Binging for 2 weeks because of loneliness

LonelyObeseGuy · October 2016

I've never had any kind of non platonic experience, haven't gone on a date or kissed much less had a girlfriend....I'm not shy but I guess females think I look creepy or something...The loneliness has been getting to me....I have worked, over the years at bettering myself, getting more marketable skills, being better at my job, working on my interests, hobbies, but I still feel like I'm missing an experience I'd like to have...And now it's sabotaging my effort to lose weight and get healthy because eating makes me feel good and I never feel good except when I'm asleep and that doesn't count since I'm not awake to feel it...my friends don't even mention girls to me any more, and my family keeps telling me it's OK if I'm gay (but I'm not), it's like my friends don't see me as capable of attracting a girl.

TavistockToad · October 2016

tinder

kittehkitteh88 · October 2016

Hi there, just a suggestion but the next time you feel like binging log the calories you are going to eat and go for a walk or swim until you have enough calories burnt that you can eat the food you want - you will then either enjoy a guilt free treat or feel better form he walk and the endorphin's released that you don't need to binge

Looking at the calories before hand may also shock you into not eating them! Good luck, exercise is amazing for making you feel better in your own skin

snowflake954 · October 2016

Looking for someone to "make you feel better" is not going to work. You have to make peace with yourself, like yourself, and want to spend time with yourself, before someone else does. Try volunteering and helping someone else feel better--that may be the way to help yourself. Good luck.

justsomegirltryingtogetfit · October 2016

Hi there, I don't know you and what you're going through, but focusing on yourself first and having the right mindset, and finding a healthy balance will likely only lead to other better things! Just don't worry about what other people think and be kind to yourself

Ming1951 · October 2016

I am so sorry you feel your life is meaningless. No life is meaningless everyone in this world counts. Don't binge because you are feeling sorry for yourself. Walk...put on a set of headphones listen to some "happy" music. If you like pets and can care for one, maybe get a dog to walk with or volunteer at a local shelter to walk their dogs. Get yourself healthy first, maybe even go to consoling. I have a daughter who sounds not very different from you. she is a great person and I say that not because she is my daughter but..no boyfriend ..ever...no one gives her a chance because she is obese. She has a dog to walk now..going back to school and keeping busy. I am hoping this will make her feel better about herself. I don't think she is as depressed about it as you are because she is busy busy and has no time to think about it, but she was there. Went to some consoling but probably can use more. Now I am getting healthy for me and I hope for her too, when she sees I can do this I am hoping she will too. See the beauty in the world around you and maybe volunteer somewhere, food bank...they always need help stocking shelves or handing out food to those less fortunate. Animal shelter...lots to do there too. Library..some have mentor programs to help a young person or even an elder learn to read. There must be something you would like other than a relationship. That will come in time when you learn to love yourself more and I think you will do that by helping others while you help yourself to healthy living. Don't give up on yourself!

gillie80 · October 2016

it's totally a vicious cycle and it's a tough one to break. But you can break it. I agree with everything everyone has already said, especially justsomegirl. it's not going to be easy, and it's not an easy fix. start small; go for a walk in the park or round the block, make eye contact with people, smile, say good morning/hi/ how you doing as you pass. become a face in the neighbourhood that people know.

we're all here. you can unload any time. ask questions, ask for support, have a rant. you are not alone in this.

Tabbycat00 · October 2016

Hi. Don't judge me, I'm sure my answer will be unpopular but...have you tried reading the Bible? I know, Christian freak, right? I'm just saying. It's made a difference in my life and maybe it will give you what you need to go out there and find someone.

kittehkitteh88 · October 2016

Start logging your meals and exercise, make sure you come under calories each day, feel free to add me as a friend, i can offer loads of nice healthy tasty meal ideas, give yourself a month of measuring and logging foods and exercise and see how it goes - its only a month if it seems intimidating but you may be very pleasantly surprised at how you feel

PixelPuff · October 2016

I'd say you need to work on yourself, first. You seem very down on yourself, which may not be good when starting a relationship. Maybe join some local meet-ups, some form of games, etc? I've made a looooot of friends through Pokemon Go. I'm usually a nervous wreck with new people, but the common ground is amazing.

Tabbycat00, since you brought it up, I'mma comment. I dislike when people try to push their religion onto others unprovoked. Especially vulnerable. If someone is to enter into something like such, it should be because they genuinely believe it, not because they feel it will get them in touch with more people. Maybe recommend things said religion would recommend him to do, instead, such as volunteer work, etc. Without pushing the religion itself.

T0M_K · October 2016

Seek professional help. admit you need some help and find it. takes guts and courage but you need someone to connect with face to face. find some help.

STLBADGIRL · October 2016

snowflake954 wrote: »

Looking for someone to "make you feel better" is not going to work. You have to make peace with yourself, like yourself, and want to spend time with yourself, before someone else does. Try volunteering and helping someone else feel better--that may be the way to help yourself. Good luck.

Awesome advice.

STLBADGIRL · October 2016

Tabbycat00 wrote: »

Hi. Don't judge me, I'm sure my answer will be unpopular but...have you tried reading the Bible? I know, Christian freak, right? I'm just saying. It's made a difference in my life and maybe it will give you what you need to go out there and find someone.

