Called fat at work
Replies
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not_my_first_rodeo wrote: »I once worked out of an office where during Bring Your Daughter to Work Day, one of the employees, who was obsessed with not only being thin but with everyone else being thin, referred to someone's else 7-year-old in the child's hearing as a "a fat pig."
It is never acceptable to do that.
That would be the day I would have lost my job and possibly gotten arrested.3 -
The thing is that once it is said, it is said.
We have been giving suggestions on what to do.
Living in the world means people are going to throw insults at you. No way out of that. People just don't think before they speak. All of them. Even you who are upset, you too have hurt someone's feelings at some point. Those of you who are indignant about this - how do you propose to stop it? You can't.
What you can do is craft a response - which is what we are saying.
There is sometimes a kernel of truth in insults. Sometimes not, and I don't think it's right that this person said what he said, BUT - once it is said, there is a moment for anger, then a moment for learning.
The learning comes by how healthy you are in the reaction to the comment. Spewing hate back at him is not the answer. HOWEVER - if one is over-weight, like I once was and had comments made to me - then I had to own it and do something about it. I could stay big and get all mad and go eat, or I could accept that I was big and do something to get smaller. I mean, if I'm fat, I'm fat. No need to sugar coat reality.Is anyone else's head exploding at how many people actually think it's acceptable to comment on someone else's weight or appearance? And then defending it with the logic "well it's true, they're fat, so..." I don't know if people are really this ignorant and act this way in real life or it's just the internet so people just say whatever they feel like.
Fat hate is a real thing.
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“To all the girls that think your fat because you’re not a size zero…You’re the beautiful one. It’s society who’s ugly.” – Marilyn Monroe6
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cmriverside wrote: »The thing is that once it is said, it is said.
We have been giving suggestions on what to do.
Living in the world means people are going to throw insults at you. No way out of that. People just don't think before they speak. All of them. Even you who are upset, you too have hurt someone's feelings at some point. Those of you who are indignant about this - how do you propose to stop it? You can't.
What you can do is craft a response - which is what we are saying.
There is sometimes a kernel of truth in insults. Sometimes not, and I don't think it's right that this person said what he said, BUT - once it is said, there is a moment for anger, then a moment for learning.
The learning comes by how healthy you are in the reaction to the comment. Spewing hate back at him is not the answer. HOWEVER - if one is over-weight, like I once was and had comments made to me - then I had to own it and do something about it. I could stay big and get all mad and go eat, or I could accept that I was big and do something to get smaller. I mean, if I'm fat, I'm fat. No need to sugar coat reality.Is anyone else's head exploding at how many people actually think it's acceptable to comment on someone else's weight or appearance? And then defending it with the logic "well it's true, they're fat, so..." I don't know if people are really this ignorant and act this way in real life or it's just the internet so people just say whatever they feel like.
Fat hate is a real thing.
I see what you are saying, but OP is already working on it. Doing what she can with the time she has. This is like making fun of a fat person at the gym. Makes no sense.4 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »The thing is that once it is said, it is said.
We have been giving suggestions on what to do.
Living in the world means people are going to throw insults at you. No way out of that. People just don't think before they speak. All of them. Even you who are upset, you too have hurt someone's feelings at some point. Those of you who are indignant about this - how do you propose to stop it? You can't.
What you can do is craft a response - which is what we are saying.
There is sometimes a kernel of truth in insults. Sometimes not, and I don't think it's right that this person said what he said, BUT - once it is said, there is a moment for anger, then a moment for learning.
The learning comes by how healthy you are in the reaction to the comment. Spewing hate back at him is not the answer. HOWEVER - if one is over-weight, like I once was and had comments made to me - then I had to own it and do something about it. I could stay big and get all mad and go eat, or I could accept that I was big and do something to get smaller. I mean, if I'm fat, I'm fat. No need to sugar coat reality.Is anyone else's head exploding at how many people actually think it's acceptable to comment on someone else's weight or appearance? And then defending it with the logic "well it's true, they're fat, so..." I don't know if people are really this ignorant and act this way in real life or it's just the internet so people just say whatever they feel like.
Fat hate is a real thing.
I see what you are saying, but OP is already working on it. Doing what she can with the time she has. This is like making fun of a fat person at the gym. Makes no sense.
Of course not.
