Boyfriends standards of weight?
Replies
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If you choose to stay with a person that is abusive, you are stuck with death being your best option. Otherwise, you are subjugating yourself to a lifetime filled with abuse. You are not going to change his way of thinking. He's not just going to magically wake up one day, and start to feel bad about what he is doing. He will continue to abuse you until you either leave him, or he kills you.1
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vikinglander wrote: »This is the thread that never ends...
That's because it's SO important! and prevalent in our world! The message needs to be hammered in...I hope this thread keep going!!!
Are you annoyed that people still need to voice their comments (and experiences) with abuse???
As the OP I'm the opposite of annoyed, I'm very grateful about everything and you guys are the reason that I'm still torn about my decision....
Are you serious?
I can't believe that you are blaming your decision to stay with an abusive person on a bunch of internet people who are saying the truth about the cycle of abuse.
Here's the deal. Unless he's gotten some serious therapy and figured out what is wrong with him and is working toward fixing that, he has not changed one single bit. He's lured you back, is keeping you in a honeymoon phase, but the abuse will start again.
I wish you the best of luck and, please, stay safe.
I think you misunderstood. She is not saying that people here drove her back to him, she is saying these comments are what is making her think about her choice to stay with him. Meaning she may still change her mind. At least that is what I got out of that.7 -
i really wanted a happy ending here. the one where the she tells prince not-so-*kitten*-charming to get lost and rides off into the sunset under rainbows of self-worth.4
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jessiferrrb wrote: »i really wanted a happy ending here. the one where the she tells prince not-so-*kitten*-charming to get lost and rides off into the sunset under rainbows of self-worth.
Having a daughter, one of the best things I can do for her is show her her self worth, and also show her (as her father) the way a man should be expected to treat her. Hopefully, by the time she is ready to start dating, she won't settle for anything less than the love and respect that I've shown her.5 -
Flapjack_Mollases wrote: »jessiferrrb wrote: »i really wanted a happy ending here. the one where the she tells prince not-so-*kitten*-charming to get lost and rides off into the sunset under rainbows of self-worth.
Having a daughter, one of the best things I can do for her is show her her self worth, and also show her (as her father) the way a man should be expected to treat her. Hopefully, by the time she is ready to start dating, she won't settle for anything less than the love and respect that I've shown her.
My neighbor has a daughter who is 7 years old. He talks to her like you wouldn't believe. telling her to shut the eff up, tie your effing shoes, etc... barking and snarling at her always. He says, "You gotta talk to the girls like that." I don't want to know how comfortable that child will become with verbal abuse. As a father the way you treat your daughter will be a major factor in what they will think they deserve. You could not be more right about that.4 -
Run and don't look back, he sound's like a real loser!!!!0
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WinoGelato wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »I think it's sweet that people are still trying to help OP but since she hasn't been back in weeks, I think she either:
Decided to stay with her boyfriend and ignore all this great advice
Wasn't genuine to begin with
Alternative scenario which is depressing to consider so let's just assume it's option one or two....
Those aren't the only possibilities. There are some pretty terrible ones.
That was my "alternative scenario too depressing to consider so let's hope for option 1 or 2"
Sadly it sounds like she went with Option 1...
Oh yes. Sorry I mis-read and ended up saying the same thing as you.0 -
I am sorry he is doing this to you. I know it's tough as I have been there. But you deserve better and need to tell him to beat it. This is not love it's controlling and abusive. I really hope you can leave him. You deserve it!
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Dear OP:
Don't get pregnant.
Don't get pregnant.
Don't get pregnant.
Be 100% sure you don't get pregnant by being utterly in control of your own fertility using reliable techniques that are 100% within your control rather than his.
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Flapjack_Mollases wrote: »If you choose to stay with a person that is abusive, you are stuck with death being your best option. Otherwise, you are subjugating yourself to a lifetime filled with abuse. You are not going to change his way of thinking. He's not just going to magically wake up one day, and start to feel bad about what he is doing. He will continue to abuse you until you either leave him, or he kills you.
Seriously, could we just back up a moment here. Although I'm still not convinced of the veracity of this thread, according to the story, she's been with him for years and he's yet to lay a hand on her or threaten her with violence. I'm not reviewing all 16 pages of this pulp to verify this but I've been following the thread from the beginning and I'm pretty sure this is the case.
Sheesh.
I know, I know. It's politically correct to forecast catastrophe when a man shows some controlling characteristics in his relationship with a woman. But for Heaven's sake. People are innocent until proven guilty too. At least where I come from.
