This is what I have been told....

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justme3017
justme3017 Posts: 8
in Health and Weight Loss
My realationship with my fiance has been on the rocks for a while now I keep catching my fiance' talking to other women on the internet....telling them they are beautiful wanting to meet them etc....
I caught him doing it again this past weekend...we talked it over, as usual.
However it hurts my heart so last night I asked him is it because I am fatter?
Just to get right to the point I have gained roughly 50lbs since we have been together and I was chubby to begin with so this is not good..
Last night he basically said that he was embarassed to take me out now.
I feel heartbroken...
I know its my fault that I am fat but to hear it like that...
sigh, maybe this is what I needed.
Who knows.
Has this ever happened to anyone before? Did you find the drive u needed to get in shape and healthy?
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Replies

  • Rage_Phish
    Rage_Phish Posts: 1,507 Member
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    sounds like a jerk
  • CARNAT22
    CARNAT22 Posts: 764 Member
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    It's not your fault that you "fiance" has a wondering eye.

    Your weight is just an excuse - and sadly you offered him this excuse (by asking him "is it because I am bigger?" )

    He is making YOU feel bad and as though you are to blame - and you are not.

    50lbs, 250lbs - does it matter? I'd love my OH if he had no arms and legs!!!

    Your OH sounds like a horror OP.. you obviously feel some way to blame for this but you need to find a way to see that gaining 50lbs is not an excuse for the man who is suppsed to love you to court other women. Love should be more than skin deep!

    I assume you live together?

    Do you want to stay with this man OP?
  • leilaphoenix
    leilaphoenix Posts: 839 Member
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    I keep catching my fiance' talking to other women on the internet....telling them they are beautiful wanting to meet them etc....

    Dump the idiot. There is no excuse for that kind of behaviour.
  • robertf57
    robertf57 Posts: 560 Member
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    Dump the bast@rd, lose the weight and find somebody who actually deserves you!
  • tuffytuffy1
    tuffytuffy1 Posts: 920 Member
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    I think you need to take a long hard look at whether you want to marry your fiancee if he is already wandering. I know it sounds scary, but this is something that will not change IMO. Hugs to you.
  • mkcalvert
    mkcalvert Posts: 219 Member
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    This is SO not your fault!! I agree with what above posters said
  • pricetm83
    pricetm83 Posts: 49
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    When men wander it has NOTHING to do with the woman they are with. Its an inner flaw. This is absolutely not your fault and he said those hurtful things to you to remove the blame from himself.

    I am so sorry you had to hear that and be made to feel that way. But in all honesty, if a man won't love and respect you at (what you perceive to be) your worst, why wait around for him and let him have you at your best?
  • Dabbles
    Dabbles Posts: 367
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    He's just an *kitten* hole. I date one of those for 2 years and even at a size 5 and 130lbs he kept wanting to meeting other women. Mostly off the internet. He was always wanting something "better". I say dump him while you can and get a real man. A relationship like that can't last. He needs to grow up and step up to be a man. That's likely not going to happen. :(
  • greej
    greej Posts: 37 Member
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    Listen, no one on the internet knows the whole story, but from what you've told us here I'm really worried about your relationship. It sounds like you're making excuses for his bad, immature behavior. To have your fiance cheat/threaten to cheat on you, and insult you, is NOT what you need. You need support, you need love, you need someone you can trust, who is on your side. Are you getting it?
  • YukonJoy
    YukonJoy Posts: 1,279 Member
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    It has nothing to do with you. It's him.

