Called fat at work
Replies
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snowflake930 wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »The thing is that once it is said, it is said.
We have been giving suggestions on what to do.
Living in the world means people are going to throw insults at you. No way out of that. People just don't think before they speak. All of them. Even you who are upset, you too have hurt someone's feelings at some point. Those of you who are indignant about this - how do you propose to stop it? You can't.
What you can do is craft a response - which is what we are saying.
There is sometimes a kernel of truth in insults. Sometimes not, and I don't think it's right that this person said what he said, BUT - once it is said, there is a moment for anger, then a moment for learning.
The learning comes by how healthy you are in the reaction to the comment. Spewing hate back at him is not the answer. HOWEVER - if one is over-weight, like I once was and had comments made to me - then I had to own it and do something about it. I could stay big and get all mad and go eat, or I could accept that I was big and do something to get smaller. I mean, if I'm fat, I'm fat. No need to sugar coat reality.
You should not have to spew back hate. We are adults and should know better than to say something like this to another human being.
No need to sugar coat anything. We all know what we look like. Why is this something that needs to be pointed out at all? How is it hurting you? Like my mother always said, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. Great advice that stands the test of time. There simply is no justification for rudeness.
I am appalled that anyone thinks this kind of comment is acceptable from adults. Grow up.
Absolutely agree with you.
But once it IS SAID, it is said, and the burden is lessened if the receiver doesn't take it in such a hurtful way.
People say dumb stuff. Everyone here is guilty, myself included. He'll learn. It just isn't his time.0 -
cmriverside wrote: »snowflake930 wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »The thing is that once it is said, it is said.
We have been giving suggestions on what to do.
Living in the world means people are going to throw insults at you. No way out of that. People just don't think before they speak. All of them. Even you who are upset, you too have hurt someone's feelings at some point. Those of you who are indignant about this - how do you propose to stop it? You can't.
What you can do is craft a response - which is what we are saying.
There is sometimes a kernel of truth in insults. Sometimes not, and I don't think it's right that this person said what he said, BUT - once it is said, there is a moment for anger, then a moment for learning.
The learning comes by how healthy you are in the reaction to the comment. Spewing hate back at him is not the answer. HOWEVER - if one is over-weight, like I once was and had comments made to me - then I had to own it and do something about it. I could stay big and get all mad and go eat, or I could accept that I was big and do something to get smaller. I mean, if I'm fat, I'm fat. No need to sugar coat reality.
You should not have to spew back hate. We are adults and should know better than to say something like this to another human being.
No need to sugar coat anything. We all know what we look like. Why is this something that needs to be pointed out at all? How is it hurting you? Like my mother always said, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. Great advice that stands the test of time. There simply is no justification for rudeness.
I am appalled that anyone thinks this kind of comment is acceptable from adults. Grow up.
Absolutely agree with you.
But once it IS SAID, it is said, and the burden is lessened if the receiver doesn't take it in such a hurtful way.
People say dumb stuff. Everyone here is guilty, myself included. He'll learn. It just isn't his time.
Hopefully he won't be learning on the unemployment line. :laugh:0 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »snowflake930 wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »The thing is that once it is said, it is said.
We have been giving suggestions on what to do.
Living in the world means people are going to throw insults at you. No way out of that. People just don't think before they speak. All of them. Even you who are upset, you too have hurt someone's feelings at some point. Those of you who are indignant about this - how do you propose to stop it? You can't.
What you can do is craft a response - which is what we are saying.
There is sometimes a kernel of truth in insults. Sometimes not, and I don't think it's right that this person said what he said, BUT - once it is said, there is a moment for anger, then a moment for learning.
The learning comes by how healthy you are in the reaction to the comment. Spewing hate back at him is not the answer. HOWEVER - if one is over-weight, like I once was and had comments made to me - then I had to own it and do something about it. I could stay big and get all mad and go eat, or I could accept that I was big and do something to get smaller. I mean, if I'm fat, I'm fat. No need to sugar coat reality.
You should not have to spew back hate. We are adults and should know better than to say something like this to another human being.
No need to sugar coat anything. We all know what we look like. Why is this something that needs to be pointed out at all? How is it hurting you? Like my mother always said, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. Great advice that stands the test of time. There simply is no justification for rudeness.
I am appalled that anyone thinks this kind of comment is acceptable from adults. Grow up.
Absolutely agree with you.
