I feel so ashamed
starrrjo
Posts: 101 Member
I just feel awful.
The motivation that I would usually get was always minimal but now it's non-existent.
I really need help starting because in my head I keep saying 'I'll start tomorrow' and then I still eat like a greedy pig. Arghhhh I just want to scream. Losing weight is all I think about but I never do anything about it. I'm constantly looking at what kind of outfits I would wear if I wasn't so fat and I picture myself in a body I will never have but want so badly.
I make myself feel sick when i look in the mirror to the point where I wont look in one anymore.
I wish someone could help because I just can't seem to help myself.
The motivation that I would usually get was always minimal but now it's non-existent.
I really need help starting because in my head I keep saying 'I'll start tomorrow' and then I still eat like a greedy pig. Arghhhh I just want to scream. Losing weight is all I think about but I never do anything about it. I'm constantly looking at what kind of outfits I would wear if I wasn't so fat and I picture myself in a body I will never have but want so badly.
I make myself feel sick when i look in the mirror to the point where I wont look in one anymore.
I wish someone could help because I just can't seem to help myself.
1
Replies
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How about focusing on some healthy habits you can start today? Pick a few habits like eating 3 servings of vegetables and getting in 30 minutes of activity daily. Give yourself a point for each goal you meet and after 30-50 points reward yourself with something like a new book. After a few weeks add in logging your food accurately. Now you are focusing on things you can control and as you perform those successfully the scale will move.
Also, you may want to consider changing your goal to maintain weight for a few weeks. It's going to give you more calories and ease you back into the mindset of eating within a goal. Then change your goal to lose half a pound per week. Baby steps.18 -
Well, I can understand to a point.
But if you refuse to do it now, when will you suddenly find the motivation?
Food is a temporary pleasure. Trust me when I say that being fit and a healthy weight is far more satisfying than any food (which is gone in seconds.)
Shame and guilt are overrated. Plan a holiday with a bathing suit (like go to Spain or somewhere exotic!) Plan it for next summer and then set yourself a goal of weekly weight loss. That's what I did. I even paid for it eight months before I went. It worked.
Then start today. Right now. Log everything you eat and learn from your choices.8 -
First, hold yourself accountable. Log all your food accurately and honestly in your food diary. Later, study your food diary to learn what things seem to trigger binges. Find ways to diminish those triggers. Tell the truth to yourself first.10
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Like usm said, start small. Instead of focusing on "what I want to wear/weigh" focus on something you can change today. Want that king size candy bar? Try a regular size. Want to sit and watch TV, go for a walk and play pokemon. Eat some vegetables and fruit. Do 5 jumping jacks or pull ups. Something small. The goal is to make new habits and be healthy.
If logging what you eat is interfering don't do it for a week and just focus on the small changes. Quit chastising yourself for "failing." This isn't school and there is no failing here. A bad day/week does not make you horrible or bad.7 -
sounds like a bit of depression.? no one can help someone who can't help themselves. you could seek the help of your doctor...maybe.
that said, I really don't know how someone is supposed to help you start if you are not willing to take the first steps for yourself. Do people do everything for you? are you a princess? a little tough love here. you must start something on your own. there are tough days all the way through not just at the beginning. we aren't there to shove the fork away from your mouth.
you can do this. just do it. start something! record your food. do something...anything.7 -
I also agree, start small. If you plan too aggressively with calories, it's unsustainable. Try setting your goals to lose half a pound a week which requires a small daily deficit. It's totally doable and I've continued to lose weight slowly but sustainably. Weigh food, log accurately and aim for a small deficit, try it.1
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Be nicer to yourself. Start by logging. Just eat normally but log it all. Those numbers will astound you & should motive you to do better -- eat smaller portions -- going forward.
It's a marathon not a sprint.3 -
This has been been for much of my life. I had periods of trying and then I would slip backwards. Its also worth noting that I was depressed and you may be as well.Losing weight is all I think about but I never do anything about it.
The sad reality for me is that it wasn't until my weight actually started to hurt me (one minor injury led to a host of problems with back, ankles, knees due to my weight and inactivity) that reality sunk in and I realized I needed to do something before it was too late. I hope that you find your motivation sooner than that as I'm nearly 40lbs down and still hobbling on my sore knees.
