Called fat at work
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coreyreichle wrote: »In order to be actionable, it does, or in the least, covered in the employee workplace rules. Otherwise, there's grounds for an employee lawsuit, if that HR report negatively impacts that employee.quiksylver296 wrote: »There was just a (U.S.) 4th District Court ruling that said people can be rude at work, and their employers can't require they be nice. So...it'll be fun to see how that plays out across the country.
You realize most employees are at-will right? An employer can discipline or fire an employee (I'm talking about the one making the fat comment, not the OP) for any number of reasons. It's not like employees are insulated from making nasty comments as long as they're against a non-protected class LOL.
In any event, it's not so much about whether this person should get fired as, learning how to interact like a human being. Calling someone fat isn't justified just because they are in fact fat.2 -
coreyreichle wrote: »In order to be actionable, it does, or in the least, covered in the employee workplace rules. Otherwise, there's grounds for an employee lawsuit, if that HR report negatively impacts that employee.quiksylver296 wrote: »There was just a (U.S.) 4th District Court ruling that said people can be rude at work, and their employers can't require they be nice. So...it'll be fun to see how that plays out across the country.
You realize most employees are at-will right? An employer can discipline or fire an employee (I'm talking about the one making the fat comment, not the OP) for any number of reasons. It's not like employees are insulated from making nasty comments as long as they're against a non-protected class LOL.
In any event, it's not so much about whether this person should get fired as, learning how to interact like a human being. Calling someone fat isn't justified just because they are in fact fat.
At will employment means either the employer, or the employee can terminate the employment, for whatever reason, true. However, there are still protections for workers from being fired without cause, in retribution, unless it's applied evenly.0 -
Wow. This is why people should mind their own business, especially at work. Commenting on someone's body is borderline sexual harassment and then people wonder why the eff they got fired. MYOB.3
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Sometimes people just need to call us on our BS. Get over it. If your kids are alive and healthy, you've got all your limbs and all your faculties, life is good.4
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"Thanks for being so supportive. It's great to know that I can depend on you to sabotage my weight loss."
Stay the heck away from this person and do not let this person mess with your head. You can do this.1 -
Any sentence that starts with "I don't mean to be rude, but . . . " is guaranteed to be rude.9
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Any sentence that starts with "I don't mean to be rude, but . . . " is guaranteed to be rude.
Yeah, anything that starts off "I'm not a [whatever it is speaker says s/he is not] BUT..." means they most certainly are that thing, whether that's racist, sexist, rude, whatever.
As for this being reportable to HR, absolutely in the US it is. The most likely scenario is that HR would have a chat and make his life uncomfortable, for a time at least and that's absolutely well within their realm. I'm not talking about legal action, just a written notice, something like that.4 -
Any sentence that starts with "I don't mean to be rude, but . . . " is guaranteed to be rude.
Exactly! The nerve of some people, especially at work. Not professional.
As a parent now, I have to stress to my young daughter how hurtful it can be to someone when you comment on their body - be it big or small. We all have flaws and I am pretty sure we're aware of what they are, without someone pointing it out.
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It seems pretty clear that the coworker in this scenario is probably well-meaning and not the worst human being alive and is mostly just socially clueless, but it's more disturbing that people are defending it like "well if you are fat, it's OK for him to call you out on it". Like, what? That's not how human interaction works.11
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I wasn't suggesting that it is appropriate to ever say that to someone but once said you can't "un-hear it". Also made me think of my sister in law's reaction is someone would ever say something unkind like that. Without pause she would let out a "*kitten* YOU" in her very Boston accent.2
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I wasn't suggesting that it is appropriate to ever say that to someone but once said you can't "un-hear it". Also made me think of my sister in law's reaction is someone would ever say something unkind like that. Without pause she would let out a "*kitten* YOU" in her very Boston accent.
For real... I would definitely have said an Eff you and a go eff yourself in my very NY accent. :laugh:0 -
*kitten* that guy and his opinions, all that matters is that you know what you want and you are TRYING. There are a lot of people who don't even do that you should be proud of yourself.0
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It sounds more like FACK YOU. Lets see if that morphs into a kitten too.3
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I once asked a woman when she was due. She teared up and said she wasn't pregnant. I felt so very very ashamed. I deserved to be sworn at and treated with contempt, but all she said was that it was a struggle for her and very painful to have people point it out. I have never asked anyone about their weight again.4
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I am currently looking for a daytime job ive been doing this one for 2 years now and kind of got used to earning more due to the night premium so days is probably going to be a big cut. Its a very active job (warehouse) so im shattered by the time i get home after a 12 hour shift. My partner works days on paper it seemed like me doing nights and him days would work out great but it hasnt turned out that way. Im constantly snappy and ill so not good for anyone really.