But once it IS SAID, it is said, and the burden is lessened if the receiver doesn't take it in such a hurtful way.
People say dumb stuff. Everyone here is guilty, myself included. He'll learn. It just isn't his time.
Hopefully he won't be learning on the unemployment line. :laugh:
So be it.
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I feel you're frustration. I lost 130 pounds and yes have lately put about 15 back on... but I was walking across the plant one day at work, actually kinda chipper with a little bounce in my step, which is unusual for me lol
I crossed paths with one of the supervisors and he said: "Have you put on some weight? You're jiggling in places that didn't used to jiggle."
Some people are just jerks, even if they don't realize it. I told the only other girl I work with what he said. She called him after I left for the day and asked what we talked about because when I came back to my desk I looked like I was going to cry. Not true, but he's thought he made me cry for about 2 months now.2 -
I hope I am posting this reply correctly. I am still pretty new to all things on MFP and to computers in general...
msfazer...when I read your message I hurt for you. I have had people say things like that to me, and it hurt me terrribly. I also have difficulty with emotional eating. I am very sorry that your coworker was so insensitive and hurtful. You sound like a very loving and caring parent. And I applaud you for all the successes you have experienced - becoming healthy, noticing when you moved away from that, returning to MFP, raising children as you deal with all of those things, being strong enough to share your struggles - and I am sure the list goes on and on! I pray that you can focus on the truths about how strong and great you are!
aid783...thank you. I particularly appreciate your last comment about the coworker being 'socially clueless' and how there are other comments 'more disturbing'.
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I've read this thread with great interest, and I've composed and deleted half a dozen responses to posts with which I disagree.
But this isn't really about any of us. It's about you.
You posted honestly about how upset this incident at work made you feel, and how you struggle not to overeat as a way of dealing with negative feelings. I admire your openness.
I hope that you found a better way to deal with feeling upset--I know you can break your old habit of "stuffing your face." It's often not easy, but you can get where you want to go.
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I also just find it hard to believe that negative comments and insults are productive in helping someone lose weight and become healthier.
While you might find it hard to believe, there's about 200 years of the US Military TRADOC that shows cold, blunt, and harsh is an effective method for getting Joe/Sue Public into shape.1 -
MeganMoroz89 wrote: »coreyreichle wrote: »I also just find it hard to believe that negative comments and insults are productive in helping someone lose weight and become healthier.
While you might find it hard to believe, there's about 200 years of the US Military TRADOC that shows cold, blunt, and harsh is an effective method for getting Joe/Sue Public into shape.
I think this is different though. When you've enlisted you're expecting that kind of judgment on your body - you're not expecting that kind of comment at a regular workplace.
Exactly this.1 -
coreyreichle wrote: »I also just find it hard to believe that negative comments and insults are productive in helping someone lose weight and become healthier.
While you might find it hard to believe, there's about 200 years of the US Military TRADOC that shows cold, blunt, and harsh is an effective method for getting Joe/Sue Public into shape.
Some truth in there.
I remember watching Biggest Loser when people wanted the "meaner" coach (Jillian) because they thought she would be more likely to whip them into shape. At the time, I couldn't imagine choosing mean, but who knows? If I were convinced that I would be more likely to win the contest, maybe I would have too. (Note, we have all agreed that BL is promoting dangerously fast weight loss, I bring it up only for the tough love aspect).
I mentioned up thread about using a perceived insult as a powerful motivator to lose weight. I had the "good fortune" to get a joking insult about my running style this past weekend. It was ridiculous really, but boom out of nowhere, I want to run a 5k. I want it pretty badly. Barring injury, I'm going to do what it takes to run one in November. I couldn't have manufactured this level of determination on my own.
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coreyreichle wrote: »I also just find it hard to believe that negative comments and insults are productive in helping someone lose weight and become healthier.
While you might find it hard to believe, there's about 200 years of the US Military TRADOC that shows cold, blunt, and harsh is an effective method for getting Joe/Sue Public into shape.
Do you believe that the average office job is comparable to that of an enlisted soldier who is training to avoid immediate death/injury on the battlefield? In what way are they similar that makes you think that comments and insults in the latter would motivate people in the former?2 -
MeganMoroz89 wrote: »coreyreichle wrote: »I also just find it hard to believe that negative comments and insults are productive in helping someone lose weight and become healthier.
While you might find it hard to believe, there's about 200 years of the US Military TRADOC that shows cold, blunt, and harsh is an effective method for getting Joe/Sue Public into shape.
