Boyfriends standards of weight?

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  • AnnyisOK
    AnnyisOK Posts: 121 Member
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    What everyone has already said....lose the dead weight aka boyfriend, cause wow....
    You do you, but there's a fine line between encouraging and supportive to well...whatever the hell your boyfriend is being.
  • IceQueen1986
    IceQueen1986 Posts: 32 Member
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    You deserve better, get out wile you can.
  • vczK2t
    vczK2t Posts: 309 Member
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    Leaz947 wrote: »
    Hi guys!
    I have a slight problem here, I started losing weight a week ago because I weighed myself in front of my boyfriend for the same time and I weighed 66.4kg while he weighed 70kg.
    He instantly started complaining about how he doesn't want his girlfriend to weigh nearly as much as him and how he wants me to weigh less. This is the first time he has ever said anything negative about my weight, I'm 5'8" and slightly chubby. However, I had been thinking about losing a bit of weight for some time so I allowed him to say that and reduced my calories, started eating healthy and exercising.
    Ever since then all he does everyday is tell me that I'm still fat and need to lose more (I'm not fat, I'm chubby, my BMI is healthy and I'm a size 10/12).
    Whenever I tell him that I'm cooking he tells me to watch what I eat, I just informed him that I lost two kilograms in a week and he told me that I need to lose at least 10? We have been in a relationship for 2 years and meanwhile his standards are really high to the point of being unfair, they never have physically.
    I feel as if when I get the body I want I will resent him for only being attractive to such a slim body, he said that it's a "fair exchange" because he has a "hot" body???
    While his body is nice, he has a normal body, nothing extraordinary and I felt quite offended by it.
    How do I get over this problem? It's really bugging me. Oh, he also gets like this with other things such as my intelligence, calling me a retard, idiot,etc.
    How should I solve all of this?
    (No, I don't want to leave him, sorry)

    You NEED to leave him and his abuse. If you don't want to leave him, then don't post on this site complaining about what he says. if you want to be in an abusive relationship, don't complain on a public site.
  • LizIsBack86
    LizIsBack86 Posts: 61 Member
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    You get over the problem by leaving him, NEVER stay with someone who insults you or puts you down like he is!!! Obviously this is not love, and he is a loser!!!
  • axialmeow
    axialmeow Posts: 382 Member
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    Dump.
  • alyangel123
    alyangel123 Posts: 41 Member
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    Personality disorder you say? Cluster b i take it, aka aspd or psychopathy. Pretty sure you know what a psychopath is. Also under this is narcissism.

  • alyangel123
    alyangel123 Posts: 41 Member
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    Posted before i finished... These people get a kick out of your pain, he's lying to you when he says he doesn't mean to hurt you.
  • aylajane
    aylajane Posts: 979 Member
    edited November 2016
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    Leaz947 wrote: »
    Chef_Barbell wrote: »
    How old are you OP?

    A beautiful age of 18, somewhat immature compared to the rest of you with no experience of life whatsoever, just trying to find ways to solve things and failing miserably. It's weird to think that other people pass through things like this and get over it. I have been living on my own since I was 15 so I might have slightly more experience than the average 18 year old but not by much. I know that it makes everything clearer to most of the people commenting because you're older and understand more but to me this is extremely complicated and terrifying.

    Hey OP... can you try a simple experiment that will show you how "acceptable" his behavior is, disorder or not? I want you to quote him to himself... I.e. call him a retard, an idiot. Tell him you dont want a boyfriend who is skinny. Use his exact words if possible, and tone of voice.

    How does he react? Does he become quiet and "say, oh ok"? Or does he get angry with you and tell you off?

    So.... my guess is the latter... he is not going to tolerate it. In fact, my guess is that if you try that more than once, he will dump YOU. (which will show you exactly how disposable you are to him, and why you hanging on to him to "work through it" is not a good thing in this case).

    Which should prove to you, once and for all, that these words are not appropriate in a relationship. Regardless of who says them. If they are not appropriate to say to him, they are not appropriate to say to you.

    That, there, is all the "life experience" you need in this situation. There are not separate rules for how adults treat each other in a relationship. If it is not acceptable for one, it is not acceptable for the other.
  • xmarye
    xmarye Posts: 385 Member
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    You should tell your boyfriend that he should gain some weight if he wants to look anything like a man... Let's see how that makes him feel!

    Seriously though... You're far from fat at the weight you are. My husband is beside me and can't believe that he said something like that. He said if he knew him he'd punch him in the face for being so disrespectful to a woman.

    For being so immature and superficial, he's definitely not a man, more like a boy.