And most importantly - We've only heard ONE side of this story so far. One. I wonder what boyfriend would have to say about her and the dynamics of their relationship if he was fairly given his say on this thread. We won't find out though. This is strictly a one sided story.
Abuse doesn't always grow from verbal into physical, of this I will agree.
However; even if this isn't entirely true in the narrative; it is her truth and that's where the issue is. If this is how she is perceiving her relationship with this dude; it's not healthy. It may very well not be as bad as all that, but that is her truth, yeah? Either way; it's a dead end.2 -
Flapjack_Mollases wrote: »If you choose to stay with a person that is abusive, you are stuck with death being your best option. Otherwise, you are subjugating yourself to a lifetime filled with abuse. You are not going to change his way of thinking. He's not just going to magically wake up one day, and start to feel bad about what he is doing. He will continue to abuse you until you either leave him, or he kills you.
Seriously, could we just back up a moment here. Although I'm still not convinced of the veracity of this thread, according to the story, she's been with him for years and he's yet to lay a hand on her or threaten her with violence. I'm not reviewing all 16 pages of this pulp to verify this but I've been following the thread from the beginning and I'm pretty sure this is the case.
Sheesh.
I know, I know. It's politically correct to forecast catastrophe when a man shows some controlling characteristics in his relationship with a woman. But for Heaven's sake. People are innocent until proven guilty too. At least where I come from.
And most importantly - We've only heard ONE side of this story so far. One. I wonder what boyfriend would have to say about her and the dynamics of their relationship if he was fairly given his say on this thread. We won't find out though. This is strictly a one sided story.
Posts like this are why some domestic violence victims end up dead. Because they're not believed. Because "it's just one side of the story". Because "he's innocent until proven guilty". Because "he hasn't laid a hand on her" despite being extremely verbally and emotionally abusive and controlling for two years.
Because an ADULT MAN started a relationship with a SIXTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL and has been abusing her ever since. Yeah? You're okay with that? I'm sure as hell not.7 -
Perhaps you are afraid he won't agree or understand, and that you will hurt his feelings? Your wellbeing is very important, as you can see by all these people trying to reach out to help you. If you do not feel you have the strength to confront this issue, then you may just have to say it like it is and leave, even if he does not understand. It is not against the rules. It is okay to ask for help. If you are still living with your parents and you trust them, you can talk to them. Or if you have another adult in your life that you trust more, please talk to them about it. Send a text asking to meet up over coffee, somewhere public so that if he gets mad, you will still be safe and can leave when you want, and tell someone where you are and when to expect you to be home. If you feel unsafe, that he will stalk you or hassle you, and you don't have a big brother or someone to watch out for you, that is when you talk to the police. In Australia, they can issue an "AVO" ("apprehended violence order"), which basically prevents the named person from legally being in your vicinity. Your safety and wellbeing are very important, and if no one else is there to help you to make these decisions, I do hope that you may find the courage to take the risk. In a year's time you will look back and be glad that you didn't keep waiting for something worse to happen xx1
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Flapjack_Mollases wrote: »If you choose to stay with a person that is abusive, you are stuck with death being your best option. Otherwise, you are subjugating yourself to a lifetime filled with abuse. You are not going to change his way of thinking. He's not just going to magically wake up one day, and start to feel bad about what he is doing. He will continue to abuse you until you either leave him, or he kills you.
Seriously, could we just back up a moment here. Although I'm still not convinced of the veracity of this thread, according to the story, she's been with him for years and he's yet to lay a hand on her or threaten her with violence. I'm not reviewing all 16 pages of this pulp to verify this but I've been following the thread from the beginning and I'm pretty sure this is the case.
Sheesh.
I know, I know. It's politically correct to forecast catastrophe when a man shows some controlling characteristics in his relationship with a woman. But for Heaven's sake. People are innocent until proven guilty too. At least where I come from.
And most importantly - We've only heard ONE side of this story so far. One. I wonder what boyfriend would have to say about her and the dynamics of their relationship if he was fairly given his say on this thread. We won't find out though. This is strictly a one sided story.
Posts like this are why some domestic violence victims end up dead. Because they're not believed. Because "it's just one side of the story". Because "he's innocent until proven guilty". Because "he hasn't laid a hand on her" despite being extremely verbally and emotionally abusive and controlling for two years.
Because an ADULT MAN started a relationship with a SIXTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL and has been abusing her ever since. Yeah? You're okay with that? I'm sure as hell not.
I'm curious...did she say how old he was/is?
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Flapjack_Mollases wrote: »If you choose to stay with a person that is abusive, you are stuck with death being your best option. Otherwise, you are subjugating yourself to a lifetime filled with abuse. You are not going to change his way of thinking. He's not just going to magically wake up one day, and start to feel bad about what he is doing. He will continue to abuse you until you either leave him, or he kills you.
