what would you like brother or sister?4 -
Grow a pair of balls, take it for what it is and move on. Sometimes we fat people need someone to point of the error of our ways, whether we like it or not. Would I be hurt may be for a day or two, but I would use the negative and turn it into a positive as my driving force go get to where I need to be.
We are too thin skinned these days. I get that all the time, does is hurt of course, but guess what it makes me look seriously at myself in the mirror and see that what was said is perfectly true and I need to step up my game.8 -
coreyreichle wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »In the U.S. you could take that to HR and he would have some explaining to do.
...
Not in most states. Being fat isn't a protected class. Thankfully.
It doesn't have to be a protected class/discrimination situation to take it to HR. People still aren't supposed to behave like dbags in the work place.
In order to be actionable, it does, or in the least, covered in the employee workplace rules. Otherwise, there's grounds for an employee lawsuit, if that HR report negatively impacts that employee.0 -
coreyreichle wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »In the U.S. you could take that to HR and he would have some explaining to do.
...
Not in most states. Being fat isn't a protected class. Thankfully.
It doesn't have to be a protected class/discrimination situation to take it to HR. People still aren't supposed to behave like dbags in the work place.
There was just a (U.S.) 4th District Court ruling that said people can be rude at work, and their employers can't require they be nice. So...it'll be fun to see how that plays out across the country.4 -
What an obnoxious, toxic, f'in pr*ck.8
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Do you ever watch the TV show Shark Tank? Do you how sometimes shark Kevin says to a presenter "You're dead to me!" when he wants nothing to do with the deal. That's how you need to view this jerk. Don't stuff your face because of him!7
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"At least I can fix that. It's hard to fix stupid."12
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Screw him man. wow, he must be really insecure about himself to spout something off like that. wtf is wrong with people. MAN that made me angry!2
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Hi all i have been away from mfp for a very long time last time i was here i went from 16st to 9.5st and felt great (wish i still looked like my profile pic).
Since then i started working nights and its completely messed me up i only get about 4 hrs sleep between shifts due to having children to take and pick up from school. Im starving all the time through tiredness i think and im now up to 13st.
I know im overweight and ive started trying to lose it again anyway last night at work one of the men i work with says "i thought you go to the gym" to which i answered yes 2-3 times a week when im not working. He then replied "really? I dont mean to be rude but your still pretty fat arent you?" He then pointed out he was only saying it as a friend! Some friend ay so now im trying my best not to stuff my face with food like i always used to when i was upset
Plus you are female! He has no business commenting on your body at work. Report him.5 -
People are usually Insensitive and mean. I had a similar experience with a cousin telling me that the extra weight would never come off and to quit while I was ahead. Now 6 months later i am 35 pounds lighter. Listen to the voice of conviction in your heart and push forward.10
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coreyreichle wrote: »In order to be actionable, it does, or in the least, covered in the employee workplace rules. Otherwise, there's grounds for an employee lawsuit, if that HR report negatively impacts that employee.quiksylver296 wrote: »There was just a (U.S.) 4th District Court ruling that said people can be rude at work, and their employers can't require they be nice. So...it'll be fun to see how that plays out across the country.
You realize most employees are at-will right? An employer can discipline or fire an employee (I'm talking about the one making the fat comment, not the OP) for any number of reasons. It's not like employees are insulated from making nasty comments as long as they're against a non-protected class LOL.
In any event, it's not so much about whether this person should get fired as, learning how to interact like a human being. Calling someone fat isn't justified just because they are in fact fat.2 -
coreyreichle wrote: »In order to be actionable, it does, or in the least, covered in the employee workplace rules. Otherwise, there's grounds for an employee lawsuit, if that HR report negatively impacts that employee.quiksylver296 wrote: »There was just a (U.S.) 4th District Court ruling that said people can be rude at work, and their employers can't require they be nice. So...it'll be fun to see how that plays out across the country.
You realize most employees are at-will right? An employer can discipline or fire an employee (I'm talking about the one making the fat comment, not the OP) for any number of reasons. It's not like employees are insulated from making nasty comments as long as they're against a non-protected class LOL.
In any event, it's not so much about whether this person should get fired as, learning how to interact like a human being. Calling someone fat isn't justified just because they are in fact fat.
At will employment means either the employer, or the employee can terminate the employment, for whatever reason, true. However, there are still protections for workers from being fired without cause, in retribution, unless it's applied evenly.0 -
Wow. This is why people should mind their own business, especially at work. Commenting on someone's body is borderline sexual harassment and then people wonder why the eff they got fired. MYOB.3
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Sometimes people just need to call us on our BS. Get over it. If your kids are alive and healthy, you've got all your limbs and all your faculties, life is good.4
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"Thanks for being so supportive. It's great to know that I can depend on you to sabotage my weight loss."
Stay the heck away from this person and do not let this person mess with your head. You can do this.1 -
Any sentence that starts with "I don't mean to be rude, but . . . " is guaranteed to be rude.9
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Any sentence that starts with "I don't mean to be rude, but . . . " is guaranteed to be rude.
Yeah, anything that starts off "I'm not a [whatever it is speaker says s/he is not] BUT..." means they most certainly are that thing, whether that's racist, sexist, rude, whatever.
As for this being reportable to HR, absolutely in the US it is. The most likely scenario is that HR would have a chat and make his life uncomfortable, for a time at least and that's absolutely well within their realm. I'm not talking about legal action, just a written notice, something like that.4 -
Any sentence that starts with "I don't mean to be rude, but . . . " is guaranteed to be rude.
Exactly! The nerve of some people, especially at work. Not professional.
As a parent now, I have to stress to my young daughter how hurtful it can be to someone when you comment on their body - be it big or small. We all have flaws and I am pretty sure we're aware of what they are, without someone pointing it out.
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It seems pretty clear that the coworker in this scenario is probably well-meaning and not the worst human being alive and is mostly just socially clueless, but it's more disturbing that people are defending it like "well if you are fat, it's OK for him to call you out on it". Like, what? That's not how human interaction works.11
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I wasn't suggesting that it is appropriate to ever say that to someone but once said you can't "un-hear it". Also made me think of my sister in law's reaction is someone would ever say something unkind like that. Without pause she would let out a "*kitten* YOU" in her very Boston accent.2
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