My mom is acting weird about my weightloss
LenGray
Posts: 842 Member
So, I've been on MFP for about a month. I got on here because my doctor had told me that I would have some serious health issues down the line unless I got my weight under control. My mom was with me and agreed whole-heartedly with the doc, even including that I'd been overweight my whole life (not true) and that she'd tried to encourage me to lose weight (kind of true)
I've lost 18 lbs so far and I'm staying on track really well. But, now my mom keeps making snide remarks about it?
Like, the other night, I had a pretty carb-heavy dinner. I wasn't worried about it because I'd had a protein-heavy lunch and breakfast but she said I wasn't serious about losing weight if I ate carbs.
When I bought my food scale, she laughed at me and told me that it wouldn't help. According to her, 'dieting is about eating less and moving more, not math!' and she told me that I'd give up on using it before too long.
Then, last night, I was really hungry because I've had an additional 100 calorie deficit for the past few days (just didn't feel hungry) so I treated myself to an extra eggroll and a Yoplait chocolate mousse. She looks at me and says, "You ate all that Chinese food and now you're having chocolate? Hmph, guess it didn't take you long to fall off of the wagon," and then just smirked at me the whole time I was having dessert.
I keep explaining to her that I'm within my calorie limits, but she doesn't seem to believe me. I'm not going to let her comments stop me from losing weight, but I'm just not sure why she was all gung-ho about it at the beginning and now she's sniping at me for silly things. Does anyone have any experience with this?
I've lost 18 lbs so far and I'm staying on track really well. But, now my mom keeps making snide remarks about it?
Like, the other night, I had a pretty carb-heavy dinner. I wasn't worried about it because I'd had a protein-heavy lunch and breakfast but she said I wasn't serious about losing weight if I ate carbs.
When I bought my food scale, she laughed at me and told me that it wouldn't help. According to her, 'dieting is about eating less and moving more, not math!' and she told me that I'd give up on using it before too long.
Then, last night, I was really hungry because I've had an additional 100 calorie deficit for the past few days (just didn't feel hungry) so I treated myself to an extra eggroll and a Yoplait chocolate mousse. She looks at me and says, "You ate all that Chinese food and now you're having chocolate? Hmph, guess it didn't take you long to fall off of the wagon," and then just smirked at me the whole time I was having dessert.
I keep explaining to her that I'm within my calorie limits, but she doesn't seem to believe me. I'm not going to let her comments stop me from losing weight, but I'm just not sure why she was all gung-ho about it at the beginning and now she's sniping at me for silly things. Does anyone have any experience with this?
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Replies
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Ignore and do not engage when she makes comments. It is the most effective way of dealing with people who do this.11
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It sounds like you are doing great. Try to ignore her and be patient, some people talk that way because they think it's motivating. Just stick with it! Great job on 18 lbs!!7
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Obviously she is still of the "diet" community - you are not dieting unless you "eat all rabbit food". She is not of the - this is a lifestyle change belief - learning how to eat that food which you like in moderation and planned for.
I think there are two ways you can deal with this.
1) Ignore - just keep smiling and do your thing
2) Educate - have her hook up with MFP and read some of these message boards on food, lifestyle change, etc.
However - DO NOT let her get in the way of your progress. 18 pounds is a month is off the charts. You are doing this for you and no one else.19 -
ugh. Mothers. My mom was like that, too.
She's gone now, but it never changed, even when I was in my forties.
She's gonna do what she does. I agree that the best thing is to ignore her, don't get into an argument about it - but say, "Mom. I'm doing this my way, you're entitled to an opinion, I don't have to agree."7 -
Moms are like that, we worry, we nag...we are wrong sometimes too! No point fighting with her, just show her. You take care of yourself, mom will see the changes soon enough! xo5
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My mom told me I was neglecting my family by going to the gym. My kid is 15....he's self sufficient and doesn't need mommy!!! LOL13
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Ugh. I'm so sorry. Family really has a way of making healthy changes harder than necessary sometimes. Ditto what everyone else has already said. Stay consistent and strong. I wouldn't bother explaining to her the math of calories anymore since she's not listening.1
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I would tell her that I love her and it would be really wonderful if she stopped the negativity even if she can't give you loving encouragement.
Tell her you researched how to lose effectively and healthfully and you're doing your best.
You are doing beautifully! You will be one of the ones who accomplish what you set out to do.
Remember, this behavior is not about you, but about her own issues.4 -
Thanks everyone
I'll try not to let it bother me. Happily, she doesn't live with me, so I don't have to hear her opinions too often. I am really glad that I have my food scale though-- it's a lot easier not to be bothered when I know for a fact that I'm logging accurately and according to plan.
On the brighter note, today I was able to fit into a pair of pants that I haven't been able to wear since spring!50 -
She just doesn't understand.
Show her that your methods work by sticking firmly with them and the weight loss will be the victory.6 -
Congratulations to you. Sounds like you get it.