Seriously, could we just back up a moment here. Although I'm still not convinced of the veracity of this thread, according to the story, she's been with him for years and he's yet to lay a hand on her or threaten her with violence. I'm not reviewing all 16 pages of this pulp to verify this but I've been following the thread from the beginning and I'm pretty sure this is the case.
Sheesh.
I know, I know. It's politically correct to forecast catastrophe when a man shows some controlling characteristics in his relationship with a woman. But for Heaven's sake. People are innocent until proven guilty too. At least where I come from.
And most importantly - We've only heard ONE side of this story so far. One. I wonder what boyfriend would have to say about her and the dynamics of their relationship if he was fairly given his say on this thread. We won't find out though. This is strictly a one sided story.
Posts like this are why some domestic violence victims end up dead. Because they're not believed. Because "it's just one side of the story". Because "he's innocent until proven guilty". Because "he hasn't laid a hand on her" despite being extremely verbally and emotionally abusive and controlling for two years.
Because an ADULT MAN started a relationship with a SIXTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL and has been abusing her ever since. Yeah? You're okay with that? I'm sure as hell not.
I'm curious...did she say how old he was/is?
She mentioned he was three years older than she is. OP has said she is eighteen. That means if the relationship has been going for two years, she was 16 (and only a year out of home where she had also been abused) and he was 19 and an adult.1 -
Flapjack_Mollases wrote: »If you choose to stay with a person that is abusive, you are stuck with death being your best option. Otherwise, you are subjugating yourself to a lifetime filled with abuse. You are not going to change his way of thinking. He's not just going to magically wake up one day, and start to feel bad about what he is doing. He will continue to abuse you until you either leave him, or he kills you.
Seriously, could we just back up a moment here. Although I'm still not convinced of the veracity of this thread, according to the story, she's been with him for years and he's yet to lay a hand on her or threaten her with violence. I'm not reviewing all 16 pages of this pulp to verify this but I've been following the thread from the beginning and I'm pretty sure this is the case.
Sheesh.
I know, I know. It's politically correct to forecast catastrophe when a man shows some controlling characteristics in his relationship with a woman. But for Heaven's sake. People are innocent until proven guilty too. At least where I come from.
And most importantly - We've only heard ONE side of this story so far. One. I wonder what boyfriend would have to say about her and the dynamics of their relationship if he was fairly given his say on this thread. We won't find out though. This is strictly a one sided story.
Posts like this are why some domestic violence victims end up dead. Because they're not believed. Because "it's just one side of the story". Because "he's innocent until proven guilty". Because "he hasn't laid a hand on her" despite being extremely verbally and emotionally abusive and controlling for two years.
Because an ADULT MAN started a relationship with a SIXTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL and has been abusing her ever since. Yeah? You're okay with that? I'm sure as hell not.
I'm curious...did she say how old he was/is?
Also you can go to her profile to find that information.0 -
Flapjack_Mollases wrote: »If you choose to stay with a person that is abusive, you are stuck with death being your best option. Otherwise, you are subjugating yourself to a lifetime filled with abuse. You are not going to change his way of thinking. He's not just going to magically wake up one day, and start to feel bad about what he is doing. He will continue to abuse you until you either leave him, or he kills you.
Seriously, could we just back up a moment here. Although I'm still not convinced of the veracity of this thread, according to the story, she's been with him for years and he's yet to lay a hand on her or threaten her with violence. I'm not reviewing all 16 pages of this pulp to verify this but I've been following the thread from the beginning and I'm pretty sure this is the case.
Sheesh.
I know, I know. It's politically correct to forecast catastrophe when a man shows some controlling characteristics in his relationship with a woman. But for Heaven's sake. People are innocent until proven guilty too. At least where I come from.
And most importantly - We've only heard ONE side of this story so far. One. I wonder what boyfriend would have to say about her and the dynamics of their relationship if he was fairly given his say on this thread. We won't find out though. This is strictly a one sided story.
Posts like this are why some domestic violence victims end up dead. Because they're not believed. Because "it's just one side of the story". Because "he's innocent until proven guilty". Because "he hasn't laid a hand on her" despite being extremely verbally and emotionally abusive and controlling for two years.
Because an ADULT MAN started a relationship with a SIXTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL and has been abusing her ever since. Yeah? You're okay with that? I'm sure as hell not.
I'm curious...did she say how old he was/is?
She mentioned he was three years older than she is. OP has said she is eighteen. That means if the relationship has been going for two years, she was 16 (and only a year out of home where she had also been abused) and he was 19 and an adult.