I think this is different though. When you've enlisted you're expecting that kind of judgment on your body - you're not expecting that kind of comment at a regular workplace.
The workplace doesn't matter. Negative comments and insults work for most people. Sugar coating it makes the problem seem "not as bad".0 -
coreyreichle wrote: »I also just find it hard to believe that negative comments and insults are productive in helping someone lose weight and become healthier.
While you might find it hard to believe, there's about 200 years of the US Military TRADOC that shows cold, blunt, and harsh is an effective method for getting Joe/Sue Public into shape.
Do you believe that the average office job is comparable to that of an enlisted soldier who is training to avoid immediate death/injury on the battlefield? In what way are they similar that makes you think that comments and insults in the latter would motivate people in the former?
Yes, I do. I'm an "average office worker", and I got into shape because I started browsing harsher subreddits, regarding fat people. What they thought of fat people made me want to change.0 -
MeganMoroz89 wrote: »coreyreichle wrote: »MeganMoroz89 wrote: »coreyreichle wrote: »I also just find it hard to believe that negative comments and insults are productive in helping someone lose weight and become healthier.
While you might find it hard to believe, there's about 200 years of the US Military TRADOC that shows cold, blunt, and harsh is an effective method for getting Joe/Sue Public into shape.
I think this is different though. When you've enlisted you're expecting that kind of judgment on your body - you're not expecting that kind of comment at a regular workplace.
The workplace doesn't matter. Negative comments and insults work for most people. Sugar coating it makes the problem seem "not as bad".
I don't think that refraining from commenting on someone's weight at the workplace is the same as sugarcoating it.
Eh, I call a spade a spade.1 -
coreyreichle wrote: »coreyreichle wrote: »I also just find it hard to believe that negative comments and insults are productive in helping someone lose weight and become healthier.
While you might find it hard to believe, there's about 200 years of the US Military TRADOC that shows cold, blunt, and harsh is an effective method for getting Joe/Sue Public into shape.
Do you believe that the average office job is comparable to that of an enlisted soldier who is training to avoid immediate death/injury on the battlefield? In what way are they similar that makes you think that comments and insults in the latter would motivate people in the former?
Yes, I do. I'm an "average office worker", and I got into shape because I started browsing harsher subreddits, regarding fat people. What they thought of fat people made me want to change.
So because you went looking for insults toward fat people in general (not specifically you!), you think it's appropriate for a random person to negatively/harshly comment on someone's weight out of the blue, when the overweight person is not soliciting advice and not in a job that requires them to be physically fit? And you think every single person is motivated the same way? Wow.3 -
coreyreichle wrote: »coreyreichle wrote: »I also just find it hard to believe that negative comments and insults are productive in helping someone lose weight and become healthier.
While you might find it hard to believe, there's about 200 years of the US Military TRADOC that shows cold, blunt, and harsh is an effective method for getting Joe/Sue Public into shape.
Do you believe that the average office job is comparable to that of an enlisted soldier who is training to avoid immediate death/injury on the battlefield? In what way are they similar that makes you think that comments and insults in the latter would motivate people in the former?
Yes, I do. I'm an "average office worker", and I got into shape because I started browsing harsher subreddits, regarding fat people. What they thought of fat people made me want to change.
That was you volunteering to subject yourself to the comments. In the military, right now people volunteer to go in. In the past, when service was mandated, people were training to protect/save their lives. I do not believe that what works in those situations effectively apply to negative comments and insults in the general workplace. If somebody wants that, they can go to Reddit or sign up for a class for it. In the workplace, it is completely inappropriate.4 -
coreyreichle wrote: »MeganMoroz89 wrote: »coreyreichle wrote: »I also just find it hard to believe that negative comments and insults are productive in helping someone lose weight and become healthier.
While you might find it hard to believe, there's about 200 years of the US Military TRADOC that shows cold, blunt, and harsh is an effective method for getting Joe/Sue Public into shape.
I think this is different though. When you've enlisted you're expecting that kind of judgment on your body - you're not expecting that kind of comment at a regular workplace.
The workplace doesn't matter. Negative comments and insults work for most people. Sugar coating it makes the problem seem "not as bad".
If that's the case why do we see posts upon post where the op has been insulted and now they want to binge or give up. If insults work why do we have obesity problems.
