Called fat at work
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cinnag4225 wrote: »Unpopular opinion time: Replace "fat" with "alcohol" and everyone would be hailing the coworker a hero and telling you not to get so emotional.
Not at all. It is also not OK to comment on your coworker's struggle with drinking or alcoholism.
Both can be potentially serious issues but it's not being "touchy feely" to not want your coworkers to comment negatively on either scenario. I love when people want to mask being a *kitten* by rephrasing it as "society is too sensitive or easily offended".8 -
He is a rude, insensitive co-worker, please ignore him. Perhaps he is takes lessons on how to be a d bag from D. Trump.
You obviously have a busy schedule and a lot of stress, just do the best you can, that is all any of us can do.
...............and remember, weight loss is mostly about eating less calories than you burn. Even going to the gym everyday may not guarantee weight loss if you are consuming more calories than you are burning. Most sources say 80% diet, 20% exercise, some say an even higher percent for diet.2 -
OP: So if I understand this scenario, here's it in summary;
A co-worker (who may or may not be a real "friend") said he wasn't seeing any results from you going to the gym 2-3 times a week "when you can", and called you "fat". You took offense at the time because your feelings were hurt & attempt to defend yourself by blaming all these other situations; late night shifts, getting the kids ready, etc.
He wasn't the most tactful, but he told you the truth because you even acknowledge that. I think that if you really think about it, you're more shocked and upset with yourself for undoing all the hard work you put in previously than with him. Consider it a wake-up call to get you back on track.
Now to the next step: Your current routine/methods haven't been helping you meet your goals so they need to change if YOU'RE going to change. You need to objectively evaluate them. What still works? What could use some adjustment? What doesn't work at all?- So you're tired all the time? - Have you tried taking multiple naps throughout the day so you still get enough rest?
- Starving all the time? - plan each of your meals and snacks for the week in proper portions. It's one less thing to think about AND you can make sure it's something better for you than what you have been eating.
- What daily reminders do you have for yourself to put you on track and keep you there?
- How often do you weigh yourself? Do this frequently. We have a love/hate relationship with the scale. It's much easier to make a correction after a couple of bad days, than to find out a month, several months, or more later that you've gotten off course
Many of us on MFP have been in the same situation; where we've lost, then gained again and then "Beaten ourselves up", etc. Now it's time to dust yourself off, Get back up on that "figurative" horse and keep going. A fortunate few may get the life formula down the first or second time. I'm on my 3rd time losing and so far (2+ years in), it's working. Stay focused on your goal and WHY you are doing this. The "Why" is even more important than the "How." Maybe you can add "proving to your co-worker that it was only a temporary stop while you got organized to greatness" to your list of "Why"s.
Welcome back! Stay focused! You can do this!
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So sorry, that really sucks. Hope you will use it to fuel positive change and maybe even be thankful to the person in the end (but I doubt they deserve that) I used to just work out and not watch my calories and guess what... I got fat. Equations have two sides to be equal, this one is diet and exercise. I need both and perhaps you do to...doesn't mean that person had the right to say what they did, but when you feel better about yourself their comments won't matter.1
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cinnag4225 wrote: »Unpopular opinion time: Replace "fat" with "alcohol" and everyone would be hailing the coworker a hero and telling you not to get so emotional.
Not at all. It is also not OK to comment on your coworker's struggle with drinking or alcoholism.
Both can be potentially serious issues but it's not being "touchy feely" to not want your coworkers to comment negatively on either scenario. I love when people want to mask being a *kitten* by rephrasing it as "society is too sensitive or easily offended".
Actually it's not only appropriate, but necessary to address personal problems that affect the workplace (which drinking or a 50lb weight gain WILL do; I hope the best for the OP, but she's lucky it was someone who is actually concerned about her asking rather than management who has to consider productivity and liability risk). Good execution of the zero-accountability mentality that has fueled the obesity crisis though.2 -
cinnag4225 wrote: »cinnag4225 wrote: »Unpopular opinion time: Replace "fat" with "alcohol" and everyone would be hailing the coworker a hero and telling you not to get so emotional.
Not at all. It is also not OK to comment on your coworker's struggle with drinking or alcoholism.
Both can be potentially serious issues but it's not being "touchy feely" to not want your coworkers to comment negatively on either scenario. I love when people want to mask being a *kitten* by rephrasing it as "society is too sensitive or easily offended".
Actually it's not only appropriate, but necessary to address personal problems that affect the workplace (which drinking or a 50lb weight gain WILL do; I hope the best for the OP, but she's lucky it was someone who is actually concerned about her asking rather than management who has to consider productivity and liability risk). Good execution of the zero-accountability mentality that has fueled the obesity crisis though.