Hey hun, i agree with another MFPal. Maybe the coworker doesn't realize how socially unacceptable the statement is. The disclaimer "I don't mean to be rude" is not a pass to be rude! Bad behavior led with a disclaimer is never acceptable.
I've worked nightshift in the past for 4 years. It was hard because i have children as well but i tried to create ways to prevent weight gain because it's very easy to gain when you eat breakfast or dinner with your family, get little sleep and eat at work as well.
What i did was eat with my family and packed healthy protein filled low calorie snacks for work. Sliced apples and peanut butter or banana and peanut butter is still a favorite. Boiled eggs. Cut crispy veggies like cucumbers, carrots, green peppers with hummus is also good. And a lots of water! I sometimes put cucumbers or lemons in my water. Working nightshift isn't that bad, especially for extra pay. I didn't get paid extra for nightshift. You can make it work. Just tweak a few things.0 -
Grow a pair of balls, take it for what it is and move on. Sometimes we fat people need someone to point of the error of our ways, whether we like it or not. Would I be hurt may be for a day or two, but I would use the negative and turn it into a positive as my driving force go get to where I need to be.
We are too thin skinned these days. I get that all the time, does is hurt of course, but guess what it makes me look seriously at myself in the mirror and see that what was said is perfectly true and I need to step up my game.
Ok, I get your point but i don't believe Msfazer is looking for more criticism. She's on here like most of us looking for support in our weight lost journey. It's not about being thinned skin because seriously who has the right to comment on your weight/health? My thoughts are the only people who have an honest say on our weight/health are those who it affects...our partners, children, close family. No one else! Unless you're in a job where physical fitness is a requirement like first responders or a fitness coach.4 -
Tell your co-worker what he said was offensive and hurtful but if he'd like to help you with your goals then that would be great, let him put his money where his mouth is, he can start by bringing you healthy meals whilst you're on duty
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Unpopular opinion time: Replace "fat" with "alcohol" and everyone would be hailing the coworker a hero and telling you not to get so emotional. Your health is suffering from poor decisions and coping mechanisms (the reality for all of us trying to reach a healthy weight), and based on what you shared of the conversation, weight has been discussed before and the coworker thought there was enough rapport between you to discuss it without someone getting butthurt. Think about your physical responses during the conversation. No matter how prettied up your words may have been, body language says infinitely more about a person's state of mind, and all it takes to tell the person you're ticked off is a slight widening of the eyes or a rise in your voice's pitch. It's quite likely he dropped the topic after that because of an overreaction, not because he was trying to be an unhelpful jerk (as someone previously suggested).
Now, your response isn't necessarily your fault. Western society has become so obsessed with its touchy-feelies that instead of accepting and encouraging ourselves to take responsibility for our choices (and simply acting like freaking adults), we wallow in a toxic mindset that enables destructive behaviors and makes us far more triggered by nonsense than is reasonable. Best advice: work on developing a thicker skin and facing the topic objectively. It's not something that'll happen overnight, but given time and effort it will promote a healthier attitude and in turn help maintain healthier practices (not to mention you'll feel physically better regardless of how quickly the weight is lost.)5 -
cinnag4225 wrote: »Unpopular opinion time: Replace "fat" with "alcohol" and everyone would be hailing the coworker a hero and telling you not to get so emotional. Your health is suffering from poor decisions and coping mechanisms (the reality for all of us trying to reach a healthy weight), and based on what you shared of the conversation, weight has been discussed before and the coworker thought there was enough rapport between you to discuss it without someone getting butthurt. Think about your physical responses during the conversation. No matter how prettied up your words may have been, body language says infinitely more about a person's state of mind, and all it takes to tell the person you're ticked off is a slight widening of the eyes or a rise in your voice's pitch. It's quite likely he dropped the topic after that because of an overreaction, not because he was trying to be an unhelpful jerk (as someone previously suggested).
Now, your response isn't necessarily your fault. Western society has become so obsessed with its touchy-feelies that instead of accepting and encouraging ourselves to take responsibility for our choices (and simply acting like freaking adults), we wallow in a toxic mindset that enables destructive behaviors and makes us far more triggered by nonsense than is reasonable. Best advice: work on developing a thicker skin and facing the topic objectively. It's not something that'll happen overnight, but given time and effort it will promote a healthier attitude and in turn help maintain healthier practices (not to mention you'll feel physically better regardless of how quickly the weight is lost.)
My response would be the same. You're at work, co-workers don't need to make any comments about my personal lifestyle period.5
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