Boyfriends standards of weight?
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I am actually currently in the UK haha, thank you. I'm going to try and approach the matter the next time I see him in person as he is currently on a business trip. Wish me luck
This thread is still going strong, I see. I was hoping to come back after a few days to see the OP say "I did it!" Cue fireworks and rainbows. Guess I'll have to keep waiting. Good luck![/quote]
It might take months for me to do it if I'm completely honest with you, I really hate going out of my comfort zone and making decisions and that's a big one. I'll see how things go and if they don't turn into something better then I'll gather my courage to leave him...0 -
@Leaz947 obviously I'm not capable of Diagnosing you but I would say from personal experience that you might be experiencing some co-dependency and that is something you need to deal with on your own.... I've had to deal with this in my life and I am so much better for it
https://1solutionfocusedcoaching.com/2012/02/20/why-am-i-feeling-so-crazy-codependents-learning-from-their-narcissistic-partners/1 -
I am actually currently in the UK haha, thank you. I'm going to try and approach the matter the next time I see him in person as he is currently on a business trip. Wish me luck
This thread is still going strong, I see. I was hoping to come back after a few days to see the OP say "I did it!" Cue fireworks and rainbows. Guess I'll have to keep waiting. Good luck!
It might take months for me to do it if I'm completely honest with you, I really hate going out of my comfort zone and making decisions and that's a big one. I'll see how things go and if they don't turn into something better then I'll gather my courage to leave him...[/quote]
Do not wait months, go now.
Your "gathering courage" will mean further submission to him and what he wants, not you getting away. In 10 years you will look back with regret.2 -
It might take months for me to do it if I'm completely honest with you, I really hate going out of my comfort zone and making decisions and that's a big one. I'll see how things go and if they don't turn into something better then I'll gather my courage to leave him...
My God! You do need counseling and I'd suggest you get it quick. You're thinking of sacrificing your life for this guy? To save some future stranger? I think most other women would quickly send him packing and that's exactly what you should do. Not next week, not tomorrow, right this second. You seem to have no self esteem at all. You are not worthless - and there are guys out there who would love to have you the way you are and choose to be with you without having to mold you in to something they can live with.
Get out and start living life!
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Hi guys! I spoke to him over text about it slightly (I already have done before) and he said that he will treat me however I want when I stop being lazy and when he can mold me into want he wants.
The molding into what he wants thing started about 4 months ago and is really hard, he says that I'm not putting any effort into us and that I'm selfish and have a small brain just because I don't have knowledge about the world (he is extremely intelligent) he wants me to learn how things work and what things are and I do sometimes but not everyday, I don't want to spend everyday talking about quantum physics, sometimes I just want to relax and talk about nothing or simple things.
Anyways, to put it simple 3 months ago he started telling me to stop debating things, two months ago he started to tell me that I am not allowed to speak until he is finished and that my opinion isn't valid and whenever I do it he ignores me and walk it of the room or ends the call if we are in a call. If I try to defend myself he calls me a *kitten* and big mouthed and that he doesn't want to be with someone like me yet I can't bring myself to leave him because, despite all this, I hope that he can get better and become who he once was...Does anyone recommend what I can do? Is therapy the only way?
Therapy is something you need. But the ONLY WAY is to leave him now.0 -
Hi guys! I spoke to him over text about it slightly (I already have done before) and he said that he will treat me however I want when I stop being lazy and when he can mold me into want he wants.
The molding into what he wants thing started about 4 months ago and is really hard, he says that I'm not putting any effort into us and that I'm selfish and have a small brain just because I don't have knowledge about the world (he is extremely intelligent) he wants me to learn how things work and what things are and I do sometimes but not everyday, I don't want to spend everyday talking about quantum physics, sometimes I just want to relax and talk about nothing or simple things.
Anyways, to put it simple 3 months ago he started telling me to stop debating things, two months ago he started to tell me that I am not allowed to speak until he is finished and that my opinion isn't valid and whenever I do it he ignores me and walk it of the room or ends the call if we are in a call. If I try to defend myself he calls me a *kitten* and big mouthed and that he doesn't want to be with someone like me yet I can't bring myself to leave him because, despite all this, I hope that he can get better and become who he once was...Does anyone recommend what I can do? Is therapy the only way?
No, therapy is not the only way.
Leaving him is the only way. Please. You are so young and have so much life ahead of you. You don't need this tool. He is an abusive and manipulative narcissist, and it is only going to get worse. People like him are not going to change, therapy or not.
L.E.A.V.E.
asap1 -
Hi guys! I spoke to him over text about it slightly (I already have done before) and he said that he will treat me however I want when I stop being lazy and when he can mold me into want he wants.
The molding into what he wants thing started about 4 months ago and is really hard, he says that I'm not putting any effort into us and that I'm selfish and have a small brain just because I don't have knowledge about the world (he is extremely intelligent) he wants me to learn how things work and what things are and I do sometimes but not everyday, I don't want to spend everyday talking about quantum physics, sometimes I just want to relax and talk about nothing or simple things.
