Boyfriends standards of weight?
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you must be an internet troll trying to get a rise out of people on a health/fitness/personal improvement forum.
it you aren't and everything you're saying is true he doesn't need therapy you do.
you should seek therapy to work on your self esteem and to get to the root of why you would want to maintain a relationship with a person that treats you like this.
he is correct when he says he will treat you the way you let him. he wants to control every aspect of your life and to beat you down to the point that you will not question anything he says or does - the crazy thing is that you're letting him do this.
so why are you his door mat? what is lacking within yourself?2 -
CurlyCockney wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »CurlyCockney wrote: »There are people who happily consent to this kind of relationship, but consent is key.
TBH OP doesn't seem that bothered...
Agreed. At the beginning I was hoping that she was just sorting out her thoughts and probably didn't have anyone else to say this sort of thing to or get advice from. Now, not so much.
I've mostly been lurking on this one, but it does take a lot of strength and courage to walk away from this situation. If OP hasn't had strong adult figures in her life, this all seems conceivable to me. I guess because I grew up in an alcoholic home, endured physical abuse at school and came home to parents who didn't seem to care. I was happy to trade that in for a verbally abusive boyfriend (who later became sexually abusive), because I didn't believe that I deserved any better. This is neither a quick, nor easy process while you are in it. OP will either find her strength and get out, or she will suffer with escalating abuse. I hope that some of the stories shared here will help her find the strength within herself to leave.4 -
My stars OP. Your texts are so visceral, so base, so street. Where did the refined young teenager from MFP go? You must have been saving up all your fire for your man...
He prefers for me to talk like that, he doesn't like me to be logical, he said that women can't be logical and when it comes to him, as pathetic as it may seem, I just turn into my begging mode and yet I don't know why. However, some of you will be proud to know that I have gathered the courage (and it's really thanks to you guys, seriously) to ask him for a break at least and to break up if he doesn't change how he acts to me. His reaction was similar to the texts but about 10 times worse but I held my point. Going to see where it goes from here, I'll probably know what is going to happen better tomorrow or the day after.
He sounds curiously sexy in a very twisted, alternative-alpha, kinda way. I've thought this all along but didn't want to say it out loud. What if you were to, you know, pass him along to someone else? That would make it much easier on you to go your own way from here? That way you wouldn't have to worry about him being broken and crying and lonely. He'd be snug in a rug with somebody else and you'd be an increasingly distant memory and you could go pursue therapy.
I know this is a longshot, but do you think he'd be interested in a 49 year old overweight American woman who didn't vote for Hillary? His passion, his tenacity, and his crashing THUNDER rather excite me. Do you think he would consider me? If only as a segue into this next romantic project?
Hahaha, he doesn't like overweight people (as I mentioned at the beginning of the post), he supports Trump and thinks that the majority of Americans are stupid. (He stereotypes a lot)
I'm going for it being a joke and I'll say sure, give it a shot!
The majority of Americans voted for Trump, ergo... anyone who votes for Trump is stupid.
(I am not saying this to impart my opinion, only to point out he just called himself stupid if you put those two facts in the same sentence).
More people voted for Clinton than Trump. It's just that - due to how the Electoral Congress is - Trump won.
I clearly don't understand American politics lol. Luckily I don't need to know since I don't live there.0 -
nutmegoreo wrote: »CurlyCockney wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »CurlyCockney wrote: »There are people who happily consent to this kind of relationship, but consent is key.
TBH OP doesn't seem that bothered...
Agreed. At the beginning I was hoping that she was just sorting out her thoughts and probably didn't have anyone else to say this sort of thing to or get advice from. Now, not so much.