Thanks - now it's even worse...0 -
Flapjack_Mollases wrote: »If you choose to stay with a person that is abusive, you are stuck with death being your best option. Otherwise, you are subjugating yourself to a lifetime filled with abuse. You are not going to change his way of thinking. He's not just going to magically wake up one day, and start to feel bad about what he is doing. He will continue to abuse you until you either leave him, or he kills you.
Seriously, could we just back up a moment here. Although I'm still not convinced of the veracity of this thread, according to the story, she's been with him for years and he's yet to lay a hand on her or threaten her with violence. I'm not reviewing all 16 pages of this pulp to verify this but I've been following the thread from the beginning and I'm pretty sure this is the case.
Sheesh.
I know, I know. It's politically correct to forecast catastrophe when a man shows some controlling characteristics in his relationship with a woman. But for Heaven's sake. People are innocent until proven guilty too. At least where I come from.
And most importantly - We've only heard ONE side of this story so far. One. I wonder what boyfriend would have to say about her and the dynamics of their relationship if he was fairly given his say on this thread. We won't find out though. This is strictly a one sided story.
Posts like this are why some domestic violence victims end up dead. Because they're not believed. Because "it's just one side of the story". Because "he's innocent until proven guilty". Because "he hasn't laid a hand on her" despite being extremely verbally and emotionally abusive and controlling for two years.
Because an ADULT MAN started a relationship with a SIXTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL and has been abusing her ever since. Yeah? You're okay with that? I'm sure as hell not.
I've been perusing this post over several pages. First and foremost, I'm in agreement that this guy is no good from what I've read. While *ahem* "unpleasant", it's best to get out. You are 16; this is not the last relationship you'll ever have, nor will it be the best. Find someone better. Or don't even worry that much about it yet; dating isn't that important at 16 (assuming the age I'm reading here is correct).
That being said though: @newmeadow is kinda right. We are getting one side of the story, and we can't crucify someone because of that. But psychological/emotional abuse is just as real as physical, and appears to be happening in this case. @misskarne, honest truth is while you say posts like newmeadow's are the reason domestic violence victims end up dead, posts like yours are the reasons that men don't report domestic abuse even though a guardian report (granted, 2010) indicated that 40% of domestic violence victims can be male. You want to talk about not believing a woman saying she's abused? Men victims can be worse in that department. "Oh, you're a big guy. Why can't you handle it yourself? Not man enough to stand up to your woman?" Even if it's emotional: "Awwww, did she hurt your feelings? Better go find your [ahem; male anatomy] and get them reattached" All things that guys can hear ringing in their heads right now. And I don't think it's fair that someone gets railroaded for expressing that we might not know everything that's going on.
I understand that this last part is likely a little beyond the scope of this thread, but it's a related topic; I felt a little on the defensive just as a man reading misskarne's response. Domestic abuse (psychological, emotional, or physical) is an issue that affects all genders, sexualities, and ages. In this case, I think the OP needs to get out. Bigger and better things ahead. But let's not antagonize someone trying to get at the entire story1 -
ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken wrote: »vikinglander wrote: »This is the thread that never ends...
That's because it's SO important! and prevalent in our world! The message needs to be hammered in...I hope this thread keep going!!!
Are you annoyed that people still need to voice their comments (and experiences) with abuse???
As the OP I'm the opposite of annoyed, I'm very grateful about everything and you guys are the reason that I'm still torn about my decision....
Are you serious?
I can't believe that you are blaming your decision to stay with an abusive person on a bunch of internet people who are saying the truth about the cycle of abuse.
Here's the deal. Unless he's gotten some serious therapy and figured out what is wrong with him and is working toward fixing that, he has not changed one single bit. He's lured you back, is keeping you in a honeymoon phase, but the abuse will start again.
I wish you the best of luck and, please, stay safe.
I think you misunderstood. She is not saying that people here drove her back to him, she is saying these comments are what is making her think about her choice to stay with him. Meaning she may still change her mind. At least that is what I got out of that.
Thank you. You could be right. My apologies to the OP if I misunderstood. Please get out as soon as you can.3 -
He is not the one for you. Your weight is very normal for your height.
I have been the same position, even my husband a few weeks ago called me fat with his huge belly sticking out.
I told him he was the "Pot calling the kettle black".
Tell your boyfriend you want a taller more muscular man!
There are plenty of plus size women out there and I am sure their boyfriends or husbands love them unconditionally.
When I was thin there were still issues. I don't think weight has anything to do with a relationship.
Although since I have taken some weight off and started exercising on a regular basis. I feel better, but I am doing this for my health and well being. I say you are just fine.