The other thing I found was a desire for it too happen more quickly. A couple of weeks in and I was reading up on more extreme measures to try and get me there. I had to remind myself that this needs to be slow to be maintainable and that if I've never really tried the basic calories in, calories out I should probably start there for awhile. I've been able to let go of the need for this to happen more quickly. I know it will take a few years to get my weight down but I also know that the way I'm going I can actually get there.
Hope you find your motivation. Good luck2 -
I lacked motivation until I bought a Fitbit. I have a competitive streak and I love competing with myself to do better today than yesterday. What always held me back was thinking I had to join a gym and set aside an hour and a half of my day for exercise and also severely restrict calories to see any results--it was just too overwhelming to start at all when I was looking at such a drastic change. So instead I started with the small goal of 7,000 steps, and once that became a daily habit, then I started worrying about making small sustainable changes to my diet. I logged my food for 3 weeks before I changed anything and the first change I made was to eat at a deficit on Monday thru Thursday only and to eat whatever on the weekends. Once I had lost a few pounds all of a sudden I had the motivation to walk 10,000 steps per day and the slow but steady weight loss kept going and then I was motivated to make a few more diet changes to the weekends and then a few months after that I average 12,000 plus per day and I have lost 20ish pounds. The progress itself gave birth to the motivation. If I would have waited for the motivation to happen first I probably would have never started. I have learned that for me, "weight loss" is a daily system NOT a goal. You change your system and the goal will be reached eventually.6
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How about focusing on some healthy habits you can start today? Pick a few habits like eating 3 servings of vegetables and getting in 30 minutes of activity daily. Give yourself a point for each goal you meet and after 30-50 points reward yourself with something like a new book. After a few weeks add in logging your food accurately. Now you are focusing on things you can control and as you perform those successfully the scale will move.
Also, you may want to consider changing your goal to maintain weight for a few weeks. It's going to give you more calories and ease you back into the mindset of eating within a goal. Then change your goal to lose half a pound per week. Baby steps.
This is really good advice. Pick one thing or maybe two and make them part of your life -- walk for 30 minutes and add more vegetables are good starts. Do this for a while and congratulate yourself for making good habits. You can do this.
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Baby steps, this is a journey and not exactly a race. First step is reaching out to this "community" consider and perhaps do some of what people have posted. Don't want to walk for 30 mins, try 10 and increase it from there. Find an exercise/activity that you enjoy doing. We're all here to support and cheer you on but you ultimately have to do the leg work.1
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Starting any program is daunting because we want the results now, and it seems so far away with so much work to get there. We can't look a year down the road, just look at today. When I'm really good about it and take my own advice I say "just for today I'll go to the gym", "just for today I won't eat those cookies", just for today I'll [fill in the blank]". Rinse, repeat each day.
It's really hard to discipline yourself to do, but it has to be one day at a time to drop a bad habit and to do something positive. I did that when I quit smoking. Every day I said "OK, I won't smoke today". I repeated that every day until I had no desire to smoke. That will be 22 years ago come Jan. 1, 2017. It's hard, but sometimes that's how we have to do it... small steps.0 -
Just start something. Is there an exercise or activity you have enjoyed in the past? That would be a place to start.
Then decide to do it everyday - even for as little as 10-15 minutes. Deciding to do something everyday takes the excuses out. I have biked everyday since May 2nd. Some days it takes a little planning maybe getting up and riding in the morning if schedule or weather gets in the way. Also finding another person to be accountable with can be very helpful. Pick this person carefully someone who will encourage you in a positive way.
As far as eating goes while it is okay to start small as others have suggested I found that at least for the first several months some foods I avoided altogether and did not have them around. Now that I am 5 months in it is easier to have some things around now that I am already in the habit of eating healthier and can occasionally have a small treat or dessert and not totally go off track.0 -
I keep saying 'I'll start tomorrow' and then I still eat like a greedy pig. Arghhhh I just want to scream. Losing weight is all I think about but I never do anything about it. I'm constantly looking at what kind of outfits I would wear if I wasn't so fat and I picture myself in a body I will never have but want so badly.
Often the problem is that it doesn't get more specific than "I'll just eat less." You need a structure, a plan, and -- most important -- a why, and a belief that it will matter, or else it's always easy to think that it makes no difference whether it's today or tomorrow, that that can go on forever (well, until you give up completely or die).
Logging, just logging can sometimes be enough. You do it, having to do it causes you to eat more mindfully, and you can look over the logs and see, wow, I'm wasting calories on things I don't even care about and cut them out painlessly.