Anyways, to put it simple 3 months ago he started telling me to stop debating things, two months ago he started to tell me that I am not allowed to speak until he is finished and that my opinion isn't valid and whenever I do it he ignores me and walk it of the room or ends the call if we are in a call. If I try to defend myself he calls me a *kitten* and big mouthed and that he doesn't want to be with someone like me yet I can't bring myself to leave him because, despite all this, I hope that he can get better and become who he once was...Does anyone recommend what I can do? Is therapy the only way?
This summary is as concerning, if not more so, than the comments he made which you shared with us about your weight.
Try for a minute to read that post of yours as if you are a stranger and not the person who wrote it. There is not one redeeming thing in that series of comments that suggest that there is anything in this relationship worth staying for.
I get that change is scary and this is a big decision but there is only one decision to make, deep down you know it, and the longer you stay the longer you prolong your misery and put off finding your own self respect and self worth. You need therapy, but for yourself, and first you need to get out of that relationship.
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I am actually currently in the UK haha, thank you. I'm going to try and approach the matter the next time I see him in person as he is currently on a business trip. Wish me luck
This thread is still going strong, I see. I was hoping to come back after a few days to see the OP say "I did it!" Cue fireworks and rainbows. Guess I'll have to keep waiting. Good luck!It might take months for me to do it if I'm completely honest with you, I really hate going out of my comfort zone and making decisions and that's a big one. I'll see how things go and if they don't turn into something better then I'll gather my courage to leave him...
It's not a big decision at all in the grand scheme of things. You're 18 years old. He's 21 and he's a complete t.wat. You're not married, you don't rely on him for money (as you mentioned earlier in the thread), you don't have kids - this only seems like a big decision because you're blinded by whatever feelings you think you have for him. Just drop him. There is no "fixing" him in this scenario.3 -
From what you wrote, he has NOT been getting better! Why do you even put up with this *kitten* *kitten*?Hi guys! I spoke to him over text about it slightly (I already have done before) and he said that he will treat me however I want when I stop being lazy and when he can mold me into want he wants.
The molding into what he wants thing started about 4 months ago and is really hard, he says that I'm not putting any effort into us and that I'm selfish and have a small brain just because I don't have knowledge about the world (he is extremely intelligent) he wants me to learn how things work and what things are and I do sometimes but not everyday, I don't want to spend everyday talking about quantum physics, sometimes I just want to relax and talk about nothing or simple things.
Anyways, to put it simple 3 months ago he started telling me to stop debating things, two months ago he started to tell me that I am not allowed to speak until he is finished and that my opinion isn't valid and whenever I do it he ignores me and walk it of the room or ends the call if we are in a call. If I try to defend myself he calls me a *kitten* and big mouthed and that he doesn't want to be with someone like me yet I can't bring myself to leave him because, despite all this, I hope that he can get better and become who he once was...Does anyone recommend what I can do? Is therapy the only way?
What the *kitten*, OP? HE. WILL. NOT. GET. BETTER. He already treats you like dirt. After everyone here talking about their experiences, I am SURPRISED that you even want to spend time with this POS. He thinks he is better than everyone and loves himself. A typical abuser starts off being the most wonderful, too-good-to-be-true guy.....if he has been gradually worse to you, I would hate to see what you'll end up in another few months.
Take this from someone who stayed and lived to tell about it....barely. FFS RUN NOW.7 -
cerise_noir wrote: »
From what you wrote, he has NOT been getting better! Why do you even put up with this *kitten* *kitten*?Hi guys! I spoke to him over text about it slightly (I already have done before) and he said that he will treat me however I want when I stop being lazy and when he can mold me into want he wants.
The molding into what he wants thing started about 4 months ago and is really hard, he says that I'm not putting any effort into us and that I'm selfish and have a small brain just because I don't have knowledge about the world (he is extremely intelligent) he wants me to learn how things work and what things are and I do sometimes but not everyday, I don't want to spend everyday talking about quantum physics, sometimes I just want to relax and talk about nothing or simple things.
Anyways, to put it simple 3 months ago he started telling me to stop debating things, two months ago he started to tell me that I am not allowed to speak until he is finished and that my opinion isn't valid and whenever I do it he ignores me and walk it of the room or ends the call if we are in a call. If I try to defend myself he calls me a *kitten* and big mouthed and that he doesn't want to be with someone like me yet I can't bring myself to leave him because, despite all this, I hope that he can get better and become who he once was...Does anyone recommend what I can do? Is therapy the only way?
What the *kitten*, OP? HE. WILL. NOT. GET. BETTER. He already treats you like dirt. After everyone here talking about their experiences, I am SURPRISED that you even want to spend time with this POS. He thinks he is better than everyone and loves himself.