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weebeejamin wrote: »Tell your boyfriend you want a taller more muscular man!
For goodness' sake I wish people would stop giving the OP this patently dangerous advice.3 -
Flapjack_Mollases wrote: »If you choose to stay with a person that is abusive, you are stuck with death being your best option. Otherwise, you are subjugating yourself to a lifetime filled with abuse. You are not going to change his way of thinking. He's not just going to magically wake up one day, and start to feel bad about what he is doing. He will continue to abuse you until you either leave him, or he kills you.
Seriously, could we just back up a moment here. Although I'm still not convinced of the veracity of this thread, according to the story, she's been with him for years and he's yet to lay a hand on her or threaten her with violence. I'm not reviewing all 16 pages of this pulp to verify this but I've been following the thread from the beginning and I'm pretty sure this is the case.
Sheesh.
I know, I know. It's politically correct to forecast catastrophe when a man shows some controlling characteristics in his relationship with a woman. But for Heaven's sake. People are innocent until proven guilty too. At least where I come from.
And most importantly - We've only heard ONE side of this story so far. One. I wonder what boyfriend would have to say about her and the dynamics of their relationship if he was fairly given his say on this thread. We won't find out though. This is strictly a one sided story.
Posts like this are why some domestic violence victims end up dead. Because they're not believed. Because "it's just one side of the story". Because "he's innocent until proven guilty". Because "he hasn't laid a hand on her" despite being extremely verbally and emotionally abusive and controlling for two years.
Because an ADULT MAN started a relationship with a SIXTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL and has been abusing her ever since. Yeah? You're okay with that? I'm sure as hell not.
I've been perusing this post over several pages. First and foremost, I'm in agreement that this guy is no good from what I've read. While *ahem* "unpleasant", it's best to get out. You are 16; this is not the last relationship you'll ever have, nor will it be the best. Find someone better. Or don't even worry that much about it yet; dating isn't that important at 16 (assuming the age I'm reading here is correct).
The OP is now 18 - she started dating him when she was 16-
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Encouraging you have a healthier lifestyle would be okay but he is being insulting a discouraging and putting you down. You shouldn't be with him.0
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1. Gain a backbone
2. Lose 158 pounds by dumping his *kitten*.
I was 220 pounds. 40 pounds heavier then my boyfriend and he told me I was beautiful, even when i knew I wasn't. 50 pounds lost later and still losing, he's still reminding me how beautiful I've always been.0 -
Flapjack_Mollases wrote: »If you choose to stay with a person that is abusive, you are stuck with death being your best option. Otherwise, you are subjugating yourself to a lifetime filled with abuse. You are not going to change his way of thinking. He's not just going to magically wake up one day, and start to feel bad about what he is doing. He will continue to abuse you until you either leave him, or he kills you.
Seriously, could we just back up a moment here. Although I'm still not convinced of the veracity of this thread, according to the story, she's been with him for years and he's yet to lay a hand on her or threaten her with violence. I'm not reviewing all 16 pages of this pulp to verify this but I've been following the thread from the beginning and I'm pretty sure this is the case.
Sheesh.
I know, I know. It's politically correct to forecast catastrophe when a man shows some controlling characteristics in his relationship with a woman. But for Heaven's sake. People are innocent until proven guilty too. At least where I come from.
And most importantly - We've only heard ONE side of this story so far. One. I wonder what boyfriend would have to say about her and the dynamics of their relationship if he was fairly given his say on this thread. We won't find out though. This is strictly a one sided story.
Posts like this are why some domestic violence victims end up dead. Because they're not believed. Because "it's just one side of the story". Because "he's innocent until proven guilty". Because "he hasn't laid a hand on her" despite being extremely verbally and emotionally abusive and controlling for two years.
Because an ADULT MAN started a relationship with a SIXTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL and has been abusing her ever since. Yeah? You're okay with that? I'm sure as hell not.
I've been perusing this post over several pages. First and foremost, I'm in agreement that this guy is no good from what I've read. While *ahem* "unpleasant", it's best to get out. You are 16; this is not the last relationship you'll ever have, nor will it be the best. Find someone better. Or don't even worry that much about it yet; dating isn't that important at 16 (assuming the age I'm reading here is correct).