Beyond logging, I'm a huge believer in structure as something that helps many of us. If I start a day just intending not to eat much (and not logging), that's not enough. If I have a plan to eat three good meals and a snack (or whatever you prefer) and have a decent idea of what I like for breakfast and can do for lunch and what a balanced dinner is, and can even (at least at first) plug those in in advance, and then fill out the calories with some extra foods that fit, that's a lot easier. If a cookie appears in the breakroom near my office and I think "hmm, I kind of want that," I can think to my plan and that I'm having a delicious lunch in just 30 minutes, no, I won't.
Also, just as important for me is knowing why. I know you want to be thinner and wear cute clothes (I had that motivation too), but it's too easy to think that one cookie won't matter in the scheme of things. If you have a plan and goals that are more concrete (no more than 1500 calories today, 100 g of protein today, so on), it's easier to focus on hitting those, and then if you have a lengthy plan you can think "if I stick with it I will likely be down X lbs in 6 months." Having those longterm goals (although they don't work for everyone and I don't ever hit them exactly) is helpful for me, as it helps me with the shortterm vs. long term pleasure thing -- if I remember that it will make a real difference in 6 months if I stick to plan, I'm more likely to do it, to see this as a real thing and not a vague hope, and I'm old enough that 6 months will fly by, I know.1 -
texasleahgirl wrote: »I lacked motivation until I bought a Fitbit. I have a competitive streak and I love competing with myself to do better today than yesterday. What always held me back was thinking I had to join a gym and set aside an hour and a half of my day for exercise and also severely restrict calories to see any results--it was just too overwhelming to start at all when I was looking at such a drastic change. So instead I started with the small goal of 7,000 steps, and once that became a daily habit, then I started worrying about making small sustainable changes to my diet. I logged my food for 3 weeks before I changed anything and the first change I made was to eat at a deficit on Monday thru Thursday only and to eat whatever on the weekends. Once I had lost a few pounds all of a sudden I had the motivation to walk 10,000 steps per day and the slow but steady weight loss kept going and then I was motivated to make a few more diet changes to the weekends and then a few months after that I average 12,000 plus per day and I have lost 20ish pounds. The progress itself gave birth to the motivation. If I would have waited for the motivation to happen first I probably would have never started. I have learned that for me, "weight loss" is a daily system NOT a goal. You change your system and the goal will be reached eventually.
THIS! This is so true. And, even after succeeding motivation is fleeting, so don't rely on it or wait for it. Even those of us in maintenance or recomp don't rely on motivation, but rather habits.
As everyone else has said, start making small habit changes and get rid of the "I need motivation!" thinking. It's depleting your energy. Use that energy to get started on a healthy track.1 -
I felt this way too this time. I normally always have motivation but this time I forced myself. For the first week I just tracked. I didn't even really try I just wanted to see my habits. One day I ate 4k cals! Insane! This week I am cutting out calories in my drinks and trying to make better choices, next week I will try something else, etc. You can do this!2
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Nothing magic about tomorrow, start now. Embrace this, its a lifestyle change. Its not punishment or a diet. This is all about reducing calories and portions to a proper level and when overweight a deficit is required to burn the excess. When you are dedicated to this and counting properly the scale will start moving. I wish I had started this decades ago.1
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Don't look for something outside yourself to make you do what you need to do yourself. Stop looking for motivation - it's comes and goes, but usually goes. If you want to do it, do it.
I suggest having a more attainable and concrete goal than "bikini body" - focus on health and well-being too - how about some fitness goal? For instance, improve your personal record walking/running/swimming/biking a set distance?
I'm wondering why you would put off starting something you say you want to do. Could it be what you picture to be the only alternative to "eating like a greedy pig"? Are you viewing eating good food in appropriate amounts as some form of punishment? Aren't you already punishing yourself - calling yourself a "greedy pig", feeling awful, ashamed, don't want to look at yourself in the mirror, heck, being overweight and out of shape?1 -
I just feel awful.
The motivation that I would usually get was always minimal but now it's non-existent.
I really need help starting because in my head I keep saying 'I'll start tomorrow' and then I still eat like a greedy pig. Arghhhh I just want to scream. Losing weight is all I think about but I never do anything about it. I'm constantly looking at what kind of outfits I would wear if I wasn't so fat and I picture myself in a body I will never have but want so badly.
I make myself feel sick when i look in the mirror to the point where I wont look in one anymore.
