Called fat at work
Replies
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I wasn't suggesting that it is appropriate to ever say that to someone but once said you can't "un-hear it". Also made me think of my sister in law's reaction is someone would ever say something unkind like that. Without pause she would let out a "*kitten* YOU" in her very Boston accent.
For real... I would definitely have said an Eff you and a go eff yourself in my very NY accent. :laugh:0 -
*kitten* that guy and his opinions, all that matters is that you know what you want and you are TRYING. There are a lot of people who don't even do that you should be proud of yourself.0
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It sounds more like FACK YOU. Lets see if that morphs into a kitten too.3
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I once asked a woman when she was due. She teared up and said she wasn't pregnant. I felt so very very ashamed. I deserved to be sworn at and treated with contempt, but all she said was that it was a struggle for her and very painful to have people point it out. I have never asked anyone about their weight again.4
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I am currently looking for a daytime job ive been doing this one for 2 years now and kind of got used to earning more due to the night premium so days is probably going to be a big cut. Its a very active job (warehouse) so im shattered by the time i get home after a 12 hour shift. My partner works days on paper it seemed like me doing nights and him days would work out great but it hasnt turned out that way. Im constantly snappy and ill so not good for anyone really.
Hey hun, i agree with another MFPal. Maybe the coworker doesn't realize how socially unacceptable the statement is. The disclaimer "I don't mean to be rude" is not a pass to be rude! Bad behavior led with a disclaimer is never acceptable.
I've worked nightshift in the past for 4 years. It was hard because i have children as well but i tried to create ways to prevent weight gain because it's very easy to gain when you eat breakfast or dinner with your family, get little sleep and eat at work as well.
What i did was eat with my family and packed healthy protein filled low calorie snacks for work. Sliced apples and peanut butter or banana and peanut butter is still a favorite. Boiled eggs. Cut crispy veggies like cucumbers, carrots, green peppers with hummus is also good. And a lots of water! I sometimes put cucumbers or lemons in my water. Working nightshift isn't that bad, especially for extra pay. I didn't get paid extra for nightshift. You can make it work. Just tweak a few things.0 -
Grow a pair of balls, take it for what it is and move on. Sometimes we fat people need someone to point of the error of our ways, whether we like it or not. Would I be hurt may be for a day or two, but I would use the negative and turn it into a positive as my driving force go get to where I need to be.
We are too thin skinned these days. I get that all the time, does is hurt of course, but guess what it makes me look seriously at myself in the mirror and see that what was said is perfectly true and I need to step up my game.
Ok, I get your point but i don't believe Msfazer is looking for more criticism. She's on here like most of us looking for support in our weight lost journey. It's not about being thinned skin because seriously who has the right to comment on your weight/health? My thoughts are the only people who have an honest say on our weight/health are those who it affects...our partners, children, close family. No one else! Unless you're in a job where physical fitness is a requirement like first responders or a fitness coach.4 -
Tell your co-worker what he said was offensive and hurtful but if he'd like to help you with your goals then that would be great, let him put his money where his mouth is, he can start by bringing you healthy meals whilst you're on duty
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Unpopular opinion time: Replace "fat" with "alcohol" and everyone would be hailing the coworker a hero and telling you not to get so emotional. Your health is suffering from poor decisions and coping mechanisms (the reality for all of us trying to reach a healthy weight), and based on what you shared of the conversation, weight has been discussed before and the coworker thought there was enough rapport between you to discuss it without someone getting butthurt. Think about your physical responses during the conversation. No matter how prettied up your words may have been, body language says infinitely more about a person's state of mind, and all it takes to tell the person you're ticked off is a slight widening of the eyes or a rise in your voice's pitch. It's quite likely he dropped the topic after that because of an overreaction, not because he was trying to be an unhelpful jerk (as someone previously suggested).
Now, your response isn't necessarily your fault. Western society has become so obsessed with its touchy-feelies that instead of accepting and encouraging ourselves to take responsibility for our choices (and simply acting like freaking adults), we wallow in a toxic mindset that enables destructive behaviors and makes us far more triggered by nonsense than is reasonable. Best advice: work on developing a thicker skin and facing the topic objectively. It's not something that'll happen overnight, but given time and effort it will promote a healthier attitude and in turn help maintain healthier practices (not to mention you'll feel physically better regardless of how quickly the weight is lost.)5 -
cinnag4225 wrote: »Unpopular opinion time: Replace "fat" with "alcohol" and everyone would be hailing the coworker a hero and telling you not to get so emotional. Your health is suffering from poor decisions and coping mechanisms (the reality for all of us trying to reach a healthy weight), and based on what you shared of the conversation, weight has been discussed before and the coworker thought there was enough rapport between you to discuss it without someone getting butthurt. Think about your physical responses during the conversation. No matter how prettied up your words may have been, body language says infinitely more about a person's state of mind, and all it takes to tell the person you're ticked off is a slight widening of the eyes or a rise in your voice's pitch. It's quite likely he dropped the topic after that because of an overreaction, not because he was trying to be an unhelpful jerk (as someone previously suggested).