Probably one of the saddest "updates" I've read in a long time.3 -
You have a choice OP, learn the hard way and regret it or listen to the 10 pages of advice you've gotten and GTFO. For *kittens* sake leave now, not months from now. It will not get better.1
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I am sorry but you wouldn't understand unless you're in a similar situation. I have had no experience with things like this before, this is my first serious relationship. It's much harder than what you think.
it is not that hard to say "F*** Y*** and the horse you rode in on". i SERIOUSLY doubt your parents raised you to take this crap from a man. [/quote]
Straight to the point!
But I kinda think she did come from some type of dysfunction in the family and this feels like love to her. No one who loves themselves would put up with this *kitten*...0 -
Hi guys! I spoke to him over text about it slightly (I already have done before) and he said that he will treat me however I want when I stop being lazy and when he can mold me into want he wants.
The molding into what he wants thing started about 4 months ago and is really hard, he says that I'm not putting any effort into us and that I'm selfish and have a small brain just because I don't have knowledge about the world (he is extremely intelligent) he wants me to learn how things work and what things are and I do sometimes but not everyday, I don't want to spend everyday talking about quantum physics, sometimes I just want to relax and talk about nothing or simple things.
Anyways, to put it simple 3 months ago he started telling me to stop debating things, two months ago he started to tell me that I am not allowed to speak until he is finished and that my opinion isn't valid and whenever I do it he ignores me and walk it of the room or ends the call if we are in a call. If I try to defend myself he calls me a *kitten* and big mouthed and that he doesn't want to be with someone like me yet I can't bring myself to leave him because, despite all this, I hope that he can get better and become who he once was...Does anyone recommend what I can do? Is therapy the only way?
If this is true, then it's textbook standard abuse.
Just leave. Now while you can. It's been getting worse and will continue to get worse. It is not possible to please someone like this, he doesn't want that. He wants excuses to belittle and control you, that's all. You don't understand it because it doesn't make sense. If he had a robot that did everything he asked he'd still not be satisfied. He does not know how.
Leave. Before it becomes physical.4 -
OP, have you ever worn shoes that were just a little too small for you cause you liked the way they looked, or they were a great deal, or they made your legs look amazing? You kept wearing these shoes thinking they will stretch enough and be more comfortable.
Your BF is that shoe.
And you know what...all that happens when you keeping wearing these shoes are corns, bunions, ugly feet and pain and none of it will go away until you stop wearing the shoes.
You keep twisting yourself into a form pleasing to him, yet you are the one in pain, a pain that will never go away until you get rid of the source.15 -
mysteps2beauty wrote: »OP, have you ever worn shoes that were just a little too small for you cause you liked the way they looked, or they were a great deal, or they made your legs look amazing? You kept wearing these shoes thinking they will stretch enough and be more comfortable.
Your BF is that shoe.
And you know what...all that happens when you keeping wearing these shoes are corns, bunions, ugly feet and pain and none of it will go away until you stop wearing the shoes.
You keep twisting yourself into a form pleasing to him, yet you are the one in pain, a pain that will never go away until you get rid of the source.
And even worse - guys like this are never satisfied. If you manage to satisfy his requirements today, they'll get more stringent in the future.
To keep the shoe analogy, think of it like the binding they used to do to girls' feet in China. They ended up with lifelong disabilities and malformed feet. That will be you if you stay - but it'll be your mental and emotional well-being that will be disabled.6 -
Its because your boyfriend is a BOY, not a MAN. when he grows up and matures he will stop being so stupid.
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shredcamps wrote: »Its because your boyfriend is a BOY, not a MAN. when he grows up and matures he will stop being so stupid.
Sadly, from what OP has stated throughout the thread, her boyfriend is displaying alarming and classic signs of abuse. People don't just "grow out of" that - it tends to only get worse.5 -
Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »shredcamps wrote: »Its because your boyfriend is a BOY, not a MAN. when he grows up and matures he will stop being so stupid.
Sadly, from what OP has stated throughout the thread, her boyfriend is displaying alarming and classic signs of abuse. People don't just "grow out of" that - it tends to only get worse.
It does. but she does not have to be part of that. and his next gf could perhaps be as nasty as he is0 -
OP, you need to look up the meaning of Sociopath...scary stuff.
Dig deep and find the strength to leave him otherwise you will lose yourself.1 -
shredcamps wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »shredcamps wrote: »Its because your boyfriend is a BOY, not a MAN. when he grows up and matures he will stop being so stupid.
Sadly, from what OP has stated throughout the thread, her boyfriend is displaying alarming and classic signs of abuse. People don't just "grow out of" that - it tends to only get worse.
It does. but she does not have to be part of that. and his next gf could perhaps be as nasty as he is
I was thinking too that if she "grew a pair" he might get his act together (take his meds) cause he would lose her if he didn't.0
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