I feel so ashamed
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I know this sounds super cheesy, but there is a saying I've heard that have helped me maintain motivation.
"There are things you're glad to do, and there are things you are glad to have done."
Helps me when I don't feel like working out, and also when I want to stop myself from eating that extra whatever.
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Only you can do this and only you are responsible for your actions.
"I really need help starting" you say... so hep yourself and start.
Just start logging all your food at first- get in the habit of measuring & entering everything you eat for day a week before even cutting calories. I bet you might naturally start making better choices or have better control now that you have to actually admit to what you are eating as you are eating it- always log food before or as you are eating it- not later.
This will get you started, the rest is up to you.
You can look to others for inspiration, but you must find motivation within yourself.
You have all the tools you need, you just need to decide to do it- and decide every day, every meal to keep doing it. And even if you slip up to keep going. But you must do this yourself.
But think how proud you will feel when you lose that weight and you know you did it all on your own- no one telling you what to eat, no one making your portions for you, no one forcing you out the door to go for a walk or to the gym... just you. Won't that be a great feeling?!1 -
Start small! Don't overwhelm yourself. I began just by drinking a gallon a water a day and it really helped fight my cravings and addiction for fast food and coke. Then, I began eating a healthy breakfast. Did a lot of research to understand macros and how many calories to eat a day to lose fat. Slowly, I began meal planning and 35 days later I lost two pounds and hitting the gym twice a week. It's a start not a race! I still struggle with junk food but I'm not giving up. I don't have motivation either it took me three years to start this because I always gave up. I don't know you personally but I know you can do it! First two weeks is hard but it only gets easier
Experiment with food and see what small things you can change to jump start your journey. If you still struggle with food try seeing a therapist maybe you can talk to them for some guidance if it's really overwhelming. 0 -
Nah...don't start at all...you are not ready. Keep eating, no exercise...you will be where I started...hoping any change you make will keep you alive. Meantime...continue as you have. Doctor will give you a little talk, you might come back here, or not. Either way....you are responsible for you. First world problems....how to stop stuffing my face while I take the elevator up one level...4
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I'm sorry you are feeling bummed. The thing is only you have the power to change your thinking from negative to positive. Looking at clothes you would like to wear, change the conversation in your head to I will wear this. Thinking about what your end goal is great. Now you just set mini goals along the way.0
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You’re absolutely right, when I think of starting, I think ‘Right, from tomorrow, no more tea, no more coffee, no more puddings and find time for 2 hours at the gym’ I never think that I need to make a slight change tomorrow or that I could maybe try an hour at the gym or even half an hour. It’s like I am for all or nothing and when I fall off the motivation train, I never bounce back on it, I need to learn to bounce back.Pick a few habits like eating 3 servings of vegetables and getting in 30 minutes of activity daily.
Also, you may want to consider changing your goal to maintain weight for a few weeks. Baby steps.
I have to say, this advice in particular stands out to me, in the back of my mind I am constantly thinking that I am not enjoying my life the way I should because I spend so much time focussing on how horrible I think people think I look. As I sit writing how sorry I feel for myself, I could be planning my changes and working out what will work for me. I suppose I have disguised my excuses as a lack of motivation. Only I can find that within me.cmriverside wrote: »…if you refuse to do it now, when will you suddenly find the motivation?
…Plan a holiday with a bathing suit (like go to Spain or somewhere exotic!) …
Then start today. Right now. Log everything you eat and learn from your choices.
I have consulted several doctor about my weight who is very less than helpful. They have a very textbook approach which is expected but doesn’t seem to work on me. Like many of the responders to this post, I work well with competition. Since all 3 of my sisters are a lot older than me and of a healthy size and weight, and my friends all living quite far, I need to do it on my own without the competition. A few years back when I discovered MFP there was a girl I met on here who wanted the same so we competed with each other…until she left the site.Tomk652015 wrote: »sounds like a bit of depression.? no one can help someone who can't help themselves. you could seek the help of your doctor...maybe.
we aren't there to shove the fork away from your mouth.
you can do this. just do it. start something! record your food. do something...anything.
I don’t suppose I would expect anyone to guide me to the point of pushing the fork away, I suppose just a bit of inspiration is what I am looking for and definitely what I have found
This is what scares me, I remember when I was 30lb lighter than I am today, thinking there is absolutely no way my 5ft frame can get any bigger so I’m okay.