That being said though: @newmeadow is kinda right. We are getting one side of the story, and we can't crucify someone because of that. But psychological/emotional abuse is just as real as physical, and appears to be happening in this case. @misskarne, honest truth is while you say posts like newmeadow's are the reason domestic violence victims end up dead, posts like yours are the reasons that men don't report domestic abuse even though a guardian report (granted, 2010) indicated that 40% of domestic violence victims can be male. You want to talk about not believing a woman saying she's abused? Men victims can be worse in that department. "Oh, you're a big guy. Why can't you handle it yourself? Not man enough to stand up to your woman?" Even if it's emotional: "Awwww, did she hurt your feelings? Better go find your [ahem; male anatomy] and get them reattached" All things that guys can hear ringing in their heads right now. And I don't think it's fair that someone gets railroaded for expressing that we might not know everything that's going on.
I understand that this last part is likely a little beyond the scope of this thread, but it's a related topic; I felt a little on the defensive just as a man reading misskarne's response. Domestic abuse (psychological, emotional, or physical) is an issue that affects all genders, sexualities, and ages. In this case, I think the OP needs to get out. Bigger and better things ahead. But let's not antagonize someone trying to get at the entire story
Before anyone starts, I don't abuse him, I would never do that since I saw it first hand when I was young.
I lived with my step-dad and my mother at one point and while she was out with other men he would still look after me and make me feel like I actually had a parent since I barely saw her.
What did she do in return? Cause him to cry his eyes out by insulting him that much and punching him in the face whenever she got angry, he left her in the end. it got so bad that he literally took a bike, a hundred euros and left and became homeless for a couple of months. Thankfully now he has a hoke, a new girlfriend, the motorbike he always wantes, etc. and I feel so proud of him.
When people say that men who are abused are "sissys" or it's different for them because they are men it makes me so angry. The only difference that there may be is that the man might be slightly physically stronger than the woman but that is it.3 -
Flapjack_Mollases wrote: »If you choose to stay with a person that is abusive, you are stuck with death being your best option. Otherwise, you are subjugating yourself to a lifetime filled with abuse. You are not going to change his way of thinking. He's not just going to magically wake up one day, and start to feel bad about what he is doing. He will continue to abuse you until you either leave him, or he kills you.
Seriously, could we just back up a moment here. Although I'm still not convinced of the veracity of this thread, according to the story, she's been with him for years and he's yet to lay a hand on her or threaten her with violence. I'm not reviewing all 16 pages of this pulp to verify this but I've been following the thread from the beginning and I'm pretty sure this is the case.
Sheesh.
I know, I know. It's politically correct to forecast catastrophe when a man shows some controlling characteristics in his relationship with a woman. But for Heaven's sake. People are innocent until proven guilty too. At least where I come from.
And most importantly - We've only heard ONE side of this story so far. One. I wonder what boyfriend would have to say about her and the dynamics of their relationship if he was fairly given his say on this thread. We won't find out though. This is strictly a one sided story.
Posts like this are why some domestic violence victims end up dead. Because they're not believed. Because "it's just one side of the story". Because "he's innocent until proven guilty". Because "he hasn't laid a hand on her" despite being extremely verbally and emotionally abusive and controlling for two years.
Because an ADULT MAN started a relationship with a SIXTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL and has been abusing her ever since. Yeah? You're okay with that? I'm sure as hell not.
I've been perusing this post over several pages. First and foremost, I'm in agreement that this guy is no good from what I've read. While *ahem* "unpleasant", it's best to get out. You are 16; this is not the last relationship you'll ever have, nor will it be the best. Find someone better. Or don't even worry that much about it yet; dating isn't that important at 16 (assuming the age I'm reading here is correct).
That being said though: @newmeadow is kinda right. We are getting one side of the story, and we can't crucify someone because of that. But psychological/emotional abuse is just as real as physical, and appears to be happening in this case. @misskarne, honest truth is while you say posts like newmeadow's are the reason domestic violence victims end up dead, posts like yours are the reasons that men don't report domestic abuse even though a guardian report (granted, 2010) indicated that 40% of domestic violence victims can be male. You want to talk about not believing a woman saying she's abused? Men victims can be worse in that department. "Oh, you're a big guy. Why can't you handle it yourself? Not man enough to stand up to your woman?" Even if it's emotional: "Awwww, did she hurt your feelings? Better go find your [ahem; male anatomy] and get them reattached" All things that guys can hear ringing in their heads right now. And I don't think it's fair that someone gets railroaded for expressing that we might not know everything that's going on.
I understand that this last part is likely a little beyond the scope of this thread, but it's a related topic; I felt a little on the defensive just as a man reading misskarne's response. Domestic abuse (psychological, emotional, or physical) is an issue that affects all genders, sexualities, and ages. In this case, I think the OP needs to get out. Bigger and better things ahead. But let's not antagonize someone trying to get at the entire story
Before anyone starts, I don't abuse him, I would never do that since I saw it first hand when I was young.
