Boyfriends standards of weight?

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Replies

  • DeficitDuchess
    DeficitDuchess Posts: 3,099 Member
    Enabling an abuser, means you're an abuser yourself; even if your victim's you!
  • nutmegoreo
    nutmegoreo Posts: 15,532 Member
    Leaz947 wrote: »
    ds41980 wrote: »
    I have been following this thread since the beginning and am beginning to think its not real....if it is real the OP has been completely brainwashed and needs deprogramming but it seems to be too late for an intervention so I don't know why she keeps posting and each time posts more unbelievable stuff which brings me back to I don't think its real.

    I feel bad that you feel this way towards me and think that this is fake, I'm not sure what I feel worst about though, being accused of lying or that what I'm telling you guys is supposedly that bad that you are lead to think that.
    Is there a way to change your opinion about me?

    Stop worrying about what others are thinking of you. I learned a long time ago, that what others think of me is none of my business. Worry about yourself.
  • fabulousmo
    fabulousmo Posts: 41 Member
    "how to drop 70 kgs FAST"
  • H_Ock12
    H_Ock12 Posts: 1,152 Member
    I would turn the tables on him....find negative things to say about him, his weight, his job, his intelligence, his manhood. Let him see how it feels to be demeaned.
  • Alyssa_Is_LosingIt
    Alyssa_Is_LosingIt Posts: 4,696 Member
    MotherOfSharpei wrote: »
    I would turn the tables on him....find negative things to say about him, his weight, his job, his intelligence, his manhood. Let him see how it feels to be demeaned.

    This has been addressed multiple times in the thread, and the general consensus is that this is dangerous advice.
  • DBrooks1979
    DBrooks1979 Posts: 350 Member
    @Leaz947 When are you gonna stop worrying about what people think about you.. when are you gonna worry about how you feel about YOURSELF!!!!

    Why besides "LOVE" are you staying with someone who is so rude and abusive and self centered and isn't getting any better.. You say your scared because he is your first real relationship... scared of hurting him if you leave... but he sure doesn't seem scared of losing you or scared of hurting you with his words to you..never apologizes and accepts that he is at fault..

    Please I have said things here but I have also sent you a few messages privately about this... I can give advice but until "YOU" are ready to listen to the advice we are given and ask questions about what is we are saying if you don't understand.. we can't really help you..

    Think about it.. and think about your health and what "YOU" need...
  • Pottsey_x
    Pottsey_x Posts: 84 Member
    It's sad that you want to change your self and not the situation! There's nothing wrong with your body and to hell if that was my man I'd make HIM change! You want to be bigger than me babe then YOU best get yourself down the gym boy!!!
  • marm1962
    marm1962 Posts: 950 Member
    I have seen my mother get abused with her second husband and I don't have the patience for the people that allow that crap to keep going on....didn't have the patience with her either and I love her. So, either get out or don't. Plain and simple. Nobody here can convince you to get out, the choice is yours. But if you stay and have children, a little boy will grow up to act like his dad and treat his g/f the same way, and a little girl will grow up to allow men to abuse her and treat her like trash. Have fun and Good luck!
  • CharlieBeansmomTracey
    CharlieBeansmomTracey Posts: 7,682 Member
    MotherOfSharpei wrote: »
    I would turn the tables on him....find negative things to say about him, his weight, his job, his intelligence, his manhood. Let him see how it feels to be demeaned.

    so the answer is for her to treat him badly right back? she should stoop to his level(which is *kitten* sucking dirt out of a crack low)? this guy would probably hit her or worse, if she were to stoop to that level.treating someone they way they treat you when being abused is definitely NOT the answer. growing a set and getting counseling, and leaving is.men like him dont want a woman("their woman") to have any power,so they break them down little by little,get them away from friends and family and everything else that is familiar,they want women to rely on them and they get a power trip from being "in charge". once you start showing you can stand up for yourself or start "fighting back" it usually escalates into violence. so they can control and break you down more. turning the tables on him is very bad advice and should NOT be followed.
  • born_of_fire74
    born_of_fire74 Posts: 776 Member
    edited November 2016
    This being your very first relationship is all the more reason to DTMFA (dump the motherkitten already). You have zero perspective on what a relationship should be like. Listen to the people with perspective due to their life experience; the ones telling you a relationship should not be like yours. Seriously, DTMFA.
  • cerise_noir
    cerise_noir Posts: 5,468 Member
    edited November 2016
    MotherOfSharpei wrote: »
    I would turn the tables on him....find negative things to say about him, his weight, his job, his intelligence, his manhood. Let him see how it feels to be demeaned.
    goodasgoldilox wrote: »
    You did sound a little lukewarm about his body. What if you began to suggest that he is a little bit light for a real woman? Start being seen with pictures of men with muscles - point out attractive stars with bigger than life bodies. Look at him eating carbs and point out that chicken is what he should stick to!
    Nope, nope, nope...

