Why do i keep doing this to myself!
Heather_b1986
Posts: 125 Member
At my heaviest I was 128kgs I'm now wavering between 103kg and 106kgs. This past month has been a constant struggle I have been yo-yoing big time! Everyone at work, family and friends are noticing and congratulating me on my progress so why is it that I seem to be sabotaging my efforts?? I can't get control and have been totally off track, eating to the point of feeling ill then trying again the next day but ultimately failing.
Anyone else experienced this? Any advice, support?
Anyone else experienced this? Any advice, support?
1
Replies
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What is your daily deficit like? How much are you trying to lose a week?0
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When I'm on track my calories range between 1500 and 1700, I aim to lose around 0.5kg a week0
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Sorry another question. Have you taken any sort of break from dieting and just eat at maintenance for awhile? They can be refreshing.0
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I was actually contemplating that, I guess I'm worried I'll go back to my old ways and put all the weight back on that I've lost.it feels like I've already started, like as soon as I relax my diet I just go sod it and eat all the things I shouldn't.2
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Understanding the why could go a long way in sorting it out. I often self-sabotaged when I was feeling stressed, chaotic, and out of control. Once I started getting control over my thoughts and moods, the rest started falling in line.2
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Hmm you don't seem to be at such a low calorie goal that you should be bingeing from hunger... do you feel hungry all the time? Do you try not to eat any "bad" foods for long stretches of time and then break down and have a bunch at once? Do you try to eat less the day after going off track? Are you having a lot of stress which is causing you to have emotional eating? Are you constantly off track lately or is there a cycle? How long have you been on a diet for?
Can you explain a little more so maybe we can help better?1 -
@pinkchick - these are some of the things that help me when I feel like falling into bad habits
Mantra - I have a few I try to say all day long but especially in the morning when I wake one of mine is "Make up your mind and your body will follow"
Visualization - Visualize yourself doing and wearing the things you want to do when you are at goal weight, more importantly visualize the feeling you will have enjoying such things.
I eat full fat, fiber, protein and drink plenty of water. Also get 7-8 hrs of sleep to help with the hungries.
Remember why you started this and never give up!2 -
Oh yes and what is your diet like- besides a caloric deficit are you doing anything else like trying to eat clean or low carb? Do you eat a lot of whole nutritious foods, or more like small portions of fast food, treats every day, no treats ever... how many grams of protein do you get a day on average? Do you exercise? it helps to have a bit more info...0
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Calorie range sounds good. How long do you manage to stick to that? Are you eating "a well rounded diet" - enough fat and protein, varying your fruit and vegs, meat and fish, focusing on whole grains? Do you force yourself to eat food you don't particularly like?
Are you cutting out something you like, and thus bingeing because you are missing it? Are you really eating that much when you eat off plan - remember that yout TDEE is probably around 2500, and it's only when exceeding that - consistently - that you won't lose weight.
Or are you sourrounding yourself unnecessarily with temptation? You don't HAVE to keep stuff around if you struggle to control intake.
All these points are food centered, and can be fixed quite easily, well, you can at least do a lot just by structuring your environment and plan your meals differently. You can also work on managing stress and get better sleep. If you struggle because of some kind of emotional issues, or problems with relationship, work, those issues also need to be addressed.0 -
I have alot of ongoing stress in my life none of which is going away anytime soon, I definitely have urges to comfort eat but I try not to give in, I need to learn to not comfort myself with food though. recently I've just eaten whatever I wanted even though I wasn't necessarily hungry, diet wise I've been eating better since March, I try just to treat the next day as a fresh start, manage to get through a few days of being good then I give in again I seem to have lost my willpower just when I thought id finally found some!1
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If it's not stress related or due to a cycle of restricting and bingeing- which are usually the problem- it could actually be that you're having insecurities about having lost weight. I remember when I lost a bunch of weight in my 20s and went from a size 16 to a size 4 I got so much praise and attention for doing it that I felt a lot of pressure to stay thin and even to try to keep losing weight even though I was about as thin as I could get. I also didn't quite trust the process by which I lost weight so I was afraid any minute I'd start gaining weight again. I also wasn't eating enough so I crashed my metabolism and was starving all the time and eventually my fears came true because I was so hungry I started eating more and I didn't know about maintenance calories or reverse dieting so the weight came back...