I totally agree with you. Have made a world a difference in my life.

kschwab0203 · October 2016

I know it is difficult once the urge to binge takes over, but what has helped me is to stop and think about how binging is just going to get me further away from my goal. Yes, it may make me happy for a few minutes, but ultimately it is just going to make me feel worse than I did when I started.

Happiness starts with YOU. Change starts with YOU. Nothing is unobtainable. YOU just have to make up your mind, set your goals, and follow through.

Believe me I know it's hard and easier sad than done, but it is possible.

SaintsGirl70124 · October 2016

Just my opinion from my own personal experience; but the binging isn't the problem. It's how you are trying to cope with a problem, and until that is addressed, the binging/self-sabotaging cycle will continue, and no amount of logging calories or setting goals will change that. For example, things like impulse control, self-harm such as binging eating, feelings of loneliness/emptiness are key traits or borderline personality disorder, or it could be anxiety, or depression. I'm not a doctor or a therapist, but I know from my own life that it can be a heck of a lot more complicated (but in a weird way also more "fixable") than just calculating calories in vs calories out and willing myself to change. Perhaps, it is the same for you, and you might want to consider some professional help for that. I did, and it has been more effective for me than logging anything on here. Feel free to message be privately any time.

NewGemini130 · October 2016

Maybe try a club or meet up of something you like- hiking, art, book club- whatever. Look at it as practice honing your social skills, and meeting people that you have a shared interest with. Take charge of your life- most girls/ women can see depressed and unmotivated- not the most winning combo in a potential boyfriend. Get going on what's important to you and others will take notice.

apolinarshamler · October 2016

LonelyObeseGuy wrote: »

I've never had any kind of non platonic experience, haven't gone on a date or kissed much less had a girlfriend....I'm not shy but I guess females think I look creepy or something...The loneliness has been getting to me....I have worked, over the years at bettering myself, getting more marketable skills, being better at my job, working on my interests, hobbies, but I still feel like I'm missing an experience I'd like to have...And now it's sabotaging my effort to lose weight and get healthy because eating makes me feel good and I never feel good except when I'm asleep and that doesn't count since I'm not awake to feel it...my friends don't even mention girls to me any more, and my family keeps telling me it's OK if I'm gay (but I'm not), it's like my friends don't see me as capable of attracting a girl.

Whoa take it easy buddy.
You are in control of this and we are here to help. That's what this place is for. Don't let those feelings haunt you because if you do they will consume you and you will achieve nothing. Take this from somebody that was in your shoes a while ago: Use the negative parts in your life to better yourself. Use you current situation as motivation because if you do, you will get what you want. This might be a slow process but if you let your situation in the way it might just take a lifetime.
So look at the world with a smile and become the greatest that you can possibly be because only you can do it. We are just here to help you along the way. Then you will find the true meaning of your life because only you can create it.

MelodyandBarbells · October 2016

Get a makeover and go shopping. Also, how are you attempting to meet women? Dating sites or anything?

PennWalker · October 2016

snowflake954 wrote: »

Looking for someone to "make you feel better" is not going to work. You have to make peace with yourself, like yourself, and want to spend time with yourself, before someone else does. Try volunteering and helping someone else feel better--that may be the way to help yourself. Good luck.

This is the best advice. Volunteer for an organization where you are really interested in what they do. You will meet other people who share your interests. Put yourself out there, get involved with life, and you may meet someone. This is how I met my husband (but I wasn't looking for anyone, it just happened). Choose one new thing to try to be involved in during the coming week. Good luck.

vespiquenn · October 2016

snowflake954 wrote: »

Looking for someone to "make you feel better" is not going to work. You have to make peace with yourself, like yourself, and want to spend time with yourself, before someone else does. Try volunteering and helping someone else feel better--that may be the way to help yourself. Good luck.

This. Fake it till you make it. You need to work on yourself before you can expect anyone else to. As someone that is bipolar, so depressive spells happen frequently, I understand how it can feel to seem worthless. But you need to address these issues first. It sounds cruel, but no one is going to hang around to deal with that baggage. It's emotionally draining. I lost an ex-fiancé doing the same thing. But I'm going to go out on a limb and say that despite your attempts to hide it, it's clear as day.

BigTandthesquatters · October 2016

Lonely Obese guy I get it. I started this at 493 and lost 93 lbs so far. I understand completely my last date was years ago. It would have been very easy to just throw in the towel, but here is the thing. We crave that attention we don't want to be lonely. I used that idea to help motivate me. Look I know that basically all people are decent. But let's be honest women are fickle, and I am old fashioned I want to be that everything to a person in a relationship. I was depressed, but I spoke to a doctor got some anti-depression meds. I found a therapist that focused in eating disorders and I got started. I don't know if any of these were the same for you but at 500lbs...
1. You can't work
2. you don't fit in a car
3. you think you're ugly(beat down on yourself etc.)
4. Hygiene can be difficult
5. And the list goes on.

I didn't want to be any of those things. I thought how would I appeal to women. I didn't even like myself let alone think anyone would like/be attracted to me. I used it all to motivate me. Like i said I got started. Made it a team effort. YOU CAN DO THIS! All I am doing is losing 1-2lbs a week. I feel great and I am learning lots of things(more motivation). I also went and got swim trunks and a swim shirt(so no one can see my man boobs) and I joined a water exercise class. The exercise part is secondary. But it gets me out of the house and away from my kitchen. I interact with people practice my social skills. I know this is a bit of a ramble but I hope it helped.

Binging for 2 weeks because of loneliness

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