    A recipe for a punch in the face.
  • KickassAmazon76
    KickassAmazon76 Posts: 4,678 Member
    Leaz947 wrote: »
    Hi guys! I spoke to him over text about it slightly (I already have done before) and he said that he will treat me however I want when I stop being lazy and when he can mold me into want he wants.
    The molding into what he wants thing started about 4 months ago and is really hard, he says that I'm not putting any effort into us and that I'm selfish and have a small brain just because I don't have knowledge about the world (he is extremely intelligent) he wants me to learn how things work and what things are and I do sometimes but not everyday, I don't want to spend everyday talking about quantum physics, sometimes I just want to relax and talk about nothing or simple things.
    Anyways, to put it simple 3 months ago he started telling me to stop debating things, two months ago he started to tell me that I am not allowed to speak until he is finished and that my opinion isn't valid and whenever I do it he ignores me and walk it of the room or ends the call if we are in a call. If I try to defend myself he calls me a *kitten* and big mouthed and that he doesn't want to be with someone like me yet I can't bring myself to leave him because, despite all this, I hope that he can get better and become who he once was...Does anyone recommend what I can do? Is therapy the only way?

    Get the hell out of there, before he starts beating you or starving you into being skinny.
  • KickassAmazon76
    KickassAmazon76 Posts: 4,678 Member
    Leaz947 wrote: »
    cheryldumais wrote: »
    If you marry this guy you will be stuck with him and I guarantee he won't get better. You can't DO anything to change him. If you are satisfied with the relationship this is what you will have. I weighed 251 pounds before I got my weight under control and my husband (married 42 years) told me he loved me just the way I was. That's a relationship worth working on. You can do better than a man who is as insecure as he is. Please reconsider.

    So many people are telling me of people like that, which sounds amazing but so much that it kind of seems unreal. I knlw that my current partner isn't the worst one out there and he doesn't physically harm me but what if I try and I end up with someone worse? I'm attached to him, I've been dating him for two years now..

    he doesn't physically harm me YET. His behavior is escalating and fast. I am pretty confident (coming from abusive history) that there will come a point in time where he DOES physically abuse you. At that point, you'll justify it by saying he didn't mean to, or he won't do it again. The damage to your psyche will be so deep - so much deeper than it is now.

    Please get counseling NOW, before the physical abuse starts, so that you find the courage to get out of there.
  • cerise_noir
    cerise_noir Posts: 5,468 Member
    Leaz947 wrote: »
    but what if I try and I end up with someone worse? I'm attached to him, I've been dating him for two years now..
    The only way you'll end up with worse is:
    1. You stay with him
    2. You go to your nearest prison, but even then, you may end up with better.

    Enough with the 'what if?' and just leave him. He will not magically be the person who you once knew. Ever.
  • JaydedMiss
    JaydedMiss Posts: 4,286 Member
    This has to be an attention seeking thing right? You obviously wrote it knowing everyone would say leave him....Theres nothing else anyone can say to that....yet you say you wont leave him right in front post....Wtf are we to do about it when you wont do anything
  • lynn_glenmont
    lynn_glenmont Posts: 10,097 Member
    Leaz947 wrote: »
    ds41980 wrote: »
    I have been following this thread since the beginning and am beginning to think its not real....if it is real the OP has been completely brainwashed and needs deprogramming but it seems to be too late for an intervention so I don't know why she keeps posting and each time posts more unbelievable stuff which brings me back to I don't think its real.

    I feel bad that you feel this way towards me and think that this is fake, I'm not sure what I feel worst about though, being accused of lying or that what I'm telling you guys is supposedly that bad that you are lead to think that.
    Is there a way to change your opinion about me?

    You have problems that are orders of magnitude worse than what strangers on the Internet think about you. You should focus you energy on figuring out how to extricate yourself from a disastrous and dangerous relationship. And, honestly, you aren't helping your partner by allowing him to think that people will accept being treated this way. Do you want him to end up in prison for domestic abuse and murder?
  • lynn_glenmont
    lynn_glenmont Posts: 10,097 Member
    After reading his texts, I think you have two choices:
    (1) Leave him because he is an abuser and he hates you.
    (2) Leave him because (he says) you're making him miserable. (If you love him so "dearly," why would you want to make him miserable?)
  • mumblemagic
    mumblemagic Posts: 1,090 Member
    edited November 2016
    VeryKatie wrote: »
    Leaz947 wrote: »
    newmeadow wrote: »
    Leaz947 wrote: »
    newmeadow wrote: »
    My stars OP. Your texts are so visceral, so base, so street. Where did the refined young teenager from MFP go? You must have been saving up all your fire for your man...

    He prefers for me to talk like that, he doesn't like me to be logical, he said that women can't be logical and when it comes to him, as pathetic as it may seem, I just turn into my begging mode and yet I don't know why. However, some of you will be proud to know that I have gathered the courage (and it's really thanks to you guys, seriously) to ask him for a break at least and to break up if he doesn't change how he acts to me. His reaction was similar to the texts but about 10 times worse but I held my point. Going to see where it goes from here, I'll probably know what is going to happen better tomorrow or the day after.