I've mostly been lurking on this one, but it does take a lot of strength and courage to walk away from this situation. If OP hasn't had strong adult figures in her life, this all seems conceivable to me. I guess because I grew up in an alcoholic home, endured physical abuse at school and came home to parents who didn't seem to care. I was happy to trade that in for a verbally abusive boyfriend (who later became sexually abusive), because I didn't believe that I deserved any better. This is neither a quick, nor easy process while you are in it. OP will either find her strength and get out, or she will suffer with escalating abuse. I hope that some of the stories shared her will help her find the strength within herself to leave.
sorry you went through this,I too grew up in an alcoholic home and my mother would beat me when I was a kid and mentally and verbally abuse me. I was also bullied by kids and teachers at school.my mother would abuse my dad and he would allow it, he wouldnt leave either,but most of it was he didnt want to leave us kids and back then the father didnt get custody as much. I can honestly say I knew when I would eventually leave home and get married I would not put up with the abuse. maybe I see it differently than you or the OP. I had low self esteem when I was younger too and anxiety,but my hubby of 25 years knows that if he were to treat me like this(or vice versa) I would be gone. my hubby loves me the way I am hes been with me through my thin years,fat years,sick years(severe depression). If a man loves you he will do anything to keep you and treat you like you should be treated.he wont put you down and think you need to be molded into anything.2 -
CharlieBeansmomTracey wrote: »nutmegoreo wrote: »CurlyCockney wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »CurlyCockney wrote: »There are people who happily consent to this kind of relationship, but consent is key.
TBH OP doesn't seem that bothered...
Agreed. At the beginning I was hoping that she was just sorting out her thoughts and probably didn't have anyone else to say this sort of thing to or get advice from. Now, not so much.
I've mostly been lurking on this one, but it does take a lot of strength and courage to walk away from this situation. If OP hasn't had strong adult figures in her life, this all seems conceivable to me. I guess because I grew up in an alcoholic home, endured physical abuse at school and came home to parents who didn't seem to care. I was happy to trade that in for a verbally abusive boyfriend (who later became sexually abusive), because I didn't believe that I deserved any better. This is neither a quick, nor easy process while you are in it. OP will either find her strength and get out, or she will suffer with escalating abuse. I hope that some of the stories shared her will help her find the strength within herself to leave.
sorry you went through this,I too grew up in an alcoholic home and my mother would beat me when I was a kid and mentally and verbally abuse me. I was also bullied by kids and teachers at school.my mother would abuse my dad and he would allow it, he wouldnt leave either,but most of it was he didnt want to leave us kids and back then the father didnt get custody as much. I can honestly say I knew when I would eventually leave home and get married I would not put up with the abuse. maybe I see it differently than you or the OP. I had low self esteem when I was younger too and anxiety,but my hubby of 25 years knows that if he were to treat me like this(or vice versa) I would be gone. my hubby loves me the way I am hes been with me through my thin years,fat years,sick years(severe depression). If a man loves you he will do anything to keep you and treat you like you should be treated.he wont put you down and think you need to be molded into anything.
Thank you for sharing and commiserating. All I'm saying is that the OP may need more time to wrap her head around it all, because it really isn't that easy to walk away when you are feeling worthless.
OP, you do know within yourself what you have to do. You do have the strength within yourself. It's there. I promise. Be smart, get counseling now. It will help you immensely.2 -
Surely he should love you not a number on a scale.
This is verbal abuse it's mental abuse and controlling.
Do yourself a favour forget about losing weight and think about losing him!0 -
i was a bad bf before but i still didn't call my gf those names , that is another level of messed up. sorry to see that0
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TavistockToad wrote: »CurlyCockney wrote: »There are people who happily consent to this kind of relationship, but consent is key.
TBH OP doesn't seem that bothered...
IF OP was in fact in a D/s relationship, she wouldn't have started this post, especially without his permission.0 -
OP.... *sigh*
I can't even, any more. You post asking for advice and don't even *kitten* bother after the numerous posts sharing experiences with very similar men/women.
I wouldn't even let a stranger talk that way to me.1 -
I have been following this thread since the beginning and am beginning to think its not real....if it is real the OP has been completely brainwashed and needs deprogramming but it seems to be too late for an intervention so I don't know why she keeps posting and each time posts more unbelievable stuff which brings me back to I don't think its real.6
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I have been following this thread since the beginning and am beginning to think its not real....if it is real the OP has been completely brainwashed and needs deprogramming but it seems to be too late for an intervention so I don't know why she keeps posting and each time posts more unbelievable stuff which brings me back to I don't think its real.
You know you might be right. It's like we now are playing her role in a dysfunctional relationship (pleading for change, begging, but not really ready to give up on her) and she is really the BF playing head trips.
Felicia, bye...!4 -
cerise_noir wrote: »OP.... *sigh*
I can't even, any more. You post asking for advice and don't even *kitten* bother after the numerous posts sharing experiences with very similar men/women.