The sad reality for me is that it wasn't until my weight actually started to hurt me (one minor injury led to a host of problems with back, ankles, knees due to my weight and inactivity) that reality sunk in and I realized I needed to do something before it was too late.Losing weight is all I think about but I never do anything about it.
I remember being 20lb lighter than I am today and thinking wow, how did that happen. And then I remember being 10lb lighter than I am today and being told I qualify for weight loss surgery and having to go for sleep apnia tests and also being told my liver is in trouble because of my weight. These things all shocked me but pushed me back into my rut. I have done it before when I lost a stone and felt absolutely great, I need to do it again…only this time, I have an extra 30lb to do it for.
No-one else lives in my head, no-one else decides what I eat and no-one is standing at my front door demanding that I sit back and don’t exercise.mysteps2beauty wrote: »Nah...don't start at all...you are not ready. Keep eating, no exercise...you will be where I started...hoping any change you make will keep you alive. Meantime...continue as you have. Doctor will give you a little talk, you might come back here, or not. Either way....you are responsible for you. First world problems....how to stop stuffing my face while I take the elevator up one level...
It’s me that put all the weight on, and its me that has to lose it. However, no one said anything about Bikini’s
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Thank you so much everyone who has posted. I have read every single one and they are all so different and inspiring. I'm going to take baby steps, make small differences until it gets a bit easier and who says I need to go to the gym 5 times a week for 3 hours at a time...whats wrong with starting off once?
I feel so much more positive now and I really am going to give it a good go. Watch this space kids 3 -
Don't be so hard on yourself for one! It's a process and a lifestyle change, I used to go all out on like hardly any calories per day and tons of exercise and it was so hardcore I would hate it and give up then binge. No wonder I used to hate the idea of starting and had no motivation, because it was torture! Now I've found a healthy balance of doing things and I'm finally sticking to it, because I allow myself flexibility and actually enjoy it You will get to that point too, just make small changes and remind yourself it's a slow process 0
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frankie671 wrote: »Don't be so hard on yourself for one! It's a process and a lifestyle change, I used to go all out on like hardly any calories per day and tons of exercise and it was so hardcore I would hate it and give up then binge. No wonder I used to hate the idea of starting and had no motivation, because it was torture! Now I've found a healthy balance of doing things and I'm finally sticking to it, because I allow myself flexibility and actually enjoy it You will get to that point too, just make small changes and remind yourself it's a slow process
Thank you. It makes so much sense. An artist doesn't start by painting a masterpiece first try, they learn and make mistakes but they keep trying. I suppose it's a similar theory.0 -
When I read your original post, it was like you were inside my head 10 months ago. I felt EXACTLY the same. I thought about my weight and how I hated being overweight every single minute of the day but I never changed anything I was doing, I just could not get started. And then I read the quote "Imagine where you could be in a year if you had just started today" and I realised that I would never know if I never even attempted to try. That week, on the Sun, I made a meal plan, went to the supermarket and bought only those things and I stuck to my calorie goal for one week. And I lost my first 4 pounds. And then I tried another week, and another. 10 months later, I have lost 22 pounds - so slow and so many ups and downs but I look back at myself in Jan and am so, so glad that I just started. Because look where I am now. I know this might not be much help to motivate you, it's easy for everyone else to say, just to do it but think of the bigger picture. The next year will pass regardless, make it the year you start your journey.1
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JGilchrist23 wrote: »When I read your original post, it was like you were inside my head 10 months ago. I felt EXACTLY the same. I thought about my weight and how I hated being overweight every single minute of the day but I never changed anything I was doing, I just could not get started. And then I read the quote "Imagine where you could be in a year if you had just started today" and I realised that I would never know if I never even attempted to try. That week, on the Sun, I made a meal plan, went to the supermarket and bought only those things and I stuck to my calorie goal for one week. And I lost my first 4 pounds. And then I tried another week, and another. 10 months later, I have lost 22 pounds - so slow and so many ups and downs but I look back at myself in Jan and am so, so glad that I just started. Because look where I am now. I know this might not be much help to motivate you, it's easy for everyone else to say, just to do it but think of the bigger picture. The next year will pass regardless, make it the year you start your journey.
Thank you. It helps me so much hearing other people's progress because I can say to myself that if they can do it then so can I.
22lb is such a massive achievement and I genuinely can't wait until I am that far in my journey. As long as I keep my head together and just do it!1 -
Thank you so much everyone who has posted. I have read every single one and they are all so different and inspiring. I'm going to take baby steps, make small differences until it gets a bit easier and who says I need to go to the gym 5 times a week for 3 hours at a time...whats wrong with starting off once?