    He sounds curiously sexy in a very twisted, alternative-alpha, kinda way. I've thought this all along but didn't want to say it out loud. What if you were to, you know, pass him along to someone else? That would make it much easier on you to go your own way from here? That way you wouldn't have to worry about him being broken and crying and lonely. He'd be snug in a rug with somebody else and you'd be an increasingly distant memory and you could go pursue therapy.

    I know this is a longshot, but do you think he'd be interested in a 49 year old overweight American woman who didn't vote for Hillary? His passion, his tenacity, and his crashing THUNDER rather excite me. Do you think he would consider me? If only as a segue into this next romantic project?

    Hahaha, he doesn't like overweight people (as I mentioned at the beginning of the post), he supports Trump and thinks that the majority of Americans are stupid. (He stereotypes a lot)
    I'm going for it being a joke and I'll say sure, give it a shot!

    "The majority of Americans voted for Trump, ergo... anyone who votes for Trump is stupid."

    (I am not saying this to impart my opinion, only to point out he just called himself stupid if you put those two facts in the same sentence).

    Technically hillary won the majority of the popular vote but trump won enough in the right places to get the votes in the electoral college. Take a look at CGP gray's YouTube channel.

    Eta: that's not really the point of this thread though... apologies OP. Glad you've taken steps to fix it. Be warned though: a pattern amongst abusers is to promise to change, be good for a while, then slip back into old ways. Be prepared to take another break or preferably fully break up with him if this happens.

    Well done op! Good luck!
  • tiptoethruthetulips
    tiptoethruthetulips Posts: 3,372 Member
    Leaz947 wrote: »
    JaydedMiss wrote: »
    This has to be an attention seeking thing right? You obviously wrote it knowing everyone would say leave him....Theres nothing else anyone can say to that....yet you say you wont leave him right in front post....Wtf are we to do about it when you wont do anything

    I just told everyone that I asked for a break from him, which I currently am on. And that if he doesn't change it's over. I know that lots of you won't be happy with me just wanting a break but it's better than nothing and I can't cut off my ties completely with him yet.

    Change has to be ongoing. Break shouldn't be over until he can show he is getting help and getting ongoing help, as well as demonstrating an ongoing improvement in behaviour and attitude. It can't be he didn't swear at me this week so its all good again, because very likely within a week of getting together again his old behaviour will come back twofold.
  • Derpy_Hooves
    Derpy_Hooves Posts: 234 Member
    Well done @Leaz947 ! :)
  • timeforwork
    timeforwork Posts: 114 Member
    What happens if/ when kids happen? Would you want him to do this in front of them or even to them? Good luck in what ever you decide, no one can choose for you.x
  • stephrivas84
    stephrivas84 Posts: 40 Member
    I can tell you that you do not want to wake up 5 years from now and look back with regret for wasted time. Wasted on a person who does not love you fully. True love is unconditional and makes both better people. I have been married 4 years and known him for 7 and I still get excited (we call them butterflies in our stomachs) to text or see my husband. I have gained a lot of weight and he still tells me I am the most beautiful person and how lucky he is. My wish for you is that you can be the strong person you can be and love yourself. You deserve it. Take time for yourself to heal old and current wounds so they do not control your life. You never know what or who is around the corner so don't waste it on "lust" or "like". Look for knee buckling, crazy love.
  • lynn_glenmont
    lynn_glenmont Posts: 10,097 Member
    Leaz947 wrote: »
    JaydedMiss wrote: »
    This has to be an attention seeking thing right? You obviously wrote it knowing everyone would say leave him....Theres nothing else anyone can say to that....yet you say you wont leave him right in front post....Wtf are we to do about it when you wont do anything

    I just told everyone that I asked for a break from him, which I currently am on. And that if he doesn't change it's over. I know that lots of you won't be happy with me just wanting a break but it's better than nothing and I can't cut off my ties completely with him yet.

    It's a step in the right direction, so that's definitely a good thing. As @tiptoethuthetulips said, he needs to show real and ongoing progress before you should even consider trying to resume the relationship. And while you are not remotely in any way to blame for his behavior, it would be good for you to take time during this breakup to see a therapist or counselor who can help you understand why you're willing to tolerate this behavior and how you can find the inner resources to live your life without your abuser.
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
    edited November 2016
    .
  • DeviatedNorm
    DeviatedNorm Posts: 422 Member
    I'm so glad to hear you're at least taking a break. I know that at your age such a bold move would have been really difficult for me -- love is blinding against some really awful behavior.

    I hope that you eventually move past this guy, he sounds like a true turdnugget and I say that as someone who has a long history dating turdnuggets and failing at breaking up with them until their behavior just became awful. I really hope you don't get there, but this break is a great step of stopping that snowball.

    Best of luck. Know you deserve to be loved for being a kind, thoughtful, intelligent and hardworking person -- all these things come through your comments and may you find someone who cherishes you for these qualities and doesn't harp on you for things that really shouldn't be harped upon.
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