But she cannot control what other people do or say, only her own reaction.
So - get mad, eat, or take it to HR, let it go, continue on your path?
There are always peaceful solutions.
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cmriverside wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »The thing is that once it is said, it is said.
We have been giving suggestions on what to do.
Living in the world means people are going to throw insults at you. No way out of that. People just don't think before they speak. All of them. Even you who are upset, you too have hurt someone's feelings at some point. Those of you who are indignant about this - how do you propose to stop it? You can't.
What you can do is craft a response - which is what we are saying.
There is sometimes a kernel of truth in insults. Sometimes not, and I don't think it's right that this person said what he said, BUT - once it is said, there is a moment for anger, then a moment for learning.
The learning comes by how healthy you are in the reaction to the comment. Spewing hate back at him is not the answer. HOWEVER - if one is over-weight, like I once was and had comments made to me - then I had to own it and do something about it. I could stay big and get all mad and go eat, or I could accept that I was big and do something to get smaller. I mean, if I'm fat, I'm fat. No need to sugar coat reality.Is anyone else's head exploding at how many people actually think it's acceptable to comment on someone else's weight or appearance? And then defending it with the logic "well it's true, they're fat, so..." I don't know if people are really this ignorant and act this way in real life or it's just the internet so people just say whatever they feel like.
Fat hate is a real thing.
I see what you are saying, but OP is already working on it. Doing what she can with the time she has. This is like making fun of a fat person at the gym. Makes no sense.
Of course not.
But she cannot control what other people do or say, only her own reaction.
So - get mad, eat, or take it to HR, let it go, continue on your path?
There are always peaceful solutions.
I definitely agree with the take it to HR part.0 -
I once had the luxury of someone saying something about my weight that I deemed insulting and hurtful. It was just what I needed to finally buckle down and lose the weight. It was a very useful tool in getting me started and keeping me going. I hope you can use that comment in the same way.
As to reporting it to HR, I'm in the "don't report it" camp. It's possible that you will be viewed differently by management/HR afterwards. Not worth the risk in my opinion.1 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »not_my_first_rodeo wrote: »I once worked out of an office where during Bring Your Daughter to Work Day, one of the employees, who was obsessed with not only being thin but with everyone else being thin, referred to someone's else 7-year-old in the child's hearing as a "a fat pig."
It is never acceptable to do that.
That would be the day I would have lost my job and possibly gotten arrested.
Damn right me too2 -
cmriverside wrote: »The thing is that once it is said, it is said.
We have been giving suggestions on what to do.
Living in the world means people are going to throw insults at you. No way out of that. People just don't think before they speak. All of them. Even you who are upset, you too have hurt someone's feelings at some point. Those of you who are indignant about this - how do you propose to stop it? You can't.
What you can do is craft a response - which is what we are saying.
There is sometimes a kernel of truth in insults. Sometimes not, and I don't think it's right that this person said what he said, BUT - once it is said, there is a moment for anger, then a moment for learning.
The learning comes by how healthy you are in the reaction to the comment. Spewing hate back at him is not the answer. HOWEVER - if one is over-weight, like I once was and had comments made to me - then I had to own it and do something about it. I could stay big and get all mad and go eat, or I could accept that I was big and do something to get smaller. I mean, if I'm fat, I'm fat. No need to sugar coat reality.
You should not have to spew back hate. We are adults and should know better than to say something like this to another human being.
No need to sugar coat anything. We all know what we look like. Why is this something that needs to be pointed out at all? How is it hurting you? Like my mother always said, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. Great advice that stands the test of time. There simply is no justification for rudeness.
I am appalled that anyone thinks this kind of comment is acceptable from adults. Grow up.
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I also just find it hard to believe that negative comments and insults are productive in helping someone lose weight and become healthier. Sure, in the moment it might be motivating because you're fueled by anger or hurt or whatever else and maybe that day or that week you eat a little healthier. But most people struggling with weight are already aware of their weight. It's not helpful to hear someone else tell you what you already know, and it's just negative energy and noise at that point which will burn out quickly.
I struggled with my weight for a long time and had a lot of self-loathing over the years as a result of it, but I think positivity is what ultimately helped me lose weight and maintain for the past several years. I wasn't happy every single day of my life but it helped to be happier with myself in the moment while also trying to get healthier. Someone telling me I was fat or not losing weight quickly enough along the way would have done zero good.2 -
snowflake930 wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »The thing is that once it is said, it is said.