    I lived with a cheating boyfriend about 7 years ago. Being with a cheater did not make me want to get into shape. However, when I left his sorry butt that made me feel so empowered and I lost a lot of weight and got into the best shape I'd been in since highschool. (Unfortunately, I gained some of that back the last 2 years. Blah!)
  • MissAnjy
    MissAnjy Posts: 2,480 Member
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    get out before you marry someone you'll regret later on down the road. YOU being heavier, has nothing to do with his wandering eye. That's HIS problem, not yours and it doesn't excuse his behaviour. If he's doing this before you're married, he'll do it after. Don't think that "marriage will change him" because it won't. Stop taking responsibility for his actions and his mistakes. Drop this guy, drop the weight, feel better about you & then find someone worth your while. I always say "if you don't love me at my worst, you definitely don't deserve me at my best"
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
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    I would Honestly reevaluate your relationship, I gained weight with my fiance too but he never got a wandering eye. That is something that might continue to be an issue when you reach your goal weight too...and you have to think if you really want to spend the rest of your life not sure if he is talking to other women. That is very stressful, plus you want someone who will love you no matter what you turn into, having children can take a huge toll on your body and so does getting old, will he dip out on you when those things happen? It is your decision but do give it some serious thought.
  • Mommawarrior
    Mommawarrior Posts: 897 Member
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    I would dump him TODAY. Regardless of his excuse, a cheater is a cheater!
    Get healthy for yourself and let him regret his stupidity when he sees how gorgeous you are. You are probably gorgeous now, cheaters just don't see it.
  • Mommawarrior
    Mommawarrior Posts: 897 Member
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    Dump the bast@rd, lose the weight and find somebody who actually deserves you!

    So nice to hear a guy say that!
  • DancinSMartiPants
    DancinSMartiPants Posts: 363
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    Seriously, there is like a 90% chance he would be doing the same thing if you hadn't gained weight. That's not to say that you shouldn't look and feel hot, but if he's going to stray he's going to stray. A faithful person talks out issues with their partner rather than soliciting other people on the internet.

    I don't see anything wrong with his being more attracted to you when you're smaller. We're all human. We all have different phsyical attributes that we find attractive. And I also don't see any issue with his having a loving conversation with you about ways y'all can workout together, eat better together, etc. But the fact that he immediately turned to the internet says, "Bad News" to me.

    My two cents, of course. I'm not a therapist or anything and I don't know your whole situation.
  • Amo_Angelus
    Amo_Angelus Posts: 604 Member
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    If you're fatter and he's got a wandering eye...Maybe there's a bigger problem there than just appearances. Just saying. The man you're pledging to spend the rest of your life with hould really love you for who you are, not what you look like and if gaining some weight has caued problems...well.... What's he going to be like after you have kids? I hate to say it but I'd get rid! And I doubt that's even the reason anyway, he probably just wants some variety! And that is NOT your fault! You are NOT the one being hurtful. You are NOT the one with a wandering eye. HE IS! If your weight really was an issue then a keeper would tell you and help you, and it would have to be a big weight increase.

    Get rid!

    Diet for yourself if you want to.

    Find a better man! They are out there and they will treat you better!
  • mindy14456
    mindy14456 Posts: 552 Member
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    I agree with the others. You deserve better, and you should lose the weight for you. No matter what your size is, he most likely will not stop cheating, and he definitely isn't good enough to have you on his arm! Good luck to you, you can do this!!
  • eates
    eates Posts: 334 Member
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    I keep catching my fiance' talking to other women on the internet....telling them they are beautiful wanting to meet them etc....

    Dump the idiot. There is no excuse for that kind of behaviour.

    Amen!! I've gained 50 lbs since my hubby & I started dating. He doesn't use that as an excuse to cheat because a) he knows that if he does then he'd better give up sleeping and b) he truly loves me and doesn't want to risk our marriage. Your weight has nothing to do with the way he treats you. It's because he's an *kitten*. If you want to lose weight do it for you but don't think that losing weight is going to make him less of an *kitten*.
  • jtp5184
    jtp5184 Posts: 138 Member
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    hes weenie plain and simple.

    i had a boyfriend tell me he wasnt sure where this was going and i broke up with him. im just saying your fabulous and wonderful and if he doesnt see it then hes not the right guy. dont get into anything that you need lawyers to get out of.

    and then i would use that motivation he gave you to be the best you that you can be. self improvement is the best revenge...

    hope your ok :flowerforyou:
  • madworld711
    madworld711 Posts: 29
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    oh wow. what a douche. he needs to be dropped real quick.

    this guy sounds like trouble. you should only lose weight for yourself & never accept cheating- no matter what.

    if you let him get away with this bc you are "bigger" then you are leaving the door wide open for him to keep doing this with other excuses in the future.

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