Marital bliss: What makes a good marriage?
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Be honest, but not too honest....1
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Find someone you like. Someone who compliments you. A friend. For me, after 18 years, marriage has always been an 80/20 deal. I always feel like she is doing more and I always do my best to keep up. In all honesty it's been 100% both ways at times. But i always approach it like I'm behind. Marriage is about partnership and trust. Trust, to say the things that need to be said and hear them when spoken to. Trust that your other always has your best on their mind going in even when it doesn't turn out that way coming out. Marriage is more, more stories of the day, more smiles and laughs, more tears more fears. Marriage is about that initial attraction, then watching your wife get more beautiful every day. It is every morning waking up and loving your spouse consciously. Making that choice or reminding yourself, especially on the hard days.it is faith. a belief that no matter what they love you. Some days you can't see it but you have to believe it.
I love this!
Concept of playing catch up in a good way!!
Trust and belief in the best of each other, that's awesome!
Congrats and thanks!!
Edited to add: choosing to love consciously, that is awesome! ....sounds like something an ex would say, lol. he was wise! Next will be even better!!0 -
Any happily married or partnered mfp folks, what makes it good or what makes it work?
As I'm losing weight, I'm losing baggage that came with weight gain, & gaining some confidence. My body changes are smaller bra cup & hips. Stomach fat is stubborn! Men I meet who would be interested in me don't seem to notice my weight (gain/loss).
Any advice to prepare for a good marriage?
What makes my relationship with my fiance so good is that we are 100% honest with one another - no matter the subject. Whether we're talking about how we want to raise our future children, what we want to do on the weekends, how we feel about social issues, we're always honest. For us though, I feel like the thing that matters the most in terms of honesty is when it comes to our sexual relationship. Our sex life has only improved since we've both fully disclosed what we want from each other and what our sexual needs are - when our sex life is good, everything is good.
Fantastic!
Though I think that the physical closeness you feel now may be overtaken by other responsibilities once there are kids in the picture, once you grow older and there are health issues and such. In my view it's one part, and not the most important, lol!
The great thing is it sounds like, if either one of yall become public figures there should be no scandals (texts or such)!!
We've been together for 9 years, so while I know that having kids will change our relationship, I do think that we have a good foundation to stand on.
And I know, right? With that whole Ashley Madison and now Adult Friend Finder scandal I said to him, "at least if our email was ever leaked from a site like that we both would've already known about it."
Lol lol lol
Totally!!
Yes there'd be no frustrated wife or husband on the prowl, makes lots of sense! !
Edited to add: actually hadn't heard of those paricular website scandals. ...was thinking more of public figures who made headlines (usually a male politician)... ....maybe there's too much prudeness.... the idea of a mistress doesn't need to be a headline but it ends up that way... maybe more female public figures should emerge so that there are scandals of those famous females with younger men maybe? Then maybe it would be less of a scandal. Lol!!1 -
Communication is key...
but really for each couple what makes a good marriage is different. My husband and I have a wonderful relationship - one KEY thing we do is we still have fun together, we laught A LOT, we go to Disney and just truly enjoy the company of one another. Even just in the kitchen cooking together, we always manage to laugh, be silly and smile a LOT -
my husband is my best friend. He knows everything about me good and bad- and he accepts me, we never ask each other to change. If we do change, its because we evolve together.
It took me 38 years to find him - but boy am I glad I waited - good and bad, up or down - I will love this man.
Also remember that love is a choice- you wake up each day choosing your spouse, the day that stops happening is the day things will not be good.
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FitInMyHead wrote: »Communication is key...
but really for each couple what makes a good marriage is different. My husband and I have a wonderful relationship - one KEY thing we do is we still have fun together, we laught A LOT, we go to Disney and just truly enjoy the company of one another. Even just in the kitchen cooking together, we always manage to laugh, be silly and smile a LOT -
my husband is my best friend. He knows everything about me good and bad- and he accepts me, we never ask each other to change. If we do change, its because we evolve together.
It took me 38 years to find him - but boy am I glad I waited - good and bad, up or down - I will love this man.
Also remember that love is a choice- you wake up each day choosing your spouse, the day that stops happening is the day things will not be good.
I love this!! And it's even more inspiring that it took you almost four decades to find each other. That's a special union that you have, glad it brings you so much joy and laughter. Agreed communication is critically important.
Thanks for sharing!0 -
Married happily 17 years next month. We've been through a lot together.
Liking the person for more than appearance, some common interests, caring for and supporting each other, caring for yourself, listening, communicating your desires, thoughts and feelings (no one is a mind reader), similar beliefs and values, shared sense of humor, not hating your partner's friends/family, having a good work/life balance, is kind to others, says thank you/please, persistance.
Congrats thanks for tips, agreed kindness is tops.
That elusive work life balance, lol, but that would be another thread.
Some people prioritize work first over family and relationships and then one day they are married to someone they don't really know, have little relationship with their kids, few non-work friends, no hobbies... just work. I've seen it happen with older primarily male relatives who while married a long time didn't really have close loving relationships. It is sad.0 -
As said many times before, communication is absolutely key. Many of the small issues or arguments that have happened in my marriage came about because we didn't communicate the way we should have.