I wish someone could help because I just can't seem to help myself.
I gotta tell you that body shaming yourself and body shaming in general is counterproductive to your cause. If you're unhappy with where you are that's fine but you need to be able love yourself anyway and care about yourself. No calling yourself a greedy pig. You're a person and food tastes good so anyone could be where you are and millions of people are. Focus your attention on making small habit changes that celebrate living a healthy lifestyle and are not a punishment for overeating in the past. Change your attitude and motivation will follow.1 -
So....you say you want to lose weight. Time to start. If you don't do anything, where do you think you'll be a year from now? You got it-- worse off. You need to use MFP as designed. Plug in your stats, get your calorie goal, buy a digital scale, weigh and measure all you eat and drink, and try to stay within your calories. Try your best to move more. Start with a 30 min walk once a day, and then slowly up that, or walk faster. Then try new things. Even dancing or zumba. I think you'll be surprised that all this is not as hard as you might think. It's important that you don't quit. We all have bad days, so plan for them and start anew the next day. Before you know it you'll see the changes and be so glad that you started. Be a success story--for yourself.2
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I know this sounds super cheesy, but there is a saying I've heard that have helped me maintain motivation.
"There are things you're glad to do, and there are things you are glad to have done."
Helps me when I don't feel like working out, and also when I want to stop myself from eating that extra whatever.
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Only you can do this and only you are responsible for your actions.
"I really need help starting" you say... so hep yourself and start.
Just start logging all your food at first- get in the habit of measuring & entering everything you eat for day a week before even cutting calories. I bet you might naturally start making better choices or have better control now that you have to actually admit to what you are eating as you are eating it- always log food before or as you are eating it- not later.
This will get you started, the rest is up to you.
You can look to others for inspiration, but you must find motivation within yourself.
You have all the tools you need, you just need to decide to do it- and decide every day, every meal to keep doing it. And even if you slip up to keep going. But you must do this yourself.
But think how proud you will feel when you lose that weight and you know you did it all on your own- no one telling you what to eat, no one making your portions for you, no one forcing you out the door to go for a walk or to the gym... just you. Won't that be a great feeling?!1 -
Start small! Don't overwhelm yourself. I began just by drinking a gallon a water a day and it really helped fight my cravings and addiction for fast food and coke. Then, I began eating a healthy breakfast. Did a lot of research to understand macros and how many calories to eat a day to lose fat. Slowly, I began meal planning and 35 days later I lost two pounds and hitting the gym twice a week. It's a start not a race! I still struggle with junk food but I'm not giving up. I don't have motivation either it took me three years to start this because I always gave up. I don't know you personally but I know you can do it! First two weeks is hard but it only gets easier Experiment with food and see what small things you can change to jump start your journey. If you still struggle with food try seeing a therapist maybe you can talk to them for some guidance if it's really overwhelming. 0
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Nah...don't start at all...you are not ready. Keep eating, no exercise...you will be where I started...hoping any change you make will keep you alive. Meantime...continue as you have. Doctor will give you a little talk, you might come back here, or not. Either way....you are responsible for you. First world problems....how to stop stuffing my face while I take the elevator up one level...4
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I'm sorry you are feeling bummed. The thing is only you have the power to change your thinking from negative to positive. Looking at clothes you would like to wear, change the conversation in your head to I will wear this. Thinking about what your end goal is great. Now you just set mini goals along the way.0
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You’re absolutely right, when I think of starting, I think ‘Right, from tomorrow, no more tea, no more coffee, no more puddings and find time for 2 hours at the gym’ I never think that I need to make a slight change tomorrow or that I could maybe try an hour at the gym or even half an hour. It’s like I am for all or nothing and when I fall off the motivation train, I never bounce back on it, I need to learn to bounce back.Pick a few habits like eating 3 servings of vegetables and getting in 30 minutes of activity daily.
Also, you may want to consider changing your goal to maintain weight for a few weeks. Baby steps.
I have to say, this advice in particular stands out to me, in the back of my mind I am constantly thinking that I am not enjoying my life the way I should because I spend so much time focussing on how horrible I think people think I look. As I sit writing how sorry I feel for myself, I could be planning my changes and working out what will work for me. I suppose I have disguised my excuses as a lack of motivation. Only I can find that within me.cmriverside wrote: »…if you refuse to do it now, when will you suddenly find the motivation?
