problem solving instead of eating

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2

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  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
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    ok, it is a month later. This coworker is wired to interfere that is for sure. I thought maybe she was pushing my buttons so I quit talking about family. No, she is just a busy body into my business. We ride together on a bus, she the driver, I am an aide. I thought we could talk about safe things like my good husband, church, anything but family. Nope. She knows my husband and I don't exchange gifts at Christmas. She starts saying ya need to buy each other a gift. It will be just like any other day if you don't. That was yesterday, today - different subject. I went to dinner with friends last night and she said you need to take your husband to a nice place like that. It is only fair he gets to do those things. Geez, I told her here she goes telling me what I should do again! I guess we really cant discuss anything. I guess these people mean well but why do they like to run your life? I guess when she ask what I am doing over the weekend, I will say NOTHING. I may have to go back substituting on other buses if I cant handle her, I am trying to deal.
  • danika2point0
    danika2point0 Posts: 197 Member
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    Sometimes with this type of person, it's best to keep things suitably vague. 'Hmm, maybe.' Or 'Hm, perhaps...' 'This weekend? I am not sure yet.' Alternatively, re-direct the conversation back to her and just ask a ton of questions. 'Oh, tell me more about that.' 'That must be hard for you.' 'What's that like?' Either way tends to work in that you don't have to provide any real substantial information about you whatsoever. Give her nothing.
  • Cbestinme
    Cbestinme Posts: 397 Member
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    Interesting discussion
  • socioseguro
    socioseguro Posts: 1,679 Member
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    @brenn24179
    Unfortunately, you have a Busybody at work.
    I concur with other posters. Refuse to engage on any talk about your private life.
    You can only talk about work and nothing else.
    If you do not provide private information, this person can not give you any feedback
    Good luck
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
    edited October 2016
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    my pastor's wife said tell her You just need to take care of yourself. I am going to try this. Geez!
    I don't have to talk about anything personally and she tells me what to do. She tells me I need to make these cookies she makes, I need to not eat red meat, etc, etc.
  • Hamsibian
    Hamsibian Posts: 1,388 Member
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    brenn24179 wrote: »
    ok, it is a month later. This coworker is wired to interfere that is for sure. I thought maybe she was pushing my buttons so I quit talking about family. No, she is just a busy body into my business. We ride together on a bus, she the driver, I am an aide. I thought we could talk about safe things like my good husband, church, anything but family. Nope. She knows my husband and I don't exchange gifts at Christmas. She starts saying ya need to buy each other a gift. It will be just like any other day if you don't.

    Maybe it's because I'm not Christian, but I find it sad when gift giving is the main point of Christmas to some people.
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
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    had confrontation with coworker, I see why I had rather eat than deal. She was not apologetic at all, she is always telling me I should do this and that, she blew up and said she was just making suggestions and it looked like I didn't like anything she said so drop it and I wouldn't have to worry about it any more! Needless to say it didn't go well. But I did tell her how I felt and was nice about it but she sure was not so we will see how it goes. People that try to run your life don't like it when you stop it.
  • 150poundsofme
    150poundsofme Posts: 523 Member
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    Hi, Don't let her put you on the defensive. You did nothing wrong. You mentioned that you have down time with her. How about you bring a magazine or book to read so you and her have less time to chat?
  • janekana
    janekana Posts: 151 Member
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    I think the best thing to do with someone like that is just keep agreeing. Whatever she says, just say "Yes", even if you're not going to do it. Just tune her out and keep saying "Yes". It helps a lot, and she'll understand that you really don't want to talk about it, or she may take it as if you understand her and she'll stop arguing it too. Either way, it'll get her to stop.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,020 Member
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    Oh, boy. She's persistent, I'll give her that. :lol:

    Can you get reassigned to another driver/bus?

    How about - in addition to, "Worry about your own self," how about saying, "Mind your own business."

    Which is the same thing, only I'm not the pastor's wife so I can be much more direct. I've never had anyone continue to overstep after I've repeatedly done all the things we've suggested. "Mind your own business," seems to be just what this lady needs.



  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,020 Member
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    Don't eat at her!! It's not worth it. She's not worth it.
  • bettiegambrill20162016
    bettiegambrill20162016 Posts: 6 Member
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    Make up a REALLY weird yarn and throw her off....hahaha
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
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    thanks so much for all your comments, I feel like I have been in world war II, I love how she turned it around and said she was just making suggestions! I told her I didn't want suggestions or advice. we will see how it goes, may be getting a transfer. She definitely needs a life. I didn't eat over this so dealing is good but hard.
  • Rebecca0224
    Rebecca0224 Posts: 810 Member
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    cmriverside wrote: »
    It really is a lot better to just acknowledge that you have heard them and then just change the subject. Just because someone gives advice that differs from my beliefs doesn't mean I have to engage in conversation about it.

    Most people want to help. "Thanks for the suggestion." "How about those Yankees?"

    My psychiatrists told me to respond to people's advice or demands(you need to/should do...) with "thank you... how about them cowboys ".
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,020 Member
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    rebeccaculp87 wrote: »
    cmriverside wrote: »
    It really is a lot better to just acknowledge that you have heard them and then just change the subject. Just because someone gives advice that differs from my beliefs doesn't mean I have to engage in conversation about it.

    Most people want to help. "Thanks for the suggestion." "How about those Yankees?"

    My psychiatrists told me to respond to people's advice or demands(you need to/should do...) with "thank you... how about them cowboys ".

    hah. I shoulda been a shrink.

    Nah. All that whining and complaining. I would be a horrible psychiatrist. I'd just hand them a bottle of pills.

    I know. I'm terrible.

    But the tactic works: Agree/deflect.

    It's an art. :)
  • janekana
    janekana Posts: 151 Member
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    brenn24179 wrote: »
    thanks so much for all your comments, I feel like I have been in world war II, I love how she turned it around and said she was just making suggestions! I told her I didn't want suggestions or advice. we will see how it goes, may be getting a transfer. She definitely needs a life. I didn't eat over this so dealing is good but hard.

    You didn't eat though, that's amazing! Congrats, you did really well handling the situation too :)
  • Rebecca0224
    Rebecca0224 Posts: 810 Member
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    brenn24179 wrote: »
    thanks for your reply. I do need to shut it down. She drives a bus and I am an aide and help with special need children. We have a lot of time for chit chat when we don't have children on our ride there and back. She ask questions about my family and then proceeds to tell me what to do. I need to say everyone is just fine. I have tried changing the subject. She is persistent. She is very giving person to a fault and wants me to be that way. She told me last New Years I needed to keep all 4 of my grandchildren, go get the ones out of town and then cook dinner for everyone! (see this is what she does) I think I will tell her I am uncomfortable with what I should do and tell her we are all different. Then talk about those Yankees!

    What you should do is what you feel is right for YOU not her.

  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
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    I am going to stop it instantly when she starts up again, I am going to say Remember what we talked about in a very firm voice.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,020 Member
    edited October 2016
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    brenn24179 wrote: »
    I am going to stop it instantly when she starts up again, I am going to say Remember what we talked about in a very firm voice.

    Go Brenn!

    She'll be fussy, she may pout or be indignant. That's okay, you can't control that. That's HER issue.

  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
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    things went better today (kind of afraid to say that for how long will it last) sort of strained but at least she was more respectful.

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