Sometimes the pressure of success can get to us. Maybe eat at maintenance calories for a while so you don't lose or gain. Have some treat foods but in moderation and within calorie goals. Regroup, reset, remember why you wanted to lose weight in the first place- then get going again when you're ready.1 -
My diet is a bit hit and miss when I'm being good I try to have regular meals higher in protein where possible, but I don't want to be on a diet as such, I want to learn control and how to eat normally, portion control etc. Although if I am tired or stressed it does become more about the numbers calorie wise so not the most nutritionally sound at times
Thanks for the replies, nice to talk to people who understand rather than just telling me to eat less like family and friends do!0 -
queenliz99 wrote: »Sorry another question. Have you taken any sort of break from dieting and just eat at maintenance for awhile? They can be refreshing.
I'll second this. I lost 45lb between April 2015 and May 2016, and then basically took a break from logging all summer. I'm only just getting back into it now. I found that I was getting really tired of thinking about calories all of the time, and I wanted to see if I could better follow my hunger cues and make good choices without looking up the numbers. Here we are at the end of October, and I've weighed between 157 and 162 for that entire time period. I proved to myself that I can maintain, and enjoyed a nice, long break.
What I did do to keep on track was hop on the scale every morning. I was able to make smarter food choices when I saw the number creeping up, but didn't go so far as to start logging again. It was quite thrilling to know that I could actually maintain easily enough.
On the stress front - have you tried using exercise to combat it? If find a good workout banishes stress for me. As well, yoga can be fantastic if you find an instructor that you like. There are plenty of videos on Youtube that are great!0 -
I def agree the attention is hard at times and I feel pressure to keep going so as not to feel a failure ( I know i know I'm doing it for me and no one else) even though I can see on the scales iv lost alot of weight my eyes still don't see it in the mirror0
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nutmegoreo wrote: »Understanding the why could go a long way in sorting it out. I often self-sabotaged when I was feeling stressed, chaotic, and out of control. Once I started getting control over my thoughts and moods, the rest started falling in line.
I do the same thing!
If I'm stressed or upset or angry it's almost like I tell myself "screw it" and just eat whatever and a lot of it! In some weird way I think it's like I'm trying to take control. Like "ok this happened and I can't do anyhting about it and I'm mad so I'm going to stuff my face and feel good because that I can control". Even though in reality it is soooo not control, it's lack there of.0 -
I def agree the attention is hard at times and I feel pressure to keep going so as not to feel a failure ( I know i know I'm doing it for me and no one else) even though I can see on the scales iv lost alot of weight my eyes still don't see it in the mirror
It takes a while for your eyes and brain to catch up to your body.2 -
nutmegoreo wrote: »I def agree the attention is hard at times and I feel pressure to keep going so as not to feel a failure ( I know i know I'm doing it for me and no one else) even though I can see on the scales iv lost alot of weight my eyes still don't see it in the mirror
It takes a while for your eyes and brain to catch up to your body.
I want to second this!0 -
My diet is a bit hit and miss when I'm being good I try to have regular meals higher in protein where possible, but I don't want to be on a diet as such, I want to learn control and how to eat normally, portion control etc. Although if I am tired or stressed it does become more about the numbers calorie wise so not the most nutritionally sound at times
Thanks for the replies, nice to talk to people who understand rather than just telling me to eat less like family and friends do!
Hey I just noticed you said "when being good". This was an epiphany for me...
I want cake
cake is bad
um no cake is yummy
yummy=good
eats a slice of cake
cake is high calorie
cake is bad
I'M BAD
eats more cake
IM BAD
eats whole cake
IM REALLY BAD I ATE BAD CAKE
I'm not saying this is you by any stretch of the means. I'm just saying that I've tried to see food as fuel. Some food/fuel like cake is neither good nor bad it just may not fill me up or energize me for long. A tuna sandwich is neither good nor bad but it may get me to dinner. Therefor I am not bad nor good when I eat these things. I am just eating something that will either fuel me for awhile or it will be short lived so I need to plan for that in my day.
just a thought. I am still working this myself.
ETA - Spelling their/there UGGG.1 -
Hmm it worries me that you're using terms like "being good" and "giving in" and that you're comfort eating & eating when not hungry...
The thing that took me a long time to learn (but was also very nice to learn too) was that weight loss isn't about being "good" or "bad"... it's about being in a caloric deficit. You either are in a caloric deficit and are losing weight, or you're eating at maintenance calories and staying the same weight, or you're eating in a caloric surplus and gaining weight.
That's it.
If you can manage to take the emotion out of it it's so much easier! And if you just eat the correct amount of calories weight loss just happens- wether you eat candy bars or oatmeal.
