Controversial topic...just looking for open minded peeps...
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Lots of my friends share this exact sentiment...I don't, but to each his/her own. The animal kingdom, and there are exceptions, also behave in this manner, monogamy is for the most part a human trait. And if you look at the divorce rate in this country, it seems that a lot of people are not in it for the long haul like they used to be!!You're married, that means monogamy and so being straight or bisexual doesn't matter. I'm married to a man but I'm not straight I'm bi too. I made a commitment to my husband and that's the end of it for any other people.
?? Since when does marriage mean monogamy? Not for everybody! Not by a long shot.
Very true! Some people aren't into that whole monogamy thing!
Well options are certainly not as clearcut as monogamy V. divorce. There is a cultural change afoot, I swear it. You should read the NYT article about Dan Savage today.
Anyway, I'm off topic, good luck!
Will do!!0 -
Lots of my friends share this exact sentiment...I don't, but to each his/her own. The animal kingdom, and there are exceptions, also behave in this manner, monogamy is for the most part a human trait. And if you look at the divorce rate in this country, it seems that a lot of people are not in it for the long haul like they used to be!!You're married, that means monogamy and so being straight or bisexual doesn't matter. I'm married to a man but I'm not straight I'm bi too. I made a commitment to my husband and that's the end of it for any other people.
?? Since when does marriage mean monogamy? Not for everybody! Not by a long shot.
Very true! Some people aren't into that whole monogamy thing!
Well options are certainly not as clearcut as monogamy V. divorce. There is a cultural change afoot, I swear it. You should read the NYT article about Dan Savage today.
Anyway, I'm off topic, good luck!
Read it and agree...thanks so much for the link...not all are going to understand this point of view, but we are all individuals here....which makes this community an amazing place to be!!0 -
Well it's not just the fact this really isn't an appropriate place for that but talking about it here won't help like it would if you went to therapy or something like that , wish you well0
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I was once married to my very best friend who happened to be a guy, he was a soul mate and that did not change that I was a *kitten*, not even a little bit bi. Honesty, counseling and authenticity were absolutely necessary. I wanted to please my family, my community, my church and avoid dealing with my orientation for as long as possible. I told him what I understood of myself which in my twenties was very little.
Who would volunteer for the discrimination, violence and even murder that one may become the victim of for being 'out'?! It took years of therapy to heal what the religious right did in the name of religion to my inner child's heart. I've been totally 'out' for 17 years now. I got to remain best friends with my former spouse. He got to live his happily ever after with a beautiful woman. I got to become a wholly authentic and powerful person in my own right.
I could not have addressed my eating/weight/fitness issues without dealing simultaneously with sexual orientation, living in a homophobic country where legally I am a second class citizen, where my daughter doesn't even receive the same protections under the law because as her mom, I am gay.
Note: NO ONE has the right to tell the OP that her posts are inappropriate except the forum moderators. Reading the forum guidelines, I see nothing in our community standards that prohibits her posts, subject matter or request for support. These are support forums and I as a queer woman need and offer support here daily. I might know a thing or two about being queer, weight loss and fitness challenges...doubt me, take a look at my ticker, or friend me and have a look at my profile.
Whatever your orientation, sex, body image and orientation are inextricably linked. Thanks to all those who offered support to the OP. If you're dealing with sexual orientation as a health/wellness/fitness issue, please feel free to friend me and put LGBT or 'questioning' in the message.0 -
I was once married to my very best friend who happened to be a guy, he was a soul mate and that did not change that I was a *kitten*, not even a little bit bi. Honesty, counseling and authenticity were absolutely necessary. I wanted to please my family, my community, my church and avoid dealing with my orientation for as long as possible. I told him what I understood of myself which in my twenties was very little.
Who would volunteer for the discrimination, violence and even murder that one may become the victim of for being 'out'?! It took years of therapy to heal what the religious right did in the name of religion to my inner child's heart. I've been totally 'out' for 17 years now. I got to remain best friends with my former spouse. He got to live his happily ever after with a beautiful woman. I got to become a wholly authentic and powerful person in my own right.
I could not have addressed my eating/weight/fitness issues without dealing simultaneously with sexual orientation, living in a homophobic country where legally I am a second class citizen, where my daughter doesn't even receive the same protections under the law because as her mom, I am gay.
Note: NO ONE has the right to tell the OP that her posts are inappropriate except the forum moderators. Reading the forum guidelines, I see nothing in our community standards that prohibits her posts, subject matter or request for support. These are support forums and I as a queer woman need and offer support here daily. I might know a thing or two about being queer, weight loss and fitness challenges...doubt me, take a look at my ticker, or friend me and have a look at my profile.
Whatever your orientation, sex, body image and orientation are inextricably linked. Thanks to all those who offered support to the OP. If you're dealing with sexual orientation as a health/wellness/fitness issue, please feel free to friend me and put LGBT or 'questioning' in the message.
I wish there was a 'like' button.0 -
My only advice is to be true to yourself!
There is no dress rehearsal in life!
If you are not honest with yourself and put yourself first then it is difficult to move forward with another.
Someone will get hurt, unfortunately that is part of life and part of growing. Not at all easy and nothing to take lightly.
As my mother instilled in me " Live your life so you never ask yourself "What if". "
Best of luck to you.
Karen0 -
I was once married to my very best friend who happened to be a guy, he was a soul mate and that did not change that I was a *kitten*, not even a little bit bi. Honesty, counseling and authenticity were absolutely necessary. I wanted to please my family, my community, my church and avoid dealing with my orientation for as long as possible. I told him what I understood of myself which in my twenties was very little.