Now, your response isn't necessarily your fault. Western society has become so obsessed with its touchy-feelies that instead of accepting and encouraging ourselves to take responsibility for our choices (and simply acting like freaking adults), we wallow in a toxic mindset that enables destructive behaviors and makes us far more triggered by nonsense than is reasonable. Best advice: work on developing a thicker skin and facing the topic objectively. It's not something that'll happen overnight, but given time and effort it will promote a healthier attitude and in turn help maintain healthier practices (not to mention you'll feel physically better regardless of how quickly the weight is lost.)
My response would be the same. You're at work, co-workers don't need to make any comments about my personal lifestyle period.5 -
cinnag4225 wrote: »Unpopular opinion time: Replace "fat" with "alcohol" and everyone would be hailing the coworker a hero and telling you not to get so emotional.
Not at all. It is also not OK to comment on your coworker's struggle with drinking or alcoholism.
Both can be potentially serious issues but it's not being "touchy feely" to not want your coworkers to comment negatively on either scenario. I love when people want to mask being a *kitten* by rephrasing it as "society is too sensitive or easily offended".8 -
He is a rude, insensitive co-worker, please ignore him. Perhaps he is takes lessons on how to be a d bag from D. Trump.
You obviously have a busy schedule and a lot of stress, just do the best you can, that is all any of us can do.
...............and remember, weight loss is mostly about eating less calories than you burn. Even going to the gym everyday may not guarantee weight loss if you are consuming more calories than you are burning. Most sources say 80% diet, 20% exercise, some say an even higher percent for diet.2 -
OP: So if I understand this scenario, here's it in summary;
A co-worker (who may or may not be a real "friend") said he wasn't seeing any results from you going to the gym 2-3 times a week "when you can", and called you "fat". You took offense at the time because your feelings were hurt & attempt to defend yourself by blaming all these other situations; late night shifts, getting the kids ready, etc.
He wasn't the most tactful, but he told you the truth because you even acknowledge that. I think that if you really think about it, you're more shocked and upset with yourself for undoing all the hard work you put in previously than with him. Consider it a wake-up call to get you back on track.
Now to the next step: Your current routine/methods haven't been helping you meet your goals so they need to change if YOU'RE going to change. You need to objectively evaluate them. What still works? What could use some adjustment? What doesn't work at all?- So you're tired all the time? - Have you tried taking multiple naps throughout the day so you still get enough rest?
- Starving all the time? - plan each of your meals and snacks for the week in proper portions. It's one less thing to think about AND you can make sure it's something better for you than what you have been eating.
- What daily reminders do you have for yourself to put you on track and keep you there?
- How often do you weigh yourself? Do this frequently. We have a love/hate relationship with the scale. It's much easier to make a correction after a couple of bad days, than to find out a month, several months, or more later that you've gotten off course
Many of us on MFP have been in the same situation; where we've lost, then gained again and then "Beaten ourselves up", etc. Now it's time to dust yourself off, Get back up on that "figurative" horse and keep going. A fortunate few may get the life formula down the first or second time. I'm on my 3rd time losing and so far (2+ years in), it's working. Stay focused on your goal and WHY you are doing this. The "Why" is even more important than the "How." Maybe you can add "proving to your co-worker that it was only a temporary stop while you got organized to greatness" to your list of "Why"s.
Welcome back! Stay focused! You can do this!
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So sorry, that really sucks. Hope you will use it to fuel positive change and maybe even be thankful to the person in the end (but I doubt they deserve that) I used to just work out and not watch my calories and guess what... I got fat. Equations have two sides to be equal, this one is diet and exercise. I need both and perhaps you do to...doesn't mean that person had the right to say what they did, but when you feel better about yourself their comments won't matter.1
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cinnag4225 wrote: »Unpopular opinion time: Replace "fat" with "alcohol" and everyone would be hailing the coworker a hero and telling you not to get so emotional.
Not at all. It is also not OK to comment on your coworker's struggle with drinking or alcoholism.
Both can be potentially serious issues but it's not being "touchy feely" to not want your coworkers to comment negatively on either scenario. I love when people want to mask being a *kitten* by rephrasing it as "society is too sensitive or easily offended".
Actually it's not only appropriate, but necessary to address personal problems that affect the workplace (which drinking or a 50lb weight gain WILL do; I hope the best for the OP, but she's lucky it was someone who is actually concerned about her asking rather than management who has to consider productivity and liability risk). Good execution of the zero-accountability mentality that has fueled the obesity crisis though.2 -
cinnag4225 wrote: »cinnag4225 wrote: »Unpopular opinion time: Replace "fat" with "alcohol" and everyone would be hailing the coworker a hero and telling you not to get so emotional.