I feel so much more positive now and I really am going to give it a good go. Watch this space kids
Just FYI it's not even healthy for ANYONE to go to the gym for 3 hours 5 times a week. If you can't get what you need to do in the gym done in an hour or less you're doing too much.
For the average person 1 hour of weight lifting, 30-45 minutes of steady state cardio, or 20-30 minutes of high intensity cardio per day is plenty- and I mean 1 of these per day, not all 3!
You could even just do 3 days of exercise a week - start there. Heck, start with a 20 minute walk and skip the gym altogether until you're ready to do more- that's how I started.
Where did you get the idea that you ever have to be at the gym for longer than an hour? An hour and a half maybe if you do weight lifting and cardio on the same day might be ok but that's pushing it in my opinion. Too much exercise does more harm than good. You can only exercise so long for it to be beneficial, at a certain point it becomes overkill & harmful. No wonder you lose motivation.
You need to drop the all or nothing attitude. You're creating unnecessary stress by holding yourself to impossible standards. And why are you trying to be in this imaginary race with yourself and fight with your body?
How about just take it easy, do what you can when you can, and just try to do a little better each day. This is a journey towards better health, not a battle against yourself.1 -
It was really hard to read your post but I chuckled a bit at the greedy pig part, because I know what it's like to eat like a greedy pig, lol. BUT, you need to break out of the self pity party it seems like you're having. It starts in your head, and believe me I know it's easier said than done. Start with small steps. Do what you can. You know yourself best. Listen/read/watch things that will motivate you to stay on the path. Figure out what works for you and stick with it.
Shake it off! One day at a time.1 -
You can do it, I know it's hard, but it is possible, I think we are all in the same boat here, if we Burr Ridge encourage each other, we can make it to the end.
By little steps we can win the race.0 -
Dear @starrrjo I'm sorry if this repeats what others have said but I haven't had a chance to read all the replies. Please be reassured that many of us have felt these negative and to be honest soul destoying attitudes about ourselves being in a place we hate weight wise and it's very difficult to not feel utterly defeated and overwhelmed.
Honestly, though this negativity may not the best way to move forward. A lot of what you describe is so all encompassing and at the same time nebulous it must be hard to figure a way forward and where to start to implement positive lasting changes.
I suggest you focus on simple doable steps that can immediately bring you positive change and give you back control over your life in this area.
For example:
* Commit to MFP. Read all you can here, look at the success stories, be inspired by the ordinary folk achieving amazing results. Recognize that if they can you too can achieve great things.
* Get digital kitchen scales, weigh in grams, using reputable data entries and use it for everything that passes your lips.
* Pick a sensible deficit and eat foods you enjoy, focus on nutrition and long term fullness and I suggest you incorporate foods that nourish your soul, I'm talking about having your favourite treats in moderation.
*Don't feel you have to hurry this is a long term project and burnout can happen if you try to do too much too quickly, remember the weight didn't appear overnight so it is going to take time for it to come off.
*If you feel the need choose a current food/drink habit that you wish to ditch and get started on making that happen. It maybe decreasing or eliminating drinking your calories and focusing increasing your on water intake.
*Commit to finding some form of exercise that gives you pleasure: don't be afraid to try many things or move on if you get bored. Please don't feel like you have to go all extreme and workout for hours everyday. Try strength training too, please....it is so important to help with retaining the muscle you have. Cardio is not the only way.
*Take progress photos, measurements and most would recommend regular weighing (but don't get too hung up on the scale it can be a minefield with fluctuations etc) maybe use any app. that gives you an overall trend to even out daily ups and downs.
These are all concrete, singular steps you can take, start doing them one by one, once you are comfy with the change go onto the next goal.
I think it's important to remind yourself you are doing something incredibly positive to help your health and longevity....many many others ignore the very same worries and self doubt that you have. You should be proud that you feel enough is enough and are gusty enough to put yourself on a public forum and say all the things you have and reach out for support and help.
You deserve a healthy, strong you and these are your first steps on the road. Well done for having that insight!!
PS: My above ideas are just some that quickly came to mind....there are plenty of tips/ideas that I have missed but I do hope it helps.
All the best.