Honestly though, the most important thing for me is knowing that my husband is my absolute best friend. Those romantic feelings are so important, but so is that comfort that comes from being around your best friend. That bond is going to get you through everything. That bond is what makes my husband my soul mate. I think in any marriage you can love someone as much as you possibly can, but not having that best friend, wanting to tell them about everything as soon as it happens, running around like kids in the front yard type of thing can tear you apart.
That bond is what lets me know that we really can get through anything, and knowing that he would fight just as I would to be together.2 -
Be prepared for change, the person you meet and marry will evolve and not stay the same...sometimes the evolution has to do with jobs, career paths, influences of friends etc but also finances & health play a huge factor.
So i'd say that most important is to be flexible and after that, don't expect every year to encounter perfection.
I'm hoping that at the "core" you and your future mate are really very much alike.0 -
Married happily 17 years next month. We've been through a lot together.
Liking the person for more than appearance, some common interests, caring for and supporting each other, caring for yourself, listening, communicating your desires, thoughts and feelings (no one is a mind reader), similar beliefs and values, shared sense of humor, not hating your partner's friends/family, having a good work/life balance, is kind to others, says thank you/please, persistance.
Congrats thanks for tips, agreed kindness is tops.
That elusive work life balance, lol, but that would be another thread.
Some people prioritize work first over family and relationships and then one day they are married to someone they don't really know, have little relationship with their kids, few non-work friends, no hobbies... just work. I've seen it happen with older primarily male relatives who while married a long time didn't really have close loving relationships. It is sad.
Well it's never too late to make amends. Where they are is where they are. When they realize they want more they'll get more. It is perhaps sad for you, but maybe they are ok with their choices? Perhaps or maybe someday you could be a shining light for them that love trumps all 0 -
Good communication, enjoying each other's company, supporting each other, sharing in responsibilities (household, children, etc), being open about finances.0
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RockinTerri wrote: »Good communication, enjoying each other's company, supporting each other, sharing in responsibilities (household, children, etc), being open about finances.
Great tips thanks, agreed, shared responsibilities & open communication about finances etc0 -
cfritch2171 wrote: »As said many times before, communication is absolutely key. Many of the small issues or arguments that have happened in my marriage came about because we didn't communicate the way we should have.
Honestly though, the most important thing for me is knowing that my husband is my absolute best friend. Those romantic feelings are so important, but so is that comfort that comes from being around your best friend. That bond is going to get you through everything. That bond is what makes my husband my soul mate. I think in any marriage you can love someone as much as you possibly can, but not having that best friend, wanting to tell them about everything as soon as it happens, running around like kids in the front yard type of thing can tear you apart.
That bond is what lets me know that we really can get through anything, and knowing that he would fight just as I would to be together.
Love the best friend!!
Comfort and strong bond.
Thanks 0 -
Be prepared for change, the person you meet and marry will evolve and not stay the same...sometimes the evolution has to do with jobs, career paths, influences of friends etc but also finances & health play a huge factor.
So i'd say that most important is to be flexible and after that, don't expect every year to encounter perfection.
I'm hoping that at the "core" you and your future mate are really very much alike.
Thanks,I may need more time to reflect as I'm not sure I'd change too much, definitely not due to influences of others. I definitely agree health can be a huge game changer, as I'm finding out. Yes at the core we'd have to be compatible mates.
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Someone you enjoy spending time with. Just doing nothing. I've been married for over 16 years and my husband and I genuinely just enjoy each others company. Whether it's lifting at the gym or just hanging out watching Netflix. We like being around each other.0
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Find someone you like. Someone who compliments you. A friend. For me, after 18 years, marriage has always been an 80/20 deal. I always feel like she is doing more and I always do my best to keep up. In all honesty it's been 100% both ways at times. But i always approach it like I'm behind. Marriage is about partnership and trust. Trust, to say the things that need to be said and hear them when spoken to. Trust that your other always has your best on their mind going in even when it doesn't turn out that way coming out. Marriage is more, more stories of the day, more smiles and laughs, more tears more fears. Marriage is about that initial attraction, then watching your wife get more beautiful every day. It is every morning waking up and loving your spouse consciously. Making that choice or reminding yourself, especially on the hard days.it is faith. a belief that no matter what they love you. Some days you can't see it but you have to believe it.
I really like this and think it sums up a lot of my thoughts on marriage.
My husband and I have been together since we were 13/14 (me/him.) That's 27 years together, 18 married. I trust that he is going to make decisions with my best in mind and he trusts that I am doing the same. I visualize it like an arch made of bricks. Each side is pushing toward the other and holding up the middle. If you take one brick out, the whole thing falls apart. That 100% center pushing force is the intensity with which I trust my husband with everything and believe he feels the same for me.
We both comment often on how we feel like we are slacking a bit while the other is doing more so the 80/20 bit above was spot on.