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goldthistime wrote: »coreyreichle wrote: »I also just find it hard to believe that negative comments and insults are productive in helping someone lose weight and become healthier.
While you might find it hard to believe, there's about 200 years of the US Military TRADOC that shows cold, blunt, and harsh is an effective method for getting Joe/Sue Public into shape.
Some truth in there.
I remember watching Biggest Loser when people wanted the "meaner" coach (Jillian) because they thought she would be more likely to whip them into shape. At the time, I couldn't imagine choosing mean, but who knows? If I were convinced that I would be more likely to win the contest, maybe I would have too. (Note, we have all agreed that BL is promoting dangerously fast weight loss, I bring it up only for the tough love aspect).
I mentioned up thread about using a perceived insult as a powerful motivator to lose weight. I had the "good fortune" to get a joking insult about my running style this past weekend. It was ridiculous really, but boom out of nowhere, I want to run a 5k. I want it pretty badly. Barring injury, I'm going to do what it takes to run one in November. I couldn't have manufactured this level of determination on my own.
Still doesn't excuse unnecessary comments at work.0 -
There is no excuse for rude comments by adults in the work place.
If you are an adult and do this, you have very poor manners, and you should be reported to HR.
Grow up and join the civilized world.2 -
coreyreichle wrote: »MeganMoroz89 wrote: »coreyreichle wrote: »MeganMoroz89 wrote: »coreyreichle wrote: »I also just find it hard to believe that negative comments and insults are productive in helping someone lose weight and become healthier.
While you might find it hard to believe, there's about 200 years of the US Military TRADOC that shows cold, blunt, and harsh is an effective method for getting Joe/Sue Public into shape.
I think this is different though. When you've enlisted you're expecting that kind of judgment on your body - you're not expecting that kind of comment at a regular workplace.
The workplace doesn't matter. Negative comments and insults work for most people. Sugar coating it makes the problem seem "not as bad".
I don't think that refraining from commenting on someone's weight at the workplace is the same as sugarcoating it.
Eh, I call a spade a spade.
Lol and when you are on the unemployment line for making a comment that you thought was ok, I will also call a spade a spade.1 -
coreyreichle wrote: »MeganMoroz89 wrote: »coreyreichle wrote: »I also just find it hard to believe that negative comments and insults are productive in helping someone lose weight and become healthier.
While you might find it hard to believe, there's about 200 years of the US Military TRADOC that shows cold, blunt, and harsh is an effective method for getting Joe/Sue Public into shape.
I think this is different though. When you've enlisted you're expecting that kind of judgment on your body - you're not expecting that kind of comment at a regular workplace.
The workplace doesn't matter. Negative comments and insults work for most people. Sugar coating it makes the problem seem "not as bad".
Also, OP was already working on her fitness/weight loss. That warrants comments because it's not fast enough for the douche who said something? Yeah.. no.0 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »goldthistime wrote: »coreyreichle wrote: »I also just find it hard to believe that negative comments and insults are productive in helping someone lose weight and become healthier.
While you might find it hard to believe, there's about 200 years of the US Military TRADOC that shows cold, blunt, and harsh is an effective method for getting Joe/Sue Public into shape.
Some truth in there.
I remember watching Biggest Loser when people wanted the "meaner" coach (Jillian) because they thought she would be more likely to whip them into shape. At the time, I couldn't imagine choosing mean, but who knows? If I were convinced that I would be more likely to win the contest, maybe I would have too. (Note, we have all agreed that BL is promoting dangerously fast weight loss, I bring it up only for the tough love aspect).
I mentioned up thread about using a perceived insult as a powerful motivator to lose weight. I had the "good fortune" to get a joking insult about my running style this past weekend. It was ridiculous really, but boom out of nowhere, I want to run a 5k. I want it pretty badly. Barring injury, I'm going to do what it takes to run one in November. I couldn't have manufactured this level of determination on my own.
Still doesn't excuse unnecessary comments at work.
Oh, I definitely agree that the guy's a jerk.
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Words are said in this world, some are nice some are not. Move on and reset.0
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This post makes me sad. Not the initial words being written by someone genuinely looking for acceptance and support, but many of the following comments afterwards.
Yes, I am "fat". It's a horrible word! It's a horrible thing to feel and to hear. Whether you are or are not, there is NOTHING positive or inspiring about that word. I would like to think that on a thread called "Motivation and Support", that is what would be offered! Save other comments and personal opinions for the Debate threads!