    I was a hot little thing when I met my husband, and two kids later and 60lbs heavier, my husband still makes me feel hot. He always supports me, whether I want to lose weight OR NOT. He cares that I am happy. If that means I want to lose weight, then fine. But it isn't a prerequisite for his love or appreciation.

    I have been in a similar abusive relationship that lasted 5 years before meeting my husband, and that guy made the exact sort of comments your bf has. All I can say is that it only gets worse, and you will never feel like you're good enough.

    There is NO WAY that this is acceptable. Lose the weight (and do it for yourself, not for anyone else), and ditch the guy. He doesn't deserve you, now or when you have lost the weight. Good luck oxox
  • sdereski
    sdereski Posts: 3,406 Member
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    Dump him. Fast.
  • Scorpio8402
    Scorpio8402 Posts: 554 Member
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    Leave him!
  • Latucker21
    Latucker21 Posts: 126 Member
    edited November 2016
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    I know you don't want to leave him, but I have to suggest you seriously question why you are staying. Emotional abuse can be hard to recognize as abuse because "at least he doesn't hit", but words can be just as damaging. They wound you internally in ways that can take years to heal. And that emotional damage can cause a lot of physical pain. I'm guessing that you telling him how his words hurt doesn't matter - that's somehow all your fault as well - you're too sensitive. You could lose the weight and there will still be something else wrong - there always is. And it's always your fault. That's a narcissist. I was married to one for 14 years and I'm still healing from it 4 years later. He was amazing in the beginning and we had kids by the time he showed his true colors. His behavior will likely get worse, and then when he's had enough or you start to figure him out, he'll likely leave. Sorry this got of topic a little, but at the end of the day, you need to take care of you! Please take care of you.
  • PhedraJD
    PhedraJD Posts: 1,392 Member
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    @Leaz947 If you come to the realization that this relationship is not going to work, that he is abusing you and you deserve better, there are groups out there that will help women in abusive relationships leave the relationship. They will help you plan how to leave safely, connect you to resources that will help you, and occasionally even offer classes in skills. They are usually non-profit and will assist you for free. Look up women's shelters or domestic abuse hot lines.

    I was in an abusive relationship like yours when I was your age. At first he was wonderful, then he started being mean saying things like I was too fat, too ugly and such. He started cheating on me and blaming me for it. I lost the weight (60 pounds) It didn't make him love me anymore. He then started getting physical, he hit me a couple of times, dragged me through the streets by my arm. (Still don't have full use of it) It is a hard place to be. The cops were called, he ended up in jail, and our relationship ended. It was probably one of the hardest times in my life. I learned that I deserve better, that people I thought had abandoned me, were still there just waiting for me, that there are great men out there who will treat you like their Queen.
  • BrunetteRunner87
    BrunetteRunner87 Posts: 591 Member
    edited November 2016
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    ...is this a troll? I can't imagine being with someone who would criticize my weight, let alone make comments about my intelligence.
  • 99hockeymom
    99hockeymom Posts: 45 Member
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    YOU. DESERVE. BETTER!!!
  • vczK2t
    vczK2t Posts: 309 Member
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    I am sorry but you wouldn't understand unless you're in a similar situation. I have had no experience with things like this before, this is my first serious relationship. It's much harder than what you think.[/quote]

    it is not that hard to say "F*** Y*** and the horse you rode in on". i SERIOUSLY doubt your parents raised you to take this crap from a man.
  • DeficitDuchess
    DeficitDuchess Posts: 3,099 Member
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    Leaz947 wrote: »
    WinoGelato wrote: »
    OP, I'm genuinely curious, when you posted this, what sort of advice were you looking for? Because stating up front that you aren't interested in leaving him, you had to have known that was going to be the majority of the advice you would get. And if you knew that was the advice you'd get, then you must have at least considered this already, and decided you weren't willing to do that (whatever your reasons are). So what sort of advice did you hope for? Ways to humiliate him and make him feel as bad as he makes you? Ways to drop the weight quickly so you can achieve the perfect girlfriend body that he is hoping for? Because people aren't going to give you any of that sort of advice - so I'm failing to see what can happen here, other than just validation and sympathy? I not really big on that sort of thing, so I'm just going to suggest that you seek counseling and a backbone.

    I am not exact sure what I'm looking for if I'm completely honest with you, I realise what the real solution is yet I am still not capable of coming to terms with it, I agree with you about growing a backbone, it is something I used to have but now I have become weak I guess. I'm not looking for sympathy, I am being desperate and trying to look for a solution that I'm beginning to think doesn't exist just to keep my relationship afloat, I don't want to give up on a person that I love so dearly. I'm sorry for annoying you all so much.

    No 1 loves an abuser, you're mistaking love; with Stockholm Syndrome! Get out of this mindset & away from him, before he potentially begins getting physical; with you!

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