How in the world does that affect the workplace? Yeah... no. Mind your business at work and I will mind mine.
ETA- And if it did it should come from management, not some random d-bag co-worker. Eff outta here.6 -
cinnag4225 wrote: »cinnag4225 wrote: »Unpopular opinion time: Replace "fat" with "alcohol" and everyone would be hailing the coworker a hero and telling you not to get so emotional.
Not at all. It is also not OK to comment on your coworker's struggle with drinking or alcoholism.
Both can be potentially serious issues but it's not being "touchy feely" to not want your coworkers to comment negatively on either scenario. I love when people want to mask being a *kitten* by rephrasing it as "society is too sensitive or easily offended".
Actually it's not only appropriate, but necessary to address personal problems that affect the workplace (which drinking or a 50lb weight gain WILL do; I hope the best for the OP, but she's lucky it was someone who is actually concerned about her asking rather than management who has to consider productivity and liability risk). Good execution of the zero-accountability mentality that has fueled the obesity crisis though.
JW, did the OP say her weight was affecting her performance in the work place, because I know plenty of overweight, and even morbidly obese people who do a stellar job.
IMHO, this type of comment is not acceptable. There is no excuse for this type of comment. How does it serve any useful purpose? It is childish, and bordering on bullying.
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cinnag4225 wrote: »cinnag4225 wrote: »Unpopular opinion time: Replace "fat" with "alcohol" and everyone would be hailing the coworker a hero and telling you not to get so emotional.
Not at all. It is also not OK to comment on your coworker's struggle with drinking or alcoholism.
Both can be potentially serious issues but it's not being "touchy feely" to not want your coworkers to comment negatively on either scenario. I love when people want to mask being a *kitten* by rephrasing it as "society is too sensitive or easily offended".
Actually it's not only appropriate, but necessary to address personal problems that affect the workplace (which drinking or a 50lb weight gain WILL do; I hope the best for the OP, but she's lucky it was someone who is actually concerned about her asking rather than management who has to consider productivity and liability risk). Good execution of the zero-accountability mentality that has fueled the obesity crisis though.
If someone's weight/substance abuse/other personal problem is affecting their work, their boss can discuss them in a private, polite way that makes it clear what the consequences of their actions are (potential suspension or termination). Beyond that, it's completely out of line for a coworker to comment on one's personal problems unless invited to do so.
The only kinds of conversations I've had with my coworkers about weight have been started by them, usually asked what I've done to lose and maintain my weight. I tell them. I don't ask what they're doing, and if they call themselves fat I don't react (neither confirming nor disagreeing). I once got told "You look so much better now, you were chunky when you started here" by someone, and I very much could and should have taken him to HR for that because he was passing judgment on my body. HR would have warned him that it's borderline harassment and to not say anything like that (or worse - comments like that can lead to escalation) again. Unless your job is about your body (i.e. modeling), there's no reason anyone should be talking about it.7 -
If anyone dared try that on me they'd earn my shark smile. Sharks have a nasty bite, and those who earn it aren't likely to forget.
It might help to turn that hurt feeling outward. That guy needs to learn to stuff it, not you.
You're making lots of good choices and re-thinking the whole shiftwork deal. That's all positive steps. And that jerk is still a jerk.1 -
cinnag4225 wrote: »
Actually it's not only appropriate, but necessary to address personal problems that affect the workplace (which drinking or a 50lb weight gain WILL do; I hope the best for the OP, but she's lucky it was someone who is actually concerned about her asking rather than management who has to consider productivity and liability risk). Good execution of the zero-accountability mentality that has fueled the obesity crisis though.
How is the OP's weight impacting her work? It doesn't sound like the man who called her fat was her supervisor.
And how is calling someone "fat" "addressing personal problems that affect the workplace?"
The OP did indicate that it was upsetting and that she was trying hard not to let it derail her progress. If you're an emotional eater, that kind of comment? For me at least, all it does is make me want to eat. It does not motivate me to want to lose more. So kudos to the OP who is trying not to fall down because of some insensitive jerk.4 -
Any good supervisor knows to address behavior. Not appearance or anything else that is irrelevant. And this is not a supervisor.3
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OP was not complaining about her weight, HE brought it up. He was most definitely in the wrong here. I don't even know why that's up for debate. Don't be a jack@ss. It's THAT simple.3
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you co-worker is a ball bag2
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These days the saying "I don't mean to be rude," is actually often used to offend and insult people.