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Congratulations on the weight loss
Hmm. What makes a good marriage? I'd say the following (probably incomplete) list is a good start:
- communication
- mutual respect
- honesty
- kindness
- common goals and values
These things, and good sex
The best advice I've heard is that love is something you do, not just something you feel. Treat those you love with care and respect, and taking time to take care of yourself so you can care for others and not get burned out and irritable.
On communication - being able to listen without thinking, just listen and hear the other is important, and something I struggle with and work on.1 -
Someone you enjoy spending time with. Just doing nothing. I've been married for over 16 years and my husband and I genuinely just enjoy each others company. Whether it's lifting at the gym or just hanging out watching Netflix. We like being around each other.
Great tips thanks, how it feels to be around each other, congrats!0 -
Find someone you like. Someone who compliments you. A friend. For me, after 18 years, marriage has always been an 80/20 deal. I always feel like she is doing more and I always do my best to keep up. In all honesty it's been 100% both ways at times. But i always approach it like I'm behind. Marriage is about partnership and trust. Trust, to say the things that need to be said and hear them when spoken to. Trust that your other always has your best on their mind going in even when it doesn't turn out that way coming out. Marriage is more, more stories of the day, more smiles and laughs, more tears more fears. Marriage is about that initial attraction, then watching your wife get more beautiful every day. It is every morning waking up and loving your spouse consciously. Making that choice or reminding yourself, especially on the hard days.it is faith. a belief that no matter what they love you. Some days you can't see it but you have to believe it.
I really like this and think it sums up a lot of my thoughts on marriage.
My husband and I have been together since we were 13/14 (me/him.) That's 27 years together, 18 married. I trust that he is going to make decisions with my best in mind and he trusts that I am doing the same. I visualize it like an arch made of bricks. Each side is pushing toward the other and holding up the middle. If you take one brick out, the whole thing falls apart. That 100% center pushing force is the intensity with which I trust my husband with everything and believe he feels the same for me.
We both comment often on how we feel like we are slacking a bit while the other is doing more so the 80/20 bit above was spot on.
That's amazing! &glad to hear of another couple playing catch up with each other, it's really sweet.
Your marriage sounds like a real life example of the notebook kind of love, congrats!!
Edited for typos!0 -
Congratulations on the weight loss
Hmm. What makes a good marriage? I'd say the following (probably incomplete) list is a good start:
- communication
- mutual respect
- honesty
- kindness
- common goals and values
These things, and good sex
The best advice I've heard is that love is something you do, not just something you feel. Treat those you love with care and respect, and taking time to take care of yourself so you can care for others and not get burned out and irritable.
On communication - being able to listen without thinking, just listen and hear the other is important, and something I struggle with and work on.
Thanks!
Great point, I too really struggle on not thinking of my own response. Will have to work on it!!0 -
Communication, honesty, and the ability to laugh at yourself/each other!0
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I visualize it like an arch made of bricks. Each side is pushing toward the other and holding up the middle. If you take one brick out, the whole thing falls apart. That 100% center pushing force is the intensity with which I trust my husband with everything and believe he feels the same for me.
...
just seeing re visualization of bricks & intensity, the imagery is powerful, that's a very strong bond, congrats!!
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Not possible here as mine are racist as hell.1 -
I'm me and he's him and we love that about each other. He puts up with my ish and I put up with his lol.0
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Guessing that 'a nice wangdoodle' is not a valid answer.0
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Married 30 yrs, and you've gotten alot of good responses--I agree with most. I guess that I'd just add that marriage takes work--nurturing if you will. Many people get married or are looking for someone "to make them happy", you have to be prepared to put in if you want to get out. Also, I think you need flexibility. Things change as the years go by. A marriage goes through phases and you have to be prepared to give in sometimes--and that's hard for alot of people. Good luck if you take the plunge. The rewards can be great.2
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Deep mutual respect and admiration. Not sure how or if it's any different for men, but with most women, love tends to follow respect. Lose respect for your partner, romantic love and sexual attraction are out the door, too, no matter how much you fight to hold onto them. Choose someone with values you admire even if they're not 100% your own, but it makes it easier when they're similar.
Keeping a relationship going long term is a lot like slow and steady weight loss. You don't always feel "in love" anymore than you feel super inspired and motivated to stick to your calorie goal or exercise every day, but you do it anyway. Both require dedication and self-discipline to get through the days (weeks, months) when you're just not feeling it.
I also fully believe in the tent test. Go camping and try to put a tent up together. Make sure it's one of those giant ones with lots of telescoping poles and all, totally new to both of you. Throw away the directions, make sure the sun is setting in about an hour, and then go at it. If you work well together, test passed. Now that most tents are so easy to put together, you might have to pick some other test, though. How you work together is very important. Marriage is as much about working together towards mutual goals and a shared vision of the future as it is about romance.2 -
What's makes a good marriage is no different from what makes a good friendship. There just has to be that extra "spark" for the jump from friendship to marriage.1
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I'll keep it simple. Marry someone who you actually like as a person flaws and all vs just someone you have hot pants for hoping you can "change " them.0
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