Divorced Hangout
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Don't know if any of you ever listen Dr. Laura Schlessinger on Sirius.....She has commented several times that older (50+) women should just hang it up and get used to being alone because statistically we don't stand a chance of finding anyone at our age. Not sure I agree with that. Tougher, maybe....but not impossible. Guess I just have to believe that because the alternative is rather depressing.1
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bmagladry....my heart breaks for you. Divorce is never easy, particularly when children are involved. Keep battling those demons, be the best dad you can be to your kids and hopefully a higher power will guide you to another loving, compassionate relationship when the time is right.1
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As of tomorrow, I've been married for 6 years but together 11. I've been telling my husband I want a divorce since March 2015. We have 4 awesome kids so of course I don't think divorce is preferable but I asked for what I needed many times and was ignored. Our relationship lacks intimacy -- both emotional closeness and sex. My husband pretty much decided we'd be celibate without my agreeing. He also violated my trust too many times to count. I've been digging in my heels about the divorce in the past 6 months and he's suddenly "changed" and understands how I've felt and wants to make things right. He doesn't seem to appreciate that I'm DONE. I've had to tell him multiple times to stop with the "I love yous" and calling me honey and sweetie and for heavens sake, quit touching me!! When I wanted this stuff from him, he ignored me.
I don't want to be divorced again but being lonely as a single person because you chose that is so much better than being lonely in a relationship.3 -
bmagladry....my heart breaks for you. Divorce is never easy, particularly when children are involved. Keep battling those demons, be the best dad you can be to your kids and hopefully a higher power will guide you to another loving, compassionate relationship when the time is right.
Thank you... I am trying to focus on my boys, and find my faith and hope... it's so hard, I miss her horribly1 -
I've been divorced since around 2006. Can't believe it's been that long. It was literally an entire life time ago. I didn't start living until I left him. I was 28 and had been with him 11 years.
I recently have gone through a really difficult break up. So I'm all out of sorts right now.0 -
I was with my ex for 6 1/2 years, married just over two when I "woke up" and left. Been divorced for almost 3 years..0
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not married but been with my partner for 10 years and I don't know how much more I can take. But I don't really have anywhere to go and I have very little money. All my family live in a different city and I don't really have any friends here. Plus we have a dog who is old and I don't want to leave him with my partner. I feel really alone and down. He is addicted to smoking weed and when he doesn't have it he throws tantrums , screams at me and takes everything out on me. feel so lost. I am 41 .1
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I don't think divorce is anything to take lightly.
But that being said, I am about to go through one. If anyone can add any advice id be very grateful. My husband got served last night and I'm very scared. @aashenreykar
For some reason I dont think my lawyer is being clear with his explanations. I'm confused at this process.. I didn't tell my lawyer it was okay to serve my husband that day/time. Is that mean he's a bad lawyer?
And I should not have read these threads- as now I'm freaking out even more.
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@Candlelightisfire
Are you scared because of physical violence?
Maybe stay with family or friends.
As far as the lawyer, you need to understand all that is happening.
Have someone else with you when you talk to the lawyer and make it clear that you expect to be kept informed.
Don't let your own lawyer intimidate you.
Or get a new one.
Sorry you're going through this.
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_A_Real_Mouthful wrote: »marriage is a beautiful thing honestly. everybody should do it at least twice.
I am doing it twice0 -
I have been divorced for 10 years and it was the. Eat thing that could have happened to me. Guess I'm happily divorced
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littlemissbgiff wrote: »Divorce is not a death sentence. It's another chapter. Best decision I have ever made. Doesn't mean it was easy but it was worth it.
I second this. I am less sad about the divorce than I am the number of years I lost hoping things would change but never did.3 -
I'm 55yrs old and have no intention of hanging it up.
My problem is that I really don't know how to go out and do things by myself.
I lived with my Ex from 17 to 50 and worked for him.
I neglected to make friends while married and now have none to go out with.
I've eaten by myself in a restaurant 2 times in my entire life.
I'm not ready to only be a grandma.
I never understand why so many people think after 50 it's over and just give up the desire to have a meaningful love life.
I won't marry again but need companionship and fun,
50 ain't old people!!!!!
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littlemissbgiff wrote: »Divorce is not a death sentence. It's another chapter. Best decision I have ever made. Doesn't mean it was easy but it was worth it.
I second this. I am less sad about the divorce than I am the number of years I lost hoping things would change but never did.
I got a great kid in exchange for the years of less than ideal marriage. And after four years, the sting of the divorce is done.0 -
still going through the dreadful process of eliminating his azz! they say its "cheaper to keep her" mehh,, we have been expensively married for 10 years!0
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@maeld51 dont give up the ship. There are ways to meet people even if you don't have anyone to go with. Check out meetup.com and find some groups with similar interests. Go to a few meetup events. Volunteer at a local animal shelter, or food kitchen or something. Hammer nails at habitat for humanity. Take night classes at your local college. You will find that the people that organize these activities are very welcoming to new people.
@newmeadow has a rather bleak outlook on dating at our age, and I don't agree with it. While it may be true, you don't have to settle for less just to have companionship and friends.1 -
@newmeadow
Thanks for listing all of my possible options, even if they seemed sarcastic and purposefully grim.