You should have replied something like, "I will be losing weight and will be beautiful, while you will stay ignorant and rude for the rest of your life."
But maybe you needed to hear it. Like I needed my husband to talk about the heavy woman in the parking lot. Perhaps it was the wake-up call for you that made you angry enough to sign up here again?
Welcome back. Stay focus and pay attention. You and I, we don't stuff our face with food because we like it so much. We stuff our face to numb other emotions. Boredom, stress, loneliness, grief, unhappiness and so much more.
If we would love food so much, then we would pay attention to it, don't you think?
Food is the middleman, between us and our feelings. I just fired my middleman :-)
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I got called "skinny" at work. Coworkers can't win for losing with this crowd.1
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JeromeBarry1 wrote: »I got called "skinny" at work. Coworkers can't win for losing with this crowd.
Which is why you should say nothing at all about someone's body.
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BigandFurious wrote: »These days the saying "I don't mean to be rude," is actually often used to offend and insult people.
You should have replied something like, "I will be losing weight and will be beautiful, while you will stay ignorant and rude for the rest of your life."
But maybe you needed to hear it. Like I needed my husband to talk about the heavy woman in the parking lot. Perhaps it was the wake-up call for you that made you angry enough to sign up here again?
Welcome back. Stay focus and pay attention. You and I, we don't stuff our face with food because we like it so much. We stuff our face to numb other emotions. Boredom, stress, loneliness, grief, unhappiness and so much more.
If we would love food so much, then we would pay attention to it, don't you think?
Food is the middleman, between us and our feelings. I just fired my middleman :-)
OP never said she was "stuffing her face".0 -
If OP's co worker were actually concerned about her job performance (which seems extremely unlikely to the point of being completely unbelievable, and I note that apparently not even he tried that excuse, but went with "don't mean to be rude, but..."), he could have, you know, brought up job performance (which seems unlikely to be affected from the story).
OP, hugs and don't let it get to you. It sounds like he's kind of clumsy and clueless, so "oh bless your heart!" might have been a possible response (I can think of others, don't know if I could have in the moment). Anyway, I'd recommend maybe trying to learn to react to things you can't believe someone's mom didn't teach them the manners not to say with humor. Reminds me of my favorite "some people are idiots" story when my friend was interviewing a job candidate (a job candidate!) who asked her how far along she was (my friend was not pregnant). When she said "I'm not expecting" (she was so shocked she was unable to think of anything clever), the candidate said: "oh, well you must get that all the time"--awkward pause--I mean, I know I do!
My friend initially felt bad, I am sure, but the hours of enjoyment she has had telling the story probably have made up for it many, many times over.
(She's quite thin now, and weirdly wasn't particularly heavy at the time. I'm assuming the person has a job, but not at that employer, and although my friend didn't made a thing of it (she was junior and doing the "this is what it's like to work here" interview), it would have made complete sense to and she would have been listened to in that case, as part of the job in question demanded being able to interact with people in a socially-appropriate way, and also not being a complete idiot.)0 -
If you're fat then you're fat. I'm not thin-skinned or sensitive about it. It's really not a big deal. I just say "Yeah, still working on it", or "Yeah, I know right?", and keep it moving.
I don't let other people determine how I feel about myself. And I'm not in denial about being overweight, either. I'm all for discussing it freely and calling a spade a spade. Humans judge - that's just the way it is. Happens everywhere, and no amount of PC rubbish is going to change that. Thank goodness for people brave enough to speak up - keeps me accountable.4 -
If you're fat then you're fat. I'm not thin-skinned or sensitive about it. It's really not a big deal. I just say "Yeah, still working on it", or "Yeah, I know right?", and keep it moving.
I don't let other people determine how I feel about myself. And I'm not in denial about being overweight, either. I'm all for discussing it freely and calling a spade a spade. Humans judge - that's just the way it is. Happens everywhere, and no amount of PC rubbish is going to change that. Thank goodness for people brave enough to speak up - keeps me accountable.
I don't agree at all that this is PC rubbish, it is plain, old rude behavior. Not acceptable in a civilized society to go around saying whatever you feel like saying without any regard to consequences.
Good for you TacheNoir, that it has no affect on your psyche except to keep you accountable, unfortunately, it is hurtful to many people. Bullying has consequences, and should not be tolerated. Would this be acceptable to you if it was your child or loved one, who may not find it as acceptable as you. People are different and just because it is motivating for you does not mean it is for others, in fact for many of us it has the totally opposite affect.
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