I lived with my step-dad and my mother at one point and while she was out with other men he would still look after me and make me feel like I actually had a parent since I barely saw her.
What did she do in return? Cause him to cry his eyes out by insulting him that much and punching him in the face whenever she got angry, he left her in the end. it got so bad that he literally took a bike, a hundred euros and left and became homeless for a couple of months. Thankfully now he has a hoke, a new girlfriend, the motorbike he always wantes, etc. and I feel so proud of him.
When people say that men who are abused are "sissys" or it's different for them because they are men it makes me so angry. The only difference that there may be is that the man might be slightly physically stronger than the woman but that is it.
Sad that you don't see this for your own life.7 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »Flapjack_Mollases wrote: »If you choose to stay with a person that is abusive, you are stuck with death being your best option. Otherwise, you are subjugating yourself to a lifetime filled with abuse. You are not going to change his way of thinking. He's not just going to magically wake up one day, and start to feel bad about what he is doing. He will continue to abuse you until you either leave him, or he kills you.
Seriously, could we just back up a moment here. Although I'm still not convinced of the veracity of this thread, according to the story, she's been with him for years and he's yet to lay a hand on her or threaten her with violence. I'm not reviewing all 16 pages of this pulp to verify this but I've been following the thread from the beginning and I'm pretty sure this is the case.
Sheesh.
I know, I know. It's politically correct to forecast catastrophe when a man shows some controlling characteristics in his relationship with a woman. But for Heaven's sake. People are innocent until proven guilty too. At least where I come from.
And most importantly - We've only heard ONE side of this story so far. One. I wonder what boyfriend would have to say about her and the dynamics of their relationship if he was fairly given his say on this thread. We won't find out though. This is strictly a one sided story.
Posts like this are why some domestic violence victims end up dead. Because they're not believed. Because "it's just one side of the story". Because "he's innocent until proven guilty". Because "he hasn't laid a hand on her" despite being extremely verbally and emotionally abusive and controlling for two years.
Because an ADULT MAN started a relationship with a SIXTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL and has been abusing her ever since. Yeah? You're okay with that? I'm sure as hell not.
I've been perusing this post over several pages. First and foremost, I'm in agreement that this guy is no good from what I've read. While *ahem* "unpleasant", it's best to get out. You are 16; this is not the last relationship you'll ever have, nor will it be the best. Find someone better. Or don't even worry that much about it yet; dating isn't that important at 16 (assuming the age I'm reading here is correct).
That being said though: @newmeadow is kinda right. We are getting one side of the story, and we can't crucify someone because of that. But psychological/emotional abuse is just as real as physical, and appears to be happening in this case. @misskarne, honest truth is while you say posts like newmeadow's are the reason domestic violence victims end up dead, posts like yours are the reasons that men don't report domestic abuse even though a guardian report (granted, 2010) indicated that 40% of domestic violence victims can be male. You want to talk about not believing a woman saying she's abused? Men victims can be worse in that department. "Oh, you're a big guy. Why can't you handle it yourself? Not man enough to stand up to your woman?" Even if it's emotional: "Awwww, did she hurt your feelings? Better go find your [ahem; male anatomy] and get them reattached" All things that guys can hear ringing in their heads right now. And I don't think it's fair that someone gets railroaded for expressing that we might not know everything that's going on.
I understand that this last part is likely a little beyond the scope of this thread, but it's a related topic; I felt a little on the defensive just as a man reading misskarne's response. Domestic abuse (psychological, emotional, or physical) is an issue that affects all genders, sexualities, and ages. In this case, I think the OP needs to get out. Bigger and better things ahead. But let's not antagonize someone trying to get at the entire story
Before anyone starts, I don't abuse him, I would never do that since I saw it first hand when I was young.
I lived with my step-dad and my mother at one point and while she was out with other men he would still look after me and make me feel like I actually had a parent since I barely saw her.
What did she do in return? Cause him to cry his eyes out by insulting him that much and punching him in the face whenever she got angry, he left her in the end. it got so bad that he literally took a bike, a hundred euros and left and became homeless for a couple of months. Thankfully now he has a hoke, a new girlfriend, the motorbike he always wantes, etc. and I feel so proud of him.
When people say that men who are abused are "sissys" or it's different for them because they are men it makes me so angry. The only difference that there may be is that the man might be slightly physically stronger than the woman but that is it.
Sad that you don't see this for your own life.
Isn't that typically how it works for all of us in life?
Plus the fact that @Leaz947 began this thread because she had/has doubts and is looking for help. When someone grows up in an abusive situation it's not uncommon for them to then become either the abuser or the abused person in a relationship. It happens quite often, it's all some ppl know, it's what they grew up with in their household.