I wouldn't even let a stranger talk that way to me.
It boggled my mind when I read the texts that anyone would think that is a normal way to speak to someone they're in a relationship with1 -
TavistockToad wrote: »cerise_noir wrote: »OP.... *sigh*
I can't even, any more. You post asking for advice and don't even *kitten* bother after the numerous posts sharing experiences with very similar men/women.
I wouldn't even let a stranger talk that way to me.
It boggled my mind when I read the texts that anyone would think that is a normal way to speak to someone they're in a relationship with
If my husband ever spoke to me like that, he'd be out on his *kitten* so fast. No way I'd ever put up with that level of disrespect.
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@Leaz947 - I think someone needs to be blunt with you.
You are being stupid. There is no reason for you to stay. There is a pattern of abuse in your history, which is why you probably think this is okay, but it is NOT.
So many people have asked you, but you have managed to not answer anyone - what is your reason for staying with him?
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He is an abuser and sounds to be enjoying his power over you. You are strong - just look at the way you can get on with losing weight on your own terms and to the degree you think best. If you stay with him - don't let his view affect your own. Hold firm.
He doesn't sound a great prize to the rest of us- his behaviour to you is shameful... or at best ignorant. However, if you really love him - and can remain tough - ignore the next suggestion as you might end up apart. He may not be as strong as you!
Suggestion:
You could always try teaching him a lesson by reversing the situation for a bit.
You did sound a little lukewarm about his body. What if you began to suggest that he is a little bit light for a real woman? Start being seen with pictures of men with muscles - point out attractive stars with bigger than life bodies. Look at him eating carbs and point out that chicken is what he should stick to!1 -
He calls you fat, idiot, retard, and you don't want to leave him? How low is your self-esteem? Do you WANT to be treated like that?1
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goodasgoldilox wrote: »He is an abuser and sounds to be enjoying his power over you. You are strong - just look at the way you can get on with losing weight on your own terms and to the degree you think best. If you stay with him - don't let his view affect your own. Hold firm.
He doesn't sound a great prize to the rest of us- his behaviour to you is shameful... or at best ignorant. However, if you really love him - and can remain tough - ignore the next suggestion as you might end up apart. He may not be as strong as you!
Suggestion:
You could always try teaching him a lesson by reversing the situation for a bit.
You did sound a little lukewarm about his body. What if you began to suggest that he is a little bit light for a real woman? Start being seen with pictures of men with muscles - point out attractive stars with bigger than life bodies. Look at him eating carbs and point out that chicken is what he should stick to!
If OP is legit, this is really bad advice and can be dangerous for OP.
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Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »goodasgoldilox wrote: »He is an abuser and sounds to be enjoying his power over you. You are strong - just look at the way you can get on with losing weight on your own terms and to the degree you think best. If you stay with him - don't let his view affect your own. Hold firm.
He doesn't sound a great prize to the rest of us- his behaviour to you is shameful... or at best ignorant. However, if you really love him - and can remain tough - ignore the next suggestion as you might end up apart. He may not be as strong as you!
Suggestion:
You could always try teaching him a lesson by reversing the situation for a bit.
You did sound a little lukewarm about his body. What if you began to suggest that he is a little bit light for a real woman? Start being seen with pictures of men with muscles - point out attractive stars with bigger than life bodies. Look at him eating carbs and point out that chicken is what he should stick to!
If OP is legit, this is really bad advice and can be dangerous for OP.
Agreed. If this is legit, the guy is unhinged and it doesn't take much to turn a verbal abuser into a physical one. Antagonising him will do nothing positive for the situation.5 -
I have been following this thread since the beginning and am beginning to think its not real....if it is real the OP has been completely brainwashed and needs deprogramming but it seems to be too late for an intervention so I don't know why she keeps posting and each time posts more unbelievable stuff which brings me back to I don't think its real.
I feel bad that you feel this way towards me and think that this is fake, I'm not sure what I feel worst about though, being accused of lying or that what I'm telling you guys is supposedly that bad that you are lead to think that.
Is there a way to change your opinion about me?0 -
I have to say, you people have the patience of a saint.
OP: I believe my great-uncle Eddie would have said, "Snit or get off the pot!"1
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