…Plan a holiday with a bathing suit (like go to Spain or somewhere exotic!) …
Then start today. Right now. Log everything you eat and learn from your choices.
I have consulted several doctor about my weight who is very less than helpful. They have a very textbook approach which is expected but doesn’t seem to work on me. Like many of the responders to this post, I work well with competition. Since all 3 of my sisters are a lot older than me and of a healthy size and weight, and my friends all living quite far, I need to do it on my own without the competition. A few years back when I discovered MFP there was a girl I met on here who wanted the same so we competed with each other…until she left the site.Tomk652015 wrote: »sounds like a bit of depression.? no one can help someone who can't help themselves. you could seek the help of your doctor...maybe.
we aren't there to shove the fork away from your mouth.
you can do this. just do it. start something! record your food. do something...anything.
I don’t suppose I would expect anyone to guide me to the point of pushing the fork away, I suppose just a bit of inspiration is what I am looking for and definitely what I have found
This is what scares me, I remember when I was 30lb lighter than I am today, thinking there is absolutely no way my 5ft frame can get any bigger so I’m okay.
The sad reality for me is that it wasn't until my weight actually started to hurt me (one minor injury led to a host of problems with back, ankles, knees due to my weight and inactivity) that reality sunk in and I realized I needed to do something before it was too late.Losing weight is all I think about but I never do anything about it.
I remember being 20lb lighter than I am today and thinking wow, how did that happen. And then I remember being 10lb lighter than I am today and being told I qualify for weight loss surgery and having to go for sleep apnia tests and also being told my liver is in trouble because of my weight. These things all shocked me but pushed me back into my rut. I have done it before when I lost a stone and felt absolutely great, I need to do it again…only this time, I have an extra 30lb to do it for.
No-one else lives in my head, no-one else decides what I eat and no-one is standing at my front door demanding that I sit back and don’t exercise.mysteps2beauty wrote: »Nah...don't start at all...you are not ready. Keep eating, no exercise...you will be where I started...hoping any change you make will keep you alive. Meantime...continue as you have. Doctor will give you a little talk, you might come back here, or not. Either way....you are responsible for you. First world problems....how to stop stuffing my face while I take the elevator up one level...
It’s me that put all the weight on, and its me that has to lose it. However, no one said anything about Bikini’s
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Thank you so much everyone who has posted. I have read every single one and they are all so different and inspiring. I'm going to take baby steps, make small differences until it gets a bit easier and who says I need to go to the gym 5 times a week for 3 hours at a time...whats wrong with starting off once?
I feel so much more positive now and I really am going to give it a good go. Watch this space kids 3 -
Don't be so hard on yourself for one! It's a process and a lifestyle change, I used to go all out on like hardly any calories per day and tons of exercise and it was so hardcore I would hate it and give up then binge. No wonder I used to hate the idea of starting and had no motivation, because it was torture! Now I've found a healthy balance of doing things and I'm finally sticking to it, because I allow myself flexibility and actually enjoy it You will get to that point too, just make small changes and remind yourself it's a slow process 0
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frankie671 wrote: »Don't be so hard on yourself for one! It's a process and a lifestyle change, I used to go all out on like hardly any calories per day and tons of exercise and it was so hardcore I would hate it and give up then binge. No wonder I used to hate the idea of starting and had no motivation, because it was torture! Now I've found a healthy balance of doing things and I'm finally sticking to it, because I allow myself flexibility and actually enjoy it You will get to that point too, just make small changes and remind yourself it's a slow process
Thank you. It makes so much sense. An artist doesn't start by painting a masterpiece first try, they learn and make mistakes but they keep trying. I suppose it's a similar theory.0 -
When I read your original post, it was like you were inside my head 10 months ago. I felt EXACTLY the same. I thought about my weight and how I hated being overweight every single minute of the day but I never changed anything I was doing, I just could not get started. And then I read the quote "Imagine where you could be in a year if you had just started today" and I realised that I would never know if I never even attempted to try. That week, on the Sun, I made a meal plan, went to the supermarket and bought only those things and I stuck to my calorie goal for one week. And I lost my first 4 pounds. And then I tried another week, and another. 10 months later, I have lost 22 pounds - so slow and so many ups and downs but I look back at myself in Jan and am so, so glad that I just started. Because look where I am now. I know this might not be much help to motivate you, it's easy for everyone else to say, just to do it but think of the bigger picture. The next year will pass regardless, make it the year you start your journey.1
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