We have been giving suggestions on what to do.
Living in the world means people are going to throw insults at you. No way out of that. People just don't think before they speak. All of them. Even you who are upset, you too have hurt someone's feelings at some point. Those of you who are indignant about this - how do you propose to stop it? You can't.
What you can do is craft a response - which is what we are saying.
There is sometimes a kernel of truth in insults. Sometimes not, and I don't think it's right that this person said what he said, BUT - once it is said, there is a moment for anger, then a moment for learning.
The learning comes by how healthy you are in the reaction to the comment. Spewing hate back at him is not the answer. HOWEVER - if one is over-weight, like I once was and had comments made to me - then I had to own it and do something about it. I could stay big and get all mad and go eat, or I could accept that I was big and do something to get smaller. I mean, if I'm fat, I'm fat. No need to sugar coat reality.
You should not have to spew back hate. We are adults and should know better than to say something like this to another human being.
No need to sugar coat anything. We all know what we look like. Why is this something that needs to be pointed out at all? How is it hurting you? Like my mother always said, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. Great advice that stands the test of time. There simply is no justification for rudeness.
I am appalled that anyone thinks this kind of comment is acceptable from adults. Grow up.
Absolutely agree with you.
But once it IS SAID, it is said, and the burden is lessened if the receiver doesn't take it in such a hurtful way.
People say dumb stuff. Everyone here is guilty, myself included. He'll learn. It just isn't his time.0 -
cmriverside wrote: »snowflake930 wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »The thing is that once it is said, it is said.
We have been giving suggestions on what to do.
Living in the world means people are going to throw insults at you. No way out of that. People just don't think before they speak. All of them. Even you who are upset, you too have hurt someone's feelings at some point. Those of you who are indignant about this - how do you propose to stop it? You can't.
What you can do is craft a response - which is what we are saying.
There is sometimes a kernel of truth in insults. Sometimes not, and I don't think it's right that this person said what he said, BUT - once it is said, there is a moment for anger, then a moment for learning.
The learning comes by how healthy you are in the reaction to the comment. Spewing hate back at him is not the answer. HOWEVER - if one is over-weight, like I once was and had comments made to me - then I had to own it and do something about it. I could stay big and get all mad and go eat, or I could accept that I was big and do something to get smaller. I mean, if I'm fat, I'm fat. No need to sugar coat reality.
You should not have to spew back hate. We are adults and should know better than to say something like this to another human being.
No need to sugar coat anything. We all know what we look like. Why is this something that needs to be pointed out at all? How is it hurting you? Like my mother always said, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. Great advice that stands the test of time. There simply is no justification for rudeness.
I am appalled that anyone thinks this kind of comment is acceptable from adults. Grow up.
Absolutely agree with you.
But once it IS SAID, it is said, and the burden is lessened if the receiver doesn't take it in such a hurtful way.
People say dumb stuff. Everyone here is guilty, myself included. He'll learn. It just isn't his time.
Hopefully he won't be learning on the unemployment line. :laugh:0 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »snowflake930 wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »The thing is that once it is said, it is said.
We have been giving suggestions on what to do.
Living in the world means people are going to throw insults at you. No way out of that. People just don't think before they speak. All of them. Even you who are upset, you too have hurt someone's feelings at some point. Those of you who are indignant about this - how do you propose to stop it? You can't.
What you can do is craft a response - which is what we are saying.
There is sometimes a kernel of truth in insults. Sometimes not, and I don't think it's right that this person said what he said, BUT - once it is said, there is a moment for anger, then a moment for learning.
The learning comes by how healthy you are in the reaction to the comment. Spewing hate back at him is not the answer. HOWEVER - if one is over-weight, like I once was and had comments made to me - then I had to own it and do something about it. I could stay big and get all mad and go eat, or I could accept that I was big and do something to get smaller. I mean, if I'm fat, I'm fat. No need to sugar coat reality.
You should not have to spew back hate. We are adults and should know better than to say something like this to another human being.
No need to sugar coat anything. We all know what we look like. Why is this something that needs to be pointed out at all? How is it hurting you? Like my mother always said, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. Great advice that stands the test of time. There simply is no justification for rudeness.