Not at all. It is also not OK to comment on your coworker's struggle with drinking or alcoholism.
Both can be potentially serious issues but it's not being "touchy feely" to not want your coworkers to comment negatively on either scenario. I love when people want to mask being a *kitten* by rephrasing it as "society is too sensitive or easily offended".
Actually it's not only appropriate, but necessary to address personal problems that affect the workplace (which drinking or a 50lb weight gain WILL do; I hope the best for the OP, but she's lucky it was someone who is actually concerned about her asking rather than management who has to consider productivity and liability risk). Good execution of the zero-accountability mentality that has fueled the obesity crisis though.
How in the world does that affect the workplace? Yeah... no. Mind your business at work and I will mind mine.
ETA- And if it did it should come from management, not some random d-bag co-worker. Eff outta here.6 -
cinnag4225 wrote: »cinnag4225 wrote: »Unpopular opinion time: Replace "fat" with "alcohol" and everyone would be hailing the coworker a hero and telling you not to get so emotional.
Not at all. It is also not OK to comment on your coworker's struggle with drinking or alcoholism.
Both can be potentially serious issues but it's not being "touchy feely" to not want your coworkers to comment negatively on either scenario. I love when people want to mask being a *kitten* by rephrasing it as "society is too sensitive or easily offended".
Actually it's not only appropriate, but necessary to address personal problems that affect the workplace (which drinking or a 50lb weight gain WILL do; I hope the best for the OP, but she's lucky it was someone who is actually concerned about her asking rather than management who has to consider productivity and liability risk). Good execution of the zero-accountability mentality that has fueled the obesity crisis though.
JW, did the OP say her weight was affecting her performance in the work place, because I know plenty of overweight, and even morbidly obese people who do a stellar job.
IMHO, this type of comment is not acceptable. There is no excuse for this type of comment. How does it serve any useful purpose? It is childish, and bordering on bullying.
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cinnag4225 wrote: »cinnag4225 wrote: »Unpopular opinion time: Replace "fat" with "alcohol" and everyone would be hailing the coworker a hero and telling you not to get so emotional.
Not at all. It is also not OK to comment on your coworker's struggle with drinking or alcoholism.
Both can be potentially serious issues but it's not being "touchy feely" to not want your coworkers to comment negatively on either scenario. I love when people want to mask being a *kitten* by rephrasing it as "society is too sensitive or easily offended".
Actually it's not only appropriate, but necessary to address personal problems that affect the workplace (which drinking or a 50lb weight gain WILL do; I hope the best for the OP, but she's lucky it was someone who is actually concerned about her asking rather than management who has to consider productivity and liability risk). Good execution of the zero-accountability mentality that has fueled the obesity crisis though.
If someone's weight/substance abuse/other personal problem is affecting their work, their boss can discuss them in a private, polite way that makes it clear what the consequences of their actions are (potential suspension or termination). Beyond that, it's completely out of line for a coworker to comment on one's personal problems unless invited to do so.
The only kinds of conversations I've had with my coworkers about weight have been started by them, usually asked what I've done to lose and maintain my weight. I tell them. I don't ask what they're doing, and if they call themselves fat I don't react (neither confirming nor disagreeing). I once got told "You look so much better now, you were chunky when you started here" by someone, and I very much could and should have taken him to HR for that because he was passing judgment on my body. HR would have warned him that it's borderline harassment and to not say anything like that (or worse - comments like that can lead to escalation) again. Unless your job is about your body (i.e. modeling), there's no reason anyone should be talking about it.7 -
If anyone dared try that on me they'd earn my shark smile. Sharks have a nasty bite, and those who earn it aren't likely to forget.
It might help to turn that hurt feeling outward. That guy needs to learn to stuff it, not you.
You're making lots of good choices and re-thinking the whole shiftwork deal. That's all positive steps. And that jerk is still a jerk.1 -
cinnag4225 wrote: »
Actually it's not only appropriate, but necessary to address personal problems that affect the workplace (which drinking or a 50lb weight gain WILL do; I hope the best for the OP, but she's lucky it was someone who is actually concerned about her asking rather than management who has to consider productivity and liability risk). Good execution of the zero-accountability mentality that has fueled the obesity crisis though.
How is the OP's weight impacting her work? It doesn't sound like the man who called her fat was her supervisor.
And how is calling someone "fat" "addressing personal problems that affect the workplace?"