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I am in that same boat! Earlier this year I was gung ho and I was a fanatic! I lost weight and inches but more importantly I felt great both about myself and physically. Then somewhere along the line I crashed and burned. I gained 16 lbs back and am a junk food junkie. So now I am totally disgusted and my self esteem has plummeted. I restarted this week and have done rather well, and these few days have been the longest I have been able to stick with it. I just joined a challenge here for November so I am hoping that will help me stay accountable and motivated. If you think that will help let me know and I will tell you which one I'm in. I did one before and worked for me!0
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courtneyfabulous wrote: »Thank you so much everyone who has posted. I have read every single one and they are all so different and inspiring. I'm going to take baby steps, make small differences until it gets a bit easier and who says I need to go to the gym 5 times a week for 3 hours at a time...whats wrong with starting off once?
I feel so much more positive now and I really am going to give it a good go. Watch this space kids
Where did you get the idea that you ever have to be at the gym for longer than an hour?
And why are you trying to be in this imaginary race with yourself and fight with your body? I was just exaggerating when I said 3 hours, I know this is completely ridiculous, I just mean how I always run in head first and think well if I don't do the absolute maximum all at once, then I shouldn't be doing anything at all which is obviously the wrong outlook.
I wouldn't say I was in a race, I think it is more of a battle with my brain. I used to find it so easy to hick start a change but it was like i was stuck in a rut. All of the advice is definitely what I needed.
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It was really hard to read your post but I chuckled a bit at the greedy pig part, because I know what it's like to eat like a greedy pig, lol. BUT, you need to break out of the self pity party it seems like you're having. It starts in your head, and believe me I know it's easier said than done. Start with small steps. Do what you can. You know yourself best. Listen/read/watch things that will motivate you to stay on the path. Figure out what works for you and stick with it.
Shake it off! One day at a time.
I would agree with pity party comment if I had written this 5 years ago when I first realised I had a problem. I would now describe it as a cry for help. Literally, I have gotten way beyond the pity party fase when it was getting to the point where I didn't know where to turn and was shaking with nerves just thinking about going out of the house.
This site is helping me far more than I ever expected and I am so grateful to every bit of advice I have received.
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HippySkoppy wrote: »Dear @starrrjo I'm sorry if this repeats what others have said but I haven't had a chance to read all the replies. Please be reassured that many of us have felt these negative and to be honest soul destoying attitudes about ourselves being in a place we hate weight wise and it's very difficult to not feel utterly defeated and overwhelmed.
Honestly, though this negativity may not the best way to move forward. A lot of what you describe is so all encompassing and at the same time nebulous it must be hard to figure a way forward and where to start to implement positive lasting changes.
I suggest you focus on simple doable steps that can immediately bring you positive change and give you back control over your life in this area.
For example:
* Commit to MFP. Read all you can here, look at the success stories, be inspired by the ordinary folk achieving amazing results. Recognize that if they can you too can achieve great things.
* Get digital kitchen scales, weigh in grams, using reputable data entries and use it for everything that passes your lips.
* Pick a sensible deficit and eat foods you enjoy, focus on nutrition and long term fullness and I suggest you incorporate foods that nourish your soul, I'm talking about having your favourite treats in moderation.
*Don't feel you have to hurry this is a long term project and burnout can happen if you try to do too much too quickly, remember the weight didn't appear overnight so it is going to take time for it to come off.
*If you feel the need choose a current food/drink habit that you wish to ditch and get started on making that happen. It maybe decreasing or eliminating drinking your calories and focusing increasing your on water intake.
*Commit to finding some form of exercise that gives you pleasure: don't be afraid to try many things or move on if you get bored. Please don't feel like you have to go all extreme and workout for hours everyday. Try strength training too, please....it is so important to help with retaining the muscle you have. Cardio is not the only way.
*Take progress photos, measurements and most would recommend regular weighing (but don't get too hung up on the scale it can be a minefield with fluctuations etc) maybe use any app. that gives you an overall trend to even out daily ups and downs.
These are all concrete, singular steps you can take, start doing them one by one, once you are comfy with the change go onto the next goal.
I think it's important to remind yourself you are doing something incredibly positive to help your health and longevity....many many others ignore the very same worries and self doubt that you have. You should be proud that you feel enough is enough and are gusty enough to put yourself on a public forum and say all the things you have and reach out for support and help.
You deserve a healthy, strong you and these are your first steps on the road. Well done for having that insight!!
PS: My above ideas are just some that quickly came to mind....there are plenty of tips/ideas that I have missed but I do hope it helps.
All the best.
Hello Hippy Skoppy,
This is all really helpful. When I initially wrote this post I didn't expect to get anything back, genuinely. But I am astounded by the amount of support I have received. My outlook is positive and I am finding things slightly easier by making the small changes.
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