If you don't know something else, you don't know it. OP was a very young girl when this all began and went from one abusive household to another. Nothing in between to learn what a healthy relationship looks like. A strong bond forms (albeit unhealthy) in abusive relationships that doesn't break easily. Is it healthy? Heck, NO but if it's all one knows, it would be scary to leave that not knowing what else is out there. That's often why some stay and even when they leave they return a number of times before they leave for good. Hopefully alive and safe with the help of others. The most dangerous time for a Women is when she is trying to leave her abuser.
@Leaz947
I'm really proud of you not only for seeking out help/checking in by beginning this thread but by checking back and continuing to see what others share & suggest. I think when your mind is ready to make the healthy decision for yourself, you'll make it.2 -
Hearts_2015 wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »Flapjack_Mollases wrote: »If you choose to stay with a person that is abusive, you are stuck with death being your best option. Otherwise, you are subjugating yourself to a lifetime filled with abuse. You are not going to change his way of thinking. He's not just going to magically wake up one day, and start to feel bad about what he is doing. He will continue to abuse you until you either leave him, or he kills you.
Seriously, could we just back up a moment here. Although I'm still not convinced of the veracity of this thread, according to the story, she's been with him for years and he's yet to lay a hand on her or threaten her with violence. I'm not reviewing all 16 pages of this pulp to verify this but I've been following the thread from the beginning and I'm pretty sure this is the case.
Sheesh.
I know, I know. It's politically correct to forecast catastrophe when a man shows some controlling characteristics in his relationship with a woman. But for Heaven's sake. People are innocent until proven guilty too. At least where I come from.
And most importantly - We've only heard ONE side of this story so far. One. I wonder what boyfriend would have to say about her and the dynamics of their relationship if he was fairly given his say on this thread. We won't find out though. This is strictly a one sided story.
Posts like this are why some domestic violence victims end up dead. Because they're not believed. Because "it's just one side of the story". Because "he's innocent until proven guilty". Because "he hasn't laid a hand on her" despite being extremely verbally and emotionally abusive and controlling for two years.
Because an ADULT MAN started a relationship with a SIXTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL and has been abusing her ever since. Yeah? You're okay with that? I'm sure as hell not.
I've been perusing this post over several pages. First and foremost, I'm in agreement that this guy is no good from what I've read. While *ahem* "unpleasant", it's best to get out. You are 16; this is not the last relationship you'll ever have, nor will it be the best. Find someone better. Or don't even worry that much about it yet; dating isn't that important at 16 (assuming the age I'm reading here is correct).
That being said though: @newmeadow is kinda right. We are getting one side of the story, and we can't crucify someone because of that. But psychological/emotional abuse is just as real as physical, and appears to be happening in this case. @misskarne, honest truth is while you say posts like newmeadow's are the reason domestic violence victims end up dead, posts like yours are the reasons that men don't report domestic abuse even though a guardian report (granted, 2010) indicated that 40% of domestic violence victims can be male. You want to talk about not believing a woman saying she's abused? Men victims can be worse in that department. "Oh, you're a big guy. Why can't you handle it yourself? Not man enough to stand up to your woman?" Even if it's emotional: "Awwww, did she hurt your feelings? Better go find your [ahem; male anatomy] and get them reattached" All things that guys can hear ringing in their heads right now. And I don't think it's fair that someone gets railroaded for expressing that we might not know everything that's going on.
I understand that this last part is likely a little beyond the scope of this thread, but it's a related topic; I felt a little on the defensive just as a man reading misskarne's response. Domestic abuse (psychological, emotional, or physical) is an issue that affects all genders, sexualities, and ages. In this case, I think the OP needs to get out. Bigger and better things ahead. But let's not antagonize someone trying to get at the entire story
Before anyone starts, I don't abuse him, I would never do that since I saw it first hand when I was young.
I lived with my step-dad and my mother at one point and while she was out with other men he would still look after me and make me feel like I actually had a parent since I barely saw her.
What did she do in return? Cause him to cry his eyes out by insulting him that much and punching him in the face whenever she got angry, he left her in the end. it got so bad that he literally took a bike, a hundred euros and left and became homeless for a couple of months. Thankfully now he has a hoke, a new girlfriend, the motorbike he always wantes, etc. and I feel so proud of him.
When people say that men who are abused are "sissys" or it's different for them because they are men it makes me so angry. The only difference that there may be is that the man might be slightly physically stronger than the woman but that is it.
Sad that you don't see this for your own life.
Isn't that typically how it works for all of us in life?
Yep. We only see it when we are on the outside looking in.1
This discussion has been closed.
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