Who would volunteer for the discrimination, violence and even murder that one may become the victim of for being 'out'?! It took years of therapy to heal what the religious right did in the name of religion to my inner child's heart. I've been totally 'out' for 17 years now. I got to remain best friends with my former spouse. He got to live his happily ever after with a beautiful woman. I got to become a wholly authentic and powerful person in my own right.
I could not have addressed my eating/weight/fitness issues without dealing simultaneously with sexual orientation, living in a homophobic country where legally I am a second class citizen, where my daughter doesn't even receive the same protections under the law because as her mom, I am gay.
Note: NO ONE has the right to tell the OP that her posts are inappropriate except the forum moderators. Reading the forum guidelines, I see nothing in our community standards that prohibits her posts, subject matter or request for support. These are support forums and I as a queer woman need and offer support here daily. I might know a thing or two about being queer, weight loss and fitness challenges...doubt me, take a look at my ticker, or friend me and have a look at my profile.
Whatever your orientation, sex, body image and orientation are inextricably linked. Thanks to all those who offered support to the OP. If you're dealing with sexual orientation as a health/wellness/fitness issue, please feel free to friend me and put LGBT or 'questioning' in the message.
I wish there was a 'like' button.
I agree with this too. There have been plenty of posts about cheating husbands or abusive relationships that all directly relate to weight loss struggles. We have no idea what "triggers" another person struggles. Just because this has to do with someones sexual orientation does not mean this in inappropriate.
I wish you all the luck and strength in the world. My very best friend is more gay than straight and also married to her best friend that happens to be a man. They have figured out an arrangement that works for them, but she still struggles for acceptance from herself everyday. I def. suggest counseling at least for yourself. The gift of therapy may be the greatest gift you ever give yourself. A safe place for self reflection is sometimes what we need to get our thoughts in order and see that what we already have is exactly what we really need.0 -
How is this not the right place for this, but it is the right place for people to talk about their problems at work, ask for help winning contests, b*tch about their husbands, b*tch about the way people spell the word lose. So all thats cool but not her issue?0
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My only advice is to be true to yourself!
There is no dress rehearsal in life!
If you are not honest with yourself and put yourself first then it is difficult to move forward with another.
Someone will get hurt, unfortunately that is part of life and part of growing. Not at all easy and nothing to take lightly.
As my mother instilled in me " Live your life so you never ask yourself "What if". "
Best of luck to you.
Karen
Good answer!0 -
Be true to yourself.
you are in a hard place and dont envy you. The end of that day there is NOTHING wrong with you! and should not be made to feel bad or guilty in anyway...........
you do, however, need to have support and help to allow you to live your life the way that you want x
good luck0 -
Be true to yourself.
you are in a hard place and done envy you. The end of that day there is NOTHING wrong with you! and should not be made to feel bad or guilty in anyway...........
you do however need to have support and help to allow you to live your life the way that you want x
good luck
Love this!0 -
the only advice I can give is try your hardest not to beat yourself up for feeling this way, and try not to ignore it and let years slip by without directly dealing with your feelings. What you are going through is completely natural. and not to instill doubt or insecurities in you but your husband probably sometimes wonders what if too. we all do, even if it's not the healthiest per se. It is natural. But, it can drive you nuts and doesn't seem like a great way to live your life! It will be hard (i think) to talk to your husband because saying something like that out loud for the first time, especially to your best friend, can feel surreal. But it will open up your mind and direct you in the right path...0
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Almost everyone has sexual attractions to others outside their marriage be it to the same sex or to the opposite sex. You said that you believe in monogamy. If this is true, you need to figure it out soon by some means. I rarely would suggest counselling but in this case it sounds like a good thing for YOU to do. Life is short and it sounds like your husband is a great guy who deserves to have this figured out quickly so he can be happy too.0
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Talk to your spouse. I ASSume that he knew going into the marriage your sexual preference. I bet he is willing to experiment to find ways to satisfy your other desires. (trying to keep this PG :laugh: ) Every marriage has it's own rules. You can establish what works for your marriage, but that starts with communication. You've said you are in love with him; I'd hate to see you lose someone that is important to you and to unintentionally hurt him because of sexual desire.
Good Luck sweety! 0 -
Being a male and not a pig. I would say talk to him. He might be open to your feelings. I am married and often time I think about stepping out or cheating. But, I never have. But, temptations are there. Open relationships are everywhere now. I can't think of any man that would be oppose to this type of relationship unless he's into the old time relationships. I"m saying its a choice and No. If my wife was to ask to bring another man into the equation. But if she chooses to bring another woman I might be open depending on what type of person she is. I know a few male friends that have had these kind of relationships. However it is dangerous. Your husband could take to the other women or she to him and leave you in the cold. But the other woman would also have to be open to this also. Wow good luck.0
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:flowerforyou:
Oh...Calliope... can we talk, I'm Pat. I had a girlfriend (Kathy) in junior high 9th grade, she was in 10th, the summer between our entering the 10th and she the junior year, she taught me how to deep kiss.... that's what she called it....OH my it felt so natural... I told her how I felt when she kissed me and what I experenced when Mike kissed me ( he was my boyfriend at the time) She droped me as a friend like a hot potato, would turn and walk the other way if I tried to approch her to just talk.... Well that told me what to keep hidden from there on. I know now and suspected then....I was and have always been bisexual, but being from the midwest it was better to conform and boy did I.... The rest of the story...
I was married for 26 years, divorsed since 1991, I was always yearning for the lost me. I waited until my last child was 25 and out of the house and that's when I finally opened the door and came out to my family and to the world...My husband was totally astounded and had a very hard time dealing with my anouncment.... It would have been so much easier to have been true to myself when I was early into my feelings for the same sex, but I thought I was shelding my family... In hind sight I would have done things different, but you can't live life in reverse. Be honest and true to yourself, if he loves you he will be open to talking about the relationship, good luck to you and your husband.0
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