The OP did indicate that it was upsetting and that she was trying hard not to let it derail her progress. If you're an emotional eater, that kind of comment? For me at least, all it does is make me want to eat. It does not motivate me to want to lose more. So kudos to the OP who is trying not to fall down because of some insensitive jerk.4 -
Any good supervisor knows to address behavior. Not appearance or anything else that is irrelevant. And this is not a supervisor.3
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OP was not complaining about her weight, HE brought it up. He was most definitely in the wrong here. I don't even know why that's up for debate. Don't be a jack@ss. It's THAT simple.3
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you co-worker is a ball bag2
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These days the saying "I don't mean to be rude," is actually often used to offend and insult people.
You should have replied something like, "I will be losing weight and will be beautiful, while you will stay ignorant and rude for the rest of your life."
But maybe you needed to hear it. Like I needed my husband to talk about the heavy woman in the parking lot. Perhaps it was the wake-up call for you that made you angry enough to sign up here again?
Welcome back. Stay focus and pay attention. You and I, we don't stuff our face with food because we like it so much. We stuff our face to numb other emotions. Boredom, stress, loneliness, grief, unhappiness and so much more.
If we would love food so much, then we would pay attention to it, don't you think?
Food is the middleman, between us and our feelings. I just fired my middleman :-)
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I got called "skinny" at work. Coworkers can't win for losing with this crowd.1
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JeromeBarry1 wrote: »I got called "skinny" at work. Coworkers can't win for losing with this crowd.
Which is why you should say nothing at all about someone's body.
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BigandFurious wrote: »These days the saying "I don't mean to be rude," is actually often used to offend and insult people.
You should have replied something like, "I will be losing weight and will be beautiful, while you will stay ignorant and rude for the rest of your life."
But maybe you needed to hear it. Like I needed my husband to talk about the heavy woman in the parking lot. Perhaps it was the wake-up call for you that made you angry enough to sign up here again?
Welcome back. Stay focus and pay attention. You and I, we don't stuff our face with food because we like it so much. We stuff our face to numb other emotions. Boredom, stress, loneliness, grief, unhappiness and so much more.
If we would love food so much, then we would pay attention to it, don't you think?
Food is the middleman, between us and our feelings. I just fired my middleman :-)
OP never said she was "stuffing her face".0 -
If OP's co worker were actually concerned about her job performance (which seems extremely unlikely to the point of being completely unbelievable, and I note that apparently not even he tried that excuse, but went with "don't mean to be rude, but..."), he could have, you know, brought up job performance (which seems unlikely to be affected from the story).
OP, hugs and don't let it get to you. It sounds like he's kind of clumsy and clueless, so "oh bless your heart!" might have been a possible response (I can think of others, don't know if I could have in the moment). Anyway, I'd recommend maybe trying to learn to react to things you can't believe someone's mom didn't teach them the manners not to say with humor. Reminds me of my favorite "some people are idiots" story when my friend was interviewing a job candidate (a job candidate!) who asked her how far along she was (my friend was not pregnant). When she said "I'm not expecting" (she was so shocked she was unable to think of anything clever), the candidate said: "oh, well you must get that all the time"--awkward pause--I mean, I know I do!
My friend initially felt bad, I am sure, but the hours of enjoyment she has had telling the story probably have made up for it many, many times over.
(She's quite thin now, and weirdly wasn't particularly heavy at the time. I'm assuming the person has a job, but not at that employer, and although my friend didn't made a thing of it (she was junior and doing the "this is what it's like to work here" interview), it would have made complete sense to and she would have been listened to in that case, as part of the job in question demanded being able to interact with people in a socially-appropriate way, and also not being a complete idiot.)0 -
If you're fat then you're fat. I'm not thin-skinned or sensitive about it. It's really not a big deal. I just say "Yeah, still working on it", or "Yeah, I know right?", and keep it moving.
I don't let other people determine how I feel about myself. And I'm not in denial about being overweight, either. I'm all for discussing it freely and calling a spade a spade. Humans judge - that's just the way it is. Happens everywhere, and no amount of PC rubbish is going to change that. Thank goodness for people brave enough to speak up - keeps me accountable.4 -
If you're fat then you're fat. I'm not thin-skinned or sensitive about it. It's really not a big deal. I just say "Yeah, still working on it", or "Yeah, I know right?", and keep it moving.
I don't let other people determine how I feel about myself. And I'm not in denial about being overweight, either. I'm all for discussing it freely and calling a spade a spade. Humans judge - that's just the way it is. Happens everywhere, and no amount of PC rubbish is going to change that. Thank goodness for people brave enough to speak up - keeps me accountable.
I don't agree at all that this is PC rubbish, it is plain, old rude behavior. Not acceptable in a civilized society to go around saying whatever you feel like saying without any regard to consequences.
Good for you TacheNoir, that it has no affect on your psyche except to keep you accountable, unfortunately, it is hurtful to many people. Bullying has consequences, and should not be tolerated. Would this be acceptable to you if it was your child or loved one, who may not find it as acceptable as you. People are different and just because it is motivating for you does not mean it is for others, in fact for many of us it has the totally opposite affect.
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