I wish I knew all this the first time I lost weight. That time I was avoiding sugar and dairy and chocolate and alcohol and red meat and nuts and packaged foods... even salt! it was overly restrictive and when I would go off plan I would eat candy & macaroni & cheese in large quantities because I missed it so much... of course it's best for health to mostly eat healthy foods, but now I'm easily and consistently losing weight this time around while having a little bit of the foods I like in moderation along with healthy foods and within my daily calorie goal.
It really is just math. If you log and measure everything, rather than trying to be "good" (or feeling like you're being "bad" when you mess up), you can pretty much live a normal life and eat what you want and the weight still comes off. Just try to hit that daily calorie goal or get as close as you can. I find this relieves a lot of stress for me and keeps things simple. I hope it does for you too!
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I went through a similar period over the summer. I stopped fighting it and upped my calories to maintenance. It was a nice break. Then I got to a point where I was ready to continue after Labor Day and it has been smooth sailing again.
I might be a better decision to eat at maintenance for awhile rather than repeated uncontrolled calorie intake.1 -
Yeah I am trying to treat food as fuel too still a work in progress but being more mindful of what will give me energy for the day as opposed to just stuffing my face with whatever1
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I feel a lot better I was close to tears earlier I was so frustrated with myself, tomorrow is a new day, id appreciate any support to get me through this I've never added any friends on this before ( usually just read the forums) but I think I need all the help I can get so please feel free to add
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Yeah I am trying to treat food as fuel too still a work in progress but being more mindful of what will give me energy for the day as opposed to just stuffing my face with whatever
I experienced a lot of these things when I first started too. It took a while to change my own mindset, but that made an unbelievable difference. Consider reading a book or two on emotional eating by Geneen Roth.1 -
@ryry_ - makes a very valid point about eating maintenance.0
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@nutmegoreo Thanks i suspect what I read will be all too familiar! understanding why will def help, I just need to get through this phase and keep going I don't want to be fat all my life I'm determined0
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@pinkchick I sent you a friend request. I'm pescatarian so my food choices may not help you any since I eat 90% vegetarian/vegan meals. But I'm pretty active in trying to support and comment on just about every friends post with the exception of food diary because I don't even look at folks diary unless they ask.1
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@nutmegoreo Thanks i suspect what I read will be all too familiar! understanding why will def help, I just need to get through this phase and keep going I don't want to be fat all my life I'm determined
You are welcome. I remember that battle all too well. It was a challenge, and sometimes I had to just trust that the end result would be worth going through it all.1 -
@johunt615 thank you, you're right I doubt out food choices would be the same haha veggies are a struggle for me but im willing to learn and any help is welcome 1
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@pinkchick HA my kids felt the same so I put cheese and ranch dressing on veggies when they were little. My son is a very fit vegan and my daughter a marathoner who only eats lean chicken as her only meat with a ton of veggies. Boathouse yogurt classic ranch or cheese. Try it you might like it:).0
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courtneyfabulous wrote: »Hmm it worries me that you're using terms like "being good" and "giving in" and that you're comfort eating & eating when not hungry...
The thing that took me a long time to learn (but was also very nice to learn too) was that weight loss isn't about being "good" or "bad"... it's about being in a caloric deficit. You either are in a caloric deficit and are losing weight, or you're eating at maintenance calories and staying the same weight, or you're eating in a caloric surplus and gaining weight.
That's it.
If you can manage to take the emotion out of it it's so much easier! And if you just eat the correct amount of calories weight loss just happens- wether you eat candy bars or oatmeal.
I wish I knew all this the first time I lost weight. That time I was avoiding sugar and dairy and chocolate and alcohol and red meat and nuts and packaged foods... even salt! it was overly restrictive and when I would go off plan I would eat candy & macaroni & cheese in large quantities because I missed it so much... of course it's best for health to mostly eat healthy foods, but now I'm easily and consistently losing weight this time around while having a little bit of the foods I like in moderation along with healthy foods and within my daily calorie goal.
It really is just math. If you log and measure everything, rather than trying to be "good" (or feeling like you're being "bad" when you mess up), you can pretty much live a normal life and eat what you want and the weight still comes off. Just try to hit that daily calorie goal or get as close as you can. I find this relieves a lot of stress for me and keeps things simple. I hope it does for you too!
THIS^^^
Honestly, I couldn't have said it better. That's how I lost all the weight I lost. I didn't rule out any kind of food, just tried to "fit" it in my calorie goal. I don't know if it's still valid in the long run - lately, for example, I've been bingeing which is something that I never did, and failing miserably - but rather than depending on the "diet", I think it's a consequence of boredom, in my case.
Treats are good, no food whatsoever should be ruled out of your diet - just keep it in your calorie goal.1
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