On this thread we should be here for one another. I know it sounds, "sweet, fluffy, soft-hearted... " All those words some will say about me. But isn't that what we are here for?
I can beat myself up good enough and I'm sure the original author of this post can as well.
I work in a place with incredible support. I wish everyone had that opportunity. I have a close friend/co-worker that motivates me to go on lunch time walks with her. When I am hard on myself for having a bad weekend or falling "off the wagon", she is quick to remind me how far I've come and how much I've accomplished. Just today, I was talking about how upset I was with my choices this weekend and she said, don't worry about what you did. What are you going to do moving forward? She helped me make a plan on what I would do to succeed this week. What a wonderful approach.
What was said by your co-worker was hurtful, whether or not some believe it should have been or not been. To you... it was hurtful. I"m so sorry it happened and that you had to feel that.
Let's use that energy to shift to something positive. You came HERE for support and motivation, instead of drowning your sorrows in a large chocolate cake every day since! Some may have chose the chocolate cake (and that's okay too, if they need it because the time will come when they are ready to restart and we will be there to support them too). I'm proud of you for coming here, for looking for support, for trying something to feel better and to give you strength to move on. That's super courageous and inspirational.
Stay strong. You are beautiful. You are doing what you need to do with your life to succeed. One person's journey and story is going to be different from another. No one is better than another. We should be celebrating each other's victories and helping pick up those in defeat.
Sorry for the long post, but I was just feeling sad about the responses on this thread.
My favorite quote and one on my email signature line is, "A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle" by James Keller. Let's be someone's candle.
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Hang in there MeganMoroz89. Some people should pull their head out of their a..
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Chef_Barbell wrote: »coreyreichle wrote: »MeganMoroz89 wrote: »coreyreichle wrote: »MeganMoroz89 wrote: »coreyreichle wrote: »I also just find it hard to believe that negative comments and insults are productive in helping someone lose weight and become healthier.
While you might find it hard to believe, there's about 200 years of the US Military TRADOC that shows cold, blunt, and harsh is an effective method for getting Joe/Sue Public into shape.
I think this is different though. When you've enlisted you're expecting that kind of judgment on your body - you're not expecting that kind of comment at a regular workplace.
The workplace doesn't matter. Negative comments and insults work for most people. Sugar coating it makes the problem seem "not as bad".
I don't think that refraining from commenting on someone's weight at the workplace is the same as sugarcoating it.
Eh, I call a spade a spade.
Lol and when you are on the unemployment line for making a comment that you thought was ok, I will also call a spade a spade.
It's possible, although unlikely.0 -
That is well out of order and he's lucky you haven't reported him to HR. You describe your job as very active and that you work long shifts. I am intrigued how this new activity has lead to a 4 stone weight gain?0
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coreyreichle wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »coreyreichle wrote: »MeganMoroz89 wrote: »coreyreichle wrote: »MeganMoroz89 wrote: »coreyreichle wrote: »I also just find it hard to believe that negative comments and insults are productive in helping someone lose weight and become healthier.
While you might find it hard to believe, there's about 200 years of the US Military TRADOC that shows cold, blunt, and harsh is an effective method for getting Joe/Sue Public into shape.
I think this is different though. When you've enlisted you're expecting that kind of judgment on your body - you're not expecting that kind of comment at a regular workplace.
The workplace doesn't matter. Negative comments and insults work for most people. Sugar coating it makes the problem seem "not as bad".
I don't think that refraining from commenting on someone's weight at the workplace is the same as sugarcoating it.
Eh, I call a spade a spade.
Lol and when you are on the unemployment line for making a comment that you thought was ok, I will also call a spade a spade.
It's possible, although unlikely.
Yup. :laugh:0 -
Just had the same thing happen here at work! Was talking about a knee surgery I'm having in a couple months (for a structural issue - nothing related to weight) and a coworker (male) who has only been here for a few months said "I think you need to lose weight - that would help." Was a bit taken aback by it, but my very first thought was this thread! Can't say I was overly hurt by it - I am hoping to lose some weight (20 lbs at the most) - but was more caught off guard that someone would actually say that! Another male coworker came by a few minutes later, asked how my knee is and coworker A said "I told her she needs to lose weight." Coworker B laughed and called Coworker A an idiot - I think even he couldn't believe the other one would say that to me!
As someone said earlier in this thread, I choose to use it as motivation to continue doing what I'm doing.0
This discussion has been closed.
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