I "put out" before I was married and I've "put out" since I've been divorced.
He doesn't fit into any of your categories.
I already had my knight in shining amour,
I married him.
Not looking for another.
I keep going back and reading your post and it makes me wonder why you did not list one single positive comment.
I'm sorry if you've experienced any of your examples.
I like men.
I think there are many more options than you mentioned.
My advice to myself and anyone else who cares to hear it is, never give up if that is what you want.
50 ain't old people!!!!
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Married in 2004 and Divorced in 2010. I got two beautiful children from her and that's all I am thankful for. They are my world.0
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@newmeadow
Thanks for explaining your reasoning.
I never mentioned Dr Laura Schlesinger,
I don't even know who she is.
I think maybe my standards aren't quite as high as yours.
For instance, a pot belly is not reason enough for me to dismiss a man.
Like I said, I'm not looking for a husband and will not marry again.
Thanks for your advice though.0 -
@newmeadow
Thanks for listing all of my possible options, even if they seemed sarcastic and purposefully grim.
I "put out" before I was married and I've "put out" since I've been divorced.
He doesn't fit into any of your categories.
I already had my knight in shining amour,
I married him.
Not looking for another.
I keep going back and reading your post and it makes me wonder why you did not list one single positive comment.
I'm sorry if you've experienced any of your examples.
I like men.
I think there are many more options than you mentioned.
My advice to myself and anyone else who cares to hear it is, never give up if that is what you want.
50 ain't old people!!!!
It actually wasn't sarcastic or purposefully grim. I don't personally put out before marriage, because I've done that, it was a mistake and I'm not doing it anymore.
But were I offered a marriage proposal I would absolutely consider a man from options 8, 4, 3 and 2 if I he had courted me for a minimum of one year, accepted the terms of no sex before marriage and proved himself to be a person who was trustworthy and principled and intellectually on par with me.
I added options 5, 6 and 7 because I understand most women aren't as socially conservative as I am. Here in Chit Chat these options are bragged about and flouted by a lot of women who thinks it's great and celebrate it. Hence, there are options for everyone.
I added option 1 because some 50+ year old women are gorgeous and fit and appear quite young. Your profile photo shows blond hair, pleasant bone structure and unlined eyes so you may well fit into this category. But it's hard to tell without a complete photo. You choose to keep it private and it's none of my business.
Of course it's possible that you or I or any of us in the same age bracket will meet a 50+ year old man who with no potbelly, who's looking for a 50+ year old woman, who isn't financially supporting his grown sons and daughters plus his grandchildren, who's gainfully employed or comfortably retired, who doesn't get drunk or have a history of getting high, who will treat you like gold, who isn't bitter and hardened, who will still be virile and sexually competent, has no health issues and will always call when he says he will and doesn't have a mentally imbalanced ex who sends scary texts and slashes tires.
But the odds for such a win aren't good and we aren't getting any younger. Hence the options. And I don't think it's a question of positivity versus negativity. Just values and we all have different ones. I'm more on par with Dr. Laura Schlesinger take on the matter. You mentioned her so I thought you were on the same page. Apparently not, so nevermind.
Heck I was fitting the bill until you mentioned the mentally imbalanced ex.
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Well not divorced yet but I am afraid it is coming to that. Married 7 years together for 12. My husband does not seem to want to open up to me and when things get really bad he seems to run elsewhere. I want my family but I don't know if it's fixable as he always refuses counseling and is now shutting me out altogether. Many of you have been through terrible situations and I feel for you. I think my fear is starting over
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Was married 29 years, been divorced for 4...ready to step out and see what life has to offer again.0
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littlemissbgiff wrote: »Divorce is not a death sentence. It's another chapter. Best decision I have ever made. Doesn't mean it was easy but it was worth it.
I second this. I am less sad about the divorce than I am the number of years I lost hoping things would change but never did.
Same for me. I was just reading my old journal and noticed a pattern in my entries-years and years of nothing changing. I broke the news in July, we finished mediation yesterday and meet with the lawyer Monday. It should be over by January. I am very glad I finally did this, as scary as it is. (it's amicable. We're actually still very close friends. Just not a couple. And other stuff. But I won't get into that now ).0 -
littlemissbgiff wrote: »Charlotte318 wrote: »Well not divorced yet but I am afraid it is coming to that. Married 7 years together for 12. My husband does not seem to want to open up to me and when things get really bad he seems to run elsewhere. I want my family but I don't know if it's fixable as he always refuses counseling and is now shutting me out altogether. Many of you have been through terrible situations and I feel for you. I think my fear is starting over
Change is always scary and hard. But just because something is hard doesnt mean it is bad. Overcome your fear and take care of you and your family, what ever that looks like.
I know it has pretty much come to this. Just taking things one day at a time for now, mostly because I have three girls who are pretty close to their father, something I would never take away.0 -
Ipedalforpleasure wrote: »Was married 29 years, been divorced for 4...ready to step out and see what life has to offer again.
Good for you! Best of luck!1
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