I don't know why some people have to be like that, but there is a lot of misinformation out there. Even people with good intentions can give bad advice.3 -
Oh! Well, if she doesn't live with you she's lots easier to ignore.
Congrats on the pants!4 -
I've been there, and it is frustrating, but my advice is similar to what everyone else has said - there is no point engaging with her. Just keep on doing what you're doing. It's possible she's doing this out of ignorance, and truly believes you can't lose weight if you're not torturing yourself with a very restrictive diet. If she's genuinely supportive, she may someday say she doesn't know how you did it, but she's glad you did.
On the other hand, if your success is threatening her self-image in some way, she may try to undermine your efforts. If that occurs, you may need to put a little emotional distance between the two of you, and find your support elsewhere. (MFP is a great place for that!)
Hopefully she's just demonstrating ignorance and insensitivity, and your success will overcome both. (And 18 pounds in one month is wildly successful!)4 -
Firstly, great job on the weight loss! Good for you and keep up what you're doing.
Secondly, I'm curious if you're mom too, is overweight. I have a mother that is very clingy, odd, jealous and competitive on certain things (i.e. she knows something before I do, I put on a sweater and she puts on a sweater, I order a meal and she orders the same). I'm just wondering if maybe she is noticing that things are working for you and she's having her own issues because you're doing it on your own. She's not helping and not an influence in your journey and that might bother her. Plus, "if" she is overweight, she's jealous because of your weight loss.
I'm not Dr. Phil, I'm just wondering the dynamic that you and your mother have.
AGAIN!!! You're doing awesome!!!!!7 -
@LenGray Your doing great.. keep it up! No matter what anybody says!1
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Congrats on your success. I have a mother like yours. It is frustrating but imho the best thing you can do is continue to set the example of success, reach your goals and ignore all the negative outside noise. I am doing the same. I am a holistic health coach and all of my clients go through this to some extent. Its not easy but you have to use the bad and make it work for your good. Continue to be the success you are. God bless!2
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I'm curious if you're mom too, is overweight. I have a mother that is very clingy, odd, jealous and competitive on certain things (i.e. she knows something before I do, I put on a sweater and she puts on a sweater, I order a meal and she orders the same). I'm just wondering if maybe she is noticing that things are working for you and she's having her own issues because you're doing it on your own. She's not helping and not an influence in your journey and that might bother her. Plus, "if" she is overweight, she's jealous because of your weight loss.
Yeah, she's overweight, as well. She's always been pretty competitive as to which one of us is prettier, which I don't really get, but I always wrote that off because she's a certified narcissist. It was getting so bad that she even got a tummy tuck+ boob job because I had a 'better' figure than she did. It's gotten better in the past few years, so I'd hoped we'd moved past this by now.
I'm still bigger than her so I guess the main thing I'm wondering is why would she be concerned enough to react negatively at this point?
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Just because you have educated yourself and learnt how to lose weight in a healthy and life changing way, doesn't mean your mum is going to get it. Guarantee she believes in yoyo fad diets and I also bet she's not exactly on the normal bmi range either? Don't let her jealousy at you bettering yourself get you down babe, you're the smart one! My mum does the same to a point, she doesn't make any snide remarks she is very supportive BUT she still seems to think it was a "diet" and gets funny if I don't want to eat her cake or anything. Keep it up, you're smashing it xxxxx1
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You are doing AWESOME! I have to admit, I gave a sigh of relief when I read that you don't live with her. I'm not trying to put down your mother, but I imagine it would be extremely difficult to live around those kind of comments all day long. To be honest, I wonder if she's a little on the controlling side based on that behavior and the fact that she's attending and speaking for you at your doctor appointments (unless there's a reason you wanted her there with you).
I think the best thing to do is keep doing what you're doing. Do your best to let her comments slide off your back. "Mother knows best" goes a little too far sometimes. She'll see in time that you know what you're doing, and at that point maybe she'll be more open to your educational efforts.
Oh, and doesn't it feel GREAT fitting into a smaller pair of jeans?
Edited to add: While I was writing this post I see you updated that she has a narcissism issue (which makes sense). That must be a great burden on you, and I'm sorry
You keep doing you and don't give up- you are a rockstar.5 -
It sounds like you're doing wonderfully. I would just ignore the comments. As long as you know you are within your limits it really doesn't matter what she says. I know it's hard especially when it is your mom.
Plus, you say she is also overweight. It could just be some subconscious jealousy that you're taking your life into your own hands and making changes. Unfortunately, along this journey not everyone will be supportive. If as you say she has had issues with you being "prettier" or better looking in the past I would just assume is jealousy. She may not consider you smaller than her now but she recognizes that you are making changes and if she doesn't you will be smaller than her soon.
Seriously do your best to ignore it.
I'm going to send you a friend request. I'll be your cheerleader!4
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