I am appalled that anyone thinks this kind of comment is acceptable from adults. Grow up.
Absolutely agree with you.
But once it IS SAID, it is said, and the burden is lessened if the receiver doesn't take it in such a hurtful way.
People say dumb stuff. Everyone here is guilty, myself included. He'll learn. It just isn't his time.
Hopefully he won't be learning on the unemployment line. :laugh:
So be it.
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I feel you're frustration. I lost 130 pounds and yes have lately put about 15 back on... but I was walking across the plant one day at work, actually kinda chipper with a little bounce in my step, which is unusual for me lol
I crossed paths with one of the supervisors and he said: "Have you put on some weight? You're jiggling in places that didn't used to jiggle."
Some people are just jerks, even if they don't realize it. I told the only other girl I work with what he said. She called him after I left for the day and asked what we talked about because when I came back to my desk I looked like I was going to cry. Not true, but he's thought he made me cry for about 2 months now.2 -
I hope I am posting this reply correctly. I am still pretty new to all things on MFP and to computers in general...
msfazer...when I read your message I hurt for you. I have had people say things like that to me, and it hurt me terrribly. I also have difficulty with emotional eating. I am very sorry that your coworker was so insensitive and hurtful. You sound like a very loving and caring parent. And I applaud you for all the successes you have experienced - becoming healthy, noticing when you moved away from that, returning to MFP, raising children as you deal with all of those things, being strong enough to share your struggles - and I am sure the list goes on and on! I pray that you can focus on the truths about how strong and great you are!
aid783...thank you. I particularly appreciate your last comment about the coworker being 'socially clueless' and how there are other comments 'more disturbing'.
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I've read this thread with great interest, and I've composed and deleted half a dozen responses to posts with which I disagree.
But this isn't really about any of us. It's about you.
You posted honestly about how upset this incident at work made you feel, and how you struggle not to overeat as a way of dealing with negative feelings. I admire your openness.
I hope that you found a better way to deal with feeling upset--I know you can break your old habit of "stuffing your face." It's often not easy, but you can get where you want to go.
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I also just find it hard to believe that negative comments and insults are productive in helping someone lose weight and become healthier.
While you might find it hard to believe, there's about 200 years of the US Military TRADOC that shows cold, blunt, and harsh is an effective method for getting Joe/Sue Public into shape.1 -
MeganMoroz89 wrote: »coreyreichle wrote: »I also just find it hard to believe that negative comments and insults are productive in helping someone lose weight and become healthier.
While you might find it hard to believe, there's about 200 years of the US Military TRADOC that shows cold, blunt, and harsh is an effective method for getting Joe/Sue Public into shape.
I think this is different though. When you've enlisted you're expecting that kind of judgment on your body - you're not expecting that kind of comment at a regular workplace.
Exactly this.1 -
coreyreichle wrote: »I also just find it hard to believe that negative comments and insults are productive in helping someone lose weight and become healthier.
While you might find it hard to believe, there's about 200 years of the US Military TRADOC that shows cold, blunt, and harsh is an effective method for getting Joe/Sue Public into shape.
Some truth in there.
I remember watching Biggest Loser when people wanted the "meaner" coach (Jillian) because they thought she would be more likely to whip them into shape. At the time, I couldn't imagine choosing mean, but who knows? If I were convinced that I would be more likely to win the contest, maybe I would have too. (Note, we have all agreed that BL is promoting dangerously fast weight loss, I bring it up only for the tough love aspect).
I mentioned up thread about using a perceived insult as a powerful motivator to lose weight. I had the "good fortune" to get a joking insult about my running style this past weekend. It was ridiculous really, but boom out of nowhere, I want to run a 5k. I want it pretty badly. Barring injury, I'm going to do what it takes to run one in November. I couldn't have manufactured this level of determination on my own.
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coreyreichle wrote: »I also just find it hard to believe that negative comments and insults are productive in helping someone lose weight and become healthier.
While you might find it hard to believe, there's about 200 years of the US Military TRADOC that shows cold, blunt, and harsh is an effective method for getting Joe/Sue Public into shape.
Do you believe that the average office job is comparable to that of an enlisted soldier who is training to avoid immediate death/injury on the battlefield? In what way are they similar that makes you think that comments and insults in the latter would motivate people in the former?2
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